Homestar Ruiner Teen Girl Squad
From Homestar Runner Wiki
The girls attend a basketball game in order to flirt with athletes
Cast (in order of appearance): Cheerleader, So and So, What's Her Face, The Ugly One, Arrow'd Guy, Rats, Gangsters, Leonard Basketball Player
Contents |
Transcript (Scene 1)
NARRATOR STRONG BAD: Teen Girl Squad! Cheerleader! {college boys!!} So and So! {mathlete boys!!} What's Her Face! {any boys!!} The Ugly One! {shrimp po'boys!}
CHEERLEADER: Okay gals and gal-related girls! We fit to look...
SO AND SO and WHAT'S HER FACE: ...so-o good!
THE UGLY ONE: The-e same!
CHEERLEADER: ...at the Sub-JV basketball game tonigh. All the cute boypieces will be there, and maybe sloppy seconds for you!
{At this point, the player is allowed to give two items to any of the girls, each of which has different effects (see below.)}
Transcript (Scene 2)
{The girls walk outside under a sun with fangs.}
ONE OF THE GIRLS: Walking is like a fashion show for shoes!
{At this point, the player can pick two more items.}
Transcript (Scene 3)
{A beefy arm appears with "LATER, AT THE GAME!" written on it.}
NARRATOR STRONG BAD: LATER, AT THE GAME!
{The girls stand in front of a basketball player.}
BASKETBALL PLAYER: Uh oh, girltypes. Gotta look good despite my hairless legs. Nothin impresses like a chest pass.
{He throws the ball over the girls' heads. The ball catches fire as he does.}
NARRATOR STRONG BAD: He's on fiyah!
If a girl has a hairspray cloud
{The girl is torched.}
NARRATOR STRONG BAD: FUNDAMENTALS! {chuckles}
{The girl dies and is unselectable after this point.}
{After scene 3, three items can be chosen.}
Item Effects
NOTE: "Girl" means the recipient of the item, if the reaction is not character-specific.
Basketball
Scenes 1 or 2
GIRL: I can practice my moves on this basketball. Oh hey Basketballa, I know it's the wrong sport, but we can still get to first base.
{Arrow'd Guy appears in a referee's uniform and shoots arrows at the ball.}
ARROW'D GUY: YOU DON'T GOT NEXT!
GIRL: Aww...
NARRATOR STRONG BAD: {sounds of disapproval}
Scene 3
{The girl gives the basketball to Basketballa.}
GIRL: Hey Basketballa. I made thi-bought this for you.
BASKETBALLA: Sweet! Watch my white layup drills!
{He throws the girl and the ball through the hoop.}
NARRATOR STRONG BAD: Triple-doubled!! {chuckles}
{The girl dies and is unselectable after this point.}
Kissyface
Scenes 1 or 2
GIRL: Plant one on me Basketballa!
OTHER GIRL: Who are you talking to?
GIRL: Oh, uh, that's what I'd say... if a boy was here.
NARRATOR STRONG BAD: {sounds of disapproval}
Scene 3, without Perfume
GIRL: Plant one on me Basketballa. I like the way you dribble up and down the court!
BASKETBALLA: Coach says girls are a detriment to my gameface and I should spend more time in the showers.
{Basketballa lifts his arm, and the girl goes nauseous.}
NARRATOR STRONG BAD: Teen boy stink! {sounds of disapproval}
Scene 3, with Perfume
GIRL: Plant one on me Basketballa. I like the way you dribble up and down the court!
BASKETBALLA: Coach says girls are a detriment to my gameface and I should spend more time in the showers.
{Basketballa lifts his arm, and the girl goes nauseous A huge cloud engulfs the girl.}
NARRATOR STRONG BAD: Teen boy stink! Perfume stank + athletic stonk...
GIRL: Urkgh!
NARRATOR STRONG BAD: ...equals Cl-CH2-CH2-S-CH2-CH2-Cl... more commonly known as mustard gasa.
GIRL: Oh the chemistry!!
NARRATOR STRONG BAD: {chuckles}
{The girl dies and is unselectable after this point.}
Perfume
GIRL: Boys love Pubescence Perfume. Accentuate the awkward!
{Girl now has "scent lines" indicating the presence of perfume.}
Mirror
Scenes 1 or 3, or Scene 2 if not tanned
GIRL: Gotta make sure my cover-up isn't flaking. Nope, horrible scarring acne is safely concealed.
NARRATOR STRONG BAD: {sounds of disapproval}
Scene 2 if tanned
GIRL: Gotta make sure my cover-up isn't flaking. Nope, horrible scarring acne is safely concealed.
{A beam of light reflects off the mirror and fries the girl.}
NARRATOR STRONG BAD: Alternative energy source!
{The girl is reduced to a skeleton.}
GIRL: This is so good for the environment!
