Peasant's Quest Responses

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There are many responses that the game gives you in the game Peasant's Quest. Here is a list of all that have been found. When more than one option is given, such as "get/take _____", either word will produce the same response.

Contents

# A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z


#

A

  • "Ask about _____":
    • Baby:
      • (to Baby Lady) - "This little guy's all I got left. If only someone would steal back all our riches from that filthy Jhonka."
    • Fire:
      • (to knight) - "Well, whenever I see peasants, they tend to be on fire. So get yourself on fire. I hear horse grease gives a nice, controlled burn."
      • (to baby lady) - "You need fire? A couple of trees over by the waterfall used to be on fire. But now there's like a signal lantern over there or something." / "So should I ask that signal lantern?" you ask. / "I dunno man! Whattaya want from me?"
      • (to Mendelev and Dongolev*) - "Trogdor just burned down some idiot peasant's cottage. You should ask him," says Mendelev. / "Yeah, this jerk goes on vacation to some prancey lake and..." / They see you staring daggers at them and turn bright red. / "Oh. Nevermind," says Dongolev. "Um, yeah. What's a fire?" adds Mendelev.
      • (to Jhonka) - "Burninator make fire! Barbecue all peasants!"
      • (to innkeeper) - "I've always preferred being on fire at night. Looks prettier and keeps the butterflies away."
    • Jhonka:
      • (to knight) - "Since the Kerrek showed up, we don't see the Jhonka so much anymore. He lives in that little cave over in west Peasantry."
      • (to Baby Lady) - "That nasty thing killed my husband and took my riches!!" / "I thought Trogdor killed your husband," you interject. / "Oh right. Yeah. That's what I said. Trogband killed my husbdor."
      • (to Jhonka) - "The Kerrek is dead!" he cries and hops around some more. You wonder how someone this primitive could have made that much dough.
    • Kerrek:
      • (to knight) - "I call him Big Stinky. He's slow and stupid, but he'll pound you into milks meat without a second thought."
    • Naked Ned:
      • (to knight) - "That weirdo used to live over in west Peasantry but now I guess he just prances around the forest in his birthday suit."
      • (to baby lady) - "Don't talk about that pervert in front of the baby here."
      • (to Mendelev and Dongolev*) - "That guy creeps us out. In fact, shut up about him."
      • (to Jhonka) - "Filthy naked peasant! Stay away from my cave-hole!" Who's he calling naked? HE'S the one wearing the string bikini.
      • (to innkeeper) - "He used to be such a nice, clothed young man. Wonder what he's done with all his old clothes?"
    • robe:
      • (to knight) - "Peasants wear those brown robes. You know, with the rope around the waist. Get yourself one of those."
      • (to baby lady) - "You can't have mine, pervert! I'm not a nudist peasant like that weirdo over in west Peasantry!"
      • (to Mendelev and Dongolev*) - "We wouldn't know. We only wear archer clothes. You just can't arch real well in a robe, y'know?"
      • (to Jhonka) - see naked ned
      • (to innkeeper) - "I wear my robe hood-down so it's easier to trim my ear-hairs. If you need a robe, maybe try someone that's not using theirs."
    • smell:
      • (to knight) - "I never met a peasant that didn't stink. If you wanna smell bad, get the Kerrek involved. That thing reeks!"
      • (to baby lady) - "What smells is junior here's drawers! I gotta quit feeding him so much horse!" / "And don't start asking me for his diapers, sicko!"
      • (to Mendelev and Dongolev*) - "That giant pig running around sure smells bad. Maybe talk to him."
      • (to Jhonka) - "Kerrek smell! Now Kerrek dead!" screeches the Jhonka. So you can infer from this that all smells are dead? You always sucked at the analytical questions.
      • (to innkeeper) - "Well, if you don't stink, maybe find something that does and wear it. Like a dead carcass or summat."
    • trogdor:
      • (to knight) - "If I had a gold coin for every whining peasant's cottage that freaking dragon burninated, I'd be rich as a jhonka."
      • (to baby lady) - "I hope you kill that stupid dragon. My 'Wives of Squished Peasants' support group would bake you a Poor Gary pie if you did."
      • (to Mendelev and Dongolev*) - "Oh man, there was this one time when I came THIS close to having Trogdor ARROWED!" says Dongolev. / "Hey, shut up! That was me!" interrupts Mendelev, "YOU almost arrowed that blue baby!" says Dongolev. [sic] / "Did not!" / "Did so!" / "Did not!" / (You see where this is going.)
      • (to Jhonka) - "All hail Burninator! Trogdor Number One! Beat Peasant Tech!" says the grimy Jhonka.
      • (to innkeeper) - "Are you talking about that young green boy that lives up the street? He's always tearing my roof off and eating my customers."
    • anything else:
      • (to knight) - "I don't know anything about that, short pants."
      • (to baby lady) - "I dunno what you're talking about."
      • (to Mendelev and Dongolev*) - "Either we don't know anything about that, or you're real boring."
      • (to Jhonka) - "Jhonka don't know nothing bout that!"
      • (to innkeeper) - "I don't know nothing about no whatever you just said."
      • (anywhere else) - "Ask about what?"
* - You can only ask Mendelev and Dongolev when they're together.
  • "attack sign" (at the Mountain Pass) - "I was being facetious, Mr. Smarty-short-pants. No sign attacking for you."

