Homestar Ruiner Responses (House of Strong)

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(Total Load Arrival: or should it be written out? et cetera et cetera et cetera!!!)
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STAND. And may be picked up at your convenience. Thanks<br>
STAND. And may be picked up at your convenience. Thanks<br>
again fro your interest in TOTAL LOAD, TOTAL LOAD TOTAL<br>
again for your interest in TOTAL LOAD, TOTAL LOAD TOTAL<br>
Etc., Inc.
Etc., Inc.

Revision as of 01:21, 20 April 2010

"Ahh, I sometimes get tired of that."

Strong Bad's Cool Game for Attractive People has many responses when you talk to various characters and interact with various objects. These are the responses from House of Strong in Homestar Ruiner.

On these pages, A → B (right arrow) means that the response happens when object A is used on thing B, or in the case of talking to other characters, the indicated sequence of chat topic icons are chosen.

A short horizontal line between two or more responses, such as the one above, means only one of the responses is heard at a time, and that the action results in a different response each time it occurs.


Game Introduction

{over the course of singing the song, Strong Bad walks through the house, starting asleep on the couch in the basement, and finishing upstairs sitting in front of the Lappy in the computer room}
STRONG BAD: Rhino... Rhino Feeder... oh, {vigorous head shaking noise} I was dreaming about... muffins.
STRONG BAD: {half singing} I wake up every morning feeling awesome. Even though I slept on the remote again last night— ow! {kicks The Cheat into the dryer}
THE CHEAT: {The Cheat noises}
STRONG BAD: Time to tear up another day, the Strong Bad freakin' way!
STRONG BAD: Like an imploding star, like a burning car, my style shines so bright!
{high fives Strong Mad}
STRONG BAD: {singing} Please, stop trying, to handle my style. 'Cause you can't, no you can't, {grunts} handle my style.
{Throws box of cereal at Strong Sad}
STRONG BAD: Seriously, quit trying to handle my style. Unless you are a lady, then you're cordially invited to have a giant slice of my styyyyyle!
{Strong Bad checks his email}
{reads "dont" as spelled, reads confused as "Con-fussed"}
STRONG BAD: {typing} First of all, I don't think a Frenchy like yourself is in any position to be calling anyone "chicken", {with a heavy french accent} comprende-vous cordon bleu? {clears screen, talking normally} Secondly, I'm pretty sure I don't want to beat the snot out of Homestar... I mean, have you ever listened to the guy? He's obviously got a LOT of gunk up there. I could handle beating tar, the stuffing, or the {holds the 'e', but not typed} into next week out of him though. {steps back from the Lappy} I bet I could find Homestar down at Coach Z's Track, running in place or something.



STRONG BAD: Keep on keepin' my butt print warm for me couch.

Trogdor Arcade Game

STRONG BAD: I can't play Trogdor until someone gets off their pasty white butt and fixes the joystick.
STRONG SAD: {muffled} I'm workin' on it! But the parts are on back order!


Before Homestar's arrival
STRONG BAD: Hey, it's that infomercial for the Ab-Abber 2000. It claims you can get a 9-pack in less than 40 scribbles a day!

STRONG BAD: Hey! It's the Laugh Trackalicious Adventures of Guy and Girlfriend! Oh, this is the one where Guy thinks he kills Girlfriend's hamster and tries to replace it with another hamster but the first hamster had been dead all along so Girlfriend thinks it came back to life and then the hilarity— and the humor— and the original comedy television writing!
When Homestar is present, first time
STRONG BAD: Time for a few hours of retina frying entertainment!
HOMESTAR: Don't touch that dial!
STRONG BAD: Why not?
TELEVISION ANNOUNCER: Have you seen this, um, man? He was last seen streaking out of Coach Z's locker room, naked as the day he was born.
COACH Z: {on television} It all happened so fast... one minute I was definitely not just standing around by myself, and the next thing I knew there was this high-pitched scream!
KING OF TOWN: {on television} Of course I screamed. Who wouldn't scream at the sight of all that pruny, shower-fresh flesh barreling right towards your moustache!
TELEVISION ANNOUNCER: The King of Town has issued an all-points bulletin for the mysterious nudenik, and sealed the negatives of this incriminating security photo in his castle's Hall of Records for further study.
KING OF TOWN: Studying is fun!
TELEVISION ANNOUNCER: In the meantime— {Homestar and Strong Bad talk over him} if you happen to come across this lewd, nude dude, do not, we repeat, do not approach him, as he may be armed and dangerous. Okay. Maybe not armed.
HOMESTAR: See? I'll never be able to show my face in public as long as I've got a criminal record at the King of Town's Hall of Records!
STRONG BAD: Actually, I don't think it's your face you should be worried about showing.
HOMESTAR: Oh, you mean my feet? Yeah, they are pretty big.
When Homestar is present, each time thereafter
HOMESTAR: Don't change the channel! I'm tracking the progress of my very own personal pan-nationwide manhunt!
STRONG BAD: More like nationwide GET OFF MY COUCH!
HOMESTAR: Yeah, no.
During Party
STRONG BAD: I'll never be able to get back to watching scrambled premium cable until I get these annoying party people out of here.

