Peasant's Quest Responses

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Revision as of 15:39, 3 July 2005

There are many responses that the game gives you in the game Peasant's Quest. Here is a list of all that have been found. When more than one option is given, such as "get/take _____", either word will produce the same response.

#

A

• "ask about _____":
  • baby:
    • (to baby lady) - "This little guy's all I got left. If only someone would steal back all our riches from that filthy Jhonka."
  • fire:
    • (to knight) - "Well, whenever I see peasants, they tend to be on fire. So get yourself on fire. I hear horse grease gives a nice, controlled burn."
    • (to baby lady) - "You need fire? A couple of trees over by the waterfall used to be on fire. But now there's like a signal lantern over there or something." / "So should I ask that signal lantern?" you ask. / "I dunno man! Whattaya want from me?"
    • (to Mendelev and Dongolev*) - "Trogdor just burned down some idiot peasant's cottage. You should ask him," says Mendelev. / "Yeah, this jerk goes on vacation to some prancey lake and..." / They see you staring daggers at them and turn bright red. / "Oh. Nevermind," says Dongolev. "Um, yeah. What's a fire?" adds Mendelwhatever.
    • (to Jhonka) - "Burninator make fire! Barbecue all peasants!"
    • (to innkeeper) - "I've always preferred being on fire at night. Looks prettier and keeps the butterflies away."
  • jhonka:
    • (to knight) - "Since the Kerrek showed up, we don't see the Jhonka so much anymore. He lives in that little cave over in west Peasantry."
    • (to baby lady) - "That nasty thing killed my husband and took my riches!!" / "I thought Trogdor killed your husband," you interject. / "Oh right. Yeah. That's what I said. Trogband killed my husbdor."
    • (to Jhonka) - "The Kerrek is dead!" he cries and hops around some more. You wonder how someone this primitive could have made that much dough.
  • kerrek:
    • (to knight) - "I call him Big Stinky. He's slow and stupid, but he'll pound you into milk's meat without a second thought."
  • naked ned:
    • (to knight) - "That weirdo used to live over in west Peasantry but now I guess he just prances around the forest in his birthday suit."
    • (to baby lady) - "Don't talk about that pervert in front of the baby here."
    • (to Mendelev and Dongolev*) - "That guy creeps us out. In fact, shut up about him."
    • (to Jhonka) - "Filthy naked peasant! Stay away from my cave-hole!" Who's he calling naked? HE'S the one wearing the string bikini.
    • (to innkeeper) - "He used to be such a nice, clothed young man. Wonder what he's done with all his old clothes?"
  • robe:
    • (to knight) - "Peasants wear those brown robes. You know, with the rope around the waist. Get yourself one of those."
    • (to baby lady) - "You can't have mine, pervert! I'm not a nudist peasant like that weirdo over in west Peasantry!"
    • (to Mendelev and Dongolev*) - "We wouldn't know. We only wear archer clothes. You just can't arch real well in a robe, y'know?"
    • (to Jhonka) - see naked ned
    • (to innkeeper) - "I wear my robe hood-down so it's easier to trim my ear-hairs. If you need a robe, maybe try someone that's not using theirs."
  • smell:
    • (to knight) - "I never met a peasant that didn't stink. If you wanna smell bad, get the Kerrek involved. That thing reeks!"
    • (to baby lady) - "What smells is junior here's drawers! I gotta quit feeding him so much horse!" / "And don't start asking me for his diapers, sicko!"
    • (to Mendelev and Dongolev*) - "That giant pig running around sure smells bad. Maybe talk to him."
    • (to Jhonka) - "Kerrek smell! Now Kerrek dead!" screeches the Jhonka. So you can infer from this that all smells are dead? You alwas sucked at the analytical questions.
    • (to innkeeper) - "Well, if you don't stink, maybe find something that does and wear it. Like a dead carcass or summat."
  • trogdor:
    • (to knight) - "If I had a gold coin for every whining peasant's cottage that freaking dragon burninated, I'd be rich as a jhonka."
    • (to baby lady) - "I hope you kill that stupid dragon. My 'Wives of Squished Peasants' support group would bake you a Poor Gary pie if you did."
    • (to Mendelev and Dongolev*) - "Oh man, there was this one time when I came THIS close to having Trogdor ARROWED!" says Dongolev. / "Hey, shut up! That was me!" interrupts Mendelev, "YOU almost arrowed that blue baby!" says Dongolev. [sic] / "Did not!" / "Did so!" / "Did not!" / (You see where this is going.)
    • (to Jhonka) - "All hail Burninator! Trogdor Number One! Beat Peasant Tech!" says the grimy Jhonka.
    • (to innkeeper) - "Are you talking about that young green boy that lives up the street? He's always tearing my roof off and eating my customers."
  • anything else:
    • (to knight) - "I don't know anything about that, short pants."
    • (to baby lady) - "I dunno what you're talking about."
    • (to Mendelev and Dongolev*) - "Either we don't know anything about that, or you're real boring."
    • (to Jhonka) - "Jhonka don't know nothing bout that!"
    • (to innkeeper) - "I don't know nothing about no whatever you just said."
• * - Only works when Mendelev and Dongolev are together.
• "attack sign" (at the Mountain Pass) - "I was being facetious, Mr. Smarty-short-pants. No sign attacking for you."