B

  • "boo" (anywhere) - "Scared me."
  • "break/kick/punch door" (at Outside mysterious cottage) - "Violence is not the answer."
  • "break sign" (at Mountain Pass) - See "attack sign"
  • "break stump, sit on stump, etc." (at Poor Gary's glen) - "Are you THAT bored? Do some questing already!"
  • "buy kerrek a cold one" (in the Kerrek's domain while he's still alive) - "The kerrek [sic] is a teetotaler and is offended by your request. You've really cheesed him off now." Warning: This speeds the Kerrek up, so be careful. This command was first seen in the email for kids.

C

  • "cheat" (or any phrase involving "cheat"; anywhere) - "Meh."
  • "climb _____"
    • "cliff"
      • (anywhere near the bottom of the cliff) - "There aren't enough footholds and you don't have any carabeaners on you."
      • (at the top of the cliff) - "They don't show the sports-drink people get down from the cliff. You've no idea how to start."
    • "fence"
      • (at Poor Gary's glen, before scaring him) - "No, you have business to attend to here in Peasantry."
      • (at Poor Gary's glen, after scaring him) - "More like you should walk through that gaping hole in it. Just an idea."
      • (at the hidden glen) - "Not going to dignify that with a response."
    • "in bucket" (at the well) - "Your butt is too big."
    • "in well" (at the well) - "No go. Your insurance doesn't cover that."
    • "tree"
      • (anywhere but at the wavy tree or hidden glen) - "But then your hands would get all sappy."
      • (at the hidden glen) - "Naw, you'd probably figure out some way to kill yourself doing that."
      • (at the wavy tree) - "You don't climb wavy trees."
      • (after getting a room in the inn) - "Naw. That's dumb. Do better."
  • "close _____"
    • "door"
      • (at Naked Ned's cottage) - "Already done. That was easy!"
      • (at Naked Ned's cottage, after the baby opens it) - "You can't. That baby really wrenched it open good."
    • "drawer"
      • (without stealing the robe) - "Right, right. Wouldn't want to leave the robes out where any old guy trying to beat an adventure game could take them."
      • (when it's closed) - "A riddle: What can be closed that is already closed? (hint: not this drawer)"
      • (after getting the robe) - "Aww, how thoughtful and boring of you. Break into this peasant's home, steal his clothes, but remember to tidy up after yourself. You're a real saint."
  • "cut off arms, legs, and head" (at Naked Ned's cottage) - "Very funny. You have trouble cutting out coupons in the weekly 'Peasant Penny-Pincher' circular. I'd like to see you try."

D

  • "dan" (or any phrase involving Dan; anywhere): "Dan's still okay. Got a place on Dekalb with Rick and his wife. Slimmed up a bit and looking towards the future."
  • "dance" (anywhere) - "You'd rather just stand here and soak up the scene."
  • "die" (anywhere) - "That wasn't very smart. You dead." Warning: This kills you.
  • "drink" (or any object after "drink"; anywhere) - "For simplicity's sake you are immune to hunger and thirst in this game. So you got that going for you./Which is nice."
  • "drop baby"
    • (once you have baby) - "Use the baby where? You haven't anywhere inconsiderate to stuff 'm." or "Quit tryin to ditch the baby!"
    • (before you have baby) - "You don't even have two babies to rub together."