Homestar Runner

Criminal Record → Homestar

STRONG BAD: Hey, take a look at this!
HOMESTAR: What is it?
STRONG BAD: It's the one and only copy of your criminal record, stolen by awesome Strong Bad out from under the King of Town's butter stained nose.
HOMESTAR: I don't believe it! Awesome Strong Bad could never pull that off!
STRONG BAD: If you don't believe me, then believe the all-knowing wisdom of local television news! {turns to watch the television}
NEWS ANCHOR: —cats wearing clown costumes really do make a difference. Thanks for that important story, Mindi. In other news, citizens were shocked today when the King of Town's Hall of Records was brazenly burglarized by an unknown masked assailant.
THE KING OF TOWN: {on television} He took everything! Everything! Cleaned the place out!
NEWS ANCHOR: Without the criminal records, the King admits that he has no institutional memory of any crimes being committed... anywhere... ever.
HOMESTAR: Yay! I'm free to show my face in in public again! And maybe the rest of me too!
STRONG BAD: You nasty. {Homestar leaves} Finally, the TV belongs to its one true master again!

Homestar → Television

{First time only}
STRONG BAD: Can we watch something a little less... yokel than local news?
HOMESTAR: No way, man! I need to keep up-to-date on all the details of my scandalous downfall and nationwide manhunt!
STRONG BAD: Dude, it's a public nudity charge. I've done more scandalous things while buying a pair of brown and tan socks.
HOMESTAR: Look, there I am again! Oh the shame!

STRONG BAD: So, just to be sure, there's no way I'm gonna talk you off of this couch, right?
HOMESTAR: Not until I'm no longer a wanted criminal.

Computer Room

Floppy Disks

STRONG BAD: That's where I keep disks one through twenty four of all my favorite games.

No Loafing Sign

STRONG BAD: I put up that sign, but the stupid walls are still loafing all the time.


STRONG BAD: Ah, my trusty steed. Stooly, I'd ride you into email battle any day.


Start of game
STRONG BAD: Today's the day I finally give Homestar his long overdue pummeling.
After visiting the Track for the first time
STRONG BAD: Today's the day I finally give Homestar his long overdue pummelling... in that Race to the End of the Race thing.
After Homestar starts moping around
STRONG BAD: Today's the day I finally get Homestar outta' my freakin' house!
During the party
STRONG BAD: Today's the day I get this stupid party outta' my house so I can finally finish checkin' my e-mail!

Light Switch

STRONG BAD: {Strong Bad turns the lights off, and then back on} Intriguing.

STRONG BAD: {Strong Bad turns the lights off, and then back on} Not so intruguing.

Rave Switch

STRONG BAD: {first time only} Check this out!
{Camera zooms in and out, light effects and sound clip from techno play}
STRONG BAD: Ahhh, I sometimes get tired of that.

{Strong Bad plays another techno rave}
STRONG BAD: Yeah, I'm definitely tired of that.


STRONG BAD: I can't unplug the Lappy. It takes five to seven business days to fully charge the battery. Lappy don't charge on weekends.

Homestar Runner

Homestar → Homestar

STRONG BAD: All right, Homestar, it's time for you to go. There's no room in the House of Strong for crybabies.
HOMESTAR: What about Strong Sad?
STRONG SAD: I'm not a crybaby, I'm tormented!
STRONG BAD: Okay, there's room for one crybaby in the House of Strong, and that position's been filled. Out you go!
HOMESTAR: No way. I'm not leaving until my life is back to the wonderful way it used to be.

STRONG BAD: Guess what, Homestar! Everything's all better again!
HOMESTAR: Prove it.

When all Homestars have left the building

STRONG BAD: Hey, do you hear that? That, my hot ladies, was the sweet sound of Homestar's tuchus being surgically removed from my house. Ya hear that, house? It's just you and me.
{clock wipe to computer room, Strong Bad is sitting at the Lappy}
STRONG BAD: So there you have it, Monsieur Manure: the video ga—
PARTY GOERS: Surprise!
STRONG BAD: What the—?
{cut to downstairs, pan across to kitchen showing Marzipan, Homestar, Coach Z, Bubs and The King of Town}
PARTY GOERS: Whoopie! {singing, out of sync and tune with each other} For he's a jolly good fellow, which nobody can deny!
STRONG BAD: {coming downstairs} I'll deny you oxygen to your lungs if you don't get outta here!

When Strong Bad walks near

HOMESTAR: Oh the pain...

HOMESTAR: Does despair have one G, or two?

HOMESTAR: Oh hi Strong Bad... {sighs}

HOMESTAR: {sighs}


Banana Peel

When the King of Town is eating
{Strong Bad attempts to pick up the peel, but the King of Town blocks him}
STRONG BAD: Nevermind.
During the Conga line
STRONG BAD: Sweet, a banana peel! The King of Town must have been pretty desperate to eat something as healthy as this.