B

• "boo" (anywhere) - "Scared me."
• "break stump, sit on stump, etc." (at Poor Gary's glen) - "Are you THAT bored? Do some questing already!"
• "buy kerrek a cold one" (in the Kerrek's domain while he's still alive) - "The kerrek (sic) is a teetotaler and is offended by your request. You've really cheesed him off now." Warning: This speeds the Kerrek up, so be careful. This command was first seen in the email for kids.

C

• "cheat" (or any phrase involving "cheat"; anywhere) - "Meh."
• "climb cliff" (anywhere near the bottom of the cliff) - "There aren't enough footholds and you don't have any carabeaners on you."
• "climb cliff" (at the top of the cliff) - "They don't show the sports-drink people get down from the cliff. You've no idea how to start."
• "climb fence" (at Poor Gary's glen, before scaring him) - "No, you have business to attend to here in Peasantry."
• "climb fence" (at Poor Gary's glen, after scaring him) - "More like you should walk through that gaping hole in it. Just an idea."
• "climb fence" (at the hidden glen) - "Not going to dignify that with a response."
• "climb in bucket" (at the well) - "Your butt is too big."
• "climb in well" (at the well) - "No go. Your insurance doesn't cover that."
• "climb tree" (anywhere but at the wavy tree or hidden glen) - "But then your hands would get all sappy."
• "climb tree" (at the hidden glen) - "Naw, you'd probably figure out some way to kill yourself doing that."
• "climb tree" (at the wavy tree) - "You don't climb wavy trees."
• "close door" (after getting a room in the inn) - "Naw. That's dumb. Do better."
• "close door" (at Naked Ned's cottage) - "Already done. That was easy!"
• "close door" (at Naked Ned's cottage, after the baby opens it) - "You can't. That baby really wrenched it open good."
• "close drawer" (without stealing the robe) - "Right, right. Wouldn't want to leave the robes out where any old guy trying to beat an adventure game could take them."
• "close drawer" (when it's closed) - "A riddle: What can be closed that is already closed? (hint: not this drawer)"
• "cut off arms, legs, and head" (at Naked Ned's cottage) - "Very funny. You have trouble cutting out coupons in the weekly 'Peasant Penny-Pincher' circular. I'd like to see you try."

D

• "dan" (or any phrase involving Dan; anywhere): "Dan's still okay. Got a place on Dekalb with Rick and his wife. Slimmed up a bit and looking towards the future."
• "dance" (anywhere) - "You'd rather just stand here and soak up the scene."
• "die" (anywhere) - "That wasn't very smart. You dead." Warning: This kills you.
• "drink" (or any object after "drink"; anywhere) - "For simplicity's sake you are immune to hunger and thirst in this game. So you got that going for you. Which is nice."
• "drop baby" (once you have baby) - "Use the baby where? You haven't anywhere inconsiderate to stuff 'm." or "Quit tryin to ditch the baby!"