E

F

G

  • "get a room" (when on fire) - \oard [sic] of Peasant Health says I can't serve any folk that's on fire. Nothing personal. Well, I mean, I don't like you much anyway."
  • "get/take/steal _____"
    • "(anything not listed and not relevant to the plot)" - You probably WISH you could get that.
    • "on rock" (at the rock in the stream) - "For what? Now you're just making up puzzles to solve."
    • "arrow"
      • (at the archery range) - "They have 'RANGE' printed on them, so it would be kind of embarrassing to have to shoot around with them. Also, that guy over there is giving you the evil eye."
      • (at the secret glen while Dongolev is there) - "Something tells me now's not a good time." (you get the arrow anyway and Dongolev shoots you) "It wasn't a good time. Hey, my mom's making peasant-kabobs for dinner TOO! Right. Anyway. You dead. Thanks for playing, and try not to die." Warning: As you can see, this kills you.
      • (at the secret glen after getting the first arrow OR at the secret glen after getting the second arrow after killing the Kerrek) - "You're pretty much all set on the arrow front. They're kinda cool, though."
      • (at the secret glen after killing the Kerrek) - "You grab yet another arrow from the tree hoping to get some bonus points."
      • (at Kerrek's body after killing the Kerrek) - "Eww! No way. That thing's got some serious Kerrek-Brand kooties on it now."
    • "baby" (inside the woman's cottage, while she has the baby) - "'You want to be a part of this family? GO GET US THOSE RICHES!!' she shrieks."
    • "bell" (in the inn, after getting a room) - "You can't. It looks like it's been somehow olded to the desk."
    • "belt" (after getting it) - "You totally got the belt already, as evidenced by the rancid cloud of odor that follows you like a shadow."
    • "berries"
      • (the same bush twice outside the woman's cottage) - "You already searched that bush. It was okay. Nothing to write home about... oh, wait... you don't have a home. My b."
      • (after you've gotten the trinket, outside the woman's cottage) - "You've searched your fill of berry bushes for this game. If you want to search more press 'reload' on the browser"
      • (at the west side of the lake) - "NO MAN! JEEZ!"
    • "bone/skull" (at the top of the cliff) - Eww. No. Grody. You're grody. No. Eww.
    • "broom" (inside Naked Ned's cottage) - "No, no. The broom is in the foreground and you can't take things from the foreground. You don't see me all typing 'get browser window', do you?"
    • "bucket" (at the well) - "You can't, it's tied to a rope and you're terrible with knots."
    • "candle" (at night, in the inn) - It seems like you should be able to do that, doesn't it? Sorry. No dice.
    • "chair"
      • (inside the woman's cottage, while she is there) - "No. There's a big bag of something in it. Oh, that's the baby lady."
      • (inside the woman's cottage, while she is gone) - "No. Too big for pants."
    • "club" (outside the Jhonka's cottage when he's out) - "Now there's a surefire way to get yourself killed."
    • "drawer" (inside Naked Ned's cottage) - "You get a hernia from lifting it. -2 Movement points, -10 Constitution. Don't do that again."
    • "feed" (inside the woman's cottage after stealing feed) - "You don't need anymore. It might give rise to old temptations.
    • "fire" (at the burninated tree at night) - "You don't need to get IT. Just let IT get YOU."
    • "flies" (at Poor Gary's glen, before scaring him) - "You nasty. Besides, they wouldn't survive a minute away from that horse's butt."
    • "gold" (inside the woman's cottage) - "Um, that's chicken feed."
    • "hay"
      • (at the hay bale) - "Who do you think you are? Some kind of Thy Dungeonman? You don't need any hay."
      • (inside the woman's cottage) - "There's a huge bale a couple of screens over from here. Why bother stealing?"
    • "kerrek" (in the Kerrek's domain while he's still alive) - "Well, he does smell real bad. But he's a bit too big to fit in your pocket."
    • "lantern" (at the signal lantern) - "Better not. There's an engraved plaque on it that says, "Do Not Remove Under Penalty Of 'You Die'."
    • "mud"
      • (when it's wet, before you fall in) - "You can't get the mud so much. More like the mud'll get you."
      • (when it's wet, after you fall in) - "You've already gotten an heapin' helpin' all up on yo'self."
    • "map" (at your cottage, after you've gotten it) - "Yeah but like you already map the took, guy!"
    • "note"
      • (at Jhonka's cave) - "It's been magically sealed to the door with a wondrously whimsical spell."
      • (outside the inn) - "What is it with you and notes?! No!!"
    • "old man rub" (in the inn) - You disgust me.
    • "paper" (in the inn) - Naw, it might be important to that wrinkly old loon.
    • "painting" (in the inn) - Weird. It's actually painted right into the wall. Like, the frame and everything.
    • "pebbles"
      • (after you've gotten them) - "Come now. We've been through this jaunty little bit before. You took them from the half lake screen with the cattail and stuff."
      • (from the opposite side of where you get the pebbles) "You do your best Mr. Fantastic impression, but you can't reach them from here."
    • "plague" (at the signal lantern) - Wrong game, Mispeller Jones. Try the little button to the left of the 'W'.
    • "plaque" (at the signal lantern) - You have enough of that on your browning, rotten peasant teeth already.
    • "pillow"
      • (in the inn) - Not a chance. There's even more questionable stains on that pillow than there are on that rug.
      • (inside the woman's cottage) - "You don't have anywhere to use it and it is rather bulky, so you leave it."
    • "pot" (in the inn, after you already have horse grease) - You already have a nice greasy swab of it on the corner of your hood.
    • "robe"
      • (in Naked Ned's cottage, after you've gotten it) - You still remember the time when you took them. Oh, the times have changed ... but the robes?
      • (in Naked Ned's cottage, when the drawer is closed) - You reach into the closed drawer and nearly break your hand slamming it. Just like a bird on a pane of glass minus the blamelessness.
    • "rock"
      • (by the stream) - "For what? Now you're just making up puzzles to solve."
      • (at the mud puddle) - "That rock's not doin' a whole lot for me."
      • (outside Naked Ned's cottage, after moving it) - "You've already moved the stone out of the way to reveal a less-than-peasant-sized hole."
    • "rug" (in the inn) - You're not touching that thing. Too many questionable stains on it.
    • "target" (at the archery range) - "No. Those will fall on you and more than likely kill you."
  • "give _____"
    • "(anything not listed)"
      • (inside the woman's cottage) - "We don't need that mess."
      • (anywhere except for the woman's cottage) - "You don't need to give that now."
    • "baby"
      • (in the inn, before you get the baby) - "You have no baby nor any immediate prospects."
      • (in the inn, when you already have the pills) - "You already milked that fogey for all the pills he's worth."
    • "riches"
      • (inside the woman's cottage, before getting the riches) - "'That's right,' she whines. 'Find my riches, and give here.'"
      • (inside the woman's cottage, after giving the riches) - "We did that already, and it was sort of humiliating."
    • "trinket"
      • (inside the woman's cottage) - " 'Did you find that thing in my yard?' she asks. 'I got that thing free in a box of Plaguezees. I need some FOR REAL riches!' "
      • (inside woman's cottage after giving trinket to Mendelev) " 'Why are you holding your hand out?' she asks. 'I told you I need riches, so I can't give em away.' You don't have a trinket to give, you realize."
  • "go _____" (anything or letter can be put in here) - "Use the arrow keys, pal. Just like a joypad only more like your day job.

