A Decemberween Pageant

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A Decemberween Pageant

The gang puts on a play about Decemberween's origins.

Cast (in order of appearance):

Page Title: A Decemberween Pageant



{Marzipan and Homestar Runner are in costumes, Marzipan as an angel and Homestar as the King of Town.}

HOMESTAR RUNNER: Wow. I can't believe the night of the big Decemberween pageant has finally arrived! After all the weeks and weeks of rehearsing and practicing and memorizing lines...

MARZIPAN: Homestar, I don't think those are your lines.

{Zoom out to see that they're both onstage, actually performing. The audience laughs.}


{Cut to the title sequence. "A DECEMBERWEEN PAGEANT" "THE USUAL CREDITS" "FADE TO COMMERCIAL" It fades to black, then comes back on with the "A DECEMBERWEEN PAGEANT" title.}

ANNOUNCER: A Decemberween Pageant is brought to you by Fluffy Puff Marshmallows and Marshmallow Mayonnaise. {singing poorly} "Made from the best stuff!" And Litigation Jackson, in theaters December 27th!

{Fade to black. It fades up on Bubs and the King of Town, the latter of whom is wearing a Santa outfit.}

THE KING OF TOWN: Puts on a Burger King crown and thinks he's cock of the block! I can't believe they cast Homestar as the King of Town.

BUBS: Yep. They did.

THE KING OF TOWN: At least I still get to play Dr. Christmas. I can't wait to--

BUBS: Oh yeah! I forgot to tell you about that. Uh...

{Bubs takes the cap from the King of Town, puts it on, and walks off. Coach Z pops his head in.}

COACH Z: Uh... Kingy? You can go home.

{Cut to the stage, where Bubs and Strong Bad are on. Strong Bad has a spear, a turtleneck, and a beanie cap.}

BUBS: Archibald! We've got to find the first Decemberween!

STRONG BAD: I'll search down by the docks.

BUBS: What?

STRONG BAD: The docks. I'll search down by the docks.

BUBS: Ooh. I thought you said ducks. Good thinking! I'll come with ya.

{They walk off, applause is heard. Cut to backstage as they continue walking and Coach Z is there.}

COACH Z: Now that's what I call actin', boys! Don't go too far, Bubs! You're on again in farve!

{Cut to Marzipan and Pom Pom, who is wearing a Lakers jersey.}

MARZIPAN: I hardly recognize the Cheat, his costume is really convincing.

{Cut to back on stage. Bubs is there, as well as Homestar Runner, and The Cheat, who is wearing a sign that says "The Popular Vote". There are gears in the background.}

BUBS: We'll need fifty bags of jold! I mean, gold! Fifty bag of golds.

HOMESTAR RUNNER: I just can't do it, Dr. Christmas. Famine has ruined all the town's gold. Let us away, Popular Vote!

{Homestar starts getting lifted up by a rope. Pulley sounds are heard and Homestar is grunting. The audience makes impressed noises, then applauds. Homestar stops at about halfway up.}

STRONG BAD: {offstage} Okay. That's all you're getting out of me. {The curtain closes.} Guy's like a frickin' house.

{We hear a thud.}


{Cut to backstage. Strong Sad is holding his head.}

STRONG SAD: Augh! I'm totally freaking out here! I can't remember my lines, and if I don't remember my lines, then I'll ruin the whole play! At least the pageant.

{Cut back to the stage. Strong Bad is in a boat named the "USS Trimball" and there are cardboard cut-out waves being pulled back and forth, along with tentacles sticking out of stage right.}

STRONG BAD: How unfortunate! Oh, what a terrible fate has bestowed with me...uh, become to me... There's a squid.

{Cut to later, onstage, with Marzipan and The Cheat standing by a prop Eiffel Tower.}

MARZIPAN: I'll never forget you, Popular Vote, not in a million years! {the Cheat starts crying} Don't cry! Popular Votes aren't supposed to cry! You might rust. {audience laughs}

{Cut to backstage, with Coach Z)

COACH Z: Oh! Hey! Ooh! Where's Strong Sad? He's on in two scenes!

