Dangeresque Roomisode 1: Behind the Dangerdesque Responses

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=="Need to WASD"==
=="Need to WASD"==

Revision as of 01:47, 4 December 2008

"How did policy help that poor innocent girl?!"

These are all of the responses in Dangeresque Roomisode 1: Behind the Dangerdesque.

Spoiler warning: Plot or ending details follow.

Contents

Intro

{Dangeresque walks into the room through the door, which is to the left of the room. While he's a short distance away from the door, Dangeresque gets on his tiptoes and extends his arms upward. The door closes while he does this. After it's done he stands normally.}
DANGERESQUE: {Faces to the right of the player} Man. That warehaus was full of action and suspense.
THE CHIEF: {Dangeresque faces to the left of the player, facing the door} DANGERESQUE! YOU'RE OUTTA LINE!
DANGERESQUE: Oh crap! It's the Chief! I was supposed to solve a case for him months ago.
THE CHIEF: YOU'RE A LOOSE CANNON! A LONER! WHEN YOU'RE AROUND, PEOPLE GET HURT, DANGERESQUE!
DANGERESQUE: Hey, that's what it says on my business cards!
THE CHIEF: IF YOU DON'T WALK OUT THIS DOOR WITH MY CASE SOLVED, I'M LOCKIN' YOU UP!
DANGERESQUE: {Faces towards the player.} Sounds like he means it. Better try and "solve" his case, quick.
DANGERESQUE: {Faces to the right of the player and thinking, with his head angled upwards and a glove on his chin.} Now where'd I put that case file...

Non-Inventory

Dangeresque

Look

{Chosen in order.}
DANGERESQUE: Do these laces make my head look husky?

DANGERESQUE: I look ready for love, a gunfight, a car chase, and a small salad all at once!

DANGERESQUE: Who's the expensive action star with the cheapest costume ever-DANGERESQUE! Ooh, you dang right.

Get/Use

{Dangeresque jumps in a direction away from the player while in place, putting his hands in the air as he does so.}
DANGERESQUE: {After he jumps} Hee hee! {As he says this, he nods his head.}

Talk To

{Chosen in order}
DANGERESQUE: {Faces away from the player.} Oh Dangeresque! You're so manly and my husband The Chief is so balding and football watchy. Let's keep making out
THE CHIEF: I'M NOT FALLIN' FOR THAT CRAP AGAIN! GLADYS HAS BEEN DEAD FOR 30 YEARS!
DANGERESQUE: Oh jeez. Uh, sorry The Chief.
THE CHIEF: HA! JUST KIDDING! NO WOMAN WILL COME WITHIN 20 FEET OF ME!
DANGERESQUE: Um, touche'?

DANGERESQUE: {Faces away from the player.} Looks like I'm gonna have to juuuuuuump!
THE CHIEF: HE'S JUMPIN' OUT THE WINDOW! CALL FOR BACKUP! SEAL OFF THE BUILDING! TAKE THE SHOT!
DANGERESQUE: Heh heh. I love doin' that.
THE CHIEF: HEY!

DANGERESQUE: {Faces to the player's left.} You think you're real hot stuff around here don't you Dangeresque?
DANGERESQUE: {Faces to the player's right.} Hotter than you, Kowalski.
DANGERESQUE: {Faces to the player's left.} You wanna go toe to toe with me?!
DANGERESQUE: {Faces to the player's right.} I'd probably get athlete's foot.
DANGERESQUE: {Faces to the player's left.} Heh. You're alright Dangeresque. You're aaall riiiight.

Lamp

Look

DANGERESQUE: You just keep doing your swing thing, man. Swing it out.

Get/Use

DANGERESQUE: Prolly just use the switch, no?

Talk To

DANGERESQUE: Excuse me my good Lamp... Do you know the times?

Switch

Look

DANGERESQUE: It was expensive but I finally upgraded to include the OFF package.