E

F

G

• "get a room" (when on fire) - \oard [sic] of Peasant Health says I can't serve any folk that's on fire. Nothing personal. Well, I mean, I don't like you much anyway."
• "get/take (anything not listed and not relevant to the plot)" - You probably WISH you could get that.
• "get on rock" (at the rock in the stream) - "For what? Now you're just making up puzzles to solve."
• "get/take arrow" (at the archery range) - "They have 'RANGE' printed on them, so it would be kind of embarrassing to have to shoot around with them. Also, that guy over there is giving you the evil eye."
• "get/take arrow" (at the secret glen while Dongolev is there) - "Something tells me now's not a good time." {you get the arrow anyway and Dongolev shoots you) "It wasn't a good time. Hey, my mom's making peasant-kabobs for dinner TOO! Right. Anyway. You dead. Thanks for playing, and try not to die." Warning: As you can see, this kills you.
• "get/take arrow" (at the secret glen after getting the first arrow) - "You're pretty much all set on the arrow front. They're kinda cool, though."
• "get/take arrow" (at the secret glen after killing the Kerrek) - "You grab yet another arrow from the tree hoping to get some bonus points."
• "get/take arrow" (after killing the Kerrek) - "Eww! No way. That thing's got some serious Kerrek-Brand kooties on it now."
• "get/take baby" (inside the woman's cottage, while she has the baby) - "'You want to be a part of this family? GO GET US THOSE RICHES!!' she shrieks."
• "get/take bell" (in the inn, after getting a room) - "You can't. It looks like it's been somehow olded to the desk."
• "get/take belt" (after getting it) - "You totally got the belt already, as evidenced by the rancid cloud of odor that follows you like a shadow."
• "get/take berries" (the same bush twice outside the woman's cottage) - "You already searched that bush. It was okay. Nothing to write home about... oh, wait... you don't have a home. My b."
• "get/take berries" (after you've gotten the trinket, outside the woman's cottage) - "You've searched your fill of berry bushes for this game. If you want to search more press 'reload' on the browser"
• "get/take berries" (at the west side of the lake) - "NO MAN! JEEZ!"
• "get/take bone/skull" (at the top of the cliff) - Eww. No. Grody. You're grody. No. Eww.
• "get/take broom" (inside Naked Ned's cottage) - "No, no. The broom is in the foreground and you can't take things from the foreground. You don't see me all typing 'get browser window', do you?"
• "get/take bucket" (at the well) - "You can't, it's tied to a rope and you're terrible with knots."
• "get/take candle" (at night, in the inn) - It seems like you should be able to do that, doesn't it? Sorry. No dice.
• "get/take chair" (inside the woman's cottage) - "No. Too big for pants." or "No. There's a big bag of something in it. Oh, that's the baby lady."
• "get/take club" (outside the Jhonka's cottage when he's out) - "Now there's a surefire way to get yourself killed."
• "get/take drawer" (inside Naked Ned's cottage) - "You get a hernia from lifting it. -2 Movement points, -10 Constitution. Don't do that again."
• "get/take fire" (at the burninated tree at night) - "You don't need to get IT. Just let IT get YOU."
• "get/take flies" (at Poor Gary's glen, before scaring him) - "You nasty. Besides, they wouldn't survive a minute away from that horse's butt."
• "get/take gold" (inside the woman's cottage) - "Um, that's chicken feed."
• "get/take hay" (at the hay bale) - "Who do you think you are? Some kind of Thy Dungeonman? You don't need any hay."
• "get/take hay" (inside the woman's cottage) - "There's a huge bale a couple of screens over from here. Why bother stealing?"
• "get/take kerrek" (in the Kerrek's domain while he's still alive) - "Well, he does smell real bad. But he's a bit too big to fit in your pocket."
• "get/take lantern" (at the signal lantern) - "Better not. There's an engraved plaque on it that says, "Do Not Remove Under Penalty Of 'You Die'."
• "get/take mud" (when it's wet, before you fall in) - "You can't get the mud so much. More like the mud'll get you."
• "get/take mud" (when it's wet, after you fall in) - "You've already gotten an heapin' helpin' all up on yo'self."
• "get/take map" (at your cottage, after you've gotten it) - "Yeah but like you already map the took, guy!"
• "get/take note" (at Jhonka's cave) - "It's been magically sealed to the door with a wondrously whimsical spell."
• "get/take note" (outside the inn) - "What is it with you and notes?! No!!"
• "get/take old man rub" (in the inn) - You disgust me.
• "get/take paper" (in the inn) - Naw, it might be important to that wrinkly old loon.
• "get/take painting" (in the inn) - Weird. It's actually painted right into the wall. Like, the frame and everything.
• "get/take pebbles" (after you've gotten them) - "Come now. We've been through this jaunty little bit before. You took them from the half lake screen with the cattail and stuff."
• "get/take plague" (at the signal lantern) - Wrong game, Mispeller Jones. Try the little button to the left of the 'W'.
• "get/take plaque" (at the signal lantern) - You have enough of that on your browning, rotten peasant teeth already.
• "get/take pillow" (in the inn) - Not a chance. There's even more questionable stains on that pillow than there are on that rug.
• "get/take pot" (in the inn, after you already have horse grease) - You already have a nice greasy swab of it on the corner of your hood.
• "get/take robe" (in Naked Ned's cottage, after you've gotten it) - You still remember the time when you took them. Oh, the times have changed ... but the robes?
• "get/take robe" (in Naked Ned's cottage, when the drawer is closed) - You reach into the closed drawer and nearly break your hand slamming it. Just like a bird on a pane of glass minus the blamelessness.
• "get/take rock" (by the stream) - "For what? Now you're just making up puzzles to solve."
• "get/take rug" (in the inn) - You're not touching that thing. Too many questionable stains on it.
• "get/take target" (at the archery range) - "No. Those will fall on you and more than likely kill you."
• "give baby" (in the inn, before you get the baby) - "You have no baby nor any immediate prospects."
• "give baby" (in the inn, when you already have the pills) - You already milked that fogey for all the pills he's worth.
• "give trinket" (inside the woman's cottage) - " 'Did you find that thing in my yard?' she asks. 'I got that thing free in a box of Plaguezees. I need some FOR REAL riches!' "
• "go west"(or any other direction; anywhere) - "Use the arrow keys, pal. Just like a joypad only more like your day job.

