Homestar Ruiner Responses

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(Adding transcript of the Wii Channel.)
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:{{short hr}}
:{{short hr}}
:'''STRONG BAD:''' Uh-uh, no way. My pants have enough mysterious issues as it is.
:'''STRONG BAD:''' Uh-uh, no way. My pants have enough mysterious issues as it is.
== Wii Channel ==
:''{Strong Bad types in CG4AP101.wad. The text "Strong Bad's Cool Game for Attractive People · Episode 1" is displayed above the Homestar Ruiner logo}''
:'''STRONG BAD:''' No time for the emails right now, I've got ''other'' plans for the Lappy today.
:''{after the word "today", a flashing green "PRESS START" notice appears below the logo}''

Revision as of 18:57, 25 September 2008

"Does despair have one G, or two?"

Strong Bad's Cool Game for Attractive People has many responses when you talk to various characters and interact with various objects. These are the responses from Homestar Ruiner.

On these pages, A → B (right arrow) means that the response happens when object A is used on thing B, or in the case of talking to other characters, the indicated sequence of chat topic icons are chosen.

A short horizontal line between two or more responses, such as the one above, means only one of the responses is heard at a time, and that the action results in a different response each time it occurs.



Balloons → Strong Bad

STRONG BAD: {Strong Bad floats a couple feet off the ground} Wow! I can see your house from here!

STRONG BAD: {Strong Bad floats a couple feet off the ground} {half heartedly} Wee.

Candy → Strong Bad

STRONG BAD: I can think of about a hundred things I'd rather eat than chocolate-covered organic packing peanuts...

STRONG BAD: Even if I really wanted to eat this box of chocolate-covered organic packing peanuts — blech — I bet I can find a better use for them... like, maybe poisoning rats or something.

Cell Phone

Cell Phone → Marzipan

STRONG BAD: Let's see... speed dial number one! {speed dialing}
MARZIPAN: Homestar?
STRONG BAD: {imitating Homestar} Hewwo, Marzipan.
MARZIPAN: Are you all right? You sound funny.
STRONG BAD: I wook funny! I'm just, um, out of bweaf from all the twaining. For the wace. That I've been doing.
MARZIPAN: Oookay. So, when are you going to run this race, anyway? I need to know when to take the curd wrinkles out of the oven.
STRONG BAD: {in his own voice} More like crud wrinkles.
MARZIPAN: What was that?
STRONG BAD: {imitating Homestar} Nothing, lambface. I was just saying that the wace is about to start wight now!
MARZIPAN: Oh dear! I better hurry on over!
STRONG BAD: Hooway!!
MARZIPAN: I'll see you soon! Don't start without me!
STRONG BAD: Buh-bye! I'm Homestar!

{speed dialing}
MARZIPAN: What is it now, Homestar?
STRONG BAD: {imitating Homestar} I think they're weally weady to start the wace this time.
MARZIPAN: Are you sure?
STRONG BAD: Positive.
MARZIPAN: Fine I'll be right over.

{speed dialing}
MARZIPAN: Homestar, I'm not sure if—
STRONG BAD: {imitating Homestar} It's okay, Marzipan! This time Coach Z himself says it's time to start the race!
STRONG BAD: {imitating Coach Z} Oh yeah, this rorce is abort to stort any mornitt, you betcha!
MARZIPAN: All right, I'm on my way.

{speed dialing}
STRONG BAD: {imitating Homestar} Marzipan?
MARZIPAN: I'm on my way.

Cell Phone → Pom Pom

STRONG BAD: Pom-pa Pom Pom Pa-Pom Pom {speed dialing}
POM POM: Bubble-de-bubble bubble. {beep}
STRONG BAD: {imitating Homestar} Hewoo there, bawoon man, this is Homestar Wunner! Pwease don't beat me too badwy in the Wace to the End of the Wace today, okay? {hangs up}

Cell Phone → Strong Bad

{speed dialing}
STRONG BAD (on other end of phone): Hello attractive women, you've reached Strong Bad. {Strong Bad looks at the camera nodding} If you're not an attractive woman, please hang up the phone. If you are an attractive woman, please purchase a hot tub and some pork rinds, and invite me over. See you in your dreams...
STRONG BAD: {imitating Homestar} Hi Stwong Bad, this is Homestar. I'm an attwactive woman, and I've bought a hot tub. Come on over... {hangs up}
STRONG BAD: That was more than a little weird.

