Cold One

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The Cold One motto

Cold One is the most popular brand of beer in Free Country, USA. They are shipped in brown, nondescript bottles. The Cold One motto is "A One that isn't cold, is scarcely a One at all." Although there has been some debate as to whether they are actually alcoholic or not, it is shown in Peasant's Quest that the Kerrek rejects Cold Ones because he is a teetotaler. Also, since the Strong Bad screensaver displays "Premium Alcoholic Cold Ones", and that Room Temp-A-Ture Ones are "brewed in Foreign Lands", the conclusion must be that a Cold One is a refreshing type of beer. In addition, "Room Temp-A-Ture Ones" could possibly be referring to the misconception that the English prefer drinking their beer at near room temperature.

It is revealed in the email "super powers" that Strong Bad can use the diamond-shaped icon on his head to open a Cold One.

The Property of Ones

Main article: Bogus Mathematical Theorems

According to Strong Bad, Cold Ones obey the following Property of Ones:

The Oneitude is directly proportional to the Colditude of the One.

Or in other words:

The colder it is, the more of a one it is.

Types of Ones

Type Picture About Appearances
Cold Ones
Preferred by Strong Bad.
Cool Ones
not seen
A nice alternative on spring nights.
Not So Cold Ones
Enjoyed by Coach Z and Bubs.
Room Temp-A-Ture Ones
A foreign brand brewed in Foreign Lands.
Wärm Önes
Foreign brand straight from the oven.
Cold None
not seen
Not to be wished on anyone
One That Is Not Cold
not seen
The sender of property of ones almost drank this brand. Scarcely a One at all.
Xtra Cold Ones
A step up from Cold Ones.
Cold One Ice
Thrown at a moose lamp.
'old One
Enjoyed by Pom Pom, Homestar Runner, and Strong Bad.
Strong Beer Premium Alcoholic Cold Ones
From the screensaver.
Cold Ones Light
A light variation of a Cold One. The logo closely resembles the Old Style beer logo (see comparison).
Expen$e Account Ones
Enjoyed while on a business trip.
Cold Ones Dry
A dry variation of a Cold One, official beverage of Taranchula.
Coldson Lite
A Cold One-style beverage enjoyed by Coach Z and The Cheat. It may be a reference to Molson, a Canadian beer. It looks suspiciously like a can of Coors Light — a strange coincidence as Molson and Coors announced they were merging in 2004.
Cold Ones Extra Stout Black
"So rich, thick, and dark, you can't believe it's a liquid."

See Also

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