Get/Use

{When light is on; Dangeresque goes to the switch and turns it off}
DANGERESQUE: Better make it more romantic in here in case a leggy dame stops by.
VOICE FROM OUTSIDE OFFICE: Hey! Don't discount my gams! I'm on the stairmaster all the time!
DANGERESQUE: Quiet you!

{When light is off; Dangeresque goes to the switch and turns it on}
DANGERESQUE: Yeah, it's kinda hard to see. My cool, cool nightvision goggles are in the shop.

Talk To

DANGERESQUE: Dangeresque doesn't RAVE, switchy.

Rug

Look

{When rug is flat}
DANGERESQUE: Got this for 10 bucks at a "Rugs 4 Thugs" auction. All proceeds benefit underpriviledged mid-level enforcers everywhere!

{When rug corner is raised, lights on}
DANGERESQUE: There's something faintly scribbled on the floorboards.

{When rug corner is raised, lights off and blinds open}
DANGERESQUE: I can't see anything under the rug in all this moonlight.

{When rug corner is raised, lights off and blinds closed}
DANGERESQUE: Hey! It's the combination to my safe! 73!
DANGERESQUE: {thinking} I forgot I wrote it in invisible, glow-in-the-dark ink!

Get/Use

{When rug is flat; Dangeresque lifts corner of the rug}
DANGERESQUE: Hands up, Floor!

{When rug corner is raised; Dangeresque flattens out the rug}
DANGERESQUE: Go away, small part of floor!

Talk To

{When rug is flat}
DANGERESQUE: Lookin' rectangulous, rug.

{When rug corner is raised}
DANGERESQUE: Freeze, dust mites!

Door

Look

DANGERESQUE: It says, "EUQSEREGNAD". And there's a The Chief seething behind it.
DANGERESQUE: {thinking} Man, listen to that guy seethe.

Get/Use

{Chosen in order}
DANGERESQUE: I better solve the Chief's case first.

DANGERESQUE: I REALLY better solve the Chief's case first.
THE CHIEF: YEAH YOU BETTER!
DANGERESQUE: {thinking} I really better stop talking to myself so loud.
THE CHIEF: YEAH YOU BETTER!

DANGERESQUE: Yeah, y'know what? Screw this! Dangeresque doesn't take orders from anybody!
{opens door}
THE CHIEF: IZZAT SO?
DANGERESQUE: Oh, hi giant SWAT team. What's up?
{A giant hand in a blue glove reaches in and grabs Dangeresque and pulls him from the room. Game Over sequence.}

Talk To

{Chosen in order}
DANGERESQUE: What did you want again, The Chief?
THE CHIEF: YOU SOLVE MY FRIGGIN' CASE RIGHT NOW OR I'M TAKIN' YOU TO THE HOOSEGOW!
DANGERESQUE: Oh right. Forgot already.

DANGERESQUE: Hey, The Chief, do you respect me as an artist?
THE CHIEF: SOLVE MY FRIKKIN' CASE ALREADY!!
DANGERESQUE: Sorry. My bad. Admittedly, that was off-topic.

DANGERESQUE: What's a 7-letter word for "to shamble one down"?
THE CHIEF: I'LL SHAMBLE YOU DOWN IN THE STATE PEN!
{banging on the door, which bursts open}
DANGERESQUE: {to the player} I bring-a this on-a myself.
{Game Over sequence}

Blinds

Look

{When closed}
DANGERESQUE: These blinds are keeping me from seeing the city at large.

{When open}
DANGERESQUE: Man, that city is SO at large. And so is that fat guy watching TV in that apartment over there.

Get/Use

{If the windowsill is empty}
DANGERESQUE: You got it, hoss.
{If blinds are closed, opens blinds; if blinds are open, closes blinds}

{If something is on the windowsill}
DANGERESQUE: I should pick that thing up first.

Talk To

{When closed}
DANGERESQUE: Thanks for providing the appropriate noir atmosphere, blinds.