H

  • "haldo"
    • (anywhere but in the secret glade after talking to Mendelev) - "That's totally not Dongolev."
    • (in the secret glade before talking to Mendelev) - "What'd you read that in PQ Stragedy [sic] Guide? Go talk to my brother first."
    • (in the secret glade after Dongolev leaves) - "Haldo?.' you call out... 'Hadloooooo' [sic] "
  • "hide in hay" (at the hay bale, before getting in) - "Not right now, man. You're feeling fairly clean given you just bathed 3 fortnights ago."
  • "hug tree" (at the hay bale) - "To every thing, turn, turn, turn. There is a season, turn, turn, turn."

I

J

  • "jump in hay" (by the hay bale, when you're not muddy) - "Not right now, man. You're feeling fairly clean given you just bathed 3 fortnights ago."

K

  • "kick/kill/punch poor gary"
    • (at Poor Gary's glen, before scaring him) - "You attempt to cause Poor Gary harm for no good reason other than you kinda suck at this game. {Poor Gary kicks you} WOW! For a decrepit old horse, Poor Gary still packs a mean whallop. You dead. Thanks for playing." Warning: Needless to say, this kills you.
    • (at Poor Gary's glen, after scaring him) - "Gary's gone now. Let go. Just let go. Let go!"
  • "kill _____"
    • "jhonka" (after he's outside) - "No way! Jhonka's are born scrappers. He may be little, but he'll crawl ya."
    • "kerrek"
      • (in the Kerrek's domain while he is present and you do not have the bow and arrow) - "With what?! You got no weapons except your butter-knife wit."
      • (in the Kerrek's domain when he is present and you have the arrow, but not the bow) - "With what?! You gonna throw that arrow at him?"
      • (in the Kerrek's domain when he is present and you have the bow, but not the arrow) - "With what?! You got no arrow, fool!"
      • (after the Kerrek is dead) - "Yeah. You smote the Kerrek. You deserve a trophy full of Mutton-ums."
    • "trogdor" (while Trogdor's asleep, in his lair) - "Like how?"
  • "knock"
    • (at the woman's cottage) - " 'It's open,' says a female voice from inside. Um, it's NOT open, but you get her drift."
    • (at the woman's cottage, after she leaves) - No one answers. That crazy lady took off. How ever will you get past this closed door now?
    • (at the Jhonka's cave while he's inside) - "A gravelly voice inside yells, 'JUST US CHICKENS' or: 'NO FOR RENT' or: 'I GIVE LAST YEAR!' or: 'GAVE AT OFFICE' or: 'GO WAY!'"
    • (at the inn, while it's closed) - "No answer."
    • (at the inn, after it's been opened) - "Just open it, man!"
    • (at Naked Ned's cottage) - "You could knock until your knuckles bleed. Nobody's home."
  • "Knock until knuckles bleed"
    • (at Naked Ned's cottage)-"You knock for about 4 hours until your knuckles are raw and bloody. That was fun!"
    • (type it again at Naked Ned's cottage)-"You done that already. A great time was had by all."

