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Subtitles logo These are the English subtitles for shapeshifter. watch this toon
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<?xml version="1.0" encoding="utf-8"?>
<transcript xml:lang="en-us" file="sbemail192.swf" width="550" height="400">
  <line start="16" end="81" speaker="strongbad">Back again. Checking email from my friends. I mean, the stupid people that write me.</line>
  <line start="82" end="145" speaker="strongbad">"Dear Strongbad, if you could shapeshift, waaaaaat would you turn into?</line>
  <line start="146" end="184" speaker="strongbad">"From Paxton Westergard Anacortes Washington."</line>
  <line start="185" end="227" speaker="strongbad">Ugh. You'll never be a weatherman with a name like that.</line>
  <line start="228" end="259" speaker="strongbad">How about just... Paxto West?</line>
  <line start="260" end="306" speaker="strongbad">Now you might think I'd be all over this shapeshifting business Paxto,</line>
  <line start="307" end="361" speaker="strongbad">but if comic books, cartoons, and Sci-Fi Original Movies have taught me anything,</line>
  <line start="362" end="460" speaker="strongbad">it's that shapeshifting comes with a bunch of boring rules and restrictions that limit its potential Turn-Into-A-Bulldozer-Whenever-I-Wantity.</line>
  <line start="461" end="493" speaker="strongbad"><i>(mocking)</i> You can turn into a machine gun but not bullets,</line>
  <line start="494" end="522" speaker="strongbad"><i>(mocking)</i> contemporary jazz turns you back to normal,</line>
  <line start="523" end="561" speaker="strongbad"><i>(mocking)</i> you can only turn into presents your grandma's knitted for you.</line>
  <line start="562" end="622" speaker="strongbad">Crap like that. For example, let's say I could turn into any species... <span style="visibility:hidden">OF BALLOON ANIMAL!!??</span></line>
  <line start="623" end="651" speaker="strongbad">Crap like that. For example, let's say I could turn into any species... OF BALLOON ANIMAL!!??</line>
  <line start="652" end="704"><thecheat>rabid The Cheat noises</thecheat><strongbad>Look out! A rabid The Cheat! I'll handle this!</strongbad></line>
  <line start="705" end="801" speaker="strongbad" voiceover="voiceover">Oh yeah. Another thing about shapeshifting is that you have to have a cool trademark sound effect that happens every time you change forms.</line>
  <line start="802" end="847"><thecheat>rabid The Cheat noises</thecheat><strongbad>Shapeshift unto... A Sumatran tiger!</strongbad></line>
  <line start="848" end="863"><thecheat>rabid The Cheat noises</thecheat><strongbad sfx="sfx" volume="1.5">DWAYNE!</strongbad></line>
  <line start="864" end="889"><thecheat>rabid The Cheat noises</thecheat><strongbad>I said a tiger, not a poodle!</strongbad></line>
  <line start="890" end="909"><thecheat>rabid The Cheat noises</thecheat><strongbad sfx="sfx">DWAYNE!</strongbad></line>
  <line start="910" end="939"><thecheat>rabid The Cheat noises</thecheat><strongbad>A tiger, not a donkey.</strongbad></line>
  <line start="940" end="951"><thecheat>rabid The Cheat noises</thecheat><strongbad sfx="sfx">dwayne</strongbad></line>
  <line start="952" end="984"><thecheat>rabid The Cheat noises</thecheat><strongbad>That's better. Now stand back!</strongbad></line>
  <line start="985" end="1028"><thecheat>rabid The Cheat noises</thecheat><sfx>wind</sfx></line>
  <line start="1029" end="1048"><thecheat>rabid The Cheat noises</thecheat><strongbad>Um...</strongbad></line>
  <line start="1049" end="1055"><thecheat>The Cheat screech</thecheat><marzipan sfx="sfx">gasp!</marzipan></line>
  <line start="1059" end="1095" speaker="strongbad" voiceover="voiceover">Ooh, but what if I could turn into legal tender?</line>
  <line start="1096" end="1141" speaker="strongbad" voiceover="voiceover">One of the only good legal things in existence.</line>
  <line start="1142" end="1192" speaker="strongbad">Say, Bubs. How much for that Lamborghini hot tub you got back there?</line>
  <line start="1193" end="1204" speaker="bubs">The what?</line>
  <line start="1205" end="1258" speaker="bubs">Oh! That Lamborghini hot tub. It sure is back here!</line>
  <line start="1259" end="1286" speaker="bubs">That'll run you one hundred <span style="visibility:hidden">... dollars.</span></line>
  <line start="1287" end="1305" speaker="bubs">That'll run you one hundred ... <span style="visibility:hidden">dollars.</span></line>
  <line start="1306" end="1318" speaker="bubs">That'll run you one hundred ... dollars.</line>