NARRATOR STRONG BAD: {chuckles}
{The girl dies and is unselectable after this point.}
Suntan Lotion
GIRL: Better put on some sunscreen. Ooh, SPF negative fifty!
{Girl is now tanned.}
Hairspray
GIRL: Cover your lungs, everyone. I gotta crisp these bangs up with some Ozone Killa Hairspray.
{Girl has a cloud over her head to indicate hairspray.}
Ringtone
GIRL: This new Brainkreig ringtone is hawt!
RINGTONE: Jugga jigga wugga! Ding-doodling-doodle-ding!
{A rat pokes his head in.}
RAT: Oh dang. Was that Brainkreig? I love cheese. I mean Brainkreig.
{A rat now sits at the girl's feet.}
Text msg
If girl does not have a rat
RINGTONE: Ding-doodling-doodle-ding!
GIRL: It's a text msg! Mby it's a BOY! No, just mm.
NARRATOR STRONG BAD: {sounds of disapproval}
If girl does have a rat
RINGTONE: Jugga jigga wugga! Ding doodling-doodle-ding!
{A rat pokes his head in.}
GIRL: It's a text msg! Mby it's a BOY! No, just mm.
{The rats trample the girl.}
NARRATOR STRONG BAD: RATS LIKE METAL! ...Apparently.
{The rats scamper off, leaving the girl on the ground with marks and footprints all over her.}
GIRL: Does this mean I can get outta my contract?
NARRATOR STRONG BAD: {chuckles}
{The girl dies and is unselectable after this point.}
Car
Any girl besides What's Her Face
GIRL: My real dad just bought me a new car because he felt guilty about all the wrongs he done. But then he gave it to his 22-year-old girlfriend. Stupid Kaitlin.
NARRATOR STRONG BAD: {sounds of disapproval}
What's Her Face
WHAT'S HER FACE: My real dad just bought me a new car because he felt guilty about all the wrongs he done.
{Cut to What's Her Face near the car, which is styled as an early-1900s car.}
WHAT'S HER FACE: He bought it at a guh'ment auction!
{What's Her Face gets in the car and drives a little. Then it explodes.}
NARRATOR STRONG BAD: A splode!
{Cut to two gangsters standing nearby.}
FIRST GANGSTER: Mr. Pagliogaglioleri will be very pleased.
SECOND GANGSTER: Nuts.
NARRATOR STRONG BAD: {laughs}
{What's Her Face dies and is unselectable after this point.}
Book
Any girl besides So and So
GIRL: This book is 3 wks overdue!
NARRATOR STRONG BAD: {sounds of disapproval}
So and So
SO AND SO: Sports is boring. Books are a world in my brain!
{She imagines Moby Dick.}
MOBY DICK: I guess I, like, represent symbolism and stuff?
{Moby Dick eats So and So's upper body.}
NARRATOR STRONG BAD: Cliff noted!
SO AND SO: That's not real learning!
NARRATOR STRONG BAD: {laughs}
{So and So dies and is unselectable after this point.}
Candy bar
Any girl besides The Ugly One
GIRL: Eww! This candy bar has real milk in it! {tosses the bar aside} And a nutrition!
NARRATOR STRONG BAD: {sounds of disapproval}
The Ugly One, Scenes 1 or 2
THE UGLY ONE: Yum! A brown candy bar! This was gonna be my lunch, but then I had Skittles instead.
{A fish jumps up and eats the candy bar out of The Ugly One's hand.}
FISH: GRREEEOOOW!
THE UGLY ONE: Aw, Leonard. Not again!
NARRATOR STRONG BAD: {sounds of disapproval}
Megaphone
Scenes 1 and 2
MEGAPHONE: *squawk*
GIRL: Go Growlbacks! Try not to score on your own team this time!
NARRATOR STRONG BAD: {sounds of disapproval}
| Teen Girl Squad | |
|---|---|
| Characters | Main: Cheerleader, So and So, What's Her Face, The Ugly One Gregs: Sci-Fi Greg, D n' D Greg, Open Source Greg, Japanese Culture Greg Minor: Arrow'd Guy, The Birds, Brainkrieg, Fighting Growlbacks, Manolios, Mr. Pitters, Mrs. Commanderson, Olympic Man and Coach, Peacey P, Quarterman, she likes cloth, Thomas, Tompkins |
| Issues | Main: Issue 1, Issue 2, Issue 3, Issue 4, Issue 5, Issue 6, Issue 7, Issue 8, Issue 8½, Issue 9, Issue 10, Issue 11, Issue 12, Issue 13, Issue 14, Issue 15 SBCG4AP: Homestar Ruiner, Cave Girl Squad, Teen Girl Squad Meets Limozeen Toons: 4 Gregs, Decomposing Pumpkins |
| Miscellaneous | Locations, Costumes, Theme Song, Fangs, -'d, Ow! My X!, Captioned Transitions |
| Other | 404'd, Neon 404'd, Teen Girl Squadcast, Teen Girl Squad Deaths |
