Minor Teen Girl Squad Characters

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Some characters make a very brief appearance in Teen Girl Squad, often hurting one of the girls. Usually they are never seen again, but in the 10th Issue special, many of these characters made cameo appearances at The Ugly One's Sweet Someteen Birthday Bash.

A party of minor characters

Contents

Issue 1

Image Description
Bang-bang-bang!
A Helicopter

This helicopter attacked some birds with a machine gun. Surprisingly, this aircraft was the first object to be seen harming living creatures in the entire series, yet its victims did not include one of the girls. Strong Bad supplied the rapid fire noise of its deadly projectiles.

Bend It Like Beckhamasaurus Rex
The Dinosaur

The dinosaur punted What's Her Face across the cartoon. Just after this, she was heard to remark, "Dag, yo." She is presumed to have died upon landing. The dinosaur also appeared in the sweet someteenth birthday party, part of the Tenthennial Extravaganza, where it was revealed to have bloody teeth.

Issue 2

Image Description
Bad weather
Cloud Monster

As the girls go to look so good, a cloud in the background grows angry eyes and a mouthful of sharp teeth. It then quickly chomps on some birds.

No "I" in dead either
No "i" in team boy

He is a boy who goes out with So and So, which causes her friends to get jealous. When So and So mentions that she's totally crushing, the boy gets hit by a delivery truck (driven by Arrow'd Guy) marked "CHILDREN". He also appeared in the sweet someteenth birthday party, part of the Tenthennial Extravaganza. He appears again, silhouetted, in an Easter egg in the email death metal.

SWOOP'D!!

GRASP'D!
The Vulture and the Bat

The Vulture swooped The Ugly One when she got jealous of So and So's getting the "No 'i' in team boy" to date her. The Bat grasped Cheerleader for the same reasons as the vulture.

Issue 3

Image Description
Preeow!
Buzzsaw Sun

The sun turned into a buzzsaw, and chopped up some birds in this episode.

Boy or girl?
Thrift Store Person

This person is found at the thrift store that What's Her Face shopped at, where she stays behind a rack of shirts, holding a sign that reads, "1 or 2 cent each item." In the Teen Girl Squad Issue 3 DVD commentary, Strong Bad says that she is a "homeless woman."

"Poooosssssummmmms...!"
Possums

A wave of possums, announced by a menacingly voiced "Poooosssssummmmms...!" attacked What's Her Face as she walked home from the thrift store. They got her dirty and tore her clothing, but didn't kill her. When she met up with the other girls, one possum was seen still attacking her. The possum attack apparently made What's Her Face's blood hurt. They also appeared in the sweet someteenth birthday party, part of the Tenthennial Extravaganza.

Issue 4

Image Description
Cupid strikes back
Brett Bretterson

Brett is an imaginary person whom So And So made up in first grade. He is mentioned in Teen Girl Squad Issues 4 and 10. Ignoring her friends' denial of Brett's reality, So And So interacts with "Brett" as if she could actually see and hear him. This causes the other girls to be weirded out. Brett and So And So were going to study together when their plans were ended abruptly by falling in the Fighting Growlbacks Bottomless Spirit Pit.

So And So is in love with Brett, and when she thinks of him hearts appear over her head. One of them grew a face just as it was pierced with an arrow.

In the tenth episode, So And So states that she and Brett Bretterson are "Splitsville".

Brett may or may not be a real person, too; he is listed in the credits for Limozeen: "but they're in space!" as the "Worst animator". Strong Bad confirms this in the DVD commentary for best thing.

Quarterman
Quarterback

The quarterback for the Fighting Growlbacks is a target of the affections of Cheerleader. He dismisses her with the quip "How's about you get some brains?" This causes Cheerleader to get CEREBELLUM'D by Arrow'd Guy's Giant Brain Mech (see below). He also appeared in the sweet someteenth birthday party, part of the Tenthennial Extravaganza.

Cerebellum'd!
Giant Brain Mech

The Giant Brain Mech is a giant brain with lips and an eye patch. It is apparently mechanical, because Arrow'd Guy can be seen controlling the brain under a glass dome. The brain CEREBELLUM'D! Cheerleader when the Quarterback suggested that she should go get some brains.

Issue 5

Image Description
PERCH!
Fat Bird

The fat bird is first seen in Issue 5, perched on the "meanwhile, ON VACATION" sign in the transition scene. Later in the cartoon, when The Ugly One gets nervous and sticks her head in the sand, the fat bird flies down and perches on her side. The bird doesn't seem to do anything after that. It just sits there with its tongue hanging out for the rest of the cartoon.

