Career Day

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Toon Category: Big Toon
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"But what is a Space Captain Face? And what does it do?"

Space Captainface visits L.U.R.N. for Career Day and shows the class an edumacational film.

Cast (in order of appearance): Marzipan, Homestar Runner, Strong Mad, Homsar, Strong Bad/Space Captainface, The Cheat/Strap Coopmore, Ted Averill

Places: The Classroom, Space

Date: Tuesday, March 10, 2009

Running Time: 4:25

Page Title: SBASAF Mind Control Films Presents

Contents

Transcript

{Marzipan is standing in her classroom, in front of a chalkboard that reads "NECROTIZING FASCITIS", with all of the I's dotted with hearts.}

MARZIPAN: Listen out, Life Blossoms! Today, for Career Day, we have a very special visitor.

{Scene cuts to the 'Life Blossoms': Homestar, Strong Mad and Homsar.}

HOMESTAR RUNNER: Is it that social worker again?

MARZIPAN: No, no! That's all taken care of! The charges were dropped! Anyway, please welcome the Strong Badian Administration of Some Aluminum Foil's own Space Captainface!

{Strong Bad, dressed as Space Captainface, approaches a screen and cheers for himself.}

STRONG BAD: Great Planets, kids! Your frumpy schoolmarm, here, has asked me to talk to you today about—

MARZIPAN: I didn't ask you! You paid me to let you talk.

STRONG BAD: Shutup. —talk to you today about an exciting career in... {dramatically, zooms out to reveal a floor-mounted fan, which is blowing his cape back} SPACE TRAVEL!

STRONG MAD: BOOR-ING!

HOMESTAR RUNNER: Did you bring us any candy, police-fire-man?

HOMSAR: You bring the dip, I'll mow the side yard!

STRONG BAD: And now, without further you talking, some moving images to distract you long enough for your teacher to take a nap, drink, or smoke-break.

{Movie Projector begins rolling, partially overlapping Strong Bad, who moves out of the way. Closeup onto film. It shows a title frame reading "SBASAF Propaganda Presents"}

ANNOUNCER: SBASAF Propaganda presents—

{The film jump-cuts to a similar title screen, only with "Indoctrination Films" in place of "Propaganda".}

ANNOUNCER: —ASAF Indoctrination Films proudly—

{The film jump-cuts again. "Indoctrination" has been replaced with "Mind-Control".}

ANNOUNCER: —AF Mind Control Films—

{Another jump-cut, and now "Mind-Control" has been replaced by "Edumacational". For the rest of the toon, the announcer's voice sounds a little different.}

ANNOUNCER: —SBASAF Edumacational Films presents: What's your Captainface?

{Title appears, and a stylized cartoony-looking image of Strong Bad's head as Space Captainface flops onto it and pushes the letters aside. Cut to a line drawing a a large headed child.}

ANNOUNCER: Kids, have you ever wondered who that mysterious man in the picture you mother hides under her pillow is?

{The child imagines the picture being hidden under his mother's pillow. He smiles expectantly, but then frowns as the announcer continues.}

ANNOUNCER: Noooo hohohohooo, it's not your real father!

{Strong Bad, still stylized, walks behind the child. As the child is not colored in, he appears through the lines. He bumps the child offscreen.}

ANNOUNCER: Why, it's SBASAF's First Lieuteneral Space Captainface! But what IS a Space Captainface? And what does it do? Mmm, {record scratch} let me get back to you on that one.

{Change of scene to a rocket with a platform next to it}

ANNOUNCER: Blast-off Day. {the words appear in the lower part of the screen} And Space Captainface anxiously awaits the all-clear from Mission Control, along with his trusty on-board mechanic and college roommate, Strap Coopmore!

{Scene changes to the inside of the rocket, where Space Captainface and Strap Coopmore are sitting facing upward. In the upper corner near Strap, there is a red button labelled "button"}

STRONG BAD: Great Planets, Strap! What's taking so long? That spy satellite the insidious Italian Space Program put into orbit ain't gonna knock itself out!

THE CHEAT: {The Cheat noises}

{Static nose; a green glow appears from the panel near Strong Bad's hands.}}

TED AVERILL: Come in, Space Captainface. This is Mission Control. {cut to outside of rocket panning upward from the ground} Space Captainface, do you read?

STRONG BAD: Uh, yeah. {cut back to inside the rocket} I've been talking to you all ding-dang-dong morning, flight Engineer Ted Averill {pronounces name as one word}! What's the hold-up?

{Cut to a close-up of the lower part of Ted Averill's face with monitors and buttons behind it}

TED AVERILL: We're ready to initiate pre-launch talks about whether or not we should start {zoom out to a shot showing all of Averill's head and upper torso and more of the Mission Control room} the initial pre-pre-launch breakfast sandwiches—

{Cut back to inside the rocket}

TED AVERILL: {over the radio} followed by... {his words are covered by Strong Bad's interruption}

STRONG BAD: {interrupting} I say meteors to all your pre-launchery. {to The Cheat} T-minus the heck out of Dodge, Strap!

