Strong Badia the Free Walkthrough

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FREE STRONG BAD!
A complete walkthrough to Strong Bad's Cool Game for Attractive People Episode 2: Strong Badia the Free.

Currently, this walkthrough contains information on how to collect the 8 flags, the 4 Cave Girl Squad ideas, and the 13 burnable objects. It does not tell you where to find the 4 Math Kickers pages, the non-plot-necessary of the Strong Sad insults, or the 7 Costume items.

Spoiler warning: Plot or ending details follow.

Contents

Intro

Strong Bad receives an e-mail from "Roy T." at "Castle Hill" asking about the King of Town's ruling practices. In the middle of slagging the King, none other than KoT himself runs in and announces Strong Bad to be under arrest for failure to pay the new e-mail tax (which is news to Strong Bad). As punishment, a collar is placed around Strong Bad's neck, an invisible fence is set up outside his front door, and his map is confiscated, meaning he's stuck in the house until the fence and collar are de-activated.

Level 1: Getting Out

  • Go to the window of the computer room. Marzipan, Strong Mad, Homestar, The Cheat, and Coach Z have gathered outside to protest matters.
  • Ask them about the fence. They won't tamper with it because doing so would be illegal.
  • Ask about the stick by the fence. It's an orfigy erfigy RPG effigy of the King of Town, but it doesn't look enough like him for them to burn it.
  • Leave the window and check your diagram from the intro. Four things are missing: his beard, his crown, his bulk, and his robe.
  • Go to Strong Sad's room.
  • Ask Strong Sad about the fence outside. He'll start to tell you how to circumvent it before realizing that doing so might be illegal.
  • Go to the bathroom.
  • Grab Strong Mad's red towel.
  • Head downstairs.
  • If you wish to call the King of Town's bluff, step outside, but Strong Bad will be thrown back 100 feet from the explosion.
  • Head to Strong Bad's room.
  • Grab the crown off of his bookcase.
  • Snatch the Black Metal Detector and shovel.
  • Optionally, play some Math Kickers.
  • Head downstairs.
  • Snatch the pillow from atop the dryer.
  • Go to the Basement.
  • There's some loose stuffing in the couch. Take it.
  • Race back up to the computer room and back to the protestors.
  • One by one, give them the stuffing, towel, pillow, and crown, in any order.

The Cheat assembles the items on the "effigy", using the stuffing for a beard, the crown as the crown, the pillow as bulk, and the towel as a robe. Now it's a much better effigy of the King of Town, and the mob demands a sacrifice. Even Marzipan concedes it might help. As Strong Sad predicted, the fire destroys the fence and renders your collar useless. You're outta here!

Cutscene

Strong Bad assembles the forces in Strong Badia, informing them that he has seceded from the Municipality of Free Country, USA, and the rule of "The Of Town" (he doesn't deserve to be King in Strong Bad's mind). He further calls for open rebellion. The call works, but not as Strong Bad anticipated: everyone forms their own independent lands and Free Country is split into many different autonomies. Yeesh.

Level 2: A Strong Badia Divided

Strong Badia / The Cheat & Tirerea

  • Grab the game board from in front of the sign. Strong Bad will alter it to look like a map.
  • Go to the game box and find the play money lying around. Strong Bad will take it as actual currency.
  • Talk to The Cheat and find out he, too, has seceded, dividing Strong Badia into civil war.
  • Mention re-unification, and the Cheat will feel like he's been pushed around.
  • Offer the Cheat the Vice-Presidency, and he'll demand tangible proof.
  • While you're here, dig around with the Detector and find... a power strip?
  • Head to Bleak House.

Bleak House (House of the Brothers Strong)

  • Check the package at the door. It's a special pin from the airlines, congratulating Strong Bad on surviving their flight.
  • Snoop around with the Detector and find... a 3-ring binder? Okay, then.
  • Go inside.
  • Talk to Strong Sad. He'll inform you that he's formed a constitutional monarchy, complete with Bill of Rights and flag.
  • Take his fake sword from by the bed.
  • Look under the box and find a Bleak House flag.
  • Check his bookcase to pick up a Cave Girl Squad idea.
  • Race back to Strong Badia.