H

• "haldo" - (anywhere but in the secret glade after talking to Mendelev) - "That's totally not Dongolev."
• "haldo" - (in the secret glade before talking to Mendelev) - "What'd you read that in PQ Stragedy (sic) Guide? Go talk to my brother first."
• "haldo" - (in the secret glade after Dongolev leaves) "Haldo?.' you call out... 'Hadloooooo' "
• "hide in hay" (at the hay bale, before getting in) - "Not right now, man. You're feeling fairly clean given you just bathed 3 fortnights ago."
• "hug tree" - (at the hay bale) "To every thing, turn, turn, turn. There is a season, turn, turn, turn." Warning: Be sure to save first, because you will be unable to move.

I

J

K

• "kick/kill/punch poor gary" (at Poor Gary's glen, before scaring him) - "You attempt to cause Poor Gary harm for no good reason other than you kinda suck at this game. {Poor Gary kicks you} WOW! For a decrepit old horse, Poor Gary still packs a mean whallop. You dead. Thanks for playing." Warning: Needless to say, this kills you.
• "kick/kill/punch poor gary" (at Poor Gary's glen, after scaring him) - "Gary's gone now. Let go. Just let go. Let go!"
• "kill jhonka" (after he's outside) - "No way! Jhonka's are born scrappers. He may be little, but he'll crawl ya."
• "kill kerrek" (in the Kerrek's domain while he is present and you do not have the bow and arrow) - "With what?! You got no weapons except your butter-knife wit."
• "kill kerrek" (after the Kerrek is dead) - "Yeah. You smote the Kerrek. You deserve a trophy full of Mutton-ums."
• "kill trogdor" (while Trogdor's asleep, in his lair) - "Like how?"
• "knock" (at the woman's cottage) - " 'It's open,' says a female voice from inside. Um, it's NOT open, but you get her drift."
• "knock" (at the Jhonka's cave while he's inside) - "A gravelly voice inside yells, 'JUST US CHICKENS' or: 'NO FOR RENT' or: 'I GIVE LAST YEAR!' or: 'GAVE AT OFFICE' or: 'GO WAY!'"
• "knock" (at Naked Ned's cottage) - "You could knock until your knuckles bleed. Nobody's home."
• "knock" (at the inn, after it's been opened) - "Just open it, man!"