L

  • "light lantern"
    • (at the burninated trees before it is lit) - "With what? Your red-hot intellect?"
    • (at the burninated trees after it is lit) - "Already lit, moron."
  • "load" (in the Kerrek's domain while he's still alive) - "You can't be fumbling with a floppy while the Kerrek is bearing down on you."
  • "look _____"
    • (at anything, while hiding inside the bale of hay) - "Right now, you see a bunch of hay."
    • (at something previously in your inventory but now gone) - "You used to have one, before the great item blight of 402. Check your INVENTORY to read about it."
    • (at something currently in your inventory) - "You've totally got one of those! Check your INVENTORY to give'r a serious looksee."
    • "arrow" (at the hidden glen) - "Somebody call a tree doctor. Them puppies are stuck in there like a, um, er ... stuck pig."
    • "baby" (inside the woman's cottage while she has the baby) - "Peasant babies are pretty freaking adorable. This little guy's no exception."
    • "bed" (in the inn) - "Is that just a fitted sheet over a slab of concrete?"
    • "bell" (in the inn) - "Tis broked."
    • "belt" (in the Kerrek's domain while he's still alive) - "Yecch. I wouldn't touch that unless it was, like, an important quest item or something."
    • "berries"
      • (at the west side of the lake) "Shut up."
      • (outside the woman's cottage) - "Crunch berries maybe."
    • "boat/dinghy"
      • (at the fisherman's lake while he is fishing) - "Keep your eyes off my dinghy!"
      • (at the fisherman's lake after he is gone) - "It was loaned out to the Fishing Challenge videogame."
    • "bone/skeleton/skull" (at the top of the cliff for the bone and skull and in Trogdor's outer sanctum for the skeleton) - "You can't be sure but you think those are dead person bones."
    • "bush" (at the west side of the lake) - "Don't worry about that bush. Yeah, there's red berries on it but never you mind."
    • "bushes"
      • (outside the woman's cottage) - "You suspect they might be crunch berry bushes."
      • (in the hidden glen) - "There's some thick 'ol bushes up in this hidden glen."
    • "candle" (in the inn after getting a room) - "That candle's not at all on fire."
    • "cave"
      • (at the Jhonka's cave) - "Just a little cave. Calm down."
      • (at the top of the cliff) - "The cave entrance beckons to you like a hot mutton sandwich might."
    • "chair" (inside the woman's cottage) - "One of those self-rocking kind. Not bad for a brown-collar peasant-type. Must be trickle-down in action."
    • "club/turkey leg" (at the Jhonka's cave when he's outside) - "Turkey leg or no, it looks like the Jhonka's been gnawing on it."
    • "cottage"
      • (at the yellow tree) - "You see a cottage in the distance. You hold your fingers up to one eye and pretend to squash it."
      • (outside Naked Ned's cottage) - "A run-of-the-mill, non-burninated thatched-roof cottage here. Its stonework looks a little shoddy."
      • (outside the woman's cottage) - "You had a cottage once. A lot like this one. *sniff* Trogdor will pay!"
      • (at your burninated cottage) - "All your baubles and trinkets, your flasks and scrolls, your goblets and staffs! BURNINATED!!"
    • "crank"
      • (at the well before putting pebbles in the bucket) - "It looks rusted in place."
      • (at the well after putting pebbles in the bucket) - "That is a bonafide crank. It seems to work now."
    • "curtain/beads" (in Trogdor's outer sanctum) - "That thing's awesome. You always wanted one for your dorm room but your roommate was a total drag and said no."
    • "desk"
      • (at the archery range) - "It says 'archery' on it. My wife's drunk."
      • (inside the inn) - "There's a broken bell and a piece of parchment on there."
    • "door"
      • (outside the inn) - "Just a door. A door with a note on it."
      • (in Trogdor's outer sanctum) - "A wicked beaded curtain hangs in the doorway."
      • (outside the woman's cottage) - "Listen to you, "look door" What kinda gaming is that? It's a door and it's closed."
    • "feed" (inside the woman's cottage) - "Cool Ranch. Your old favorite."
    • "fence"
      • (at Poor Gary's glen, before scaring him) - "A particularly rickety peasant-issue fence. Trogdor uses bits of these as toothpicks."
      • (by haystack/Jhonka's cottage/Naked Ned's cottage) - "A standard peasant fence. Trogdor makes milk's meat outta these things."
      • (at the hidden glen) - "Wow! There's a hole in it on THIS side too!"
    • "flies" (at Poor Gary's glen, before scaring him) - "A cloud of buttflies fly around the horse's butt."
    • "footprints" (when the Kerrek is not present) - "If you weren't a simpleton you might think these were Kerrek prints. But since you are a simpleton, you just go, 'Yay! Piggies!' "
    • "hay"
      • (at the hay bale) - "It reminds you of a warm, safe place where as a child you'd hide."
      • (inside the woman's cottage) - "Hay is for horses!"
    • "horse" (at Poor Gary's glen, before scaring him) - "This bag o' bones looks like he's headed for the glue factory. He's got the name 'Poor Gary' branded onto his hide."
    • "in hay" (at the hay bale) - "You search and search through the haystack. Nope. No needles."
    • "in well" (at the well) - "It's dark and welly in there. Smell like stank too."
    • "inn" (outside the inn) - "Looks okay from out here. But do they have a free breakfast buffet?"