Lying around...
Olda Boys

The olda boys are college boys that were at the vacation beach with Cheerleader, So and So, and The Ugly One. One misses video games, but the other misses his mom even more. They combine their sayings into a techno-like jam in an easter-egg. The spiky-haired one earned a Quote of the Week. They also appeared in the sweet someteenth birthday party, part of the Tenthennial Extravaganza.

Cool or famous
Henry Rollins, Abraham Lincoln, and George Washington

These are the "cool or famous" people who look at the nervous The Ugly One and then parasail with So and So. They also appeared in the sweet someteenth birthday party, part of the Tenthennial Extravaganza. There, Henry Rollins was revealed to be an odd red color, a likely reference to the music video for "Liar" (from the album Weight--Henry Rollins Band, Imago Records 1994). Also, Abraham Lincoln seems to lack visible arms.

Issue 6

Image Description
Now with more 3-legged action!
Gift Exchange Lion

This lion, who seems to be missing a leg, appears in Decemberween Teen Girl Squad. Cheerleader, So and So, and The Ugly One all dive into its mouth in pursuit of Decemberween presents, but What's Her Face declines on the grounds that she is vegan. For some reason the inside of the lion looks like the inside of a whale. He also appeared in the sweet someteenth birthday party, part of the Tenthennial Extravaganza.

A nose from the happy judge
Smiley Face Man

This happy fellow is a judge in the Decemberween Teen Girl Squad. He and the other two judges (who are both Arrow'd Guy) TWO'D The Ugly One for her cannonball into the Gift Exchange Lion's mouth. He rates Cheerleader's dive into the lion's mouth a "nose" along with the other judges. Noticeable is the fact that he can move his arms along his skinny body. His "shoulder" is not visible until he lifts up the sign. Little else is known about this person, or what the value of a "nose" is in competitive Lion's mouth jumping. He also appeared in the sweet someteenth birthday party, part of the Tenthennial Extravaganza.

Singing about babies
Hawaiian Guy

This musician wears a Hawaiian shirt and plays a ukulele. He sang "Wave o' Babies" as a wave of babies appeared. He also appeared in the sweet someteenth birthday party, part of the Tenthennial Extravaganza.

A virtual tsunami of infants.
Wave o' Babies

These babies are in a giant wave that crashed into What's Her Face. They are seen caving onto What's Her Face, but the actual crash is not shown. It is possible that the wave just swept past without stopping. This is further supported by the fact that after the crash, only two babies are visible clinging onto What's Her Face, while all the others are gone. They also appeared in the sweet someteenth birthday party, part of the Tenthennial Extravaganza.

Bonus: Half-Digested!
Gazelle Carcass

This half-digested animal is presented by The Ugly One at the very end of Decemberween Teen Girl Squad to Cheerleader to her dismay. All of the other girls seem to be pleased at the sight of the dead animal, despite the negative aspects of decomposing carcasses.

Issue 7

Image Description
Squished.
Fat Man

He's a fat man who wears a singlet similar to Strong Mad's. He fell down a slide and squished Teeny Tiny Cheerleader while she was throwing a tantrum. He bears a resemblance to pro wrestler King Kong Bundy and performs the Bundy Splash, one of his signature moves.

The bell tolls for thee
Bill Bellamy

This is the bell seen in Issue 7 in the Teeny Tiny Girl Squad's preschool. His role is similar to that of the Intercom, but specific relationship details are unknown. He bears the same name as actor and comedian Bill Bellamy.

Issue 8

Image Description
Who's that hiding in the wheel?
Intercom

The intercom is a feature of the Teen Girl Squad's school. As it is hanging up high in the girls' classroom, it is responsible for announcing things like the school lunch and commands. Later in the cartoon, the Intercom is seen mounted on a robot body, hosting the Battle of the Bands. It introduced the bands "Fatty's Big Chance" and the Teen Girl Squad "Kissyboots." It also appeared in the sweet someteenth birthday party on its stand, part of the Tenthennial Extravaganza, nursing a martini.

Floor Tom, the evil drum
Floor Tom

When The Ugly One does her 16-hour drum solo, she was rudely interrupted by an evil floor tom when it FLOOR TOMMED her by biting her top half off. This was just one of three events that stopped her drum solo, as she was also STEP-MOMMED and POM-POMMED.

