Teen Girl Squad Issue 12

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Teen Girl Squad Issue #12
watch Issue 11 Issue 1
"SEVERAL BOYS!"

The Teen Girl Squad celebrates Valentines Day.

Cast (in order of appearance): Cheerleader, So and So, What's Her Face, The Ugly One, Patchbeard, Mrs. Embalmo, Arrow'd Guy, Tines Racer, Mindy, Strong Bad Robot, Class Prez, Wireless Wizard, The USB Dongle Goblin, D N'D Greg, (Easter egg) Science Fiction Greg (Easter egg)

Places:

Date: February 12, 2007

Running Time: 3:20

Page Title: Vamlumtimes Day!

Contents

Transcript

{The traditional "teen girl squad" title page appears, with "issue 12" in the upper-left hand corner and "by: strong bad" in the lower-right. This page, along with the rest of the toon, is drawn in red ink.}

NARRATOR STRONG BAD: Teen Girl Squad! Cheerleader! {red undies!} So and So! {whitman's sampler!} What's Her Face! {black roses!} The Ugly One! {pink eye!}

{The four teen girls are standing together.}

CHEERLEADER: Two, three, four... {all four girls begin dancing and clapping} What time is it?

ALL: IT'S VALENTIMES!

SO AND SO: -tines!

CHEERLEADER: What time is it?

ALL: IT'S VALENTIMES!

SO AND SO: -tines!

CHEERLEADER: What we gonna get?

ALL: SEVERAL BOYS!

CHEERLEADER: How we gonna get 'em?

{Everyone stops dancing. Cheerleader folds her arms and glares, and the other three girls assume nervous, thinking poses.}

SO AND SO, THE UGLY ONE, AND WHAT'S HER FACE: uh... um... er...

{Close-up of So and So}

SO AND SO: mock U.N. medals?

{Close-up of What's Her Face}

WHAT'S HER FACE: Wearing unflattering clothing?

{Cut back to all four girls}

THE UGLY ONE: Voodoo? Is it voodoo?

{Close-up of The Ugly One, who has a furrowed brow and is sticking pins into a doll of Arrow'd Guy}

THE UGLY ONE: VOODOO!!!!!!

{Cut back to all four girls}

CHEERLEADER: You three are adorable. Maybe I'll come visit you at the convent or library someday.

SO AND SO: {leaps in the air} You'll find me in the reference section!!!

{Close-up of Cheerleader screaming at a frightened So and So}

CHEERLEADER: Shut yer plaid skirted face! Here comes a boy!

{Zoom out to Cheerleader, So and So, and The Ugly one standing in front of lockers. A bespectacled boy with glasses, patchy facial hair, and a glum expression approaches with his hands in his pockets.}

CHEERLEADER: Hi there, patchbeard, I betcha never get carded with a mossy chin like that.

{The boy bends on one knee and holds up a valentine. Cheerleader smiles from ear to ear.}

PATCHBEARD: {in a gravelly voice} You're blond and you acknowledge my facial stubbery. Will you be my valentine?

{Close-up of Cheerleader, who holds up the valentine triumphantly.}

CHEERLEADER: Yesss! Now get outta here Peter Puberty. Mama's got bigger fish to fry.

{Cheerleader clubs the boy over the head, knocking his glasses off}

NARRATOR STRONG BAD: CLONK!

{Two boys approach What's Her Face}

BOY 1: {speaking to Boy 2} Band name. Band name. Band name. Band name.

WHAT'S HER FACE: Uh, hi. I like music. And um... cloth.

{What's her face hangs her head in sadness.}

BOY 2: {speaking to Boy 1} Did that dude just tell you she likes cloth?

BOY 1: "She likes cloth" — that's a good band name.

{A transition slide of a hairy, muscled, bare chest with a necklace reading "meanwhile" appears.}

{Cheerleader clubs a football with a face, legs, and arms as she holds its valentine. Several unconscious football-men lie to one side of her and a pile of valentines lies on her other side.}

NARRATOR STRONG BAD: CLONK!

CHEERLEADER: {speaking to The Ugly One} I got valentime cards from every football player except one!

THE UGLY ONE: I got cards from every lunchlady except one!

{Cut to The Ugly One holding a tray in front of a cafeteria bar with a cobwebbed skeleton wearing a hair net standing behind it. A creaking noise is heard.}

THE UGLY ONE: Excuse me, Mrs. Embalmo...

{The Arrow'd Guy knocks the skeleton aside as he stabs a voodoo doll of The Ugly One with pins. Pins also stick out of The Ugly One herself.}

NARRATOR STRONG BAD: BAD JUJU!!

THE UGLY ONE: Owww! My the fact that I was alive a second ago!

{So and So, Cheerleader, and What's Her Face stand next to The Ugly One's body}

SO AND SO: I'll notify her next of... uh... fruit cup. {holds up a fruit cup and cries} I'm so sorry to have to tell you this...

CHEERLEADER: {angrily} Stop talking to fruit! Valentimes is serious times!