L

• "light lantern" (at the burninated trees before it is lit) - "With what? Your red-hot intellect?"
• "light lantern" (at the burninated trees after it is lit) - "Already lit, moron."
• "load" (in the Kerrek's domain while he's still alive) - "You can't be fumbling with a floppy while the Kerrek is bearing down on you."
• "look" (at anything, while hiding inside the bale of hay) - "Right now, you see a bunch of hay."
• "look" (at something previously in your inventory but now gone) - "You used to have one, before the great item blight of 402. Check your INVENTORY to read about it."
• "look baby" (inside the woman's cottage while she has the baby) - Peasant babies are pretty freaking adorable. This little guy's no exception.
• "look bed" (in the inn) - "Is that just a fitted sheet over a slab of concrete?"
• "look bell" (in the inn) - "Tis broked."
• "look belt" (in the Kerrek's domain while he's still alive) - "Yecch. I wouldn't touch that unless it was, like, an important quest item or something."
• "look berries" (at the west side of the lake) "Shut up."
• "look boat" (at the fisherman's lake while he is fishing) - "Keep your eyes off my dinghy!"
• "look bone/skeleton/skull" (at the top of the cliff for the bone and skull and in Trogdor's outer sanctum for the skeleton) - "You can't be sure but you think those are dead person bones."
• "look bush" (at the west side of the lake) - "Don't worry about that bush. Yeah, there's red berries on it but never you mind."
• "look bushes" (outside the woman's cottage) - "You suspect they might be crunch berry bushes."
• "look bushes" (in the hidden glen) - "There's some thick 'ol bushes up in this hidden glen."
• "look candle" (in the inn after getting a room) - "That candle's not at all on fire."
• "look cave" (at the Jhonka's cave) - "Just a little cave. Calm down."
• "look cave" (at the top of the cliff) - "The cave entrance beckons to you like a hot mutton sandwich might."
• "look chair" (inside the woman's cottage) - "One of those self-rocking kind. Not bad for a brown-collar peasant-type. Must be trickle-down in action."
• "look club" (at the Jhonka's cave when he's outside) - "Turkey leg or no, it looks like the Jhonka's been gnawing on it."
• "look cottage" (at the yellow tree) - "You see a cottage in the distance. You hold your fingers up to one eye and pretend to squash it."
• "look cottage" (outside Naked Ned's cottage) - "A run-of-the-mill, non-burninated thatched-roof cottage here. Its stonework looks a little shoddy."
• "look cottage" (outside the woman's cottage) - "You had a cottage once. A lot like this one. *sniff* Trogdor will pay!"
• "look curtain" (in Trogdor's outer sanctum) - "That thing's awesome. You always wanted one for your dorm room but your roommate was a total drag and said no."
• "look desk" (at the archery range) - "It says 'archery' on it. My wife's drunk."
• "look desk" (inside the inn) - "There's a broken bell and a piece of parchment on there."
• "look door" (in Trogdor's outer sanctum) - "A wicked beaded curtain hangs in the doorway."
• "look door" (outside the woman's cottage) - "Listen to you, "look door" What kinda gaming is that? It's a door and it's closed."
• "look feed" (inside the woman's cottage) - "Cool Ranch. Your old favorite."
• "look fence" (at Poor Gary's glen, before scaring him) - "A particularly rickety peasant-issue fence. Trogdor uses bits of these as toothpicks."
• "look fence" (by haystack/Jhonka's cottage/Naked Ned's cottage) - "A standard peasant fence. Trogdor makes milk's meat outta these things."
• "look fence" (at the hidden glen) - "Wow! There's a hole in it on THIS side too!"
• "look flies" (at Poor Gary's glen, before scaring him) - "A cloud of buttflies fly around the horse's butt."
• "look footprints" (when the Kerrek is not present) - "If you weren't a simpleton you might think these were Kerrek prints. But since you are a simpleton, you just go, 'Yay! Piggies!' "
• "look hay" (at the hay bale) - "It reminds you of a warm, safe place where as a child you'd hide."
• "look hay" (inside the woman's cottage) - "Hay is for horses!"
• "look horse" (at Poor Gary's glen, before scaring him) - "This bag o' bones looks like he's headed for the glue factory. He's got the name 'Poor Gary' branded onto his hide."
• "look kerrek" (while he's decomposing) - "He dead. You didn't think he could have smelled any worse? Well, guess what: He smells worse."
• "look kerrek" (when he's all bones) - "He dead. He wasn't fat, he was just big boned! Poor pig-man."
• "look knight" (at the mountain pass) - "He looks way cooler than you."
