Marzipan's Answering Machine Version 9.2

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watch Version 8.0 Version 10.2
"None will be the wiser!"

Marzipan has a new answering machine in this version: the PhoneTime XL8! The King of Town has an important question, Strong Bad tries to scam free cable, Coach Z is sketchier than usual, the secret ingredient of tofu is revealed, and Homestar mistakenly breaks up with Marzipan, resulting in a ridiculous switching act.

Cast (in order of appearance): Marzipan, The King of Town, Strong Bad, Coach Z, Homestar Runner, Pom Pom

Places: Marzipan's House

Date: Monday, December 1, 2003

Page Title: Marzipan's Answering Machine

DVD: Everything Else, Volume 1



Marzipan's Greeting

MARZIPAN: Hi, this is M-A-R-Z-I-P-A-N. Please leave me a message after the B-E-E-P. {beep}

Message 6

THE KING OF TOWN: {panicked} Hello Marzipan, it's the King of Town. Look, I need to know if it's still Thanksgiving. Um, I really, really need it to still be Thanksgiving. Like, I fear for my personal safety...if it's not Thanksgiving still. And if not... then, is it next Thanksgiving yet? Okay, if you could get back to me as soon as possible that'd be great.

Message 5

STRONG BAD: Good mornin', Marzipan. This is your cable man... uh, Cableman Jorge [pronounces Jorge 'hhh-Horhay' ]. Just calling you regarding your service. We need you to do a little routine maintenance on it, so go ahead and buy, like, a hundred-foot spool of coaxial cable and, run it off your cable box and out the window and... give it a toss in the general direction of Strong Bad's house. And while you're at it, you may want to go ahead and upgrade to the premium package which includes all the pay channels... and the Olympic triplecast. So... get that done for us, we'll be- we'll be much obliged. Tenderly, I remain... Cableman Jorge.

Message 4

COACH Z: Hey there, Marzipan. It's the lyrical wondermind, Coach Z. Calling to ask you if, uh, you seen one of my discatapes... I think I left over dere. Uh, it's one of my most favorite discatapes, and I'd really like it back so, I'm gonna come... I'm just gonna head on over there, uh, and if you're not there I'll just let myself in da crack in the window like I usually do - I mean... not... I never do, because I've never snuck into your house before. I mean, who's sneakin'? Over here? Nobody. I'm creepin'. {slight pause} Have you tried these new crazy curly fries? I mean, they're crazy! It's like a French fry, but it's all curled up into a curlied-Q!!

Message 3

STRONG BAD: {eating something} Oh... hey Marzipan. This is that guy Strong Bad. Um... so I was just reading on my Internet... about how tofu is made from little baby seals. Yeah. So like, all this time, you've been eatin', um, little baby seals. So what? I guess you're gonna keel over, at like, any second now at the thought of all these little baby seals running around in your stomach. I mean, that's just gross. Just plain old gross. So in conclusion... you should listen to your cable man. {crunching noises}

Message 2

HOMESTAR RUNNER: So I just got this message you left for me on Pom Pom's cell phone telling me to go away and pick up sticks? {angrily} Well I say that is GARBAGE, sister! Having to put up with you is like... having to put up with GARBAGE! I don't know where you get off, but it's definitely not at the Homestar Station anymore. Looks like you're riding the 7:30 Alone train to ALONEVILLE. Making stops at Ex-Girlfriend Junction and West BREAKIN' UP WITH YOU! Oh, and you can keep the collector's plates!

Message 1

HOMESTAR RUNNER: Okay, so after a second listening under the tutelage of Pom Pom's keen ears, it appears that you were asking me to go to Richway and pick up some Hefty bags, not to go away and pick up sticks. And, now that I think about it, I don't really know what that would have meant even if you had said that. So, best thing to do is... to go back and not listen to that message, and then we've got nothing to worry about. Oh, wait... in fact... {makes backwards sounding noises} Okay, there. I think I reversed it.

POM POM: {bubble noises}

HOMESTAR RUNNER: What? What do you mean that doesn't work? Oh, crap. {runs to Marzipan's house with a tape full of fake messages} All's I gotta do is switch out the tapes, and none will be the wiser!

Fake Greeting

HOMESTAR RUNNER: {doing a poor imitation of Marzipan} Oh, hey, this is Marzipan... and, uhm... leave a message after my beeps. Beep.

Fake Message 4

HOMESTAR RUNNER: {doing a poor imitation of Strong Bad} Oh, hey, Marzipan. This is the Strong Baad. Uh... go around... go around with doo doo on your head... 'cause it could be funny. Okay, bye. Beep!

Fake Message 3

HOMESTAR RUNNER: {doing a poor imitation of Coach Z with no accent} Hey there, Marzipan. This is Coach Z. I was just wonderin' why you weren't at field hockey practice today. Um... great job. Oh, I mean... great job. Oh, I mean... great job. Boop!

Fake Message 2

HOMESTAR RUNNER: {doing a poor imitation of himself} Hey there, Marzipan, this is your boyfriend, Homestar Runner. You're the best girlfriend I ever had. Let's have a marriage. Let's have a marriage license. Okay, bye. Boop!

Fake Message 1

HOMESTAR RUNNER: {doing a poor imitation of Strong Sad} Oh, hey Marzipan this is Strong Sad. Um... some animal died. Boop!

Fun Facts


  • If you record what Homestar said backwards and reverse it, it's just gibberish.

Inside References

  • Homestar also used the phrase "some animal died" for his Strong Sad impression in the impression email.
  • Homestar's fake Coach Z is a reference to the toon "A Jorb Well Done". Of course, Homestar's speech impediment and incompetence mean he still says "job" as opposed to "jorb".
  • "Cableman Jorge" is another case of "Man" pronounced as "m'n".

Real-World References

  • Richway was a discount store in the Atlanta area, where The Brothers Chaps live. It went out of business in 1988.
  • Hefty is a brand name of trash bags and other food packaging products.
  • The "Olympic Triplecast" was a failed pay-per-view experiment by NBC in 1992 that had three channels carrying Olympic Events from Barcelona during the Summer Olympics that year.

Fast Forward

DVD Version

  • Homestar's fake Strong Sad message comes before his self-impression.

External Links

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