Only during party

Bubs → Bubs

STRONG BAD: Wait a minute, if you're here, who's minding the concession stand?
BUBS: Oh, I got that covered.
{cut to the concession stand, The Poopsmith inside}
THE POOPSMITH: {holds up a sign reading Half off all Whatsit!}
{Strong Bad shakes his head}

Bubs → Music

While The Best of Brit-Pout, the Nineties Years is playing
STRONG BAD: Why aren't you out there mope-dancing?
BUBS: I'm just too naturally Bubsly to dance like that.
While Coach Z's demo is playing
BUBS: Can't talk now, everybaddy! I'm doin' the broken robot! {robotically} Malfunction! Vort! Vort! Vort! Vort!
While Jane's Austentacious Chamber Music Jam is playing
STRONG BAD: Why aren't you out there cutting a 19th century rug?
BUBS: I would, but Coach Z's the only one who's asked me to dance, and he's a big green job!
COACH Z: {Calling out to Bubs} Yoo-hoo!

Bubs → Party

STRONG BAD: What are you doing here, Bubs? You hate Marzipan's parties!
BUBS: Yeah, but I love the stuff in your fridge!

STRONG BAD: Bubs, I love ya like a distant cousin-in-law, but you've got to get out of here!
BUBS: No way, man! I'm just gettin' warmed up!

STRONG BAD: Get out!
BUBS: Mmmmm... nope.

Candy → Homestar

STRONG BAD: Hey mopedog!
STRONG BAD: Have some candy!
HOMESTAR: Ewww, packing peanuts! That sounds like something Marzipan would like! {sighs} Marzipan...
STRONG BAD: Great, now he's sighing.

Cell Phone → Homestar

After having successfully left the Candy for Marzipan
STRONG BAD: Hey Homestar! Look who found your cell phone!
HOMESTAR: What would I want with a phone? It's not like anyone will ever call me again.
STRONG BAD: Anyone? Not even {dials voicemail} Marzipan?
MARZIPAN: {recording on phone} Homestar? It's Marzipan. I want you to know that while I'm still a little bit sore {Homestar saddens more} that you burned down most of my backyard, I've accepted your chocolate apology, {Homestar brightens} and am prepared to be your girlfriend again. Good bye!
HOMESTAR: The candy worked? Hooray! Waitaminute... when did I give her candy?
STRONG BAD: You don't remember? You sent me over to her house a few hours ago with a big box of chocolate-covered organic packing peanuts.
HOMESTAR: Oh yeah, that sounds like something I'd do. So what am I doing in your kitchen now with all this cooking stuff?
STRONG BAD: Beats the crap outta me.
HOMESTAR: Well, I'll just go then.
STRONG BAD: Yes please. {Homestar leaves} At last, the kitchen and all its four year old condiments are mine again! Bwah-hah-ha-haaa!

Chef's Hat

STRONG BAD: Now that I've gotten rid of Homestar, I can finally put this awesome chef's hat in my photo booth wardrobe.

Dead Plant

{first time}
STRONG BAD: This is Charlemagne, Strong Sad's plant. It used to be healthy, but after Strong Sad started talking to it, it decided to kill itself!
STRONG SAD: That's not true!
STRONG BAD: That's not what the note said!

{each time thereafter}
STRONG BAD: It's Strong Sad's suicidal plant.


STRONG BAD: I'll do the dishes once our skeet shooty flinger gets fixed.


Before Party
STRONG BAD: Hit me witcha best food shot, fridge o' mine! {opens fridge} The only thing in here is some paleolithic Fluffy Puff Mayonnaise. Looks like someFATbody needs to go to the store.
STRONG SAD: It was my turn last time!

STRONG BAD: Eww, that mayonnaise is so ancient, its expiration date is chiseled on a stone tablet.

{not at start of game}
STRONG BAD: I think they say that once it turns a light grey, it's safe to eat again.
Only while Homestar is in the kitchen
STRONG BAD: What happened to all the food?
HOMESTAR: What food? The fridge was empty when I got here!

STRONG BAD: You know, you plan on staying here, you'll have to take your turn stocking the fridge.
HOMESTAR: No problem, old chum! Whose turn is it now?
STRONG SAD: Strong Bad's!
STRONG BAD: You shut up!
During Party
STRONG BAD: Peanut Extract Cola, Eggplant Fritters, Frozen Double Vegan Sundaes... Yeah, this is a Marziparty all right.

Fruit & Veggies Pizza

Only during party
STRONG BAD: Normally, I'd be pouncing on these pizzas like The Cheat on a wounded Twinkie, but I draw the line at veggie pizzas. Especially veggie pizzas with olives and extra King of Town slobber.


STRONG BAD: Hey now, what's this? {Strong Bad takes and reads note from crate}
COACH Z: {voiceover} Dear Homestar, even though you thoroughly disgraced yourself at the Race to the End of the Race, rules are rules. Please enjoy this lifetime supply of Fluffy-Puff Jela-Ton™, the official second place prize of the F-C-U-T-R-E-R. Yours truly, Coach Z. PS Never show your giant face around my track ever again!
STRONG BAD: Hmm. Homestar'll probably feel a lot better if I get rid of this unpleasant reminder of his humiliating defeat. I know I'll feel a lot better — I love Jela-Ton.