• "look in hay" (at the hay bale) - "You search and search through the haystack. Nope. No needles."
• "look inn" (outside the inn) - "Looks okay from out here. But do they have a free breakfast buffet?"
• "look jhonka" (at the Jhonka's cottage when he's outside) - "The Jhonka is gray and grody. He's got a cromagnon forehead and jaw with a pair of wicked incisors. He sports an old loin-cheese cloth and carries either a big club or one of those roasted turkey legs you got at the Ren Fest."
• "look kerrek" (in the Kerrek's domain while he is alive) - "It's the Kerrek, you moron! Get outta here!"
• "look lady/woman" (inside the woman's cottage, while she's still there) - "Typical pasty peasant woman, overbearing and judgemental. Obsessed with goods and land."
• "look lake" (at the fisherman's lake) - "Why it's half a lake."
• "look lake" (at the lake with pebbles) - "It extends onto the next screen and has a sandy shore."
• "look lantern" (while unlit; at the burninated trees) - "It's unlit at the moment. That fancy pants royal knight probably lights it on nights when Troggie's on the prowl."
• "look lantern" (while lit; at the burninated trees) - "It's lit! Musta been a Trogdor sighting tonight."
• "look lightning" (at the top of the cliff) - "Scary. Like Auntie Gerelda's crow's feet."
• "look man" (in the inn) - "He's an older peasant with big cotton swabs stuffed up his nose. Oh wait. Those are nose hairs. Grody."
• "look ned" (at the wavy tree, when Naked Ned is peeking out) - "A fairly naked man is peeking out behind that tree."
• "look openings" (in Trogdor's outer sanctum) - "They're mysterious and out of reach. Like girls were to you in high school."
• "look painting" (in the inn) - "It's a painting of dogs playing 'Magic: The Nerdening.'
• "look paper" (in the inn) - "It says, 'Note to self: Wave arms wildly!' "
• "look pillow" (in the inn) - "If you sleep in that bed, you're NOT putting your head on that nasty pillow."
• "look pillow" (in the woman's cottage) - "Swedish foam. Your favorite."
• "look pot" (in the inn after getting a room) - "It's full of horse grease. I guess that sounds useful."
• "look rock" (by the stream) - "The ages have worn this rock down. It is a rock of ages. Still a-rollin."
• "look rock" (at the mud patch) - "That rock's not doin' a whole lot for me."
• "look rock" (at Naked Ned's cottage after removing it) - "Some jerk removed a loose stone from the back of the cottage."
• "look rug" (in the inn) - "Maybe that used to be a magic carpet. But it's sure a cat pee-stained carpet now."
• "look sand" (at the fisherman's lake) - "One million three hundred thousand seventy-four hundred and sixty two... One million three hundred thousand seventy-four hundred and sixty three... Drat! You lost count again."
• "look sand" (at the west side of the lake after getting the pebbles) - "Remember those pebbles on the beach? Man, those were good times."
• "look shelf" (inside the woman's cottage) - "Nothing but a bag of chicken feed."
• "look sign" (outside the inn) - "If you can't read that sign, you need to quit playing this game."
• "look stump" (at the burninated trees) - "NOT a good place to sit."
• "look stump" (at Poor Gary's glen) - "You run out of ideas as to what to do next, and stare at the stump."
• "look target" (at the archery range) - "Hey, they had those same targets at Peasant Scout Camp!"
• "look tree" (at the burninated trees) - "Severely burninated. They could probably use some salve."
• "look tree" (at the hay bale) - "It's Arbor Day, Charlie Brown!"
• "look tree" (at the hidden glen) - "Dude, and then the elf, like, totally climbed up it. It was awesome!"
• "look tree" (at the wavy tree) - "It's weird and wavy."
• "look tree" (at the well) - "That's one orange tree alright."
• "look tree" (at the yellow tree) - "You're really hurtin' for puzzle solutions, eh?"
• "look trees" (anywhere) - "You are an incredibly boring person."
• "look trogdor" (in Trogdor's lair) - "Holy crap! Trogdor's way bigger in person than he looks in most tapestries you've seen. All of the sudden, losing your cottage doesn't seem so bad anymore."
• "look waterfall" (at the waterfall) - "Upon closer inspection, you discover it's not magical. That's just mist, not magic sparkles or anything."
• "look well" (at the well) - "Pretty average. You're not a big well person. You're more into bridges. It does have a cute little bucket though. Your dad liked buckets. Oh, and there's a metal crank too. Meemaw loved cranks."
• "look window" (outside the inn) - "Check it out! There's an INN in there."
• "look window" (inside the inn) - "Check it out! There's a Peasantry out there!