{When open}
DANGERESQUE: HEY FAT GUY WATCHING TV!! Nope, can't hear me.

Ashtray

Look

DANGERESQUE: It's an ashtray. The ash meter is on 'E'

Get/Use

DANGERESQUE: No thanks. That would get me all ashen. Faced.

Talk To

DANGERESQUE: Your ash is grash!

Dangerdesque

Look

DANGERESQUE: The Dangerdesque is built to withstand gunshots, slammed-down badges, and impromptu makeouts with femme fatales.

Get/Use

{When desque is closed}
DANGERESQUE: This whole system is outta line!!
{pounds the desque, which pops open}

{When desque is open}
DANGERESQUE: Policy?! How did policy help that poor innocent girl?!
{pounds the desque, which closes}

Talk To

DANGERESQUE: Excuse me my good Dangerdesque... Do you know the times?

Safe

Look

{When safe is closed, or when safe is open, after taking camera}
DANGERESQUE: Look safe? It looks safe.

{When safe is open, before taking camera}
DANGERESQUE: Look safe? It looks safe. There's a camera all up in there!

Get/Use

{Before finding the combination}
DANGERESQUE: Crapdangle! I forgot the 2-digit combination.
DANGERESQUE: {thinking} Maybe I wrote it down somewhere.

{After finding the combination, opening for the first time}
DANGERESQUE: Dangcrapple! I remembered the combination!
{Opens safe}

{After first opening, when safe is closed}
DANGERESQUE: Open safe. Sounds like some kinda doorknob.

{When safe is open; closing safe}
DANGERESQUE: Close safe. Sounds like some kinda laundry detergent.

Talk To

DANGERESQUE: Dangeresque NEVER plays it safe!

Telephone

Look

DANGERESQUE: This phone helps me take a proverbial bite out of proverbial crime.

Get/Use

{When you don't have the number, or after Pom Pom dislodges the takeout from the safetop}
DANGERESQUE: We're sending help immediately, Mrs. Fletcher!

{When you have the number, before trying to take the take-out from the top of the safe}
DANGERESQUE: Hello? Kung-Fu Dragon? I, uh, just wanted to say what a cool name you have. Okay, bye.
{Hangs up}
DANGERESQUE: {thinking} Prolly should have a reason to call them first.

{When you have the number, after trying to take the take-out from the top of the safe}
DANGERESQUE: Hello? Kung-Fu Dragon? I have a take-out tech support issue. A Take Support issue, if you will. Can you send a specialist right away? Thanks!
{Hangs up. Pom Pom peeks in the window, then jumps in and kicks the takeout off of the safe, and jumps back out the window}
DANGERESQUE: Nice!
DANGERESQUE: {thinking} Note to self: don't ever mess with the takeout delivery guy.

Talk To

{Same as Get/Use.}

Chair

Look

DANGERESQUE: I've slept more hours in that office chair than I have in beds. You just can't slouch properly in a bed.

Get/Use

DANGERESQUE: Oooh I love this! Whee!
{Jumps into the chair, spinning it for a few seconds. Gets off}
{Before drinking the coffee or eating the Chinese take-out}
DANGERESQUE: Whoa! Feelin' woozy.

{After only eating the Chinese take-out}
DANGERESQUE: Uh oh. *burp* That was close. Almost had the Return of the Kung-Fu Dragon there.

{After only drinking the coffee}
DANGERESQUE: Oh jeez. *urp* Phew. The 2 year old creamer in that coffee doesn't fool around.

{After both drinking the coffee and eating the Chinese take-out}
DANGERESQUE: Aw nuts. *hurk* Here comes trouble.
{Turns away from player to puke, turns back with puke-filled paper bag}
DANGERESQUE: I'll just, uh, send this to the "boys" down at the, um, "lab".

{After puking}
DANGERESQUE: No more turkish twist. I have my bag of whoozit.

{if desque drawer is open}
DANGERESQUE: I should close the drawer first to avoid sitting in the drawer instead.