    • "jhonka" (at the Jhonka's cottage when he's outside) - "The Jhonka is gray and grody. He's got a cromagnon forehead and jaw with a pair of wicked incisors. He sports an old loin-cheese cloth and carries either a big club or one of those roasted turkey legs you got at the Ren Fest."
    • "kerrek"
      • (in the Kerrek's domain while he is alive) - "It's the Kerrek, you moron! Get outta here!"
      • (while he's decomposing) - "He dead. You didn't think he could have smelled any worse? Well, guess what: He smells worse."
      • (when he's all bones) - "He dead. He wasn't fat, he was just big boned! Poor pig-man."
    • "knight" (at the mountain pass) - "He looks way cooler than you."
    • "lady/woman"
      • (inside the woman's cottage, while she's still there) - "Typical pasty peasant woman, overbearing and judgemental. Obsessed with goods and land."
      • (inside the woman's cottage, after she's gone) - "I can't believe you thought you had a chance with her!/Dork!"
    • "lake" (at the fisherman's lake) - "Why it's half a lake."
    • "lake/water" (at the lake with pebbles) - "It extends onto the next screen and has a sandy shore."
    • "lantern"
      • (while unlit; at the burninated trees) - "It's unlit at the moment. That fancy pants royal knight probably lights it on nights when Troggie's on the prowl."
      • (while lit; at the burninated trees) - "It's lit! Musta been a Trogdor sighting tonight."
    • "lightning" (at the top of the cliff) - "Scary. Like Auntie Gerelda's crow's feet."
    • "man" (in the inn) - "He's an older peasant with big cotton swabs stuffed up his nose. Oh wait. Those are nose hairs. Grody."
    • "man/guy/peasant/old guy/old man" (at the fisherman's lake while he is fishing) - "An older peasant sits silently in a boat with his line in the water."
    • "ned" (at the wavy tree, when Naked Ned is peeking out) - "A fairly naked man is peeking out behind that tree."
    • "openings" (in Trogdor's outer sanctum) - "They're mysterious and out of reach. Like girls were to you in high school."
    • "painting" (in the inn) - "It's a painting of dogs playing 'Magic: The Nerdening.'"
    • "paper"
      • (in the inn) - "It says, 'Note to self: Wave arms wildly!'"
      • (at your burninated cottage) - "Hey, it's your old fireproof map to Peasantry."
    • "pillow"
      • (in the inn) - "If you sleep in that bed, you're NOT putting your head on that nasty pillow."
      • (in the woman's cottage) - "Swedish foam. Your favorite."
    • "pot" (in the inn after getting a room) - "It's full of horse grease. I guess that sounds useful."
    • "rock"
      • (by the stream) - "The ages have worn this rock down. It is a rock of ages. Still a-rollin."
      • (at the mud patch) - "That rock's not doin' a whole lot for me."
      • (at Naked Ned's cottage after removing it) - "Some jerk removed a loose stone from the back of the cottage."
    • "rug" (in the inn) - "Maybe that used to be a magic carpet. But it's sure a cat pee-stained carpet now."
    • "sand"
      • (at the fisherman's lake) - "One million three hundred thousand seventy-four hundred and sixty two... One million three hundred thousand seventy-four hundred and sixty three... Drat! You lost count again."
      • (at the west side of the lake after getting the pebbles) - "Remember those pebbles on the beach? Man, those were good times."
    • "shelf" (inside the woman's cottage) - "Nothing but a bag of chicken feed."
    • "sign"
      • (at the mountain pass) - "What that sign there? That sign says 'Trogdor.'"
      • (outside the inn) - "If you can't read that sign, you need to quit playing this game."
    • "stump"
      • (at the burninated trees) - "NOT a good place to sit."
      • (at Poor Gary's glen) - "You run out of ideas as to what to do next, and stare at the stump."
    • "target" (at the archery range) - "Hey, they had those same targets at Peasant Scout Camp!"
    • "tree"
      • (at the burninated trees) - "Severely burninated. They could probably use some salve."
      • (at the hay bale) - "It's Arbor Day, Charlie Brown!"
      • (at the hidden glen) - "Dude, and then the elf, like, totally climbed up it. It was awesome!"
      • (at the wavy tree) - "It's weird and wavy."
      • (at the well) - "That's one orange tree alright."
      • (at the yellow tree) - "You're really hurtin' for puzzle solutions, eh?"
    • "trees" (anywhere) - "You are an incredibly boring person."
    • "trogdor"
      • (in Trogdor's lair) - "Holy crap! Trogdor's way bigger in person than he looks in most tapestries you've seen. All of the sudden, losing your cottage doesn't seem so bad anymore."
      • (at mountain pass) - I know it's labeled 'Trogdor,' but it's really just a sign, silly. I mean, attack it if you want...
    • "water" (by the stream) - Got a rock in it.
    • "waterfall" (at the waterfall) - "Upon closer inspection, you discover it's not magical. That's just mist, not magic sparkles or anything."
    • "well" (at the well) - "Pretty average. You're not a big well person. You're more into bridges. It does have a cute little bucket though. Your dad liked buckets. Oh, and there's a metal crank too. Meemaw loved cranks."
    • "window"
      • (outside the inn) - "Check it out! There's an INN in there."
      • (inside the inn) - "Check it out! There's a Peasantry out there!

