Teen Girl Squad Issue 12
From Homestar Runner Wiki
Teen Girl Squad Issue #12 |
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The Teen Girl Squad celebrates Valentines Day.
Cast (in order of appearance): Cheerleader, So and So, What's Her Face, The Ugly One, Patchbeard, Mrs. Embalmo, Arrow'd Guy, Tines Racer, Mindy, Strong Bad Robot, Class Prez, Wireless Wizard, The USB Dongle Goblin, D N'D Greg, (Easter egg) Science Fiction Greg (Easter egg)
Places:
Date: February 12, 2007
Running Time: 3:20
Page Title: Vamlumtimes Day!
Contents |
Transcript
{The traditional "teen girl squad" title page appears, with "issue 12" in the upper-left hand corner and "by: strong bad" in the lower-right. This page, along with the rest of the toon, is drawn in red ink.}
NARRATOR STRONG BAD: Teen Girl Squad! Cheerleader! {red undies!} So and So! {whitman's sampler!} What's Her Face! {black roses!} The Ugly One! {pink eye!}
{The four teen girls are standing together.}
CHEERLEADER: Two, three, four... {all four girls begin dancing and clapping} What time is it?
ALL: IT'S VALENTIMES!
SO AND SO: -tines!
CHEERLEADER: What time is it?
ALL: IT'S VALENTIMES!
SO AND SO: -tines!
CHEERLEADER: What we gonna get?
ALL: SEVERAL BOYS!
CHEERLEADER: How we gonna get 'em?
{Everyone stops dancing. Cheerleader folds her arms and glares, and the other three girls assume nervous, thinking poses.}
SO AND SO, THE UGLY ONE, AND WHAT'S HER FACE: uh... um... er...
{Close-up of So and So}
SO AND SO: mock U.N. medals?
{Close-up of What's Her Face}
WHAT'S HER FACE: Wearing unflattering clothing?
{Cut back to all four girls}
THE UGLY ONE: Voodoo? Is it voodoo?
{Close-up of The Ugly One, who has a furrowed brow and is sticking pins into a doll of Arrow'd Guy}
THE UGLY ONE: VOODOO!!!!!!
{Cut back to all four girls}
CHEERLEADER: You three are adorable. Maybe I'll come visit you at the convent or library someday.
SO AND SO: {leaps in the air} You'll find me in the reference section!!!
{Close-up of Cheerleader screaming at a frightened So and So}
CHEERLEADER: Shut yer plaid skirted face! Here comes a boy!
{Zoom out to Cheerleader, So and So, and The Ugly one standing in front of lockers. A bespectacled boy with glasses, patchy facial hair, and a glum expression approaches with his hands in his pockets.}
CHEERLEADER: Hi there, patchbeard, I betcha never get carded with a mossy chin like that.
{The boy bends on one knee and holds up a valentine. Cheerleader smiles from ear to ear.}
PATCHBEARD: {in a gravelly voice} You're blond and you acknowledge my facial stubbery. Will you be my valentine?
{Close-up of Cheerleader, who holds up the valentine triumphantly.}
CHEERLEADER: Yesss! Now get outta here Peter Puberty. Mama's got bigger fish to fry.
{Cheerleader clubs the boy over the head, knocking his glasses off}
NARRATOR STRONG BAD: CLONK!
{Two boys approach What's Her Face}
BOY 1: {speaking to Boy 2} Band name. Band name. Band name. Band name.
WHAT'S HER FACE: Uh, hi. I like music. And um... cloth.
{What's her face hangs her head in sadness.}
BOY 2: {speaking to Boy 1} Did that dude just tell you she likes cloth?
BOY 1: "She likes cloth" — that's a good band name.
{A transition slide of a hairy, muscled, bare chest with a necklace reading "meanwhile" appears.}
{Cheerleader clubs a football with a face, legs, and arms as she holds its valentine. Several unconscious football-men lie to one side of her and a pile of valentines lies on her other side.}
NARRATOR STRONG BAD: CLONK!
CHEERLEADER: {speaking to The Ugly One} I got valentime cards from every football player except one!
THE UGLY ONE: I got cards from every lunchlady except one!
{Cut to The Ugly One holding a tray in front of a cafeteria bar with a cobwebbed skeleton wearing a hair net standing behind it. A creaking noise is heard.}
THE UGLY ONE: Excuse me, Mrs. Embalmo...
{The Arrow'd Guy knocks the skeleton aside as he stabs a voodoo doll of The Ugly One with pins. Pins also stick out of The Ugly One herself.}
NARRATOR STRONG BAD: BAD JUJU!!
THE UGLY ONE: Owww! My the fact that I was alive a second ago!
{So and So, Cheerleader, and What's Her Face stand next to The Ugly One's body}
SO AND SO: I'll notify her next of... uh... fruit cup. {holds up a fruit cup and cries} I'm so sorry to have to tell you this...
CHEERLEADER: {angrily} Stop talking to fruit! Valentimes is serious times!
SO AND SO: {annoyed} -tines.
'{Zoom in on Cheerleader, who glares angrily with her hands on her hips}
CHEERLEADER: What?
{Zoom out to all three remaining girls}
SO AND SO: {shouting so loud her mouth is shaped like a heart} Valen-TINES!! T-I-N—
{Cut to a fork with a face driving a Formula One race car}
NARRATOR STRONG BAD: {imitating the sound of a car engine} TINES! TINES! TINES!
{The race car comes closer and closer until it runs over So and So}
NARRATOR STRONG BAD: TINES!