HOMESTAR RUNNER: Oh. He got nervous and went to the bathroom. I think he might be up-chucking.

{Coach Z goes to Strong Mad}

COACH Z: Hey Strong Mad. I need you to go get your brother.


COACH Z: 'Course you are, big guy. 'Course you are.

{Cut to the stage where Strong Bad, Bubs, Marzipan, and Homestar Runner are doing a music number.}

STRONG BAD: {singing} Everyone's searching, looking and searching...

MARZIPAN: {singing} And everyone's hanging around!

BUBS: {singing} And who can be sure if we're looking for something?

HOMESTAR RUNNER: {singing} And looking for something I am!

{Cut to Strong Mad and Strong Sad in the bathroom. Strong Sad has locked himself in a stall.}

STRONG SAD: I'll be there in a second. Tell them to make something up until I get out there.

{Cut to the stage. Bubs, Marzipan, and Homestar Runner are standing there.}

BUBS: Everybody knows me! My name's Cornbread!

{Strong Bad walks in}

STRONG BAD: Uhh... I found a computer. I think it can help us!

BUBS: So, this computer you speak of. Where is it?

STRONG BAD: Umm... on the moon. It's a moon computer.

{Cut to backstage with Strong Sad.}

STRONG SAD: Remember your line, remember your line!

{Back to the stage}

MARZIPAN: I can take you there! Everyone hop on!

{Strong Sad walks on.}

BUBS: Behold! The first Decemberween!


{The audience claps}

HOMESTAR RUNNER: This is the first Decemberween ever!

{Applause gets louder, the curtains close, and "THE END" appears.}

Easter Eggs

  • At the end, click on "The End" for a pamphlet about the play, click again to see the inside, and click below "The End" to see the Litigation Jackson poster.

Fun Facts

  • At the bottom of the Litigation Jackson poster, it says "A Sportsinterviews / Delabor Production." The movie is made by Lem Sportsinterviews and Thorax Corporation!
  • When Homestar says "This is the first Decemberween ever," it harkens back to The Best Decemberween Ever, where Homestar said "This is the Best Decemberween Ever" instead.
  • The Poopsmith does the lighting for the play. (Or so the pamphlet says.)
  • Strong Bad's costume and the scene with the squid are references to Disney's 1954 interpretation of Jules Verne's 20,000 Leagues Under the Sea. Strong Bad looks like Captain Nemo, even though he's called "Archibald." His stylish stocking cap could also be a spoof of famed marine biologist Jacques Yves-Cousteau.
  • Marzipan's line "Popular Votes aren't supposed to cry. You might rust," is a take-off of a line spoken by Dorothy to the Tin Man in The Wizard of Oz.
  • Homestar is wearing a Burger King crown.
  • The Litigation Jackson poster has a man holding a box which reads "Legal Documents."
  • Litigation Jackson is a spoof on a 1988 movie called Action Jackson which starred Carl Weathers and Sharon Stone.
  • The description of Act II in the program in the Easter Egg, "Archibald and Dr. Christmas fight to the death on Mt. Rushmore" is a reference to the movie North By Northwest, which ends with a fight on Mt. Rushmore. The movie starred Cary Grant, whose real name was Archibald Leach.
  • As Strong Bad is sitting in the USS Trimball, you can see Strong Mad's hand pulling the cardboard cutout waves back and forth.
  • The scene wherein Homestar is flown half-way out could well reference the style of the old religious plays. The god-figure was often flown in or out of the scene by way of a winch and sturdy rope, both of which were generally visible to the audience anyway. This sudden appearance, used as a means of reaching the end or moral of the play, is one of the accepted roots of the term "Deus ex machina," which in this case is taken literally.
  • When Coach Z tells Bubs he's back on in "Farve," it is both a reference to Coach Z's ridiculous midwestern US accent and also to Bret Favre, quarterback for the Green Bay Packers.
  • The Angel's and the Popular Vote's separation in Paris could reference a similar event in the movie Casablanca.
  • We never did see Dr. Christmas and Archibald's fight to the death on Mount Rushmore...

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