Coach Z

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Character: Coach Z
watch Coach Z's character video Marzipan Bubs
"You can't just rush into the score zone!"



Coach Z is the "coach" of Homestar Runner and the gang, though it is unclear just which sports he coaches. He has a strong Upper Midwestern accent which sometimes gets him into trouble. He almost never says anything negative to anyone, and he often offers more encouragement than is needed. When giving advice, he tends to start with the phrase "You can't just rush into the score zone", which by now has pretty much lost its meaning. He wears a baseball cap and is famous for the large Z emblem around his waist, but nobody knows for sure whether his bright green color is his skin or a body suit. However, baby Coach Z seems to be wearing footy pajamas in the email highschool, and on more than one occasion, Coach Z has mentioned his pants.

Coach Z talking about his butt.

As Coach Z himself is not afraid to admit, he's got more than two problems. Despite being a coach, he doesn't know what a basketball is, as indicated in secret recipes. It has been implied that he has a crush on Marzipan, and he has on several occasions left inappropriate messages on her answering machine, one occasion where he was drunk, and during the commercial break of the 4Tst annual Fall Float Parade. (Further evidence of his drinking problem is his frequent consumption of mouthwash, as seen in The Best Decemberween Ever and Decemberween Short Shorts, among other appearances.) Additionally, he had to apologize to her in the Fall Float Parade for "inapprapriate" comments. In addition to his frequent mispronunciations, Coach Z also seems to have mental problems, as evidenced by the time he spent "talking to his parents" on a disconnected telephone, and claiming to be a mother in garage sale. He has even stated on one occasion that he sometimes "forgets what's real, and what's just in his head". He also has trouble managing his money, causing his electricity to be shut off each year. He has an apparent fixation with butts, and he seems to have a habit with butt patting. He was told by Homestar Runner in Decemberween Short Shorts to not tell people about his butt. He works with Homestar Runner and Bubs as the apparent local law enforcement in Free Country, USA, and he makes frequent jokes and references about pants, whether his own or someone else's.

The craptain of the foortball torm!

Coach Z is a fan of hip-hop and rap music, particularly the Wu-Tang Clan. He fancies himself a rapper as well: He released the single "These Peoples Try to Fade Me," which appeared on Strong Bad Sings and Other Type Hits, and his solo album, entitled "The Z Is All Up Ins", features the smash hit "Hip Hop Dance."

Coach Z and Bubs had a falling out at one point, as Fall Float Parade tells us. But as of the email narrator it seems they're back to having boring conversations outside Bubs' Concession Stand.

Coach Z owns 4 Tony awards but it is unknown if he actually won them.

Character Video Transcript

{Page Title: Drop Down and Gimme 20!!} {Places: Coach Z's Locker Room}

COACH Z: {looking slightly offscreen} Is that thing on? {turns to the camera lens} Hey there, ho there! I'm the Coach! The Coach Z, I'd guess you'd call me. Or plain old Coach is fine, seein' as I'm the only one around, so, probably no one else would answer to that. You say "Hey Coach!", and I'd say "Yeah?" or..."That's me!" or..."Hoo-hah!" {waves his arms in the air} Any one of those. There's rumors flyin' around that I sleep in one of these lockers {gestures to the lockers behind him}, but uh, that's just not true. I usually crash on this bench here. {gestures to the bench behind him} My back's not in real good condition. {rubs his back} And now, I'd like to perform my hip-hop single, "These peoples try to fade me." {holds up a microphone, begins to sing} A one-two, a one-two—!

HOMESTAR RUNNER: {appears in front of camera} I'm Sorry. We're all out of tape.

Coach Z's Accent

The primary factor in his hilarity, Coach Z's Upper Midwestern accent has made him into a very quotable character.

Phonetic Sounds Affected

The most commonly mispronounced sounds are long /e/ (i.e. The Cheat) and the short /o/ (job), which both come out as an "or" or "aer" ("The Chort", "jaerb").