The King of Town

Only during party
THE KING OF TOWN: {eating noises}
STRONG BAD: He's even more ravenous than usual, almost like he's spent the last few hours in a deep dark hole... or something.

STRONG BAD: Hey there!
THE KING OF TOWN: {eating noises}

Homestar → Chef's Hat

{first time}
STRONG BAD: What's with all the cooking?
HOMESTAR: The Cheat told me that the way to a woman's heart is through her stomach, so I'm endeavoring to prepare a scrumptious confection to win back Marzipan's a-love.
STRONG BAD: Sounds like a plan. How's it going?
HOMESTAR: Not so good. Marzipan's vegan and most of the food in here contains meat, milk, milky meat, or ...meaty milk?
STRONG BAD: Hey, don't be dissin' my meaty milk!

{each time thereafter}
STRONG BAD: Any closer to finishing off that make-up candy for Marzipan?
HOMESTAR: No. I'm starting to think it's all hopeless.
STRONG BAD: Hmm, maybe Dr. Strong Bad can write a prescription to cure Homestar's broken heart. A candy prescription. For Marzipan. To eat.


STRONG BAD: I cant use the WavyMic, its door's stuck shut with nacho entrails and mangled action figures.


During the party only. The same response is received if attempting to leave the area via the map.
STRONG BAD: No way, man. I'm not going anywhere until I've kicked everyone whose name doesn't begin with "Strong" out of my house! Except The Cheat. I'm just gonna kick him.

Laundry Room


STRONG BAD: Only Strong Sad seems to know the secrets to these mysterious mechanical devices.

The Cheat

STRONG BAD: Hey! Look at that thing, over there.
THE CHEAT: Mehr me meh me?
{Strong Bad kicks The Cheat into the dryer}

STRONG BAD: Holy pixelated Trogdor, what's that?
THE CHEAT: Me mihr?

STRONG BAD: Hey, turn around.

Dryer with The Cheat Inside

STRONG BAD: How you doing in there, The Cheat?
THE CHEAT: Me-mehr mimimi me mehr mer, me meh!
STRONG BAD: Hey! Do you kiss your hot mom with that mouth?!?


STRONG BAD: Those are pennants from various academic institutions, unaccredited and discredited alike.

Living Room

Banana Peel → Conga Line

While the Luxa Louger is up, and the Conga line is moving towards the left
{Strong Bad places the banana peel in the living room}
STRONG BAD: You know, this is a really dangerous idea. Someone could trip on this poorly-placed banana peel and go flying right out the window. Yup, sure is dangeous...
{each steps on the banana peel in turn, not slipping}
BUBS: Heeey!
COACH Z: Yorp!
THE KING OF TOWN: Yip! {inadvertantly flings the banana peel, which lands on Strong Bad}
While the Conga line is to the right
{Strong Bad places the banana peel in the kitchen}
STRONG BAD: Oh my, I've dropped my banana peeeeel! I hope no one slips on it!
{each steps on the banana peel in turn, not slipping}
COACH Z: Yorp!
BUBS: Heeey!
HOMESTAR: Whoops! {inadvertantly flings the banana peel, which lands on Strong Bad}
While Luxa Lounger is down, and the Conga line is moving towards the window
{Strong Bad places the banana peel in front of the window}
STRONG BAD: I love the way I think!
{each slips on the banana peel in turn at falls out the window}
BUBS: Hey— awesome!
COACH Z: What the-?! I regret everything!
THE KING OF TOWN: Oh, look! A banana! Peeeel!
{The King makes a heavier thud than the others when they fall. All are heard groaning}
{Strong Bad turns off the See Dee Spinner}
STRONG BAD: That's what happens when you mess with General Flexmypecs! Tha—That's me. I sometimes call myself General William Flexmypecs. Now maybe I can get some freakin' piece of quiet around here...
HOMESTAR: {off screen} Ow, my snot!
{cut to the epilogue}

Coach Z

Only during party
While The Best of Brit-Pout, the Nineties Years is playing
COACH Z: This music really captures the dark empty abyss in my soul!
While Coach Z's demo is playing
COACH Z: Hey, ho! One, two three. I got this party mad jumpin' cuz I'm Coach Z!
STRONG BAD: Stop it.
COACH Z: Stop it, drop it, don't try it till ya knock it! Coach Z shock like an electrical socket!
STRONG BAD: This is getting me nowhere.
COACH Z: Nowhere to run, nowhere to walk. I'm gonna draw you up a play with my locker-room chalk.
While Jane's Austentacious Chamber Music Jam is playing
STRONG BAD: Why aren't you dancing?
COACH Z: I would, but that rascal Bubs won't do me the honor! {Calling out to Bubs} Yoo-hoo!
BUBS: {annoyed} Shut up, dummy!

Coach Z → Coach Z → Angel

STRONG BAD: You're looking particularly oblivious tonight, Coach.
COACH Z: Why thank you there, Strong Bad. Nothing like a praty with lots of free roughage to perk a guy up!

STRONG BAD: I hear the Swedes were really happy with the way you ran the Race to the End of the blahblahblah
COACH Z: Really?
STRONG BAD: Oh yeah. I heard them on the TV saying "vimsky vomsky dimalaya libomski, bork bork bork!" ... Or something like that.
COACH Z: That's just super!