"YOU LITTLE BRATS BEST SHUT YER YAPS!!!"
Mrs. So-and-so-erson

Mrs. So-and-so-erson is So and So's "step-mom". "She" resembles Arrow'd Guy in lipstick and a jogging suit; it's debatable whether she is in fact the same person. As Cheerleader states, she has questionable taste, which is agreed upon by What's Her Face after observing the many jogging suits in her walk-in closet. She "STEP-MOMMED" The Ugly One by pouring ranch dressing on her during her 16-hour drum solo. When she talks, her speech balloon has three tails, with only one coming from her mouth. Apparently, her name is Judith, as seen in Issue 11.

Consider it Picked!
Fatty

Fatty is the sole member of the one-man saxophone band, "Fatty's Big Chance." He played before Kissyboots in the Battle of The Bands. With his two tone suit and rousing chant of "pick it up, pick it up," Fatty is a ska machine. He also appeared in the sweet someteenth birthday party, part of the Tenthennial Extravaganza.

KRA'AGH!
Trolls

The trolls enter So and So's dressing room while So and So is preparing for the Battle of the Bands. In their native tongue, they ask her for her autograph. Apparently So and So can understand them, and is happy to oblige. But before she could sign, she was TWELVE-SIDED DIED!, inexplicably by a 20-sided die. They also appeared in the sweet someteenth birthday party, part of the Tenthennial Extravaganza. One of the trolls appears again, silhouetted, in an Easter egg in the email death metal.

A seaworthy bass
A Shark

At the Battle of the Bands, What's Her Face's bass guitar suddenly transforms into a shark, causing her to comment "My bass feels seaworthy". The shark then bites off the upper half of her body. "Ahhh! My most of me!" she laments.

Amazingly, the shark can also play a mean bass even without fingers. Cheerleader keeps him on to play backup and the remaining member(s) of Kissyboots finish the performance respectably. Alas, after the song ends, the shark can be heard snacking on Cheerleader.

Issue 9

Image Description
TEN O' CLOCK AND TWO O' CLOCK!
Learner's Permit Girl

This girl first appears in Teen Girl Squad Issue 9. She is not a very good driver, and ends up DRiVER'S ED'ED...DEADing Cheerleader. On the plus side, she gives Strong Bad a ride to Babbage's. She also appeared in the sweet someteenth birthday party, part of the Tenthennial Extravaganza.

He knew she'd come back to him
Science Fiction Greg

Science Fiction Greg is an old boyfriend of What's Her Face. See main article: Science Fiction Greg and D N'D Greg.

Tweedle Dee and Tweedle Dum
Friends of Science Fiction Greg

Putative friends of Science Fiction Greg. They listen patiently as he brags about his relationship with What's Her Face and his experience points. The character on the left bears a resemblance to an overweight character often found in Gary Larson's Far Side cartoons.

Doesn't like his style bitten
D N'D Greg

An apparent Dungeons and Dragons expert. See main article: Science Fiction Greg and D N'D Greg.

Vulture'd!
Vultures

When Mr. Pitters tries to join the Teen Girl Squad, these fiendish birds tell him that he "ain't no Teen Girl" before eating him at a fancy dinner. According to the second vulture, Mr. Pitters tastes "quite good, quite good." They may be an evolution of the vulture from Issue 2. They also appeared in the sweet someteenth birthday party, part of the Tenthennial Extravaganza.

Starring Johnny Rite There as some sort of king.
Port-O-John

Port-O-John is a portable outhouse that came to life by growing eyes, a nose, a mustache, a mouth, hands and feet. A sign on his side reads Johnny Rite There. It put on a play with So and So once Cheerleader died in Teen Girl Squad Issue 9. It didn't get very good reviews, however, and he is injured by Arrow'd Guy.

Issue 10

Image Description
Corn-based products are no place for him!
A Mighty Warrior

A tiny samurai armed with a naginata who bursts twice from corn-based products: "corn and corn alone" and corn chips. Both times he does so because they are "no place for a mighty warrior." After emerging from the corn chips, he lathe'd a spinning What's Her Face in two with his naginata. He also appeared in an Easter egg for myths & legends, fighting the corn army.

We're not sure what they're talking about either.
Olympic Man and Coach

A lonely pair at the "Olympic Race," Olympic Man and Coach prepare for some type of sporting event after being ditched by Cheerleader. Coach apparently brings this about by telling Cheerleader over the phone that "the olympics are soooo dumb!", though Coach vehemently denies this to his well-muscled companion, who seems to have no hands.