Talk To

DANGERESQUE: GET BACK TO WORK, CHAIR!

Sweet/Sour Sauce

Look

DANGERESQUE: Eww. Looks like some sweet n' sour sauce oozed onto my safe.

Get/Use

DANGERESQUE: I'm not layin' a glove on that stuff! It'd probably get stuck there.

Talk To

DANGERESQUE: Don't gimme none o' your talk-sauce!

Biz Card

Look

{First time}
DANGERESQUE: Hey! It's the number for Kung-Fu Dragon takeout! 555-KUFU. I can remember that.

{after first time}
DANGERESQUE: I already got those digits memorized. And I like how it looks on the floor.

Get/Use

{Same as Look}

Talk To

DANGERESQUE: STAY DOWN!

Casefile

Look

DANGERESQUE: Let's see what I need to do to pretend-solve you...
{Cut to a shot of the inside of the casefile. When the player clicks the mouse, scene cuts back to the office}
DANGERESQUE: That sounds easy enough. I've faked ID's harder than this.

Get/Use

DANGERESQUE: Naw, I shouldn't take it until it's *ahem* solved.

Talk To

DANGERESQUE: The Chief's unsolved case file's not much of a talker. More of a LOOKer.

Inventory

STUB'D! This section of the page is incomplete. You can help the Homestar Runner Wiki by expanding it.

Camera

While it's in the safe

Look
DANGERESQUE: Ooh! It's my Snoopeur 200 Telefoto Instant Camera. Oh, the things we've illegally surveilled.
Get/Use
DANGERESQUE: Bet I could take some seriously compromising photographs with this baby.
{Takes Camera from safe, adds to inventory}
Talk To
DANGERESQUE: I'm gonna GET you!

Use on blinds

{With blinds closed}
DANGERESQUE: I should open the blinds first.

{With nothing on windowsill}
DANGERESQUE: Let's see what degree murders I can witness today.
{Cut to view out of window at Strong Sad's apartment}
DANGERESQUE: Whoa, look at that shlump! That guy's just a victim waiting to happen.

{With coffee on windowsill}
DANGERESQUE: Let's see what degree murders I can witness today.
{Cut to view out of window at Strong Sad's apartment}
DANGERESQUE: That sad sack is definitely not the "World's Best Crooked Cop!" I'm not takin' this shot.

{With UNSOLVED stamp on windowsill}
DANGERESQUE: Let's see what degree murders I can witness today.
{Cut to view out of window at Strong Sad's apartment}
DANGERESQUE: Watch out Lord Fatmonger! A giant rubber stamp is trying to assault you! I'm not takin' this shot.

{With inked UNSOLVED stamp on windowsill}
DANGERESQUE: Let's see what degree murders I can witness today.
{Cut to view out of window at Strong Sad's apartment}
DANGERESQUE: Watch out Lord Fatmonger! That saucy rubber stamp is gonna get saucy on you! I'm not takin' this shot.

{With whoozit on windowsill}
DANGERESQUE: Let's see what degree murders I can witness today.
{Cut to view out of window at Strong Sad's apartment}
DANGERESQUE: Well, one hideous sack deserves another. I'm not takin' this shot.

{With takeout on windowsill
DANGERESQUE: Let's see what degree murders I can witness today.
{Cut to view out of window at Strong Sad's apartment}
DANGERESQUE: Now HERE'S a shot I can use! It totally looks like the Dragon Man is kung-fuing that fat slob!

{If picture has already been taken}
DANGERESQUE: I'm outta film. Plus, I already got the money shot.

Kung-Fu Takeout

While it's on the Safe or on the Windowsill

Look
DANGERESQUE: Some 5-year old takeout from Kung-Fu Dragon.
DANGERESQUE: I keep it around cause there's a cool picture of a Dragon Man doing Kung-Fu on it.
Get/Use
{When stuck to the safe; Dangeresque gets on his tiptoes and extends his arms upward. After a brief moment he gives up and stands normally.}
DANGERESQUE: Nnnng! It's stuck to the top of the safe! I'm gonna need to hire a Takeout-Stuck-To-The-Safe Cracker for this one.