Coach Z → Coach Z → Devil

STRONG BAD: I'm sorry to hear that "Homestar" took the race trophy from you.
COACH Z: Oh, that's okay there, Brong Strad. You know what they say, "Records were meant to be broken into little bitty pieces."
STRONG BAD: But still, to have your one shining moment of glory so unceremoniously choke-slammed into the trash can of history by such a well-known loser like Homestar?
COACH Z: {Uncertain} No really, it's okay... {sighs}

STRONG BAD: Well, you may not be the Race to the End of the Race Champion any more, but you've still got your creepy health, right?
COACH Z: Yeah, I guess.
STRONG BAD: Hey, what's that?
COACH Z: What?
STRONG BAD: That giant mole on your...
COACH Z: Where? Where?
STRONG BAD: Oh, I'm sure it's nothing.
COACH Z: {sighs}

Coach Z → Party

STRONG BAD: What do you think you're doing here?
COACH Z: Thanks for throwing this praty! I love praties!

STRONG BAD: I'll put this in shouts of one syllable: GET OUT OF MY MOUSE!
COACH Z: No thanks, SB. I need a hootenanny like this to pick me up after the awful way Pom Pom broke my heart with all his cheatin' and chortin' 'n' nonchalant cavortin'.

STRONG BAD: I hate you. Leave.
COACH Z: Nope.

Conga Line

Only during party
MARZIPAN: Whoo hoo!
HOMESTAR: Choo choo!

Marzipan & Homestar

Only during Party
If wearing Homestar disguise
STRONG BAD: Oh, hewwo, Marzipan.
MARZIPAN: Hello Strong Bad.
STRONG BAD: What? How did you know it was me?!
MARZIPAN: Well, you nearly had me fooled, but then I remembered that the real Homestar is standing right next to me!
HOMESTAR: Yeah, he is!
While The Best of Brit-Pout, the Nineties Years is playing, both speak slowly and sadly
MARZIPAN: I'm too depressed to talk...
HOMESTAR: Yeah, me too. I just can't stop gazing at my shoes.
MARZIPAN: I wish my hair was black.
While Coach Z's demo is playing
MARZIPAN: {crossly} Hip-hop objectifies women.
HOMESTAR: {breakdancing} Word.
While Jane's Austentacious Chamber Music Jam is playing
MARZIPAN: I do believe that dreary Mr. Bad is attempting to interrupt our dance, Mr. Homestar.
HOMESTAR: I should say, what an appalling breach of common civility.
MARZIPAN: I concur.

Marzipan & Homestar → Party

STRONG BAD: I thought the Homestar Victory Party supposed to be in your backyard?
MARZIPAN: It was, but then some not-very-nice person torched most of my very nice decorations.
STRONG BAD: Oh yeah. Sorry 'bout that. It was for the greater good. The greatest good, in fact. You know, mine.

STRONG BAD: What would it take to get you to move this dorkfest someplace that isn't my house?
HOMESTAR: Twenty-three dollars.
MARZIPAN: We're not going anywhere until we've sufficiently busted moves and/or grooves!
STRONG BAD: Hmm, that's not good. It usually takes Marzipan at least eight hours to fully bust moves, and as for Homestar...
HOMESTAR: Shake it loose, shake it tight, gimme the juice, it's Saturday night!
STRONG BAD: He's busting something, all right. Or maybe he's just plain busted.

HOMESTAR: No way, man. I gotta keep shakin' this here thang.

Marzipan & Homestar → Trophy

STRONG BAD: You know, Homestar didn't really win the {fanfare} Race to the End of the Race.
HOMESTAR: I didn't?
STRONG BAD: No! It was me, in a totally-not-the-head-from-Marzipan's-float Homestar mask!
HOMESTAR: Bwhaa-ha-ha-ha.
MARZIPAN: Hee hee hee!
HOMESTAR: Oh, that's rich, Strong Bad.

STRONG BAD: No, really! It was me all along!
MARZIPAN: The joke's wearing a little thin, Strong Bad.


STRONG BAD: You've gotta see it when Strong Mad shotguns one of these things.
During the party
STRONG BAD: Strong Mad's gonna be seriously miffed off when he finds out they've tapped his melonade keg!

See Dee Spinner

Before party
{music playing}
STRONG BAD: Let's see what's in the ol' See Dee Spinner. {changes music} Uh. It's Strong Sad's copy of The Best of Brit-Pout, the Nineties Years.

STRONG BAD: {changes music} Sounds like Coach Z has forced another one of his demos unto the world.

STRONG BAD: I've had just about enough of that. Let's see what else is in there— {changes music} Oh joy, it's that copy of Jane's Austentacious Chamber Music Jam. I'd like to use this CD as a chamber pot.

STRONG BAD: {changes music} Whoa, what's this? The Cheat's Assorted Latin Rhythms?

STRONG BAD: Enough with the music already! {changes back to original music}
During Party
When switching to The Cheat's Assorted Latin Rhythms.
HOMESTAR: All right! Conga line everybody! Adoot-doot-doot doot-doot doo-doo!
{party goers form a conga line}

Smoke Detector

STRONG BAD: That smoke detector hasn't had a battery since that day I made Strong Sad eat a 9-volt Po'Boy.