Olympic Man reappears in Issue 13 as Peacey P's bodyguard, with the text on his shirt blurred out. When The Ugly One asks for Peacey P's autograph, he dangles (and ultimately drops) her from a hotel balcony into a bayonet tailgate party.

ACHGH!
Scotsmen

This "uppaclass" trio of burly, bearded, kilted Scots were drinking a frothy brew from a keg marked "XXX" when they were interrupted by Cheerleader's flirtation. Predictably, she was rejected and caber-tossed only 23 metres away for her efforts.

p4wned!
Manolios Ugly One

The Ugly One's father. Owns Manolios Ugly One's Lectro-pawn, specializing in used and broken electronic goods. See main article: Manolios Ugly One

"Oh, why, hello, The Ugly One, you're looking so makey outy tonight."
Sir Hotbod Handsomeface

One of Strong Bad's many exaggerated alter egos. He looks like an extremely chiseled construction worker. He makes an appearance when The Ugly One becomes hot, and Strong Bad imagines meeting her. After Sir Hotbod begins making out with The Ugly One, Strong Bad himself begins to do the same to the piece of loose-leaf they were drawn on, much to the disgust of onlookers Strong Mad, Strong Sad, and The Cheat.

Issue 11

Image Description
Forebode!
Grim Reaper

The Grim Reaper appears on the horizon as the girls drive off to summer camp. He forbodes and then bites into a hamburger. The girls do not take notice of him.

Manager'd!
Shirt Folding Store Manager

The Shirt Folding Store Manager is So and So's manager at Shirt Folding Store. She is rude to So and So, calls her "Mark" and tells her to "get to minimum wagin'". The manager is the only character in episode 11 not drawn in black and white. Her hair and face are constructed from a magazine photo of Mary-Kate Olsen. Her right arm is also drawn much longer than her left and her hands are drawn crudely.

Astronaut'd!
Astronaut

The astronaut suddenly appears in Shirt Folding Store and punches out the manager, his justification being that she killed his dog. His voice is distorted by the loudspeaker system built into his suit, and he starts each sentence with "Ckhk" as he turns it on. He has a cape and can fly.

Do YOU love her?
Raccoon Girl

Raccoon Girl is What's Her Face's bunkmate at the camp. She is weak and emaciated, feels unloved, and needs heavy medication, lest she "go into a coma."

Not his wife!
Customer

A customer at Shirt Folding Store. He needs a present for his wife for their anniversary. He coughs so much that So and So thinks that the present is for his coughiversary. Eventually he coughs up a baseball stadium complete with spectators and announcer just as a double play occurs. He feels it is necessary to point out that this is not his wife.

Shoplifting?
Leprechaun Strong Bad

A leprechaun version of Strong Bad appears over So and So's shoulder when she thinks about stealing the "tres cutee" shirt. Leprechaun Strong Bad is apparently So and So's bad conscience.

OBSERVE'd!
Tentacle Camera

This floating camera with tentacles is the security system of Shirt Folding Store. It supposedly catches So and So shoplifting.

Scha-wing!
Camp Counselor Shortshorts

Camp Counselor Shortshorts is trying really hard not to be thought of as a square by What's Her Face and The Ugly One by using random "youthful" quotes. He only succeeds in winning over the girls by singing a song with them. He then meets his end at the hands of Maniac in a Speedo.

He stapled it down!
Chumbly Wumbly Bear

The Chumbly Wumbly Bear is the subject of the song that the girls sing with the counselor. According to the song, he "came a tumblin' down", but sold neither beans nor eggs - he couldn't, wouldn't and shouldn't. Instead, he "stapled it down".

Speedo'd!
Maniac in a Speedo

Maniac in a Speedo comes in at the end of the "Chumbly Wumbly Bear" song. As seen, he wears a paper bag to hide his face and uses a chainsaw to do his bidding. He cut The Ugly One and What's Her Face in half and did a number on Camp Counselor Shortshorts as well.

Jail'd!
C-dogg and Naptime

C-dogg and Naptime share a prison cell with So and So. It's not clear which inmate is which. Rubble D is apparently also in that cell or in a nearby one, but we do not see or hear him.

Issue 12

Image Description
Beard'd!
Patchbeard

Patchbeard is Cheerleader's first romantic interest on Valentimes Day and is the first one to give Cheerleader a card. Cheerleader also refers to him as Peter Puberty. After receiving the card, Cheerleader knocks him out with a blackjack.

