No Hands On Deck!

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Toon Category: Shorts
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"I'm gonna go build a deck!"

Homestar decides to build a deck... with galvanized nails!

Cast (in order of appearance): Homestar Runner, Cardboard Marzipan, The King of Town, The Cheat, Pom Pom, Strong Sad, Bubs, Coach Z, Strong Mad (Easter egg)

Places: Marshmallow's Last Stand, The King of Town's Castle, The Stick, Marzipan's House, Strong Sad's Room, The Field, Coach Z's Locker Room, Bubs' Concession Stand

Date: August 14, 2006

Running Time: 3:07

Page title: Homestar Decker-Slaney!



{The toon opens in Marshmallow's Last Stand with Homestar Runner sitting across from Cardboard Marzipan. As he speaks for her, he moves her head with a string.}

HOMESTAR RUNNER: {as Cardboard Marzipan} And they feed the ducks through a tube. Don't you think that's awful?

HOMESTAR RUNNER: Look, girl sitting across from me. I gotta level with you. I'm gonna go build a deck!

{Homestar runs away from the table. He pops up from under the table to imitate Cardboard Marzipan}

HOMESTAR RUNNER: {as Cardboard Marzipan} I gots to find me a new man.

{Cut to The King of Town eating something white in a bowl. Homestar pops up from under the table.}

HOMESTAR RUNNER: Hey King of Town! {King of Town spits out a remote control} I'm gonna build a deck!

{Cut to The Cheat knitting in The Field. Homestar pops out from behind The Stick.}

HOMESTAR RUNNER: The Cheat, I'm deckin' it out!

{Cut to Homestar standing on Marzipan's couch. Pom-Pom is holding a camera and a boom mic is overhead.}

HOMESTAR RUNNER: I am the Deckman! D-E-C-K-E-M-A-N!

{Cut to Strong Sad lying in bed. Homestar pops out from under the covers.}

HOMESTAR RUNNER: Oh! Hi, Strong Sad... Um... Not sure how I got in here... I'll just... go back the way I came.

{Homestar disappears under the covers.}

STRONG SAD: I have got to get my prescription changed!

{"The Local Newspapes" appears with headline "No Hands On Deck!!"}

{Cut to Homestar and Bubs in The Field. Homestar is wearing a tool belt and leaning against a stack of wood.}

BUBS: Now what's all this about, Homestar?

HOMESTAR RUNNER: What, you didn't know? Yeah, I'm building me a deck. Using galvanized nails. That's right, that's right. I said I'm using galvanized nails {mumbles last two words}.

BUBS: Galvanized nails, eh? Sounds legit. We can chill out on it an' drink melonade all summer long.

HOMESTAR RUNNER: Yeah, melonade! We haven't talked about that much lately! Maybe we can eat some {Homestar's head turns into the older animation style and speaks as he does in the Homestar Talker} marshmallows {Homestar's head and voice turn back to normal} too!

BUBS: And I like to dance! {beat plays and Bubs does a little dance} Well, I'll let you get back to work. I'll swing by later on with a sixer of Melonade!

HOMESTAR RUNNER: Make it a seven-er.

BUBS: Aroo-got it!

{Cut to Coach Z's Locker Room.}

COACH Z: Galvanized, you don't say?

HOMESTAR RUNNER: Yeah, it's pretty legit. I was thinking about writing a musical about it too. Maybe call it, "My Good Great Deck". I'll probably get Rappaport to star in it.

COACH Z: What about me? I wanna be in your myorsical! I could be the orphan! {Coach Z switches his hat to a flat cap and starts singing} Oh where is my mudder-dee-doo?

HOMESTAR RUNNER: That's a good one, Coach. A really... really... good {the shot zooms in with each of the last three words} one. Well, I better get back to work if I'm gonna build a deck in this cartoon. {leaves}

COACH Z: {holds up four Tony awards} But what abrat my four Tony Awards?

{Cut to Homestar sitting across from Cardboard Marzipan in Marshmallow's Last Stand}

HOMESTAR RUNNER: 'Kipedia said vulcanized was the way to go. But I dang old knew better. Galvanized, galvanized, galvanized, that's what I always say!

HOMESTAR RUNNER: {as Cardboard Marzipan} Homestar, are you using galvanized nails to hide the fact that you don't know how to build a deck?