STRONG BAD: Sometimes I like to stand in front of my window and start flexing in case a girls' volleyball team is walking by.

STRONG BAD: I know it's hard to tell from this angle, but the view from here is awesome!

STRONG BAD: You wouldn't think, since we're on the first floor and everything, but the drop-off from this window's like, 20 feet or something.

Luxa Lounger

STRONG BAD: {reclines chair} The Luxa Lounger is even more comfortable in its "Ridiculously Overextended" mode.

STRONG BAD: {unreclines chair} The Luxa Lounger is great lounging-based needs, but man does it take up a lot of real estate!

STRONG BAD: {reclines chair} Luxa Lounger Powers, activate!

STRONG BAD: {unreclines chair} Doodle-oot!
The loneliest goat sees the last sunset last...

Plaque (horse)

STRONG BAD: {reading plaque} "The lonelient goat sees the last sunset last" — that's a horse.

Plaque (dog)

STRONG BAD: {reading plaque} "The Cheat, watch your freakin' back, Squeaky!" Man that's one intimidating hushpuppy.


Mail Box

STRONG BAD: Checkin' my snail mail, checkin' my snail mail! Hmmm, what's this? I'm ready for the big heist! Those smoky red laser beams don't stand a chance when I'm in this get up!
STRONG BAD: Hmm, I think I'll put it in my fancy schmancy transdimensional photo-booth wardrobe.

Mail Box (empty)

STRONG BAD: It's empty now. On account of all the emptyin' I did earlier.

Pile of Dirt

STRONG BAD: Oh nophers, we've got gophers.
STRONG SAD: {pops out of the bushes} Actually, true gopher holes are more elliptical in nature, and—
STRONG BAD: Yeah, it's gophers...
STRONG SAD: (Sigh)... {leaves scene}

Treasure Marker

Treasure Marker

STRONG BAD: Whoa, there's buried treasure just outside my front door! I hope it's a bubblin' crude.

Shovel → Treasure Marker

STRONG BAD: All right, front yard, hit me with your best shot! {digs} What the—!? {finds a page of the Snake Boxer 5 manual}

Strong Bad Emails

Sitting Down

{During game intro only}
STRONG BAD: {singing} I'm gonna check my email, my email, my email. I'm gonna check my whaat?

STRONG BAD: I'm just over here checkin' my e-mail, and your breath smells really bad...

STRONG BAD: {singing} When Strong Bad checks his e-mail, a cute fish dies.

STRONG BAD: {singing} Gimme the e-mails, Lappy. Shamalama dingalama domalama damow...

STRONG BAD: I'm checkin' e-mails from Awesome to Zawesome!

STRONG BAD: I kick you in the head with my e-mail boot!

Beat Homestar?

{E-mail only appears in game intro}
{Strong Bad pronounces "dont" as "dahnt", and "Confused" as "Confussed"}
STRONG BAD: First of all, I don't think a Frenchy like yourself is in any position to be calling anyone "chicken", comprende-vous cordon bleu? {when typing Strong Bad omits the word "in" from the phrase "in any position"}
{Clears screen}
STRONG BAD: Secondly, I'm pretty sure I don't want to beat the snot out of Homestar... I mean, have you ever listened to the guy? He's obviously got a lot of gunk up there. I could probably handle beating the tar, the stuffing, or the... into next-week out of him though.
{Strong Bad steps away from the Lappy}
STRONG BAD: I bet I could find Homestar down at Coach Z's track, running in place or something.


{Strong Bad pronounces the last name "Oooh Meeeera", and says "Country Crock" instead of "County Cork"}

{when checking the email a second time}
STRONG BAD: Oh yeah, beating the snot out of Homestar. I should probably get back to that someday.

Got Bulk?

{Strong Bad reads his misspelled name as a question. After reading the product name the first time, he looks at the camera and says "Hey, this stuff sounds great!", and stops reading the email at that point}
STRONG BAD: {typing as he speaks} Dear Total Load Peoples, Although I personally am endowed with bulging biceps that have been described as "bad boys," "pipes," and "thunder bludgeons," it never hurts to get a heroically chiseled leg up on the competition. Please send me a free sample of your wonderful product immediately. Grape flavor. Yours truly, Strong Bad.

{when checking the email a second time}
STRONG BAD: I probably can't get another free sample.

Your Head

{shouts the capitalized part}
STRONG BAD: Hmm, that's a good question. I should go do some field research.


Hey There!

STRONG BAD: Free, eh? I might be able to afford that...

STRONG BAD: I never should've signed up for Bubs' Free Weekly Spamvertisements. Come to think of it, I'm pretty sure I never did.


{Pronounces "Strtong" as "Stir-tong"}
STRONG BAD: More like Christine D+, as in you get one, in life! Y'know, I was gonna ask you something similar, Christine. What's the deal with that giant nose-thing on the front of your face?!

Total Load Confirmation

{Stresses the incorrectly plural word "Thanks"}
STRONG BAD: Bubs distributes Total Load? Man, he carries everything!