"Band name. Band name."
Band Name Boys

These are the two boys from whom What's Her Face attempts to acquire a Valentine's Day card. They enjoy talking about band names; What's Her Face observes this and tells them she likes music, as well as cloth. One of the boys is surprised that she likes cloth, but the other thinks "she likes cloth" is a good band name. In an Easter egg, a CD cover with the name "she likes cloth" is shown, along with the top of the Band Name Boys' heads.

Dea'd!
Mrs. Embalmo

Mrs. Embalmo is the one lunchlady who did not give The Ugly One a card for Valentine's Day. This is probably because there's nothing left of her but a creaking skeleton.

TINES!
Tines Racer

The Tines Racer is a fork-shaped character who drives a "Tines Racing" car, named after the points on his head. He has a handlebar mustache and wears a scarf. He drives over So and So when she gets angry at the other girls' mispronunciation of "Valentine's".

"Gag me with a spoon!"
Mindy

Mindy was the "chief cheerleader" from 1984 to 1987. Many current cheerleaders, including Cheerleader, appear to look up to her to the point of worship, and they worship her at her own shrine.

"TECH-NO-LOGiCAL RO-MANCE"
Strong Bad Robot

It is a robot with Strong Bad's face on it who talks in Strong Bad's voice (with vocoder effects). He approves of "TECH-NO-LOGiCAL RO-MANCE" and sings a song about it twice.

"Whattaya mean I'm less than B?"
Class Prez

Class Prez has a "technological romance" with Cheerleader by text messaging her from a few feet away, but is dismayed when she tells him he is "less than B". His phone model, "CRKR" (short for "Cracker"), is a play on the Motorola cellular phone KRZR. The name itself is also a play on the recent naming of cell phones after foods like the LG Chocolate and the BlackBerry. This could also explain why the phone has a bite taken out of it. He is skewered by the USB Dongle Goblin.

"Texting from a few feet away? FOR SHAME!"
Wireless Wizard

The Wireless Wizard dislikes people misusing wireless technology, such as sending text messages from a few feet away or making unidentifiable emoticons. He appears to be attracted to What's Her Face.

Here he comes!
The USB Dongle Goblin

The USB Dongle Goblin is a creature with a pointed nose and USB plug shaped body that arrives to skewer Cheerleader and Class Prez after Wireless Wizard mentions him. His shape is based on the emoticon Cheerleader used in her text message to Class Prez: >KO)->

Issue 13

Image Description
"Awww, shush!"
Momkins

Momkins, also called Mrs. Tompkinsrobotmomerson by So and So, is Tompkins's mother. She is a robot dressed like a prospector with a deep masculine southern accent and stubble on her face. She apparently goes out prospecting to find a new ex-husband. Her character is a play on the term "Gold Digger", who would marry for money, then divorce.

"Are all goo goos wah wahs?"
Timkins

Timkins is apparently Tompkins's baby brother. So and So has to babysit him along with Tompkins.

"Please stop feeding me!"
Tompkins's Virtual Pet

Tompkins has a virtual pet which he overfeeds. Sketches of it appeared in the Sketchbook.

"And this is for a how many gallon toilet, ma'am?"
Buttcrack Plumber

The Buttcrack Plumber works for a company called Buttcrack Plumbing. Cheerleader calls him Randy, but it's questionable that the two were having the same conversation. Assuming that Cheerleader meant to call him, he's on Cheerleader's "B-list" of boys.

They're not Timkins' real father!
Policemen

The police officers arrive at Tompkins's house to watch the Pay-per-view show that The Ugly One ordered. So and So overreacts to their presence, but What's Her Face invites them in. One of them seems to be attracted to Momkins.

Other

Image Description
jugga jigga wugga
Brainkrieg

Seen in death metal, Brainkrieg is a death metal band in Strong Bad's imagination that seems to use all of the wrong "d-e" words in their song (deli-style, dentist). They also frequently use the phrase "Jugga jigga wugga". They have a large, poorly drawn audience watching their performance. Cheerleader seems to be a fan—she comes for the wuggas, but stays for the jiggy juggas. They also received last place in The Battle of the Crappy High School Bands.

No match.
The Corn Army

The army debuted in an Easter Egg in myths & legends. It is apparently led by Cephas Cornwall, but is no match for A Mighty Warrior.

Too many long sentences!
Daphne

Daphne is named after the "typical college girl" who wrote the email featured in pizza joint. She tries to invite the Squad to Strong Bad's Strong Badian Pizza Place, but they lose interest since the name is so long.

Quotes of the Week

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