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Now that is a classy startup noise.

Strong Bad Email #119

Cast (In order of appearance): Strong Bad, Homestar Runner, Marzipan, Sterrance, The Cheat

Strong Bad has a new computer! Introducing... Lappy 486! Meanwhile, Spud Jr. asks Strong Bad what he would be like if he was his own made up animal.

Contents

Transcript

{Both Strong Bad and the Compy 386 are absent from their usual place at the desk. Silhouettes of the Compy monitor and the keyboard are evidenced against the slightly faded wall and table. A tumbleweed rolls past.}

STRONG BAD: {offscreen} It is a time of desolation, chaos and uncertainty. Brother pitted against brother; babies havin' babies. Then one day, from the right side of the screen, {Strong Bad walks on from the right, carrying the folded-up Lappy} came a man. {sits down at the desk and places the Lappy on it} A man with a plastic rectangle. I MEAN LAPTOP COMPUTER! {unfolds the Lappy; the words "Lappy 486" appear on the screen with an accompanying note, then the Lappy's logo appears above; the screen becomes a black screen with a square bracket in the top left} Now that is a classy start-up noise! {imitating the start-up noise} Dum… ding! And check out all these speculations!

{Some music starts playing. Cut to the set of The Show, with a silhouetted Lappy on the pedestal. As Strong Bad speaks, the camera zooms in and the Lappy becomes visible.}

STRONG BAD: The Lappy 486 weighs in at an extremely portable forty-two pounds {the words "42 POUNDS!!! (LBS.) appear in the top right} and features an impressive battery life {the words ""Several" color monitor" and "2 MB Hard Drive!" appear at the top of the screen} of one half of ten minutes. {the words "WARNING: FIVE MINUTE BATTERY LIFE" appear under the first slogan} The Lappy 486 {"512k RAM" appears next to the battery life warning} by Compy.

{The slogan "Finally, a computer for your lap!" appears at the bottom of the screen next to a Compy logo. Cut back to the computer room.}

STRONG BAD: Let's see if this bad boy can check some emails. {types in "strongbad_email.exe" as with the Compy}

subject: made up animal
Dear Strong Bad,
What would you like as if you were your own made up
animal
Sincerely,
Spud Jr.

STRONG BAD: {typing} Come now, Spud Jr. What would Spud Sr. think of such nightmarish grammar and punctuation? And poor Spudmom. "What would you like as if…" I at least hope you're good at sports, for their sake. {stops typing} All right, I'm done. {clears the screen and resumes typing} Well Stu-Pud Jr., If I was my own made up animal I would probably like as the coolest made up animal ever made up. I would have all the cool animal options and accessories:

Claws
Horns
Tusks
Tentacles
Power Doors
15 Year Drivetrain Warranty
Proboscis {pronounced "pro-boss-kiss" throughout}
Segmented Eyes

{Cut to the field, where Strong Bad stands with three segmented eyes, two antlers, two tusks, a proboscis, four claws on each hand and four tentacles. Homestar Runner is also present.}

HOMESTAR RUNNER: I say there, monstrosity. Do you know the times?

{Strong Bad attempts to respond, but can only garble while foaming at the mouth. Homestar steps back, looking surprised. Cut back to the Lappy.}

STRONG BAD: {typing} Oh. I guess I couldn't really talk with that proboscis. Not that I'd have much of an answer for "Do you know the times," anyway. Hmmm. Maybe I could be one of those deep-sea fangly fishes.

{Cut to the sea, rendered in Powered by The Cheat style.}

STRONG BAD: {voiceover} You know, the kind that have Christmas lights all over them, and those custom lures hanging over their heads.

{An anglerfish with flashing lights adorning its body and Homestar's head for a lure appears.}

HOMESTAR LURE: Right this way, everyone! Free puppies, ginger snaps {a fish version of The Cheat swims past} Pocket PCs…

STRONG BAD: 'Cept I'd also have an awesome back deck on me for dinner and dancing!

{A deck appears on the fish's back. Zoom in to see a woman dancing on it with Strong Bad, with some typical Powered-by-the-Cheat techno-ish music playing.}

STRONG BAD: Hey there, lady-style, do you want to watch me bench-press a lot... of weights?

HOMESTAR LURE: {lowers onto the deck} Turn it out, Strong Bad, turn it out!

STRONG BAD: {voiceover} Oh, wait. {The Strong Bad on the deck disappears.} How could I enjoy the dinner and dancing if I'm already the fanglyfish?