HOMESTAR RUNNER: I'm gonna have to get... back to you on that one... Peow! {a small cloud of dust appears, but nothing happens}

HOMESTAR RUNNER: {as Cardboard Marzipan} ... Ahem...

HOMESTAR RUNNER: Let's try that again. Peow! {runs off, leaving behind another small cloud of dust}

{Sequence illustrating Homestar building a deck}

{Cut to Bubs and Homestar standing on top of Bubs' Concession Stand}

BUBS: Well, I'm impressed, Homestar. When you said you were building a deck, I figured it would end up being something stupid and terrible. You know, 'cause you were building it.

HOMESTAR RUNNER: Yeah, me too!

BUBS: But I think I could get used to this!

{Looks out over The Field which is now completely covered in wood, including the clouds}

HOMESTAR RUNNER: Here's to galvanized nails, and cardboard females!

BUBS: I'll drink to that!

Easter Eggs

  • When Homestar says he'll make a musical, click on the locker handle to the left of him to see a playbill for it.
The bill reads:

My Good/
Great Deck

{A picture of Homestar looking determinedly at three galvanized nails}

featuring: 'Where Is My Mudder-Dee-Doo?'
A Thee Act Opt-In Musical Rant
by Homestar Runner
(now with 50% more Rappaport!)

  • At the end of the cartoon, click the second tree to the left to see a brief scene with a few characters in a 'wooded' environment.
{A lumber-covered Cardboard Marzipan is standing on the deck. Homestar peeks out from under a plank and manipulates her with the string.}
HOMESTAR RUNNER: {as Cardboard Marzipan} Oh, Homestar, I'm so proud of you!
{We see Strong Mad, similarly boxed in with lumber.}

Fun Facts


  • Galvanization is the process of coating steel or iron with zinc to reduce corrosion. Thus, galvanized nails are zinc-coated nails.
    • Using galvanized nails with ACQ pressure treated deck lumber will lead to electrolysis which will corrode nails very quickly, leading to an unsightly and possibly unstable deck.
  • Vulcanization is the curing of rubber. This makes the rubber harder and more durable.
  • The term "Ham and Egger" refers to a mediocre or bland athlete, a reference to the fact that ham and eggs is an "ordinary" meal. The slang term was widely used in the world of professional boxing, where it meant either an ordinary grade sparring partner or a palooka, a loser. A "ham and egger" is the opposite of a contender.
  • Feeding ducks "through a tube" refers to a technique used to enlarge duck livers for the preparation of foie gras by force-feeding cornmeal down the throat several times a day. The alleged harmful effects of this technique are debated among environmental activists and foie gras producers. At the time of this toon's release, the Associated Press and other major news organizations were running stories on the Chicago ban on foie gras that went into effect on the released date of the toon.


  • This toon's loading screen reads "loadinate".
  • The newspaper reads...

The Local Newspapes

Area Man To Build Deck

FCUSA - The world waits with baited breath
as local ham n' egger Homestar Runner
prepares to break ground on a wooden
deck-like Structure of what can only be
described (by him) as 'deckic proportions.'

The 'Deckeman?'

Strong Sad Unavailable
For Comment!

Last seen at local apothecary Bubs' Concession

  • The toon was originally put on the site without the Easter eggs and the wood covered clouds. These were added a few hours later.


  • The locker handle for the Easter egg stays in the same place when Coach Z comes on the screen, but is not visible.

Inside References

  • The title of the short and the newspaper headline refer to Homestar's lack of visible arms.
  • The cardboard cutout rendering of Marzipan is from Happy Fireworks.
  • The King of Town is eating the remote control of the Telebision.
  • Pom Pom with the camera and having someone else holding the boom is a reference to the email pom pom.
  • Strong Sad first mentioned taking medication in funny.
  • While saying "marshmallows", Homestar's head and voice briefly transform to the earlier Jumping Jack Contest form.
  • Bubs' dance moves are the spin and flip from Dancing Bubs.
  • The newspaper is called The Local Newspapes, which is also the name of the newspaper in the Dangeresque series.
  • Homestar's line "if I'm gonna build a deck in this cartoon" breaks the fourth wall.
  • The Cheat was also seen knitting in Seasonal Sweaters.
  • The playbill is in a similar style to the one in stupid stuff.

Real-World References

External Links

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