Cold One

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"Beer" redirects here. For other types of beer, see Alcohol#Beer.
The Cold One motto

Cold One is the most popular brand of beer in Free Country, USA. They are shipped in brown, nondescript bottles. The Cold One motto is "A One that isn't cold, is scarcely a One at all." Despite this, cool, room temp-a-ture, warm, and not-so-cold ones have been introduced. Although there has been some debate as to whether they are actually alcoholic or not, it is shown in Peasant's Quest that the Kerrek rejects Cold Ones because he is a teetotaler. The Strong Bad screensaver displays "Premium Alcoholic Cold Ones", making it clear that a Cold One is a refreshing type of beer. Also, Room Temp-A-Ture Ones are a variant that is "brewed in Foreign Lands".

It is revealed in the email "super powers" that Strong Bad can use the diamond-shaped icon on his head to open a Cold One.

Matt Chapman revealed in The Jeff Rubin Jeff Rubin Show Interview - 7 July 2014 that Nickelodeon and Disney told him that he would have to cease all references to Cold Ones if the series were to be broadcast on their television networks.

[edit] The Property of Ones

See main article: Bogus Mathematical Theorems

According to Strong Bad, Cold Ones obey the following Property of Ones:

The Oneitude is directly proportional to the Colditude of the One.

Or in other words:

The colder it is, the more of a one it is.

[edit] Types of Ones

Type Picture About Appearances
Cold Ones
Preferred by Strong Bad.
Cool Ones
not seen
A nice alternative on spring nights.
Not So Cold Ones
Tempature is 90 degrees or higher, as said on the bottle. Enjoyed by Coach Z and Bubs.
Room Temp-A-Ture Ones
A foreign brand brewed in Foreign Lands. Could possibly be referring to the stereotype that the British prefer drinking their beer at near room temperature.
Wärm Önes
Foreign brand straight from the oven.
Cold None
not seen
Not to be wished on anyone
One That Is Not Cold
not seen
What the sender of property of ones, Dan Waters, claims to have almost drank. Scarcely a One at all.
Xtra Cold Ones
A step up from Cold Ones.
Cold One Ice
Thrown at a moose lamp.
'old One
Enjoyed by Pom Pom, Homestar Runner, and Strong Bad.
Strong Beer Premium Alcoholic Cold Ones
From the screensaver.
Cold Ones Light
A light variation of a Cold One. The logo closely resembles the Old Style beer logo (see comparison).
Expen$e Account Ones
Enjoyed while on a business trip.
Cold Ones Dry
A dry variation of a Cold One, official beverage of Taranchula.
Coldson Lite
A Cold One-style beverage enjoyed by Coach Z and The Cheat. It may be a reference to Canadian beer Molson, while the can resembles Coors Light — a strange coincidence as Molson and Coors announced they were merging in 2004.
Cold Ones Extra Stout Black
"So rich, thick, and dark, you can't believe it's a liquid." Seems to refer to Guinness.
Colden Ones
A variation of the Cold One. Enjoyed by Homestar Runner before the Big Game. May be a reference to "Molson Golden".
Enjoyed by Bubs.
Hops and Icy Cold One flavored ice cream
One of the flavors of ice cream found on the code wheel for Peasant's Quest. It's claimed to be the favorite flavor of Samuel Adams.
Hard Ones
not seen
Assumed to be the Cold Ones version of hard liquor (Vodka, Bourbon, etc.) An alleged ingredient in Santaman's Chimney.
Problem Ones
not seen
Apparently responsible for Homestar and Strong Bad's original designs.
Non-Cold Onesaholic
Kerrek Brau — "Non-Cold Onesaholic" and "4.5% taste". Made with 100% real sweat from the Kerrek's brow.

[edit] See Also

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