Sickly Sam's Big Outing

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Toon Category: Holiday Toon
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Based on the vaudeville stylings of Wibe Chimendez

The Homestar Runner helps Sickly Sam get ready for a date.

Cast (in order of appearance): Mr. Shmallow, The Homestar Runner, Old-Timey Marzipan, Sickly Sam, Old-Timey Strong Bad, Strong Man, The Sneak, Fort Wayne Locomotive, Old-Timey Bubs, Dee

Places: "Skid Row", Someone's House, The Football Field, Saw Mill, The Boardwalk, Inside Sickly Sam, The Glue Factory

Date: Monday, February 11, 2008

Running Time: 4:47

Page Title: Listen Up Short Children!!



{Open on a shot of an old-timey radio. As the announcer talks, cartoon lightning bolts fly out of the speakers.}

ANNOUNCER: {voiceover} Listen up, short children!

{Cut to a title card for "Fluffy Puff Air-Puffed Sugar Delights Presents The Homestar Runner Progrum", with Mr. Shmallow dancing in the middle of the screen.}

ANNOUNCER: {voiceover} It's the Fluffy Puff Air-Puffed Sugar Delights Presents The Homestar Runner Progrum! In a color!

{A speech bubble reading "A COLOR!" in pink appears, pointing to Mr. Shmallow. Iris wipe to a title shot of each character as the announcer introduces them.}

ANNOUNCER: {voiceover} Featuring The Homestar Runner!

AUDIENCE: {cheers}

ANNOUNCER: {voiceover} His best gal, Marzipan!

AUDIENCE: {cheers}

ANNOUNCER: {voiceover} Diseased orphan, Sickly Sam!

AUDIENCE: {gasps}

ANNOUNCER: {voiceover} Dapper thousandaire, Strong Bad!

AUDIENCE: {stronger boos}

{The last title shot features a robot, an alien, and an eel-like creature.}

ANNOUNCER: {voiceover} And the rest!


ANNOUNCER: {voiceover} Today's shenanigans: Sickly Sam's Big Outing!

{Title card for the toon features Sickly Sam chasing three pink-colored hearts, with the text "Sickly Sam's Big Outing" and "Based on the Vaudeville Stylings of Wibe Chimendez". Open on The Homestar Runner and Marzipan walking down an empty street. The windows and doors of the houses they pass are broken and boarded up, and there are many cracks in the walls and the road.}

MARZIPAN: This must be skid row.

{They keep walking, and come upon a large box labelled "SOME HAMS".}

MARZIPAN: This must be skid ro—

THE HOMESTAR RUNNER: Wake up, Sickly Sam. Today's the first day of the day of your big outing.

{Sickly Sam exits the box.}

MARZIPAN: Up and at 'em.

{Sickly Sam coughs twice, making dust clouds with the words "AS-" and then "ASBESTOS".}

MARZIPAN: You need some dentifrice!

{Behind Homestar and Marzipan is a garbage can with eyeholes. Cartoony eyes stick out of these holes as Homestar says the next line.}

THE HOMESTAR RUNNER: If you're s'pose go on a big outing, we need to find you up a hot date.

{Zoom in on the can with foreboding music, then cut to inside the can, where Strong Bad, Strong Man and The Sneak are present.}

STRONG BAD: So, that dead kid needs a hot date, eh? The only date he has is with the glue factory! {musical sting} Which I will sell him to! {musical sting} For money! {musical sting}

{cut to a room with The Homestar Runner and Sickly Sam inside}

THE HOMESTAR RUNNER: First we gotta do something about that old 'tatoe sack.

{The door is knocked}

THE HOMESTAR RUNNER: Uh oh, the doorbe—{the scene quickly cuts to the same spot} There's a knock at the door.

{The Homestar Runner opens the door. The Sneak it on the other side, holding up a telegram.}

THE SNEAK: Whaaaaaaaaa telegraaam!

THE HOMESTAR RUNNER: Thanks, The Sneak. Boot!

{The Homestar Runner boots The Sneak off into the distance}

THE HOMESTAR RUNNER: This Honest Telegram says to meet your hot date down at the Boardwalk.

{The telegram is displayed in The Homestar Runner's hands.}



Dearest Dead Kid (stop)

Please meet for good times (stop)

at the Boardwalk. (stop)


-Hottessa Date

SICKLY SAM: Am I gonna make romance?

THE HOMESTAR RUNNER: {placing a bow tie on Sickly Sam} Now let's get you dressed to the five and three-quarterses.

SICKLY SAM: I do believe you've spicked my span.

{The bow tie turns into a bat and flies away. Sickly Sam is now in a room with Marzipan, and the "Do a Dance" music is playing.}

MARZIPAN: Come on, Jackson! Cut yourself a slice of rug! Let's turn those skeleton knees into bees' knees!