Strong Badia / The Cheat & Tirerea

  • Give the Cheat the pin.

It worked! The Cheat feels special after you use the pin to deputize him Chief of Police. Civil War is over in Strong Badia! On top of this, The Cheat returns your not-BMW-due-to-copyright-purposes-but-still-a lighter that he used to start the effigy. Good times!

  • Poke around behind the tire to find a The Cheat & Tirerea flag.
  • Burn the Maps and Minions box with your lighter.

All right, now that Strong Badia is unified, let's get to conquering!

Level 3: Nearby Neighbors

Note that these nations can be visited in any order.

Bleak House

  • Go to Strong Bad's bedroom and set fire to his bed(?) with your lighter.
  • In the living room, use the lighter on the smoke detector. Not hearing it go off reassures you that you're 0% safe.
  • While we're burning random crap, use your lighter on the barred window to communicate a Cave Girl Squad idea.
  • Return to Strong Sad's room.
  • Burn the flag, Constitution, and Bill of Rights in any order.

With no proof of authority over Bleak House, it becomes a battle of wills between Strong Bad and Strong Sad, and that's a lopsided contest if ever there was one. Bleak House is conquered!

Concessionstantinople (Bubs' Concession Stand) and other The Field nations

  • Talk to Bubs. He'll tell you his concession stand is a neutral country only interested in the economy.
  • Ask about what you can buy, and he'll mention he has a lot of souvenirs.
  • At this point, an option for the "black market" appears. Ask Bubs about it, and he'll slyly claim he knows nothing while making it clear he does.
  • Ask about his legal stuff, and Bubs will sell you a (malfunctioning) Strong Bad doll for your play money. The doll causes Strong Bad to shake uncontrollably.
  • End the conversation and walk around back.
  • Knock on Bubs' back door. Sure enough, there's the black market.
  • Ask about weapons, artifacts, and organs. He's not into weapons much (and Coach Z has them anyway), he's out of organs (but would love to get his "hands" on one), and he has a single artifact from Homsar -- for trade only, no sale.
  • Leave the Concession stand and poke around in the bush behind it. You'll find a Concessionstantinople flag.
  • Race around the Field and look behind the Brick Wall. You find a Strong Badian flag.
  • Head to The Stick and use the Detector to find... erm, a tuning fork?
  • Out of curiosity, ring the tuning fork. Sounds like Homsar.
  • Move on to Pompomerania.

Pompomerania (Club Technochocolate)

Upon entering the cloughb, you see Pom Pom chilling in the corner near some Japanese artifacts: a katana and two kimonos (one of which is flammable). DJ Teh Cheat is playing a Geddup Noise remix, and Bubs is tending bar.

  • Talk to Pom Pom. He'll refuse an alliance because he doesn't think you're stylish enough. The nerve!
  • Examine his katana. You'd love to get your hands on that, but Pom Pom catches you and says hands off.
  • Use the fake sword on the real one. Strong Bad will switch them off.
  • Use your lighter on the leftmost kimono to set it on fire.
  • Head over to Bubs and ask about how to impress Pom Pom. He'll tell you it's all in the dance.
  • If you try dancing at this point, it won't do you any good; Pom Pom doesn't think you have the right accessories.
  • Go back to Bubs and order a drink.
  • Take the drink. Strong Bad will try to dance, drink in hand, but it's still not enough. If it's the glowing drink, Bubs will comment that Pom Pom says it's too ordinary a glowing drink.
  • Go to DJ Teh Cheat's stash of glowsticks and grab one.
  • Head back to Bubs and ask for "the brightest, glowiest drink in the house". It didn't work before, but...
  • Drop the glowstick in the drink. Now THAT'S glowy!
  • Take your super-glow drink.

Strong Bad will head with it to the dance floor and bedazzle the club occupants. Pom Pom agrees to an alliance, and Strong Bad didn't have to do any dancing (which is probably a good thing)! Two down, three to go!

  • Head back to Bubs and ask for a special energy drink. Bubs will throw in a Pompomerania flag for free.

