Subtitles:sbemail192/en

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These are the English subtitles for shapeshifter. watch this toon To watch the toon with subtitles, we recommend that you install either the All-In-One Greasemonkey script for Firefox or the Homestar All-In-One extension for Chrome. It will give you the option to automatically display subtitles when you view toons on homestarrunner.com and those mirrored locally. Alternatively, you may use our local viewer.

<?xml version="1.0" encoding="utf-8"?>
<transcript xml:lang="en-us" file="sbemail192.swf" width="550" height="400">
  <line start="16" end="81" speaker="strongbad">Back again. Checking email from my friends. I mean, the stupid people that write me.</line>
  <line start="82" end="145" speaker="strongbad">"Dear Strongbad, if you could shapeshift, waaaaaat would you turn into?</line>
  <line start="146" end="184" speaker="strongbad">"From Paxton Westergard Anacortes Washington."</line>
  <line start="185" end="227" speaker="strongbad">Ugh. You'll never be a weatherman with a name like that.</line>
  <line start="228" end="259" speaker="strongbad">How about just... Paxto West?</line>
  <line start="260" end="306" speaker="strongbad">Now you might think I'd be all over this shapeshifting business Paxto,</line>
  <line start="307" end="361" speaker="strongbad">but if comic books, cartoons, and Sci-Fi Original Movies have taught me anything,</line>
  <line start="362" end="460" speaker="strongbad">it's that shapeshifting comes with a bunch of boring rules and restrictions that limit its potential Turn-Into-A-Bulldozer-Whenever-I-Wantity.</line>
  <line start="461" end="493" speaker="strongbad"><i>(mocking)</i> You can turn into a machine gun but not bullets,</line>
  <line start="494" end="522" speaker="strongbad"><i>(mocking)</i> contemporary jazz turns you back to normal,</line>
  <line start="523" end="561" speaker="strongbad"><i>(mocking)</i> you can only turn into presents your grandma's knitted for you.</line>
  <line start="562" end="622" speaker="strongbad">Crap like that. For example, let's say I could turn into any species... <span style="visibility:hidden">OF BALLOON ANIMAL!!??</span></line>
  <line start="623" end="651" speaker="strongbad">Crap like that. For example, let's say I could turn into any species... OF BALLOON ANIMAL!!??</line>
  <line start="652" end="704"><thecheat>rabid The Cheat noises</thecheat><strongbad>Look out! A rabid The Cheat! I'll handle this!</strongbad></line>
  <line start="705" end="801" speaker="strongbad" voiceover="voiceover">Oh yeah. Another thing about shapeshifting is that you have to have a cool trademark sound effect that happens every time you change forms.</line>
  <line start="802" end="847"><thecheat>rabid The Cheat noises</thecheat><strongbad>Shapeshift unto... A Sumatran tiger!</strongbad></line>
  <line start="848" end="863"><thecheat>rabid The Cheat noises</thecheat><strongbad sfx="sfx" volume="1.5">DWAYNE!</strongbad></line>
  <line start="864" end="889"><thecheat>rabid The Cheat noises</thecheat><strongbad>I said a tiger, not a poodle!</strongbad></line>
  <line start="890" end="909"><thecheat>rabid The Cheat noises</thecheat><strongbad sfx="sfx">DWAYNE!</strongbad></line>
  <line start="910" end="939"><thecheat>rabid The Cheat noises</thecheat><strongbad>A tiger, not a donkey.</strongbad></line>
  <line start="940" end="951"><thecheat>rabid The Cheat noises</thecheat><strongbad sfx="sfx">dwayne</strongbad></line>
  <line start="952" end="984"><thecheat>rabid The Cheat noises</thecheat><strongbad>That's better. Now stand back!</strongbad></line>
  <line start="985" end="1028"><thecheat>rabid The Cheat noises</thecheat><sfx>wind</sfx></line>
  <line start="1029" end="1048"><thecheat>rabid The Cheat noises</thecheat><strongbad>Um...</strongbad></line>
  <line start="1049" end="1055"><thecheat>The Cheat screech</thecheat><marzipan sfx="sfx">gasp!</marzipan></line>
  <line start="1059" end="1095" speaker="strongbad" voiceover="voiceover">Ooh, but what if I could turn into legal tender?</line>
  <line start="1096" end="1141" speaker="strongbad" voiceover="voiceover">One of the only good legal things in existence.</line>
  <line start="1142" end="1192" speaker="strongbad">Say, Bubs. How much for that Lamborghini hot tub you got back there?</line>
  <line start="1193" end="1204" speaker="bubs">The what?</line>
  <line start="1205" end="1258" speaker="bubs">Oh! That Lamborghini hot tub. It sure is back here!</line>
  <line start="1259" end="1286" speaker="bubs">That'll run you one hundred <span style="visibility:hidden">... dollars.</span></line>