Total Load Arrival

{Strong Bad ignores the extraneous word "arrived" on the third line, as well as the misspelled word "distirbutor"; He says "etc." twice and adds "whatever" at the end of the email, but makes no further comments}


STRONG BAD: Survey Says! — Deleted.

STRONG BAD: Dee! Lee! Ted!

STRONG BAD: Deleted!

STRONG BAD: El Deleto Grande!


STRONG BAD: Deteled! Thats... deleted backwards.

STRONG BAD: Deleted no more!

STRONG BAD: Delete, meet un!

STRONG BAD: Undeleted!

Strong Bad's Room

7 Track Player

STRONG BAD: Ah, the short lived 7 Track. Your lack of a play button was your undoing.

Drawing Table

At the start of the game
{First time only}
STRONG BAD: You know what I need to add some much-needed hooah! to my day? A little thing I like to call Teen Girl Squad!
{Teen Girl Squad mini-game starts. After the mini-game}
STRONG BAD: Man, I can never get enough of that Sassy, Injury-Prone Teen Girl Squad! The only thing that could possibly make their adventures even more unfortunate would be if I used those Really Cool Teen Girl Ideas I jotted down last night after a fried chicken pizza bender—
{looks around the table}
STRONG BAD: Hey, what happened to all my Really Cool Teen Girl Squad Ideas?
While Homestar is still in the house, but not standing at the table, or during the party
STRONG BAD: I probably should get back to kicking Homestar out of the house, but I just can't resist that perky Teen Girl Squad!
{Teen Girl Squad mini-game starts.}

Fun Machine

STRONG BAD: Nothing like a little snake fisticuffs to clear the mind... {picks up controller} Ok, show me that logo! {singing} Do do dooo doo... DIII! Awesome, Snake Boxer 5! So much better than the unfortunate Snake Boxer 4: Lady Snake Parade.
{after the mini-game}
STRONG BAD: That was awesome! The only thing that could make Snake Boxer 5 even cooler is using that secret code to unlock the game's controversial hidden mode. It's a good thing I wrote down the code in the manual right— over— {looks around} Hey! who took my Snake Boxer 5 manual?

STRONG BAD: Must. Punch. Snakes.
STRONG BAD: Whoa! This game is already, like, 50 times cooler than Snake Boxer 2: The Biting of Boxer Joe!

STRONG BAD: Snake Boxer 5 really put the series back on track. Especially after Snake Boxer 3: Solving Problems through Diplomacy.

Snake Boxer 5 Gameplay

Normal gameplay
STRONG BAD: Eat my red blocky pom-poms!

STRONG BAD: Your Cobra Style is no match for the Way of the Drunken Five-Pixel Power Punch!

STRONG BAD: Here we go...

STRONG BAD: Where's that hot girl that tells me what round it is? Oh, yeah. I see her. I think she's that box.

STRONG BAD: Come on! That's not fair!

STRONG BAD: Total knockoutitiude!

STRONG BAD: Take that!


STRONG BAD: Oooh! Right in the face!

STRONG BAD: This game sucks!

STRONG BAD: I did not just get beat by a stupid snake... unless it was on of those two-headed freak show snakes. Then it's an honor.


STRONG BAD: Body Punch!

STRONG BAD: Taste my glove, snakey!

STRONG BAD: Everybody knows the game cheats.

STRONG BAD: Oh man....

STRONG BAD: You're going down, snakes!

STRONG BAD: No one boxes snakes better than me!

STRONG BAD: Upper blow!

STRONG BAD: Yeah, I'm pretty much the coolest.

STRONG BAD: Man, that was hard!

STRONG BAD: Quit biting me, snake!

STRONG BAD: This screen isn't big enough for the two of us.

STRONG BAD: Ring the bell! Ring the Bell!

STRONG BAD: What? I did not just get snake boxed!

STRONG BAD: What? Oh, that so cheated!

STRONG BAD: ...And Strong Bad steps into the ring! {makes crowd noises}

STRONG BAD: And the snake goes down!

STRONG BAD: Stupid Snake!

STRONG BAD: I've been bited!

STRONG BAD: Oh, my hand slipped off the controller!

STRONG BAD: You only got me cause my eyebrows were blocking my view!


STRONG BAD: Snakes, gert ready for the pummeling!
While using the secret code
STRONG BAD: That is some sweet low-res fire breath!

STRONG BAD: Catch fire, snake! {makes fwoosh noise}


STRONG BAD: Whoa, snake fire! Awesome!

STRONG BAD: I am the boxy serpent of doom!

STRONG BAD: Float like a green snake, sting like a light green snake!

STRONG BAD: Your Marquee de Queensbury rules are no match for my Kill You Dead with Venom rules!

STRONG BAD: The black border's great, because it lets you imagine a crowd cheering you on!

STRONG BAD: Man, if I had fangs like that, I'd finally get rid of my staple remover.

STRONG BAD: Taste my pixelated venom!

STRONG BAD: Oh, I must be some kind of King Cobra, or Czar Cobra...or Genghis Cobra!

STRONG BAD: Stop trying to get to First Base with me!