Level 4: Assembling the Troops

While the two lands can be conquered in either order, you will visit Marzistar/Homezipan in between them.

Homsar Reservation

Strong Bad brings Strong Sad and Strong Sad's incurable whininess along with him to the Homsar Reservation to serve as a cultural advisor. Strong Sad brought along a first aid kit, his luggage, and hypochondria.

  • Check the bush behind Homsar to get a Homsar Reservation flag.
  • Use your lighter on that same bush to burn it.
  • Note the rock in front of the cave. It's got four lights and a big hole.
  • There are two cave paintings.
    • The one on the left launches Cave Girl Squad.
    • The one on the right is a picture of The Stick, Strong Bad's mailbox, and the Cinder Block.
  • Use the Detector around here to find another Cave Girl Squad idea.
  • Talk to Homsar. This goes about as well as you'd expect.
  • Talk to Strong Sad about the locals. He's of no help.
  • Mention a Cold One and Strong Sad will panic, since he thinks he drank contaminated water.
  • At this point, ask him about is health until he spills the beans: he thinks he has acute aphasic pretendicitis. Its symptoms are fever, shaking, and inability to comprehend language. The only cure is a pretendectomy.

Let's have fun abusing Strong Sad.

  • Use the lighter on his first aid kit. Strong Sad will take his temperature and think he has a very bad fever.
  • Give Strong Sad the malfunctioning doll. Strong Bad will slip it in Strong Sad's fanny pack, causing Strong Sad to think he's got the shakes.
  • Go back to talk to Homsar and select the derby hat option. Strong Bad will pretend to speak Homsar's language, and Strong Sad will overhear it and think he's gone insane.

Strong Sad rushes off to get the pretendectomy. When he returns, he announces he was allowed to keep his organ in a jar.

  • Take the organ.

Back to Concessionstantinople

  • Offer the organ to Bubs. He'll tell you that it's not "legitimate business".
  • Go to the black market and offer it again.

Bubs accepts the pretendix and trades it for the artifact: a pottery shard. Looks like he got the better of the deal, but looks are deceiving.

Back at the Reservation

  • Use the shard on the "mysterious pylon". Some weird light show goes off, and one of the four lights on the pylon is now lit.
  • Talk to Homsar about the pylon. He still speaks mostly gibberish, but you make out the words "ancient artifacts".

Remember the cave painting? It depicted three places in Free Country, USA. They were three places you picked up bizarre junk. Could those be the artifacts?

  • One by one, drop the power strip, 3-ring binder, and tuning fork into the pylon. Each time you add an item, another light lights up.

Whoa -- the ground is rumbling, and suddenly you feel lighter -- and enlightened! Of course! You've unlocked the secrets of Homsar!

  • Talk to Homsar again. This time he makes perfect sense! Ask about joining Strong Badia, and he'll accept.

When you leave the conversation, Strong Bad and Homsar will perform an ancient ritual together. The pylon explodes and the cave opens. Although Homsar is back to his non-sequitastic self, the alliance is strong and full! Let's go on!

Marzistar/Homezipan (Marzipan's House)

Upon arriving, you see Pom Pom, The Cheat, Strong Sad, and either Homsar or Strong Mad waiting alongside Marzipan and Homestar. Marzipan isn't too thrilled to see you.

  • Use the Detector in the backyard near the onions to pick up a flag of Marzistar.
  • Talk to Marzipan. She informs you she's signed a non-aggression treaty with the Municipality and will refuse to allow Strong Badia's army through.
  • Ask about the display behind Marzipan. It's a "model United Nations", depicting cultural oddities from all civilized leaders (and Coach Z).
  • Talk to Homestar. He's more willing to listen to your offers, but he needs to put the Homestarmy back together.
  • Ask about the Homestarmy, and he'll tell you he needs five recruits to complete it. Strong Sad, Pom Pom, and Homsar / Strong Mad are three of them. (The Cheat doesn't count for whatever reason.) He says he may need the draft to fill out the roster.
  • Tell him to run the draft. The back of the model UN is a draft wheel. Homestar gives it a spin... and it lands on Tom Benedetto. Homestar refuses to draft him -- Mrs. Benedetto's suffered enough!