  <line start="1287" end="1305" speaker="bubs">That'll run you one hundred ... <span style="visibility:hidden">dollars.</span></line>
  <line start="1306" end="1318" speaker="bubs">That'll run you one hundred ... dollars.</line>
  <line start="1319" end="1379" speaker="strongbad">Swedish deals! Shapeshift unto... A hundred dollar bill!</line>
  <line start="1380" end="1417" speaker="strongbad" sfx="sfx" volume="1.5">DWAYNE!</line>
  <line start="1418" end="1446" speaker="sfx">wind</line>
  <line start="1447" end="1513"><sfx>wind</sfx><strongbad voiceover="voiceover">So... Apparently wind is a pretty big problem for most shapeshifters.</strongbad></line>
  <line start="1514" end="1543" speaker="coachz">Hey, check it out! A Benjamin!</line>
  <line start="1544" end="1576"><coachz>I'll just tuck you into the loose band of my sweaty-sweat-sweats!</coachz></line>
  <line start="1576" end="1596"><coachz>I'll just tuck you into the loose band of my sweaty-sweat-sweats!</coachz><sfx>squish! squish! squish!</sfx></line>
  <line start="1597" end="1636" speaker="strongbad">Blaaaaaaaggghhhh.</line>
  <line start="1637" end="1661" speaker="strongbad">Hang on. Lemme try again.</line>
  <line start="1662" end="1703" speaker="strongbad">What if I could turn into... almost anyone in the world?</line>
  <line start="1704" end="1726" speaker="strongbad">Is that too much to ask?</line>
  <line start="1727" end="1797" speaker="strongbad">Don't worry! I know just how to get us through this ten-foot thick wall of pecan cheese balls!</line>
  <line start="1798" end="1829" speaker="strongbad">Shapeshift unto... The King of Town!</line>
  <line start="1830" end="1848" speaker="strongbad" sfx="sfx" volume="1.5">DWAYNE!</line>
  <line start="1849" end="1876" speaker="strongbad"><i>(no voice change)</i> Norwegian deals! It worked!</line>
  <line start="1877" end="1902" speaker="strongbad">This should only take a few seconds!</line>
  <line start="1903" end="1928" speaker="strongbad" sfx="sfx">chomping sounds</line>
  <line start="1929" end="1951" speaker="strongbad">R- why isn't this working?</line>
  <line start="1952" end="1971" speaker="strongbad">Oh, I get it. I can turn into <i>almost</i> anyone.</line>
  <line start="1972" end="1984"><strongbad>Oh, I get it. I can turn into <i>almost</i> anyone.</strongbad><thecheat>screams</thecheat></line>
  <line start="1985" end="2016" speaker="strongbad">Oh, I get it. I can turn into <i>almost</i> anyone.</line>
  <line start="2017" end="2068" speaker="strongbad">Well, two can play at this game, dumb rules of shapeshifting!</line>
  <line start="2069" end="2123" speaker="strongbad">Say Bubs, I'd like one Lamborghini hot tub for free, please.</line>
  <line start="2124" end="2146" speaker="strongbad">Shapeshift unto Bubs!</line>
  <line start="2147" end="2165" speaker="strongbad" sfx="sfx" volume="1.5">DWAYNE!</line>
  <line start="2166" end="2206" speaker="strongbad">Oh man! I turned into the wrong "almost".</line>
  <line start="2207" end="2277" speaker="strongbad">This plan was supposed to be foolproof. All anybody ever sees is Bubs' ample top portions!</line>
  <line start="2278" end="2355" speaker="coachz" voiceover="voiceover">Oh Bubs! Oh Bubs! I'm coming to your concession stand to talk to you!</line>
  <line start="2356" end="2386" speaker="strongbad">Wait. Maybe I can still make this work!</line>
  <line start="2412" end="2471" speaker="coachz">Hey, nice headstand, Bubs. I'd like one Lamborghini hot tub, please.</line>
  <line start="2472" end="2533" speaker="coachz">Allow me to use this moistened hundred dollar bill I found earlier today.</line>
  <line start="2534" end="2552" speaker="strongbad">Wait, what?</line>
  <line start="2553" end="2586" speaker="coachz">Oh look! A giraffe!</line>
  <line start="2606" end="2646" speaker="strongbad">Uh, that was confusing. See what I mean?</line>
  <line start="2647" end="2705" speaker="strongbad">Shapeshifting is laden with confusing troubles and a severe lack of hot tubs.</line>
  <line start="2706" end="2770" speaker="homestar" voiceover="voiceover">Oh Strong Bad! Oh Strong Bad, I'm coming to your computer desk to talk to you!</line>
  <line start="2771" end="2781" speaker="strongbad">Oh crap!</line>
  <line start="2782" end="2802" speaker="strongbad" sfx="sfx">DWAYNE!</line>
  <!--<line start="2803" end="2813" speaker="text">From: Grandma</line>-->
  <line start="2818" end="2879" speaker="homestar" voiceover="voiceover">Oh. It's you again, scarf from Grandma! Never mind.</line>
  <line start="2893" end="2947" speaker="strongbad">Phew. Maybe it's not all bad. Thanks, G-mom's.</line>
  <line start="2948" end="2983" speaker="newpaper">shuffling noises</line>
</transcript>