Cell Phone → Bubs

STRONG BAD: Dial B for Bubs! {speed dialing}
BUBS: {distorted} Hi, anypeople! Welcome to Bubs' Concession TeleStand! For Calendars, press 1! For Tire Irons, press 8, For Support Hose, press star—
STRONG BAD: {hangs up} You can't prank a phone tree. Besides, the last time I navigated Bubs' TeleStand, I wound up with a crate full of rhino horns... and not even the endangered kind!

Cell Phone → Coach Z

STRONG BAD: {speed dialing} This could be good.
COACH Z: Hey there, you've reached a cordless cell phone, and definitely not a public payphone, of Coach Z! Leave me a message after the phat beeps!
STRONG BAD: {imitating Homestar} Hewwo there Coach. This is Homestar Wunner. I just you should know that it was me, Homestar, who's been putting itching powders in your jock strap for the past three years. {hangs up}
STRONG BAD: Well, that should get me off the hook. But the creepy thing is, Coach Z has never actually complained about it.

Cell Phone → The Cheat

STRONG BAD: The Cheat has a phone... who knew?
THE CHEAT: Mehr, mrm m meh merm. Mer-hm me mrehme-mer. Mrm m merhme, mer mir mrehre me mehr. {beep}
STRONG BAD: {imitating Homestar} Hey, The Cheat. This is totally Homestar. Can you come to my house and gnaw my face off? And steal my boom box and leave it at the drop point? Bye!
STRONG BAD: {in his own voice} Sometimes I like to get creative with my mission assignments for The Cheat.

Cell Phone → Homsar

STRONG BAD: Hey, where'd this one come from? {speed dialing for a very, very long time}
HOMSAR: AaaAAaaaaAaaa! Step right up! I'm a crudely drawn cupcake! Don't forget your tapesicle!
STRONG BAD: Uhh... {first time only} That was completely meaningless and made my brain throw up.


Float Head → Strong Bad

STRONG BAD: {imitating Homestar} Oh hewwo, I'm Homestar Runner. Sewiously, you guys, I'm an absolute cheesedork! {in his own voice} Rich Little ain't got nothin' on me... but this'll never fool anyone while I'm still wearing my stylish Strong Bad threads... or should I say, some pants.

Homestar's Clothes → Strong Bad

STRONG BAD: No one'll ever mistake me for Homestar as long as my chiseled movie star face is sticking out of this smelly shirt.

STRONG BAD: Yikes! These things smell like onions! Wonder how that happened...

Homestar Costume → Strong Bad

STRONG BAD: {first time only} {imitating Homestar} Oh, hewwo! I'm Homestar Wunner! Toons! Games! Emaaaail! {in his own voice} Shut up, Homestar! Whoa, I even had myself convinced! This is gonna be hilarious!

STRONG BAD: Shape of... a moron!

Strong Bad's Clothes → Strong Bad

STRONG BAD: {first time only} That's better, being Homestar for too long at a time can cause serious brain damage... I mean, just look at Homestar!

STRONG BAD: Whew, it's good to be back to my freakishly awesome self again.

Error Messages


STRONG BAD: That won't do anything interesting.

STRONG BAD: Uhh, no.



Hedge Shears → Strong Bad

STRONG BAD: Shearly you jest.

Hedge Trimmings

STRONG BAD: Ooo, a big pile of hedge trimmings. Can't ever have enough of these.


STUB'D! This section of the page is incomplete. You can help the Homestar Runner Wiki by expanding it.

Main Menu

New Game

STRONG BAD: New game! {does a little dance}

HOMESTAR: New game! {does a little dance}

STRONG BAD: Newgame! {laughs}


STRONG BAD: {rubs hands together} Saveload!

HOMESTAR: Saving and loading!

STRONG BAD: {leans back} Savélowad.


STRONG BAD: {scratches chin and looks up} Settings?

HOMESTAR: Settings!

HOMESTAR: {looks around} Wait, is it my turn? {Strong Bad buries his face in his hands}

Quit It

STRONG BAD: {low voice} Quit it.
HOMESTAR: No, you quit it Strong Bad.
STRONG BAD: {shaking head} Moron.

HOMESTAR: Quitters never win!

STRONG BAD: {pointing at camera} Quit it!


STRONG BAD: Next time on S-B-C-G-4-A-P.

STRONG BAD: {suggestively} Scenes from the next episode!

HOMESTAR: {whisperingly} Sneak a peak from the next episode!


The Track

Bubs' Concession Stand

STRONG BAD: Ok, let's see... Oh man... my map is looking a bit... undernourished. I need to throw Bubs' Concession Stand up here somewheres...