  <line start="1319" end="1379" speaker="strongbad">Swedish deals! Shapeshift unto... A hundred dollar bill!</line>
  <line start="1380" end="1417" speaker="strongbad" sfx="sfx" volume="1.5">DWAYNE!</line>
  <line start="1418" end="1446" speaker="sfx">wind</line>
  <line start="1447" end="1513"><sfx>wind</sfx><strongbad voiceover="voiceover">So... Apparently wind is a pretty big problem for most shapeshifters.</strongbad></line>
  <line start="1514" end="1543" speaker="coachz">Hey, check it out! A Benjamin!</line>
  <line start="1544" end="1576"><coachz>I'll just tuck you into the loose band of my sweaty-sweat-sweats!</coachz></line>
  <line start="1576" end="1596"><coachz>I'll just tuck you into the loose band of my sweaty-sweat-sweats!</coachz><sfx>squish! squish! squish!</sfx></line>
  <line start="1597" end="1636" speaker="strongbad">Blaaaaaaaggghhhh.</line>
  <line start="1637" end="1661" speaker="strongbad">Hang on. Lemme try again.</line>
  <line start="1662" end="1703" speaker="strongbad">What if I could turn into... almost anyone in the world?</line>
  <line start="1704" end="1726" speaker="strongbad">Is that too much to ask?</line>
  <line start="1727" end="1797" speaker="strongbad">Don't worry! I know just how to get us through this ten-foot thick wall of pecan cheese balls!</line>
  <line start="1798" end="1829" speaker="strongbad">Shapeshift unto... The King of Town!</line>
  <line start="1830" end="1848" speaker="strongbad" sfx="sfx" volume="1.5">DWAYNE!</line>
  <line start="1849" end="1876" speaker="strongbad"><i>(no voice change)</i> Norwegian deals! It worked!</line>
  <line start="1877" end="1902" speaker="strongbad">This should only take a few seconds!</line>
  <line start="1903" end="1928" speaker="strongbad" sfx="sfx">chomping sounds</line>
  <line start="1929" end="1951" speaker="strongbad">R- why isn't this working?</line>
  <line start="1952" end="1971" speaker="strongbad">Oh, I get it. I can turn into <i>almost</i> anyone.</line>
  <line start="1972" end="1984"><strongbad>Oh, I get it. I can turn into <i>almost</i> anyone.</strongbad><thecheat>screams</thecheat></line>
  <line start="1985" end="2016" speaker="strongbad">Oh, I get it. I can turn into <i>almost</i> anyone.</line>
  <line start="2017" end="2068" speaker="strongbad">Well, two can play at this game, dumb rules of shapeshifting!</line>
  <line start="2069" end="2123" speaker="strongbad">Say Bubs, I'd like one Lamborghini hot tub for free, please.</line>
  <line start="2124" end="2146" speaker="strongbad">Shapeshift unto Bubs!</line>
  <line start="2147" end="2165" speaker="strongbad" sfx="sfx" volume="1.5">DWAYNE!</line>
  <line start="2166" end="2206" speaker="strongbad">Oh man! I turned into the wrong "almost".</line>
  <line start="2207" end="2277" speaker="strongbad">This plan was supposed to be foolproof. All anybody ever sees is Bubs' ample top portions!</line>
  <line start="2278" end="2355" speaker="coachz" voiceover="voiceover">Oh Bubs! Oh Bubs! I'm coming to your concession stand to talk to you!</line>
  <line start="2356" end="2386" speaker="strongbad">Wait. Maybe I can still make this work!</line>
  <line start="2412" end="2471" speaker="coachz">Hey, nice headstand, Bubs. I'd like one Lamborghini hot tub, please.</line>
  <line start="2472" end="2533" speaker="coachz">Allow me to use this moistened hundred dollar bill I found earlier today.</line>
  <line start="2534" end="2552" speaker="strongbad">Wait, what?</line>
  <line start="2553" end="2586" speaker="coachz">Oh look! A giraffe!</line>
  <line start="2606" end="2646" speaker="strongbad">Uh, that was confusing. See what I mean?</line>
  <line start="2647" end="2705" speaker="strongbad">Shapeshifting is laden with confusing troubles and a severe lack of hot tubs.</line>
  <line start="2706" end="2770" speaker="homestar" voiceover="voiceover">Oh Strong Bad! Oh Strong Bad, I'm coming to your computer desk to talk to you!</line>
  <line start="2771" end="2781" speaker="strongbad">Oh crap!</line>
  <line start="2782" end="2802" speaker="strongbad" sfx="sfx">DWAYNE!</line>
  <!--<line start="2803" end="2813" speaker="text">From: Grandma</line>-->
  <line start="2818" end="2879" speaker="homestar" voiceover="voiceover">Oh. It's you again, scarf from Grandma! Never mind.</line>
  <line start="2893" end="2947" speaker="strongbad">Phew. Maybe it's not all bad. Thanks, G-mom's.</line>
  <line start="2948" end="2983" speaker="newpaper">vvvvvt eangt clonk-a-donk</line>
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