Country (Stone Bridge)

Welcome to Strong Mad's country, eloquently named "Country". Yup, looks like Strong Mad is being held back another year.

  • Use the Detector near the flagpole to get a Country flag. That's all 8!
  • Talk to Strong Mad. This goes poorly, as Strong Mad isn't too articulate to you -- he trusts the Cheat more than you.
  • Talk to the Cheat about Strong Mad. He'll serve as a negotiator.
  • Ask Strong Mad (via the Cheat) how to gain an alliance. Strong Mad wants to test the valor of Strong Bad. Strong Bad must now pass a test. And by "pass a test", we mean "slay a monster". And by "monster", we mean "Strong Mad standing behind a Taranchula cardboard cutout."

Fortunately, you have Pom Pom's sword, which should come in handy. Of course, you don't want to slash the cutout proper, but the monster does have two heads: one with "ice breath", one with "fire breath". Slash either one... and Strong Mad will simply re-attach it. Cheater!

  • Notice the pile of skulls by the monster. They're made of paper mache. Paper, eh?
  • Set the pile of skulls on fire. That's better.
  • Set the two lone skulls on fire.
  • Slash the fire head (on the left). Strong Mad will work on re-attaching it, and while he does...
  • Slash the ice head. It'll fall into the bonfire and be consumed. Strong Mad will react by spurting ketchup from the wound, and as he does...
  • Slash the fire head again. It falls into the river!

The monster is slain! Strong Bad and Strong Mad are re-united. Strong Mad gives Strong Bad a gift: Tony Stony, his "Vice-President". Well, whatever works. Let's see if this is enough.

Back to Marzistar

  • Ask Homestar if you have enough people now. You're still one person short.
  • If you run the draft again at this point, it will always land on one of the Benedettos. Homestar refuses to draft any of them.
  • Place Tony Stony in Strong Badia's slot on the model UN.
  • Try running the draft. You'll notice the wheel jerks to a stop at Homestar Runner -- who, obviously, can't draft himself (and nearly starts a riot with himself trying). But when the wheel turns back around, Tony Stony's on the bottom. A-ha! The model UN and the wheel are connected! All you have to do is put Tony Stony in the right place!
  • Move Tony Stony to Poopslovakia's shelf.
  • Run the draft again. Coach Z is drafted!

Cutscenes

Now Homestar has the five men he needs for his army. Marzipan sees the draft being held, and she's none too happy with this development. Homestar and Marzipan divide their land, dropping Marzipan out of the picture. Now, all the recruits are lined up, and Homestar merely waits your word to attack.

Strong Bad will pace back and forth in front of his recruits, with Col-o-nel Homestar on the side. Clicking on any recruit will allow Strong Bad to do his best Sadistic Drill Sergeant impression on them. This will get the character to stand at attention, adding to your Awesomeness score. Talking to all five men -- or, alternately, just clicking on Homestar -- will signal your readiness. Let the invasion begin!

Homestar details the invasion in a flashback sequence. The Cheat and Coach Z deserted early on, making things more difficult. But he promises he will complete this soon and return to Marzipan's side...

...oh, wait, he's being stupid again. Turns out the invasion lasted all of five minutes and the King of Town surrendered way too easily. That was a week ago, and right now Strong Bad is bored out of his mind. Strong Mad won't let him leave the castle, either. Only Homestar and Strong Sad are there to keep Strong Bad company, which is worse than if he'd been alone. Time to reverse fortune back!

Level 5: Resetting The Situation

  • Talk to Homestar. He'll tell you that the Homestarmy doesn't need to stand down, and that he will protect Strong Bad with his life. Whoopee.
  • Ask about the Cheat. Homestar doesn't want to hear about it, but Strong Mad seems nostalgic.
  • Talk to Strong Mad. Nope, you can't leave.
  • Talk to Strong Sad. He will make sure his liege is safe on the throne to bring about its financial ruin.
  • Ask Strong Sad about the King of Town. Strong Sad will tell you he has Strong Bad's old job -- checking e-mails. And the King is in no hurry to switch back, apparently.
  • Check the board on the table.