List of mispronounced words

Original Word Coach Z's version(s) Appears In
About Abrat No Hands On Deck!
Action Airkshin Happy Fireworks, Main Page 23
Awful Orful Email secret recipes
Balloon b'lloon Fall Float Parade
Bomb Baermb The House That Gave Sucky Treats,
These peoples try to fade me
Captain Craptain Email highschool
Chips Chorps 3 Times Halloween Funjob
Chocolate Cherclate 3 Times Halloween Funjob
Crickets Crackets Happy Hallow-day
Decemberween Decemberwern The Best Decemberween Ever
DELETED DELORTED Email replacement
Did Doird Dangeresque (karaoke)
Disco Disca Marzipan's Answering Machine Version 9.2
Drop Drap Email your funeral
Fhqwhgads Forhorgalingrads Email sibbie (Easter Egg)
Field Fierld Marzipan's Answering Machine Version 1.0
Five Farve A Decemberween Pageant
Football Team Foortball Torm Email highschool
Gosh Gorsh Email strong badathlon
Gluten and Glutton Glorten Weclome Back
Halloween Halloworn The Best Decemberween Ever
Happy Hallow— Horpy Horlow— Happy Hallow-day
Happy T Horpy Tor Happy T!
Hello Hellor Homestar Presents: Presents
Homestar Hamstray, Hamster, Stramstar,
Stairmaster, Homegrown, Ramrod, Humphel
A Jorb Well Done
Hoot Hort Happy Hallow-day
I Feel Bad Ir feer borld Email part-time job (commentary)
Idea Idear Happy Hallow-day
Inappropriate Inapprapriate Fall Float Parade
Inoculate Anorculate BHZ Anniversary Message
Job Jorb, Jaerb, Jarb, Joerghb, Jaeoreorb A Jorb Well Done,
Email boring (really)
Jujyfruits Jorjyfruits, Jerjyfrorts, Georgie Frorgie,
George Foreman
The House That Gave Sucky Treats
Locker Lacker, Lacquer Email part-time job (commentary),
Email myths & legends (Easter Egg)
Mike Mork Email part-time job (commentary)
Mother Mudder No Hands On Deck!
Mouthwash Mouthwarsh The Best Decemberween Ever
Musical Myorsical No Hands On Deck!
Not Nat Decemberween Short Shorts
October Orctober The Best Decemberween Ever
Office Arfice In Search of the Yello Dello
Party Pratty Email impression
Pom Pom Pam Pam Fall Float Parade
Problem Praeblem In Search of the Yello Dello
Rock bottom Rack battom Decemberween Short Shorts
Real Rrrl A Folky Tale
Revealed Revearled Email cliffhangers
Secret Sorcret, "secret sorcret" Email cliffhangers
Situation Sitch'ation A Folky Tale
Sports Sprots Email part-time job (commentary)
Swedish Fish Swordish Feirsh 3 Times Halloween Funjob
Talkin' about Torkin' abort Happy Hallow-day
Terrible Terbirle Email senior prom
The Cheat The Chort see Nicknames
Thousand Trousand Sbemail 169 Deleted Scene
Thug Thorg Halloween Fairstival
Thumb Thermb Some Stupid Turkey
Toilet Terlet Halloween Fairstival,
A Folky Tale,
Halloween Potion-ma-jig (Bubs, Homestar),
Email unnatural
Tomato Tomater, "I zader matermorts" Fall Float Parade
Trick or Treat Track or Trort 3 Times Halloween Funjob
Twenty-Three Tworty-Tree Main Page 23
Undefeated Undeforted Decemberween Short Shorts
Unfortunate Unfarchunate Sbemail 169 Deleted Scene
What Whort Date Nite
Yipe Yorp Email redesign


Evidence has suggested that Coach Z's accent may be bogus:

  • After saying "track or trort" in 3 Times Halloween Funjob, Bubs gets on his case and he says it correctly. If given "Swedish Fish," said as "Swordish Forsh," Bubs gets on his case again and Coach Z says "It's a crowd-pleaser."
  • In boring (really), while Strong Bad is writing his list of three-letter words, Coach Z interrupts him at the word "job", saying that "jorb is a four letters word."
  • Coach Z says "The Cheat" immediately after "The Chort" in mascot, though he speaks as though he's talking about two different people.
  • In the DVD commentary for part-time job, Mike exploits Coach Z's "accent" by implying that not only does Coach Z add the letter R to words, but now also likes to switch letters around sometimes, and in reply Coach Z partially admits to his accent being bogus.
    • Furthermore, Marzipan implies in Fall Float Parade that Coach Z's way of speaking may just be a made-up language all in itself ("That's Pom Pom Balloon, for those of you who don't speak Coach Z").
  • In cliffhangers, in the process of his attempted unmasking of The Thnikkaman, he says "secret sorcret" twice, referring to Thnikkaman's secret being revealed and his shame in having really bad hand-eye coordination.

Featured in

Coach Z's "more than two problems"

  • He has admitted that he has athlete's foot. This was further implied as "problems with his feet" in rampage.
  • In garage sale, he is seen gathering up all the "great for baby" items, but is reluctant to explain why. When Strong Bad comments that "garbage sale" is "for moms only", Coach Z responds "Oh, then I'm okay to say it."
  • His accent makes his speech almost incapable of comprehension.
  • In his characters page, he admitted that he has a bad back. He also admitted this in rampage.
  • He has been drunk multiple times, sometimes even on mouthwash.
  • He has really bad hand-eye coordination, as evidenced in cliffhangers.
  • He has an obsession with butts.
  • He holds the record for the longest time gone without showering.
  • He admits he likes a good chafe in theme park.
  • He loves puke covered in sawdust, as seen in Sbemail 169 Deleted Scene.
    • Also, in the commentary for that scene, he claims that "pfargtl" is his favorite animal and that a group of them is called a "pfamily".

Fun Facts

  • Coach Z's accent came from a depressing Midwestern voice that Matt and some friends would do in college.
  • It was revealed in issue #21 of Wonkavision magazine that Coach Z is named after Craig Zobel.
  • According to trading cards, Coach Z gave 23 butt patts in 1984 (22 to Homestar, 1 to himself).
  • Coach Z was originally known as "Coach Zee."
  • Strong Bad referred to Coach Z as "Green Bubs" in the email road trip.
  • In Date Nite he is shown without his hat and wearing hair curlers, despite a lack of visible hair.
  • On Coach Z's emblem, the darker blue shine streak under the gold Z makes a Z formation.


Halloween Costumes

In each Homestar Runner Halloween special, Coach Z has dressed up as a rapper. (The Noid costume was not released.)

Quotes of the Week

See Also

External Links

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