Marzipan's House

STRONG BAD: I've got half a mind to go over to Marzipan's and give her a piece of the rest of my mind about not inviting me to her sucko party! But where should I put her house on my map?

The King of Town's Castle

STRONG BAD: As much as it makes me throw up a little just to think about it, it looks like I'm going to have to go to the King of Town's castle if I ever want to get Homestar out of my house. I think I'll put it somewhere far, far away from me...

Metal Detector


STRONG BAD: I better not — the last time I tried to use The Detector indoors, it microwaved off Strong Mad's eyebrows! We couldn't tell how mad he was for a week!

If object already found

STRONG BAD: I think this little patch of ground's already horked up its share of treasure today.

In use, closer to object

STRONG BAD: Gettin' warmer!



In use, farther from object


STRONG BAD: Nothin' over here.

STRONG BAD: Not happenin'

In use, found object

STRONG BAD: {electric guitar plays} All right! The Detector has detected something with its illegally powerful rays! I'll just leave this treasure marker here, so I'll know where to dig later!

STRONG BAD: {electric guitar plays} Yes! Another triumph for the Taranchula Black Metal Detector! I'll just leave this treasure marker here, so I'll know where to dig later!

Plunger → Strong Bad

STRONG BAD: No thanks, I get enough fiber in my diet.


Each reaction happens in order, regardless of which order the trophies are earned in
{each time music plays and a trophy is displayed}
STRONG BAD: Whoah! What the crap was that?

STRONG BAD: Hey, another trophy from Heaven! Someone up there must really like me!

STRONG BAD: I'd like to thank the Academy of Tired Jokes for this awesome trophy!

STRONG BAD: Four! Four outrageous trophies! Ah-ha-ha-haaaa!

Snake Boxer 5 Manual Pages


STRONG BAD: {music} It's the cover to my long-lost Snake Boxer 5 manual! If I can find the rest of this thing, I'll have the cheat code that unlocks Snake Boxer 5's super secret forbidden mode!

First Page

STRONG BAD: {music} It's the first page of my long-lost Snake Boxer 5 manual, detailing, in five sentences, the complex back-story of Snake Boxers 1 through 4!

Pages 2 through 49

STRONG BAD: {music} It's pages 2 through 49 of my long-lost Snake Boxer 5 manual! Who knew it took so many guys to build one of these things? How do you "key grip" a Snake Boxer game?

Last Page

STRONG BAD: Sweet. Holy. Trogdor. {music} It's the last page of my long-lost Snake Boxer 5 manual, which contains — easy Strong Bad — the secret code to unlock the secret forbidden level!

Start Screen

When the game is left on the start screen, periodically, Strong Bad will come on screen.
STRONG BAD: {walks on screen left} Check me out! {walks off right}

STRONG BAD: {falls from the top of the screen} That was more than a little weird. {walks off left}

STRONG BAD: {runs all the way across the screen, very far away from the camera, from left to right}

STRONG BAD: {walks on from the right, very close to the camera} I'm ready for my close up. {walks left and back, very far away from the camera, then walks off to the left'}

STRONG BAD: {drops down from the top of the screen, upside down} I wonder if my frames per second can handle this action! {goes back up}

STRONG BAD: {walks on right, looks at start button} Hey now, what's this? {half singing} Awesome! {walks off right}

STRONG BAD: {walks on from left, looks up at game logo} This is gonna be sweet. {walks off right}

STRONG BAD: {pops up from bottom, very close to camera} Yes, I am awesome. {drops back down}

Strong Bad interrupting

STRONG BAD: Quiet you.

STRONG BAD: My turn.

STRONG BAD: No one cares.

STRONG BAD: Shut up.

STRONG BAD: Not interested.

Total Load → Strong Bad

STRONG BAD: That's a great idea! With the power of Total Load Total Energy Enhancing powder, I'll transform myself into an athletic juggernaut! Let's just read the warning label... "fits of rage"... fine. "Excessive back hair" ... cool. "Mysterious pants issues"!? What the crap? Why don't people tell me these things before I send away for free samples!

STRONG BAD: Uh-uh, no way. My pants have enough mysterious issues as it is.

Wii Channel

{Strong Bad types in CG4AP101.wad. The text "Strong Bad's Cool Game for Attractive People · Episode 1" is displayed above the Homestar Ruiner logo}
STRONG BAD: No time for the emails right now, I've got other plans for the Lappy today.
{after the word "today", a flashing green "PRESS START" notice appears below the logo}
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