{After it's dislodged, either on the safe or on the windowsill}
DANGERESQUE: Good idea. Never know when you might need to make somebody puke.
Talk To
DANGERESQUE: And the Kung-Fu Dragon Chinese Takeout comes in the niiiight! (they're open late)

Use on Blinds

{With blinds closed}
DANGERESQUE: I should open the blinds first.

{With nothing on windowsill}
DANGERESQUE: Yeah, I should prolly air this stuff out a bit.

{With something already on windowsill}
DANGERESQUE: There's already something up there.

Use on Casefile

DANGERESQUE: This takeout is basically puke waiting to happen, maybe it can be the physical evidence for The Chief's case.
{Puts takeout in casefile, casefile is now stained brown}
DANGERESQUE: Aw Chunkblow! It just made it all gross and stuck together. Now I'll never pretend to solve it!
The Chief: I HEARD THAT KOWALSKI! TURN IN YOUR BADGE!
DANGERESQUE: Um, who?
The Chief: OH. I MEAN DANGERESQUE.
DANGERESQUE: Crap.
{Game Over sequence}

Use on Dangeresque

{First time}
DANGERESQUE: Yeah, this takeout has seen too much over the years.
{Eats}
DANGERESQUE: Sorry, takeout. They said NO LOOSE ENDS! That was definitely one of the worst things I ever done.
DANGERESQUE: {thinking} Gonna keep the cool box though.

{After first time}
DANGERESQUE: This box has a cool picture of a Dragon Man doing Kung-Fu on it.
DANGERESQUE: {thinking} Wish he was real. He looks capable of some really cool-to-watch assault and battery.

Use on Anything Else

DANGERESQUE: That doesn't need to feel the fury of a Dragon Man doing Kung-Fu.

Bag of Whoosit

Use on Blinds

{With blinds closed}
DANGERESQUE: I should open the blinds first.

{With nothing on windowsill}
DANGERESQUE: Gramma used to do this to cool hers off.

{With something already on windowsill}
DANGERESQUE: There's already something up there.

While it's on the Windowsill

Look
DANGERESQUE: It looks so delicious steaming on the windowsill there...wait, what?
Get/Use
DANGERESQUE: Wish there was a better place for this.
{Dangeresque takes bag from window.}
DANGERESQUE: Bag 'em up, Chuck.
Talk To
DANGERESQUE: Bag of whoosit, there's something me and the guys need to tell you about hygiene.

Use on Casefile

DANGERESQUE: Let's just tuck this in here... erm...
{Puts bag in casefile}
DANGERESQUE: {thinking} Urp... almost made a second batch.
DANGERESQUE: Good enough for crooked government work! I mean, who's to say whose whoosit is whose?

Use on Anything Else

DANGERESQUE: Most things are better without a bag of whoozit poured on them.
DANGERESQUE: {thinking} Most...

Coffee/Mug

While it's on the Dangerdesque or Windowsill

Look
DANGERESQUE: It's so old the creamer has formed a fuzzy little island in the middle.
Get/Use
DANGERESQUE: Yeah. I might accidentally drink it if it's just sittin' there.
Talk To
DANGERESQUE: You're gettin' too old for this job, coffee.

Use on Blinds

{With blinds closed}
DANGERESQUE: I should open the blinds first.

{With nothing on windowsill}
DANGERESQUE: Sure. maybe I can poison a few pigeons.

{With something already on windowsill}
DANGERESQUE: There's already something up there.

Use on Casefile

DANGERESQUE: Maybe if I spill coffee on The Chief's case file, he won't be able to read it and he'll think it's solved!
{Adds coffee to casefile, creating a large black spot on it}
DANGERESQUE: Or maybe it'll just ruin it and I'll go to jail.
{Game Over sequence}

Use on Dangeresque

DANGERESQUE: Dangeresque NEVER backs down from a really terrible, gross idea!
{Drinks}
DANGERESQUE: Ugh.
DANGERESQUE: {thinking} THAT's gonna stick with me for a while.