M

• "make friends with kerrek" - "Look, it didn't work for Strongbad (sic) and it's not gonna work for you either." (As seen in for kids)
• "map" (before you find the map; anywhere) - "We are neither confirming nor denying the presence of a map in this game, but irridisgardless, you don't have one."

N

"No" (To the Jhonka when he asks you about his riches)- "Okay, Lemme know is you find riches anywhere," he grunts and goes back to his hopping. You smooth talker you.

O

• "open door" (at Naked Ned's cottage) - "How? There's no knob."
• "open door" (at Naked Ned's cottage, after the baby opens it) - "It's already open. Since this is an adventure game we're gonna proffer you adventure yourself on in there."
• "open drawer" (in Naked Ned's cottage when it's open) - "Yeah, totally! Except it's already open you moron."
• "open drawer" (in Naked Ned's cottage after getting the robe and closing the drawer) - "You already closed it, which was nice, and so we gave you some points. Let sleeping drawers lie."

P

• "party" (anywhere) - "You are part of the Whig party. They are making gangrene-awareness their number one campaign priority."
• "pet horse/poor gary" (at Poor Gary's glen, before scaring him) - "Aww, that's sweet. Poor Gary tries in vain to bite your arm off."
• "pwd" - Prints on-screen your location in the game's programming.
  • This could be a kind of a "joke" of sorts. In Unix/Linux, pwd is the command for "print working directory", and the location is printed out in the form of a filename.
• "put baby" (at the well) - "Where you wanna toss em?"
• "put baby in well/bucket" (at the well, before getting the baby) - "Hmmmm... A baby, eh? You check your sundial. Babies-R-Us is probably closed by now."
• "put baby in well" (after getting the sub) - "Li'l tyke seems to enjoy the ride, but - thin or not - we've got a plot to advance here."
• "put baby in well" (at the well with the baby) - "Jeez man! At least put the poor little guy in the bucket! Give him a fighting chance!"
• "put pebbles in bucket" (after getting the maskus) - "We've already been through this exercise and it went pretty well, ya?"
• "put pebbles in well" (at the well, when you have them) - "Then it'd be tough to get them back. You never go ANYWHERE without your rocks"

Q

• "quit" - "Well fine Boring Sanders! Hope you saved your game cause it is OVER between us!" Warning: The game still quits.

R

• "ride horse"/poor gary (at Poor Gary's glen, before scaring him) - "Naw, snapping horse spines just doesn't seem as cool as it did in high school."
• "ring bell" (in the inn) - "Instead of ringing or dinging, it just goes DUNG."

S

• "scare horse" (at Poor Gary's glen, before scaring him) - "You tell Gary the "THE CALLS ARE COMING FROM INSIDE THE HOUSE!!" one but he doesn't act very scared. He's probably heard it before." or: "You tell Gary about how much cholesterol is in hay and how his arteries are probably all black and clogged. He shrugs it off." or: "You tell Gary the story about the kid who pops this big zit he has and all these baby spiders come out. It doesn't phase him."
• "sit on stump" (at Poor Gary's glen) - "Are you THAT bored?! Do some questing already!"
• "skip stones" (at the west side of the lake) - "You've always been terrible at skipping stones. And you're even worse at just plain throwing rocks in lakes. You decide to save yourself the embarrassment."
• "sleep" (inside the woman's cottage) - "That's probably how the first baby got here. Forget it."
• "sleep" (in the inn while the man is there) - "You probably want to talk to that stinky old guy over there about that."
• "smell/sniff" (anywhere) - "Smells like a computer game."
• "swim" (at the rock in the river) - "Peasants can't swim. Like, it's illegal."
• "swim" (at the waterfall) - "That waterfall would probably churn you into one of those weight-gain protein smoothies."
• "swim" (at the west side of the lake) - "Not in this game, Swimmer Dan! In this game, you drown."

T

• "talk" (at the archery range, while behind desk) - "Why don't you saddle up to the front of the table there, cowboy?"
• "talk" (at the archery range, after beating the minigame) - "Go away!" says Dongolev. "We're arguing about who's hotter," adds Mendelev.
• "talk ____" (someone not in the screen, inanimate, or nonexistent; anywhere) - "It's sad when you have to make up people to talk to."
• "talk baby" (inside the woman's cottage, before you get the baby) - "You say some cute, stupid stuff and the baby just blows snot bubbles."
• "talk gary" (at Poor Gary's glen when he's there) - "Your attempts at conversation are met with horse grunts and tail flaps. Which is better than you do at conversation with most people."
• "talk kerrek" (in the Kerrek's domain while he is alive) - "Me llamo Julio,' you begin... It seems only to further anger the already temperamental Kerrek. That stupid 'Learn Kerrek in 3 Weeks' cassette did nothing for you!"
• "talk lady" (inside the woman's cottage after she's gone) - "You'd call out her name and let it ring through the empty room, enveloping you in sorrow, but you don't actually know her name."
• "talk tree" (at the wavy tree) - "Trees can't talk but a breeze picks up and you swear the leaves whisper the words 'Naked Ned.' Weird."
• "talk trogdor" (in Trogdor's lair while he's asleep) - "You yell some choice expletives at Trogdor but he doesn't wake up. There's a cool echo, though."
• "this sucks" (anywhere) - "Come now. Don't get discouraged."
• "throw _____" (anything but the feed; at the fisherman's lake while he is fishing) - " 'That isn't gonna work for bait!' the old man screams, at a needlessly harsh volume."
• "throw _____" (anything; when the fisherman is gone) - "You already fed the fish. Let's get moving, here, people!"
• "throw baby" (anywhere but the west side of the lake) - "Hmmm. Maybe try someplace else."
• "throw baby" (at the west side of the lake before getting the baby) - "I think you misread the walkthrough on GameFAQs. You gotta get the baby first."
• "throw baby" (at the west side of the lake after getting the soda) - "Baby Dashing is a little waterlogged from the toss, and you read his soft gurgling to mean that there's no more soda left."
• "throw baby" (anywhere without the baby) - "You don't even have two babies to rub together."
• "throw feed" (at the east side of the lake before getting the feed) - "You have nothing with which to do that...with."
• "throw feed" (at the east side of the lake after throwing the feed) - "You already fed the fish. Let's get moving here, people!You already fed the fish. Let's get moving here, people!"
  • The repetition is probably just a goof.
• "try" - (at Naked Ned's cottage) - "Okay, fine. You try to cut off your hard-earned extremities. It doesn't work. You dead. Thanks for nothing." Warning: You die.
• "turn crank" (at the well, on the other side of the screen) - "You got a short reach to match your short pants. Try standing closer to that crank."
• "turn crank" (at well, after you get the maskus) - {first time} "Down she goes! You could do this all day!" {second time} "The drama grips you, but the bucket is empty. On the bright side, you're getting a pretty sweet workout for your Deltoidus Rex muscles."