{Cheerleader and What's Her Face stand talking next to So and So's body, which is covered with black skid marks.}
CHEERLEADER: As I was saying, Valumtime's Day is serious times. If I don't get cards from enough boys, I could lose all my Mindy cred.
{Cut to four girls bowing down in front of a portrait of Mindy surrounded by burning candles and plaques reading "mindy", "chief cheerleader", and "1984-1987".}
FOUR GIRLS: {bowing and chanting} Mindy! Mindy!
{Cut back to Cheerleader}
CHEERLEADER: It's time to resort to plan... {holds up a cell phone reading "txtorz"} TXT!!
{Zoom out to a robot dancing in front of Cheerleader, with Strong Bad's Face on it}
STRONG BAD ROBOT: TECH-NO-LOGICAL RO-MANCE
{Zoom in on Cheerleader sending a text message with a poster of the class president in the background}
CHEERLEADER: {text messaging} Hy, Clas Prez! Cn i B Yr VLNT9?
{Pan to the class president, standing on the other side of his poster, holding a phone made out of crackers with a bite taken out of it}
CLASS PREZ: {text messaging} Def. U R A ttl haw-T.
{Pan back to Cheerleader}
CHEERLEADER: {text messaging} U ROOL! <B >KO)->
{Zoom out to the two of them as the class president speaks to Cheerleader, who is still furiously typing on her cell phone.}
CLASS PREZ: Whattaya mean I'm less than B?
{An angry wizard appears in a cloud of smoke and suprises the two of them.}
NARRATOR STRONG BAD: WIRELESS WIZARD!!
{Zoom in on the wizard}
WIRELESS WIZARD: {pointing} Texting from a few feet away? FOR SHAME!
{Zoom out to the wizard holding up Cheerleader's cell phone next to her.}
WIRELESS WIZARD: And what's this other text mess? {the characters ">KO)->" appear from the cell phone}
CHEERLEADER: That's a frontways Cupid.
WIRELESS WIZARD: {inspects cell phone} Looks more like a USB dongle goblin!
{Cut to a goblin, flying in from the sky}
USB DONGLE GOBLIN: Here I come!
{The goblin cuts the class president in two and decapitates Cheerleader.}
CHEERLEADER: TTYL!
CLASS PREZ: I won't BRB!
{Cut to the wizard speaking to What's Her Face, who turns her head around in surprise.}
WIRELESS WIZARD: Say, baby, uh... you wanna go find a remote access point with me?
WHAT'S HER FACE: FULL BARS!!!!
{Cut to the wizard carrying What's Her Face on a flying wireless router as hearts rise from them and the robot dances in the background}
STRONG BAD ROBOT: TECH-NO-LOGICAL RO-MANCE!
WIRELESS WIZARD: Soooo... you like cloth?
{The "it's over!" screen appears, with the "back" button in the lower-left hand corner and the "again" button in the lower-right.}
NARRATOR STRONG BAD: IT'S OVER!
Easter Eggs
- Click on "she likes cloth" (the second time) to see a CD cover.
- At the end, click on the "i" for a USB dongle goblin vamlumtimes card.
- At the end, click on the "o" for a scene with Science Fiction Greg and D'N'D Greg.
- SCI-FI GREG: if we cannot claim her heart, at least she's in the arms of a truly worthy adversary.
- D'N'D GREG: Sometimes...wizards are so awesome...it hurts.
- At the end, click on the ! for a scene with Mindy and three other cheerleaders.
- MINDY: Okay, gals, let's get ready to...
- 3 OTHER CHEERLEADERS:Gag me with a spoon!!
Fun Facts
Explanations
- USB (or universal serial bus) is a standard interface for connecting peripherals to computers.
- Dongle is a term for a USB device, usually relatively small against other devices, which facilitates wireless communication between a PC and other devices. Dongles are most commonly used for Bluetooth
- "Gag me with a spoon!!" is in reference to bulemia.
Inside-References
- One of the plaques by Mindy's portrait reads "1984-1987".
Real-World References
- Whitman's Sampler is a popular assortment of chocolates.
- Class Prez's phone model, "CRKR", refers to four-letter Motorola cellular phone models such as the ROKR and the RAZR.
- 'Bad Juju' is a mocking reference to voodoo and superstitions. Amongst other cartoons, it has been used in an episode of Ren and Stimpy
External Links
- watch "Teen Girl Squad Issue 12"
- view the Flash file for "Teen Girl Squad Issue 12"
- forum thread re: "Teen Girl Squad Issue 12"
Teen Girl Squad | |
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Characters | Main: Cheerleader, So and So, What's Her Face, The Ugly One Gregs: Sci-Fi Greg, D n' D Greg, Open Source Greg, Japanese Culture Greg Minor: Arrow'd Guy, The Birds, Brainkrieg, Fighting Growlbacks, Manolios, Mr. Pitters, Mrs. Commanderson, Olympic Man and Coach, Peacey P, Quarterman, she likes cloth, Thomas, Tompkins |
Issues | Main: Issue 1, Issue 2, Issue 3, Issue 4, Issue 5, Issue 6, Issue 7, Issue 8, Issue 8½, Issue 9, Issue 10, Issue 11, Issue 12, Issue 13, Issue 14, Issue 15 SBCG4AP: Homestar Ruiner, Cave Girl Squad, Teen Girl Squad Meets Limozeen Toons: 4 Gregs, Decomposing Pumpkins |
Miscellaneous | Locations, Costumes, Theme Song, Fangs, -'d, Ow! My X!, Captioned Transitions |
Other | 404'd, Neon 404'd, Teen Girl Squadcast, Teen Girl Squad Deaths |