THE CHEAT: {The Cheat noises. Pushes the button}

{Cut to a view of the bottom of the rocket, whose engines flare up and emit smoke. Cut to a more distant view of the rocket, which launches, causing the platform to tip over a few degrees. Cut back to Ted Averill in Mission Control.}

TED AVERILL: {continuing from before; as he speaks, we can see the platform completely fall over on his monitor} —agreed on the design for the back of the official mission T-shirts w— Oh, mostly dang. Looks like I'm fired again. {pushes a button which turns of his monitor.}

{Cut to a view of the sky}

ANNOUNCER: Breaking the rules {the words appear at the top of the screen} is just one of Space Captianface's {the rocket enters from the bottom of the screen and proceeds to the top} many job responsibilities. And let's not forget bucking the system, {the words appear below "Breaking the rules"}, rabble-rousing {the words appear below "Bucking the system"} and assaulting superior officers {the words appear below "Rabble-rousing". The rocket, now more distant, enters from the left and exits above.}

{Cut to a scene in space with Earth below (the United States is visible in the middle of the ocean) and a satellite floating close to the camera}

ANNOUNCER: Space! Defined by scientists as the coolest place in the universe to throw up. {A high puking noise is heard; the word "BLARF!" is green letters zooms to the foreground.}

STRONG BAD: Whoa, nice one, Strap!

{Cut to the inside of the rocket, where Strong Bad and the Cheat are now floating; there is also a brown blob with green and orange specks. The Cheat is somewhat green in color and is otherwise visibly nauseous.}

STRONG BAD: That one looks like the Macau pie nebula! {a red light in the corner flashes and a siren sounds} Great Planets! We must be approaching the spy satellite. Suit up, Strap. {fade out}

{Cut to the a view of the hull of the rocket in space; a door opens and Strong Bad emerges in a space suit, followed by the Cheat, whose entire body is in a space helmet.}

ANNOUNCER: Second in importance only to his aftershave is a Space Captainface's no-tight Space suit. {cut to a diagram of Strong Bad's space suit} It's the only thing protecting his sweet can {cut to a picture of Strong Bad's rear in space, various yellow particles are flying around, some of which bounce off Strong Bad's rear} from the harmful effects of the mysterious cosmic rays {the words appear and zoom forward}!

{Cut to a view of a satellite bearing the Italian flag floating in space.}

STRONG BAD: Space downs!

{Cut to a closeup of the Italian flag on the satellite.}

STRONG BAD: They have a spy camera pointing directly at Strong Badia. {A round section of the Italian flag peels away to reveal a camera whose lens shows a reflection of Strong Badia.}

{Cut to a view of Strong Bad floating through space.}

STRONG BAD: Ready with the counter-intelligence. {Gets out a photograph. Cut to a close-up of the photograph, which has a smiley face sticking out its tongue and the words "oh, just nothing".}

{Cut back to the camera; Strong Bad sticks the photo onto its lens. Cut to a view of Strong Bad floating forwards and away from the satellite.}

STRONG BAD: Those superior bicycle makers will never find out our cheat codes and barbecue sauce recipes now, Strap! {looks to the side} Strap?

{Cut to a view of The Cheat floating toward a satellite with the words "The Bikini Channel" on it.}

THE CHEAT: {excited The Cheat noises}

{Cut to a close-up of Strong Bad's face; he is visibly annoyed.}

STRONG BAD: Strap!

{Cut to a view of Strong Bad's suit again; "the end" is written in his helmet.}

HOMESTAR RUNNER: {laughs as film ends}

MARIZPAN: {moves in front of the projector, annoyed} Homestar, is there something you'd like to add?

{Cut to a close-up of Homestar.}

HOMESTAR RUNNER: Umm, teacher, if spaceman makes bafroom in his pants, {zoom out to view all the life blossoms} does he go boom? {Homestar, Strong Mad and Homsar laugh.}

{Cut to Strong Bad}

STRONG BAD: Shut up, you little worse-than-homeschoolers! Show some respect! What kind of question is that to ask a Strong Badian hero? {zoom in on Strong Bad's head} Spaceman make bafroom in his pants {covers his mouth as he starts to laugh on the last word, he continues laughing from this point on} does he go boom? Actually a pretty funny question now that I think about it at length.

{Cut back to the life blossoms, still laughing.}

STRONG BAD: I've often wondered myself what— what would happen if I was {cut back to Strong Bad} to make bafroom {laughs harder} in my pants! I might go boom!

{Cut back to the diagram of Strong Bad's suit; this time it says "boom" in his helmet.}

Fun Facts

Explanations

  • Necrotizing fasciitis, is a rare infection of the deeper layers of skin and subcutaneous tissues
  • Cosmic rays are energetic particles originating from space that impinge on Earth's atmosphere.

Trivia

  • Necrotizing Fascitis is misspelled on the chalkboard.

Goofs

  • In the close-up of Flight Engineer Ted Averill speaking at mission control, it appears you can see a small bit of the control panel through his face on one of his mouth movement animations.

Inside References

External Links

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