U

• "use/deploy baby" (at Naked Ned's hut, before moving the stone) - "Use the baby where? You haven't anywhere inconsiderate to stuff 'm."
• "use/deploy baby" (at Naked Ned's hut, after the baby has left) - "Li'l P.B. has moved on, and the door seems to be open...I can't see why we'd go through this all over again."
• "use pebbles" (at the well) - "What do you propose to do with them? Discuss."

V

W

• "wake up trogdor" - "Troggie...", you murmur. "Troggie, wake up it's time for Burnination school." He's not budging."
• "wear belt" (after getting the belt) - "You're already wearing it. Too bad you smell like the trash barge off Peasant Isle."
• "wear mask" (anywhere but Poor Gary's glen) - "Not on this screen. You've got your image to think about. Actually, you might want to start deliberating on that right now."
• "wear mask" (in Poor Gary's glen after scaring him) - "Gary's gone now. Let go. Just let go. Let go!"
• "why" (anywhere) - "I wish I knew."

X

Y

• "Yes" (to the Jhonka when he asks you about his riches)- "'I KILL YOU!!' screams the Jhonka. Club or turkey leg, the jhonka sure just beat you senseless with whatever he was holding. You dead. Thanks for playing!" "'Warning: Obviously, you will die'"

Z

Miscellaneous

• Wait a while in the wavy tree area and Naked Ned should appear behind the other tree.
• Download the flash file and start a game. At any time type "save". In the save menu, click on the flash player's control tab(next to file and view), and select "play". It loads the archery game and you can get the bow before you are supposed to.
• On the "load game" screen you see after you die, you can press enter a couple of times and see the death sequence again.
• If you look at the SuperTime FunBow on the inventory screen, a blue clickable square will appear to the left, but clicking won't do anything. Maybe an unfinished Easter egg?
  • No, probably an "object" they used in Macromedia Flash to do something with the game. Who knows what it is, but it's too difficult to explain it.
• There is a black box in the top left corner of the page. It has no purpose as of yet.
• Try going all the way to the left side of the screen in the place Gary (the horse) breaks open and walk directly up.
• After you've gotten your robe and a room at the inn, try walking in a direction that doesn't lead to the burned lantern tree for a funny message.
• See what happens when you don't answer "yes" or "no" to the Jhonka after being asked about the riches.
• While walking in the haystack, go to scenes other than the original haystack screen and the Jhonka screen.
• When you are in Hidden Glen (the hole in the fence that Gary made), without going off the screen, try going past the fence and up. This should take you to the baby lady's cottage.
• If you don't take the Kerrek's belt right away and get the robe and get on fire first, the guard will recognize that you have the robe, but not that you're on fire.
• Once you are on fire, go west a few scenes to hear a funny message about the weather.
• If you "put baby in bucket" while the baby is already in the well, you will still get more points.
• Type anything other than "talk" for a short message once Trogdor is awake.
• You can get the maskus immediately after putting the pebbles in the bucket (without having to turn the crank). When you turn the crank then, nothing comes up.