{Sickly Sam starts doing the Charleston. After a short time his legs fall off, but he keeps dancing for a few seconds until his body falls to the ground. Sickly Sam is now on the football field with The Homestar Runner and Fort Wayne Locomotive.}

THE HOMESTAR RUNNER: Say there, Fort Wayne Locomotive, how's about a pep talk? Double-S here's about to go on his first date with a member of the opposite... persuasion.

FORT WAYNE LOCOMOTIVE: Well, I tell ya, Sickle Cell, when it comes to the ladies, you gotta turn and run the other way, like you're facin' the defense of the {holding flag} Sheboygan Booteaters! Dames is trouble! T-R-U-double-E-Bubble! {the camera zooms in as he spells "trouble", and the letters appear at the bottom of the screen as he says them} Hut one, hut two, and a hike!

{Fort Wayne Locomotive hands a football to Sickly Sam and runs away, shouting gibberish. The football deflates in Sickly Sam's hands, and The Homestar Runner begins to walk away. Sickly Sam and The Homestar Runner are now in front of Old-Timey Bubs's cart, labeled "Depot on Wheels."}

THE HOMESTAR RUNNER: You're almost ready, Sickly Sam. Last thing you need is a reaaaaaaaaaaal... {The Homestar Runner's body begin to spin and his legs twist, pushing him upward. The camera zooms out as he keeps going up and off the panel, and he then abruptly snaps back down to the ground.} ...bouquet.

OLD-TIMEY BUBS: Take a whiff.

{He holds the bouquet in front of Sickly Sam. He takes a whiff, causing the flowers to combust into flames and set the rest of the flowers on fire. The entire film catches fire and burns away from the screen. The soundtrack cuts out abruptly, and after a couple of seconds of white screen, the scene cuts to Strong Bad laughing evilly as The Homestar Runner and Marzipan, tied up, slowly move along a conveyor belt toward a giant spinning sawblade. The scene then disappears and we see Sickly Sam, wearing a little hat with a flower on it, holding a box of 'Chockle,' standing on a wooden boardwalk, with a Coney-Island-style amusement park on a pier in the sunset in the background. Two very fake-looking birds 'fly' by, one from the left and one from the right, hanging from wires.}

SICKLY SAM: I'm havin' a time.

{Cut to another section of the boardwalk, with Strong Bad, Strong Man, and the Sneak.}

STRONG BAD: All right, boys! Remember the plan! Step One: give him the business!

{Strong Man flexes his muscles and the Sneak's nose wiggles sneakily.}

STRONG BAD: Step Two: cocktails in the parlor! We shan't get foiled again!

{Strong Man exits stage left, jumping out of the side of the frame and into the frame with Sickly Sam. He crashes through the wooden boards, leaving a jagged hole, from which three board-mounted 'shark fins' roil and dance greedily, as if invisible wooden sharks were feeding on him.}

SICKLY SAM: What a pleasant hole.

{Cut to closeup of Sickly Sam, who looks into the hole.}

SICKLY SAM: I can't say 'nough good things about this hole.

{Camera moves to boardwalk railing, along which the Sneak is sneaking, with a Big Knife held in his twirly tail. He poises his tail to strike like a scorpion, but is attacked by four wire-hung seagulls which caw and screech as they 'attack' him. They carry him into the distant background and drop him into the water. Cut to Strong Bad, who jumps into the frame from stage right and threatens Sickly Sam with a revolver as he speaks.}

STRONG BAD: Curses, you bone-legged boob! I'll pump you generously full of lead, shot at high velocity out of my pistola! So as to pierce the flesh! Or in your case, the burlap sack!

{Sickly Sam reaches out an improbably long right arm, opens his mouth, and, seizing Strong Bad by the head, slowly swallows him feet first. Strong Bad flings his pistol into the water in surprise.}

STRONG BAD: Rrrah! I can't believe I'm being eaten! What a tragedy! I was supposed to sell you to the glue factory and whatnot!

{Strong Bad is mustache-deep in Sickly Sam's mouth by now}

STRONG BAD: I can't believe I'm still being eaten! This is taking so much longer than I expected!

{Cut to closeup of Sickly Sam}

SICKLY SAM: {gulps} This is the finest meal I've ever had in my extremely lo-o-ong life!

{Circle wipe from black screen to interior of Sickly Sam's torso. More dramatic organ music plays. There is a barrel, a shovel, a jug marked 'XXX,' and a Parcheesi board with a few tokens on it.}

STRONG BAD: Curses! All they've got in here is Parcheesi! Can't a gentle-man at least get a game of, say, pole-dagger, or Polynesian Roulette? What manner of uncivilized ribcage is this, anyways?

{Fade out on Strong Bad shaking his fist in frustration. Organ music plays. Fade in on Sickly Sam standing in front of a glue factory. His left arm hugs a skinny, bony swaybacked horse with two enormous buck teeth, scraggly hair and a few strands of hair where a tail should be, wearing Far-Side-style ladies' glasses and a nametag labeled "Dee".}

SICKLY SAM: I've finally found the love of a lifetime.

