2 Part Episode: Part 1

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Toon Category: Big Toon
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"Who needs the Cheat Commandos anyway?"

Flashfight appears at last, jails Blue Laser, and tears up the Cheat Commandos.

Cast (in order of appearance): Gunhaver, Crackotage, Silent Rip, Ripberger, Firebert, Fightgar, Flashfight, Green Helmets, Blue Laser Commander, Reynold, Reynold's Brother, Strong Bad (Easter Egg), Homestar Runner (Easter Egg), Blue Laser Minions (Easter Egg)

Locations (in order of apperance): Cheat Commandos HQ, Reynold's Office, Jaded Teen Pizza, Kitchen Commandos, Basement of The Brothers Strong (Easter Egg), A Soccer Field (Easter Egg)

Date: Monday, June 1, 2009

Running time: 4:10



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{Open to a view of the Cheat Commandos base. Firearms are heard going off and the Commandos are laughing offscreen. The title "Two Part Episode: Part One!!" appears, with "Written with a vengeance by A. Chimendez". Cut inside to the Commandos. Fightgar is holding a gun and Gunhaver is wearing a vest with dents in it.}

GUNHAVER: Ha ha ha! That was awesome! {Takes off vest} Here, now someone else put on the bullet-proof vest!

{A garbled klaxon sounds, and the Cheat Commandos begin to scramble. The screen is shown, with the words "Doorbell alert!"}

GUNHAVER: Doorbell stations! Prepare to pretend we're not here, sign for a package, or receive pizza! {Moves closer to the camera} Let's move, C. C.dos!

SILENT RIP: {confused} "C. C.dos"? Wouldn't just "C.C.s" be shorter, and make more sense?

{Gunhaver grabs Silent Rip by the vest.}

GUNHAVER: Making sense is not part of my mission plan, soldier! I'm sticking with the "do".

{Cut to the front door. It opens, revealing Flashfight.}

ALL: {gasping}

CRACKOTAGE: I can't believe I'm seeing this sight. Why if it isn't Admiral Flashfight!

GUNHAVER: To what do we owe the pleasure, admiral?

FLASHFIGHT: I'm here to clean up your act, Cheat Commandos. The Bureau of Elite Fighting Forces {holds up a "Bureau of Elite Fighting Forces" badge}, or "BEEF", is not impressed with your—

SILENT RIP: {interrupting} Uh, that's "BEFF".

FLASHFIGHT: Alright, the Bureau of Every Elite Fighting Force, is not—

SILENT RIP: {interrupting again} That's "BEEFF". {exaggerates the last F}

FLASHFIGHT: Yes, and what is your name, soldier?

SILENT RIP: {saluting} Silent Rip, sir!

FLASHFIGHT: Thank you, Smarty Drip. You're fired.

ALL: {offscreen} {gasping}

GUNHAVER: {nervously} Uh, good call, sir. That guy was always way too concerned with acronyms. Who else can we fire?

FLASHFIGHT: Well, you, of course.

GUNHAVER: Me? But then {pulls out his gun} who will have gun?

FLASHFIGHT: {taking the gun} I will!

GUNHAVER: {shaking} Buh-buh-buh.... Wuh-wuh-wuh? Zuh-zuh-zuh...

FLASHFIGHT: You're allowed to stand there stammering for fifteen more minutes {two Green Helmets walk up beside Gunhaver} and then you will be escorted out by Green Helmets.

GUNHAVER: Have you no dignity? At least let a Cheat Commanding Officer like me by escorted out by someone who isn't available in a discount three pack.

{Cut to a product shot of a discount three pack of Green Helmet toys. The Cheat Commandos theme plays in the background. Then cut back to the headquarters.}

FLASHFIGHT: My first act as new head of Cheat Commandos will be... to arrest Blue Laser!

ALL: {gasping}

GUNHAVER: Oh, I'd love to see how you're gonna pull that one off.

FLASHFIGHT: Well, it appears you all have invited him over to play televised video games.

{Cut to the Blue Laser Commander, sitting in a beanbag, pressing buttons on a controller. Videogame music plays in the background.}

BLUE LASER COMMANDER: What kind of power-up is "moist beam"?

{Cut back to the commandos. Fightgar is standing in front of Flashfight, holding a gun.}

FLASHFIGHT: You're under arrest, Blue Laser!

BLUE LASER COMMANDER: I thought we called a time-out!

FLASHFIGHT: {to Fightgar} Throw him in the brig!

FIGHTGAR: Uh, you mean Reynold's office?

{Blue Laser is thrown into a small room, completely empty except for a toilet leaking green sludge. An emaciated Reynold walks in.}

REYNOLD: Well, hello! Are you here to bring me the slightest morsel?

{A prison door shuts in front of both of them. Cut back to the main room.}

CRACKOTAGE: Blue Laser in jail? I can't believe what I'm seein'! It's almost got my pants a-peein'! Hoo hoo! Hah! Hweigh Hweigh!

FLASHFIGHT: Oh right, I nearly forgot. You're definitely fired.

{Sad reaction shot from Crackotage. Cut to the outside of the headquarters, as Gunhaver, Silent Rip and Crackotage walk out.}

Easter Eggs

  • At the end click on the T to see a scene with Strong Bad and Homestar Runner.
{Strong Bad and Homestar Runner are sitting on Strong Bad's couch in the basement.}
STRONG BAD: Boy, that Gunhaver sure knows how to kill a cliffhanger.
HOMESTAR RUNNER: I can't wait to see what kind of restaurant those hamsters open up next!
  • At the end click on the ellipsis (...) to see a scene with the Blue Laser Minions.
{Two Blue Laser minions are standing in the middle of a soccer field next to a soccer ball. They are wearing orange soccer jerseys labeled "THE STINGS" with the numbers 14 and 38 on them. A guitar riff plays.}
BLUE LASER MINION 1: You think Dad just forgot to pick us up?
BLUE LASER MINION 2: You know he doesn't like it when we call him that.

Fun Facts


  • This is the first time Crackotage has spoken without rhyming couplets.

Inside References

  • The video game music comes from StrongBadZone.
  • The tagline of "Jaded Teen Pizza" is similar to the lyrics of a song Reynold's Brother listens to in Let us give TANKS!
  • This is the first time Flashfight has ever talked, let alone actually appear in a Cheat Commando episode.
  • This is the second time Gunhaver has been "kicked out" by another member.
  • This is also the second time that Gunhaver is referred to as 'Charles'. The first was during the episode Let us give TANKS!
  • The Topplegangers were first mentioned in 8-Bit is Enough.
    • However, a character named Swampslash was referred to as the leader, not Subtlefuge.

External Links

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