Homestar → Teen Girl Squad

{first time}
STRONG BAD: Put your hands up, and back away from the Teen Girl Squad, Homestar. We don't want this situation to escalate.
HOMESTAR: Not yet, Strong Bad. I've got to finish my 23-Volume Epic Graphic Novel Zine about a Really Cool Guy who wins the {fanfare} Race to the End of the Race, and slays a dragon, and starts dating a supermodel and makes his old boring girlfriend jealous, and—
STRONG BAD: Yeah, yeah, I get it. How long will it be before I can use my drawing table again?
HOMESTAR: Oh it might be a while. I still haven't figured out what to call my Really Cool lead character.

{second time}
STRONG BAD: Are you done with your moron opus yet?
HOMESTAR: I'm almost ready to start... what do you like better, "Goldstar Stunner" or "Dash Bigstar"?

{each time thereafter}
STRONG BAD: Finish your comic already!
HOMESTAR: I'm trying, but the words keep coming out all misspelled and unintentionally humorous! Oh, if only I knew what it was like to be a winner!

Homestar's comic

STRONG BAD: Wow, Homestar's comic is really something... {cut to a view of Homestar's comic, which depicts a story titled "Run For Beans! (and more)"} something a blind cat might've thrown up after eating a blind rat.

Messy Pile

STRONG BAD: It's possible that my bed's under there, but I'm not touching it to find out.

STRONG BAD: I sent some Sherpas in there a few weeks ago, but they haven't reported back.

Metal Detector

STRONG BAD: All right, the Taranchula Black Metal Detector! I had to sell, like, 500 magazine subscriptions to get this baby. But it was totally worth it to be able to shoot radioactive positrons into the Earth's crust in search of rusty pennies!

Trophy → Homestar

STRONG BAD: {talking to camera} Hmm, this will require some stratergery... {talking to Homestar} Hey, look at that, thing... over there.
HOMESTAR: A thing? Where?! {looks around, Strong Bad hits him over the head with the trophy, he collapses}
STRONG BAD: Hey, dumpwad, wake up!
HOMESTAR: {gets up} Who? What? Why? Oh, crap! I just had a wonderful dream where I won the Race to the End of the Race! {fanfare}
STRONG BAD: But Homestar, it wasn't a dream, see? {gestures to trophy, now sitting on the table} You really did win the Race to the End of the Whatchamacallit!
HOMESTAR: I did? But how?
STRONG BAD: How should I know? Maybe you were... sleep-running or something.
HOMESTAR: Yesss... that makes perfect sense. Well, looks like my 23-part graphic novel can wait for another day. {leaves, with trophy}
STRONG BAD: Finally, I was thinking I'd never get to maim another badly drawn teen girl ever again!

Videlectrix Poster

STRONG BAD: {first time only} That's my Videlectrix Poster that I got for sending in ten bucks to become a member of the Videlectrix Good Graphicketeers!

STRONG BAD: "Videlectrix — We Use Computers... to Make Video Games!" I don't know why no one else has thought of that...

When entering the room

Only if Homestar is present
STRONG BAD: What? How? Huh? You were just—
HOMESTAR: {sighs} (if in kitchen) Siiiiigh...

Strong Sad's Room

Strong Sad's Door

{first time}
STRONG BAD: Hey Strong Sad! You in there?
STRONG BAD: C'mon, lemme in! I just wanna punch you a few hundred times!
STRONG SAD: Not interested.

{second time}
STRONG BAD: C'mon Strong Sad, I've got your favorite food, some nasty ethnic food!
STRONG SAD: I don't believe in favoring one food over another.

{each time thereafter}
STRONG BAD: Strong Sad Raymond Jenkins, you open this door right now or I'll— I'll— I'll—
STRONG SAD: You'll what?
STRONG BAD: Oh, we'll just wait until your father gets home and see what he says!
STRONG SAD: You're not even my real mom!
STRONG BAD: Fine. I didn't want to go in your purple room of doom and gloom anyway!

Candy → Strong Sad's Door

STRONG BAD: Strong Sad, if you open the door I'll give you a box of ChocoOpps.
STRONG SAD: You know I can't have peanuts!

Game Epilogue

{Cut to Strong Bad sitting at the Lappy, typing}
STRONG BAD: So there you have it Monsieur Manure: the video game adaptation of how I finally beat the snot out of Homestar, in the most direct and least convoluted way. Man I'm awesome. Eat snail, Strong Bad.
{camera pulls back, Strong Bad turns around and stands up on Stooly}
STRONG BAD: {half singing} So you see people, that's why you can't, no you can't, uhn, handle my style, because it's hot, {jumps off Stooly, and lands on the washer (in the basement), hops down and walks to the couch} {very quickly} so please allow 10 to 15 minutes for it to properly cool before you try to handle my styyyyle! {lies down and closes his eyes, camera pans up and left, cutting through the wall and to the lappy. Ominous music is heard. The Municipality logo is seen on the Lappy's screen. Slow zoom in and fade} {Credit roll b/w dimmed out scene of Strong Bad sleeping on the couch} {Following credits, a preview for Strong Badia the Free is seen before returning to the game menu}
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