{A big, beating pink heart appears over Dee's head. She leans into Sickly Sam's tender embrace as we circle-wipe to black. Only the heart is left above the words 'The End.' The organ music plays a final tune as the heart falls onto the lettering. The controls 'back?' and 'again?' appear.}

Fun Facts


  • Vaudeville was a type of variety theater popular in the early 20th century, featuring comedians, musicians, and assorted other acts.
  • A skid row is a run-down or dilapidated urban area with a large population of impoverished abusers of alcohol and often other drugs.
  • The Fort Wayne Locomotive refers to Sickly Sam as "Sickle Cell", a group of genetic disorders that cause the red blood cells to take on a sickle-shape.
  • A dentifrice is a means of maintaining oral hygiene, such as toothpaste or mouthwash.
  • Asbestos is a mineral compound that was used to make things like roofing, fireproofing and gaskets. After discovering asbestos fibers can cause serious illnesses, they have been banned from many countries since the mid-1980s.
  • Sheboygan is a city in the state of Wisconsin.
  • Fort Wayne is a city in the state of Indiana.
  • Dressed to the five and three-quarters is a toned-down version of dressed to the nines. The phrase refers to someone who is sharply dressed.
  • Selling Sickly Sam to the glue factory refers to the practice of using animal connective tissue and bones to make animal glue. The animal in question is usually a horse.
  • Early 20th century films would be partially colorized in some parts of certain scenes for emphasis. This colorization would have to be done after the film was already made.
  • "8 bits" is slang expression for "one dollar", as well as being the number of bits making up a byte, as well being a video color system. A fowler is a gun used for shooting birds.
  • To "cut a rug" is a slang expression meaning "to dance".


  • This is the first full Old-Timey cartoon since 2004's That A Ghost.
  • This is the first full Old-Timey cartoon to include a color: pink.
  • This is the first full Old-Timey cartoon to not include Fat Dudley in the storyline.
  • This is the first cartoon in which we hear Fort Wayne Locomotive say anything.
    • This is the first time the Fort Wayne Locomotive is made an official 1936 character, having previously been a background character. It is also the first time his name is officially used in a cartoon. The only other time he had been referred to by that name was in the commentary for Ballad of the Sneak.
  • This cartoon reveals that The Sneak can indeed talk.


  • In the TV Time Toons Menu's preview of the toon, the bouquets are completely black and white, whilst in the toon, they are partially pink.
  • "Based on the vaudeville stylings of Wibe Chimendez" sounds similar to "based on the comedic stylings of Li'l Strong Bad" from theme song.
  • As The Homestar Runner gets the telegram it says "SUPER MODERN TELEGRAM," but as he reads it it says "HONEST TELEGRAM."
  • The first color films appeared in the late 1920s, but experimental color films (which this resembles) with only part of the scene colorized or tinted, were done as early as the first decade of the 20th century.
  • Fort Wayne Locomotive pulls the Sheboygan Booteaters flag out of hammerspace.


  • When Old Timey Strong Bad jumps in on the boardwalk, Sickly Sam's hat and chocolate disappear.

Inside References

  • This toon includes an instance of kicking The Sneak.
  • At one point, The Sneak holds a Big Knife.
  • Old-Timey Strong Bad's pistol, last seen in Parsnips A-Plenty, is another instance of guns.
  • "The Homestar Runner Progrum" is another instance of a progrum.
  • Old-Timey Strong Bad is named at his introduction as a "thousandaire", a reference to suntan.
  • The toon is based on the vaudeville stylings of Wibe Chimendez.
  • Sickly Sam does the same dance he did in Ballad of the Sneak, the Charleston.
  • Sickly Sam is seen in a cardboard box.
  • Old-Timey Strong Bad, The Sneak and the Strong Man hide in a garbage can with cartoon eyeholes
  • Sickly Sam eating Strong Bad is another instance of Eating Non-food Items.
  • The flower cart is called a "Depot on Wheels" because Old-Timey Bubs was previously seen staffing the Parsnip Depot in Parsnips A-Plenty.

Real-World References

  • "The Rest" at the end of the introduction of characters is a reference to the theme of the first season of Gilligan's Island.
  • "C'mon Jackson, cut yourself a slice of rug!" is a quote from the 1945 Looney Tunes cartoon Hare Tonic with Bugs Bunny and Elmer Fudd.
  • Parcheesi is a game played with two dice, and the goal is to move each of your pawns to the center space.
  • The note on the side of the Honest Telegram "X-11ish" a reference to X-11 Window System. The telegram also contains an ambiguous Truth Table.
  • The sound and side-to-side movements of The Fort Wayne Locomotive are identical to those of the player in the handheld game Tiger Electronic Football

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