Use on Anything Else

DANGERESQUE: Naw. Pouring old coffee on that won't help. What a surprise.

Photo of crime

Use on Blinds

DANGERESQUE: Let's see what degree murders I can witness today.
DANGERESQUE: Whoa! This is like staring at infinity! Fat, gray, lazy infinity.

Use on Casefile

DANGERESQUE: That photographic evidence makes some pretty good photographic evidence!

Use on Anything Else

DANGERESQUE: I should really put this in the casefile.

UNSOLVED Stamp

While in Dangerdesque or on Windowsill

Look
DANGERESQUE: It's one o' them rubber stamps. I mostly use it on Renaldo's forehead when he's asleep.
Get/Use
{While in Dangerdesque}
DANGERESQUE: An "UNSOLVED" stamp?
DANGERESQUE: {thinking} Great, just what I needed today...sarcasm, sarcasm.

{There is no response when taking the stamp from the window.}
Talk To
DANGERESQUE: *grumble* Hi, stamp.

Use on Casefile

{When dry}
DANGERESQUE: I could try and make this UNSOLVED stamp work, but I gots no ink!
{{short hr}
{When inked}
DANGERESQUE: Okay, let's see if I can make this work. I only got one shot at this.
{Cut to casefile for stamping}
{When stamped incorrectly}
DANGERESQUE: Oh crank. That was indelible sweet n' sour sauce. This does not look good for Dangeresque.
{Game Over sequence}

{When stamped correctly}
DANGERESQUE: That was genius! Almost as good as that time I turned that 00% on that algebra test into 1000%.

Use on Dangeresque

DANGERESQUE: No way! The MAN's always tryin' to stamp me down!

Use on Blinds

{With blinds closed}
DANGERESQUE: I should open the blinds first.

{With nothing on windowsill}
{Dangeresque puts the stamp on the sill without comment}

{With something already on windowsill}
DANGERESQUE: There's already something up there.

Use on Sweet/Sour Sauce (Only When Dry)

DANGERESQUE: Hey, this rancid sweet n' sour sauce makes some nice red ink!

Use on Anything Else

{When dry}
DANGERESQUE: That's not UNSOLVED. Besides, I got no ink.

{When inked}
DANGERESQUE: I don't wanna get rancid sweet n' sour sauce all over that.

"Need to WASD"

{When the player trys to "Get/Use" the Dangerdesque from the side farthest from the door}
DANGERESQUE: {Thinking} I need to WASD myself to the front of the desk for full dramatic effect.

{When the player trys to "Get/Use" the Chair from anywhere but the bottom side of the desk}
DANGERESQUE: {Thinking} I need to WASD myself below that chair to get the jump on it.

{When the player trys to "Get/Use" any other object, except the door, the safe, and the casefile, from too far away}
DANGERESQUE: {Thinking} I need to WASD myself closer.

Game Over

{Cut to an outdoor scene; it is still night. A Police Paddy Wagon, with Dangeresque in the back, drives up to a building marked "Jail!" The gate opens, the vehicle drives inside, and the gate shuts. Cut to Dangeresque, dressed in a prisoner's outfit, sitting in a dimly lit cell. The words "Game Over" appear above him in Dangeresque Font. When you click the mouse, however, it cuts to a black screen with either of the phrases that are listed below in Dangeresque Font.}
DANGERESQUE: {In compressed audio} Or did I?
{These are following phrases that will appear in the following order, changing every time you lose.}
Moments Earlier...

Seriously though...

Previously on Dangeresque...

It's almost as if it was a dream...

We all make bad choices...

Okay, trying harder this time...

Reeeeewind-O...
{The game then cuts back to the moment before you committed the action that led to the Game Over.}
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