SO AND SO: {annoyed} -tines.

'{Zoom in on Cheerleader, who glares angrily with her hands on her hips}

CHEERLEADER: What?

{Zoom out to all three remaining girls}

SO AND SO: {shouting so loud her mouth is shaped like a heart} Valen-TINES!! T-I-N—

{Cut to a fork with a face driving a Formula One race car}

NARRATOR STRONG BAD: {imitating the sound of a car engine} TINES! TINES! TINES!

{The race car comes closer and closer until it runs over So and So}

NARRATOR STRONG BAD: TINES!

{Cheerleader and What's Her Face stand talking next to So and So's body, which is covered with black skid marks.}

CHEERLEADER: As I was saying, Valumtime's Day is serious times. If I don't get cards from enough boys, I could lose all my Mindy cred.

{Cut to four girls bowing down in front of a portrait of Mindy surrounded by burning candles and plaques reading "mindy", "chief cheerleader", and "1984-1987".}

FOUR GIRLS: {bowing and chanting} Mindy! Mindy!

{Cut back to Cheerleader}

CHEERLEADER: It's time to resort to plan... {holds up a cell phone reading "txtorz"} TXT!!

{Zoom out to a robot dancing in front of Cheerleader, with Strong Bad's Face on it}

STRONG BAD ROBOT: TECH-NO-LOGICAL RO-MANCE

{Zoom in on Cheerleader sending a text message with a poster of the class president in the background}

CHEERLEADER: {text messaging} Hy, Clas Prez! Cn i B Yr VLNT9?

{Pan to the class president, standing on the other side of his poster, holding a phone made out of crackers with a bite taken out of it}

CLASS PREZ: {text messaging} Def. U R A ttl haw-T.

{Pan back to Cheerleader}

CHEERLEADER: {text messaging} U ROOL! <B >KO)->

{Zoom out to the two of them as the class president speaks to Cheerleader, who is still furiously typing on her cell phone.}

CLASS PREZ: Whattaya mean I'm less than B?

{An angry wizard appears in a cloud of smoke and suprises the two of them.}

NARRATOR STRONG BAD: WIRELESS WIZARD!!

{Zoom in on the wizard}

WIRELESS WIZARD: {pointing} Texting from a few feet away? FOR SHAME!

{Zoom out to the wizard holding up Cheerleader's cell phone next to her.}

WIRELESS WIZARD: And what's this other text mess? {the characters ">KO)->" appear from the cell phone}

CHEERLEADER: That's a frontways Cupid.

WIRELESS WIZARD: {inspects cell phone} Looks more like a USB dongle goblin!

{Cut to a goblin, flying in from the sky}

USB DONGLE GOBLIN: Here I come!

{The goblin cuts the class president in two and decapitates Cheerleader.}

CHEERLEADER: TTYL!

CLASS PREZ: I won't BRB!

{Cut to the wizard speaking to What's Her Face, who turns her head around in surprise.}

WIRELESS WIZARD: Say, baby, uh... you wanna go find a remote access point with me?

WHAT'S HER FACE: FULL BARS!!!!

{Cut to the wizard carrying What's Her Face on a flying wireless router as hearts rise from them and the robot dances in the background}

STRONG BAD ROBOT: TECH-NO-LOGICAL RO-MANCE!

WIRELESS WIZARD: Soooo... you like cloth?

{The "it's over!" screen appears, with the "back" button in the lower-left hand corner and the "again" button in the lower-right.}

NARRATOR STRONG BAD: IT'S OVER!

Easter Eggs

  • Click on "she likes cloth" (the second time) to see a CD cover.
  • At the end, click on the "i" for a USB dongle goblin vamlumtimes card.
  • At the end, click on the "o" for a scene with Science Fiction Greg and D'N'D Greg.
    SCI-FI GREG: if we cannot claim her heart, at least she's in the arms of a truly worthy adversary.
    D'N'D GREG: Sometimes...wizards are so awesome...it hurts.
  • At the end, click on the ! for a scene with Mindy and three other cheerleaders.
    MINDY: Okay, gals, let's get ready to...
    3 OTHER CHEERLEADERS:Gag me with a spoon!!

Fun Facts

Explanations

  • USB (or universal serial bus) is a standard interface for connecting peripherals to computers.
  • Dongle is a term for a USB device, usually relatively small against other devices, which facilitates wireless communication between a PC and other devices. Dongles are most commonly used for Bluetooth
  • "Gag me with a spoon!!" is in reference to bulemia.

Inside-References

  • One of the plaques by Mindy's portrait reads "1984-1987".

Real-World References

  • Whitman's Sampler is a popular assortment of chocolates.
  • Class Prez's phone model, "CRKR", refers to four-letter Motorola cellular phone models such as the ROKR and the RAZR.
  • 'Bad Juju' is a mocking reference to voodoo and superstitions. Amongst other cartoons, it has been used in an episode of Ren and Stimpy

External Links

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