Hey, what do you know! The Of Town had his own Maps and Minions game, with pewter pieces off all the FCUSA inhabitants! Now Strong Bad can order his army to perform missions... except not even the three remaining loyalists will listen to him anymore.

  • Stare at the fish skeleton repeatedly until a Cave Girl Squad idea comes to Strong Bad.
  • Use your lighter on the unlit candlestick.
  • Enter the unguarded door. The King has a Computer Room? Who knew?
  • Check his computer. You find the email from the beginning! "Roy T." was the King of Town! This was all a ruse! Chicanery! A heinous plot to get you on the throne! Well, two can play at that game...
  • Return to the room and hop on the computer.
  • Select "Templates". One of them is for a tax decree.
  • Send an email to The Of Town, letting him know you've decided to tax his snack cakes. (Doesn't matter how much; it's the principle of the thing!) The Of Town will read the email and become as angry as you were! War is back on!
  • Return to the main room and select the game board. Strong Bad will decide to help the other side.

Endgame: Maps & Minions

Your side is the Rebel side. You control The Of Town, The Poopsmith, Homsar, The Cheat, and Coach Z. Your opponents are Homestar, Strong Mad, and Strong Sad. You go first.

Each turn, each piece may move to an adjacent territory. If two pieces try to occupy the same space, there is a battle. Unfortunately, Strong Bad's belief that the rebels needed him turns out to be accurate -- they don't win a single battle, and as a result are almost always pushed back one space (or, if they meet Strong Mad, many spaces). The Rebels win when The Of Town crosses the board safely. The Homestarmy wins when one member captures The Of Town.

Fortunately, two of the three Homestarmy members move predictably. If Homestar can see The Of Town, he'll head right to him; otherwise, he'll try to pick off another Rebel piece. Strong Mad patrols back and forth in the two territories right in front of the Castle -- your goal space. Strong Sad's movements are seemingly random, however.

In addition, you have a few other things working your way. Strong Mad's friendship of The Cheat is such that he will stop fighting when he finds him. Strong Sad uses psychological warfare to demoralize your troops, but Homsar's randomness renders him immune. Both of those fights will be draws, which locks off the space and prevents the Homestarmy from moving. In addition, The Poopsmith has a "Fog of War" surrounding him at the start of each turn. Whoever moves into the space The Poopsmith abandons will be invisible to the enemy (and barely able to breathe, but that's a minor concern).

Strategy

  • Have The Poopsmith make a beeline for the other side, with The Cheat in front of him and The Of Town following his stinky trail. Homestar won't be able to capture The Of Town if he can't see him.
  • Send Homsar to Strong Sad to keep Strong Sad from stumbling on The Of Town.
  • For whatever reason, Homestar prefers to chase Coach Z if given a choice. Send Coach Z to Homestar, then don't move him after the first battle; Homestar will keep chasing the Coach into retreat.
  • At the end of the board, use The Cheat to keep Strong Mad busy.
  • Let The Poopsmith step aside as soon as Homestar is too far away to catch The Of Town. Homestar will see him, but he can only move one space at a time, which isn't enough to bridge the gap!
  • Par is 10 moves, which is needed to achieve Awesomeness.
  • The best possible score is 8 moves.

Conclusion

The King of Town storms his own castle and finds Strong Bad, who is all too happy to concede defeat. Through use of reverse psychology, he not only gets The Of Town to return to the throne, but convinces him to repeal the e-mail tax that kicked off the whole campaign! Strong Bad's halfway out the door before The King Of Town realizes he's been had.

Congratulations! You've beaten the game! Now just sit back, enjoy a professional recording of Marzipan's protest song, and get ready for extended mode, where you can put those Cave Girl Squad ideas to good use!

Extended Play

  • Use your lighter on the UN model.
  • Now that you have access to the Homsar Reservation again, you can take the Darwin card to it and get a 6000-point comic.
  • Go to the House of Strong and use the final insult on Strong Sad.
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