M

  • "make friends with kerrek" - "Look, it didn't work for Strongbad [sic] and it's not gonna work for you either." (As seen in for kids)
  • "map" (before you find the map; anywhere) - "We are neither confirming nor denying the presence of a map in this game, but irridisregardless, you don't have one."

N

O

  • "open _____"
    • "door"
      • (at the Jhonka's cave while he's inside) - "It's locked. With one o' them SCHLAGE deadbolts, too. Those things are hard core."
      • (at Naked Ned's cottage) - "How? There's no knob."
      • (at Naked Ned's cottage, after the baby opens it) - "It's already open. Since this is an adventure game we're gonna proffer you adventure yourself on in there."
      • (at the inn, while it's closed) - "It's locked fast!"
    • "drawer"
      • (in Naked Ned's cottage when it's open) - "Yeah, totally! Except it's already open you moron."
      • (in Naked Ned's cottage after getting the robe and closing the drawer) - "You already closed it, which was nice, and so we gave you some points. Let sleeping drawers lie."

P

  • "party" (anywhere) - "You are part of the Whig party. They are making gangrene-awareness their number one campaign priority."
  • "pet horse/poor gary" (at Poor Gary's glen, before scaring him) - "Aww, that's sweet. Poor Gary tries in vain to bite your arm off."
  • "pwd" - Prints on-screen your location in the game's programming. (This could be a kind of a "joke" of sorts. In Unix/Linux, pwd is the command for "print working directory", and the location is printed out in the form of a filename.)
  • "put _____"
    • "baby" (at the well) - "Where you wanna toss em?"
    • "baby in well/bucket" (at the well, before getting the baby) - "Hmmmm... A baby, eh? You check your sundial. Babies-R-Us is probably closed by now."
    • "baby in well"
      • (after getting the sub) - "Li'l tyke seems to enjoy the ride, but - thin or not - we've got a plot to advance here."
      • (at the well with the baby) - "Jeez man! At least put the poor little guy in the bucket! Give him a fighting chance!"
    • "pebbles" - "Where you wanna toss em?"
    • "pebbles in bucket"
      • (at the well, when you don't have them - "Find some pebbles first and you might have the makings of a good idea. About time."
      • (after getting the maskus) - "We've already been through this exercise and it went pretty well, ya?"
    • "pebbles in well"
      • (at the well, when you have them) - "Then it'd be tough to get them back. You never go ANYWHERE without your rocks"
      • (at the well, when you don't have them) - "Riiight, right. Which ones?"

Q

  • "quit" - "Well fine Boring Sanders! Hope you saved your game cause it is OVER between us!" Warning: The game still quits.

R

  • "ride horse/poor gary" (at Poor Gary's glen, before scaring him) - "Naw, snapping horse spines just doesn't seem as cool as it did in high school."
  • "ring bell" (in the inn) - "Instead of ringing or dinging, it just goes DUNG."

S

  • "scare horse" (at Poor Gary's glen, before scaring him) - "You tell Gary the "THE CALLS ARE COMING FROM INSIDE THE HOUSE!!" one but he doesn't act very scared. He's probably heard it before." or: "You tell Gary about how much cholesterol is in hay and how his arteries are probably all black and clogged. He shrugs it off." or: "You tell Gary the story about the kid who pops this big zit he has and all these baby spiders come out. It doesn't phase him."
  • "sit on stump" (at Poor Gary's glen) - "Are you THAT bored?! Do some questing already!"
  • "skip stones" (at the west side of the lake) - "You've always been terrible at skipping stones. And you're even worse at just plain throwing rocks in lakes. You decide to save yourself the embarrassment."
  • "sleep"
    • (inside the woman's cottage) - "That's probably how the first baby got here. Forget it."
    • (in the inn while the man is there) - "You probably want to talk to that stinky old guy over there about that."
  • "smell/sniff" (anywhere) - "Smells like a computer game."
  • "swim"
    • (at the rock in the river) - "Peasants can't swim. Like, it's illegal."
    • (at the waterfall) - "That waterfall would probably churn you into one of those weight-gain protein smoothies."
    • (at the west side of the lake) - "Not in this game, Swimmer Dan! In this game, you drown."

T

  • "talk"
    • (at the archery range, while away from or behind the desk) - "Why don't you saddle up to the front of the table there, cowboy?"
    • (at the archery range, after beating the minigame) - "Go away!" says Dongolev. "We're arguing about who's hotter," adds Mendelev.
    • (at wavy tree, with Naked Ned visible)- "You startled him and he disappears!"
  • "talk ____"
    • (someone not in the screen, inanimate, or nonexistent; anywhere) - "It's sad when you have to make up people to talk to."
    • "baby" (inside the woman's cottage, before you get the baby) - "You say some cute, stupid stuff and the baby just blows snot bubbles."
    • "gary" (at Poor Gary's glen when he's there) - "Your attempts at conversation are met with horse grunts and tail flaps. Which is better than you do at conversation with most people."
    • "kerrek" (in the Kerrek's domain while he is alive) - "Me llamo Julio,' you begin... It seems only to further anger the already temperamental Kerrek. That stupid 'Learn Kerrek in 3 Weeks' cassette did nothing for you!"
    • "lady" (inside the woman's cottage after she's gone) - "You'd call out her name and let it ring through the empty room, enveloping you in sorrow, but you don't actually know her name."
    • "Naked Ned" (at the wavy tree, with Naked Ned visible)- "'Never speak of this meeting!' says the nudie and he disapperars."
    • "tree" (at the wavy tree) - "Trees can't talk but a breeze picks up and you swear the leaves whisper the words 'Naked Ned.' Weird."
    • "trogdor" (in Trogdor's lair while he's asleep) - "You yell some choice expletives at Trogdor but he doesn't wake up. There's a cool echo, though."
    • "well" (At the well) "You yell into the well and enjoy the echo. Keep in mind there are no stereos yet."
  • "this sucks" (anywhere) - "Come now. Don't get discouraged."
  • "throw _____"
    • (anything but the feed; at the fisherman's lake while he is fishing) - " 'That isn't gonna work for bait!' the old man screams, at a needlessly harsh volume."
    • (anything; when the fisherman is gone) - "You already fed the fish. Let's get moving, here, people!"
    • "baby"
      • (anywhere but the west side of the lake) - "Hmmm. Maybe try someplace else.
      • (at the west side of the lake before getting the baby) - "I think you misread the walkthrough on GameFAQs. You gotta get the baby first."
      • (at the west side of the lake after getting the soda) - "Baby Dashing is a little waterlogged from the toss, and you read his soft gurgling to mean that there's no more soda left."
      • (anywhere without the baby) - "You don't even have two babies to rub together."
    • "feed"
      • (at the east side of the lake before getting the feed) - "You have nothing with which to do that...with."
      • (at the east side of the lake after throwing the feed) - "You already fed the fish. Let's get moving here, people!You already fed the fish. Let's get moving here, people!" (The repetition is probably just a goof.)
  • "try" - (at Naked Ned's cottage) - "Okay, fine. You try to cut off your hard-earned extremities. It doesn't work. You dead. Thanks for nothing." Warning: You die.
  • "turn crank"
    • (at the well, on the other side of the screen) - "You got a short reach to match your short pants. Try standing closer to that crank."
    • (at well, after you get the maskus) - {first time} "Down she goes! You could do this all day!" {second time} "The drama grips you, but the bucket is empty. On the bright side, you're getting a pretty sweet workout for your Deltoidus Rex muscles."

U

  • "use/deploy baby"
    • (at Naked Ned's hut, before getting the baby) - "Swell idea, but is you ain't my baby? I.e. you ain't got one?"
    • (at Naked Ned's hut, before moving the stone) - "Use the baby where? You haven't anywhere inconsiderate to stuff 'm."
    • (at Naked Ned's hut, after the baby has left) - "Li'l P.B. has moved on, and the door seems to be open...I can't see why we'd go through this all over again."
  • "use pebbles" (at the well) - "What do you propose to do with them? Discuss."

V

W

  • "wake up trogdor" - "Troggie...", you murmur. "Troggie, wake up it's time for Burnination school." He's not budging."
  • "wear _____"
    • "belt" (after getting the belt) - "You're already wearing it. Too bad you smell like the trash barge off Peasant Isle."
    • "mask"
      • (anywhere but Poor Gary's glen) - "Not on this screen. You've got your image to think about. Actually, you might want to start deliberating on that right now."
      • (in Poor Gary's glen after scaring him) - "Gary's gone now. Let go. Just let go. Let go!"
  • "where" (anywhere) Tells you where you are.
  • "why" (anywhere) - "I wish I knew."

X

Y

  • "Yes" (to the Jhonka when he asks you about his riches)- "'I KILL YOU!!' screams the Jhonka. Club or turkey leg, the jhonka sure just beat you senseless with whatever he was holding. You dead. Thanks for playing!" Warning: Obviously, you will die.

Z

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