{Zoom out to see the full view of the "fanglyfish". Cut back to the Lappy.}

STRONG BAD: {typing} Maybe I'm overthinking this. I should just come up with a cool name and the rest will like as itself. I would be called da huuuuuudge.

{Cut to the field, where there is an enclosure. A sign on the front of the enclosure reads:}

Please, for the love of Pete,
  DO NOT feed Da Huuuuuudge

STRONG BAD: Da huuuuuudge! {a large, pus-colored, gelatinous creature with Strong Bad's eyes lands in the enclosure} Eew! No. No huuuuuudge.

MARZIPAN: {enters from right, silhouetted, outside the enclosure} Oh, wow! Look at the huuuuuudge!

STRONG BAD: {voiceover} Um… how about… the red steckled elbermung? {An open book descends into the frame with a picture of a red gastropod with a pattern like Strong Bad's mask around its eyes and huge lips. The text in the book reads:}

      R is for
Red steckled elbermung

STRONG BAD: No no no. {the lips, the eyes and the tail become annotated with the word "No" each time Strong Bad says the word} Um… the pardack? {some yellow lined paper descends into the frame. On it is a picture of a large blobby creature with Strong Bad's eyes, horns, one of Strong Bad's arms and Strong Sad's leg for the other arm. Text under it reads: "el pardack"} What the? {the pardack gains a speech bubble with the text "what the?"} Why do these keep coming out as nasty blob things?

{Cut back to the Lappy.}

STRONG BAD: {typing} Okay, okay, okay. Gotta look good for the Lappy. My made up animal would be called

{Cut to Strongbadia.}

STRONG BAD: {voiceover} Sterrance. {a blue creature with stick arms and legs, wings and a pattern like Strong Bad's mask around its eyes appears. Some music starts playing} Hey, I did it! {Sterrance starts dancing} Look at Sterrance. Aw, Sterrance! I want one! Sterrance is way cuter than that stupid ugly old washed-up The Cheat I used to have.

{Cut back to the computer room. The Cheat is standing by Strong Bad, looking angry.}

THE CHEAT: {angry Cheat noises}

STRONG BAD: Oh, Captain Past-His-Prime himself.

THE CHEAT: {angry Cheat noises}

STRONG BAD: Yeah, I know you heard me. And I stand by it.

THE CHEAT: {angry Cheat noises; walks away}

STRONG BAD: {turns back to the Lappy} Don't worry about him, Lappy. That's just The Cheat. He uses {dismissively} new computers. Psssh! The Paper, come on own and meet your new brother! {The Paper begins to edge down} Come on! {he edges down a bit more} It's okay! {he edges back a bit} No, ah! Come on! {he edges down a bit} Lappy's not going to bite you or tear at your perforated edges! {he comes down a bit more} That's it! {he comes all the way down} Lappy, this is The Paper. He lets me know when I've stopped being funny! {The Paper comes down even more so that it now reads:}

   Enough already, Strong Bad
Click here to e-mail Strong Bad
  strongbad@homestarrunner.com

STRONG BAD: Oops! Sorry. Bye, everybody.

Easter Eggs

  • Click on the word 'cuter' to show a small movie of Homestar's head on a lure next to the dancing girl in a dance club.
{The Homestar lure and the dancing woman are at a disco, Powered by The Cheat style. Two disco balls hang from the ceiling and a rough approximation of music is playing.}
HOMESTAR LURE: Hey there, baby-style. This is a nice dancing club, right? Do you have a phone at your house?
  • Click on the words 'The Cheat' to see what the runners-up get.
{Cut to the pedestal of The Show again. The fanglyfish is on it.}
VOICEOVER: Second-place contestants receive deep sea fanglyfish. Promotional considerations by Sterrance. Strong Bad's wardrobe furnished by Styles Upon Styles. {Some text appears on the screen reading:}
MR. BAD'S WARDROBE
PROVIDED BY
Styles
Upon
Styles

HOMESTAR LURE: Steep prices and trees! {these words appear on the bottom of the screen as he says them}

Fun Facts

  • This is yet another e-mail when Strong Bad seems to know he's being watched by people in the line "goodbye everybody"
  • This, obviously, is the end of the Compy 386 and the beginning of the Lappy 486.
  • The Lappy was mentioned in the commentary on the DVD for the e-mail invisibility when the Tandy was replaced by the Compy.
  • No, you can't play with contrast anymore. But if you click your cursor on the screen, you can move the liquid inside it, the same as real LCD screens when you touch them with your finger.
  • The Cheat swimming around in the sea looks like the yellow submarine from the classic animated movie Yellow Submarine.
  • The deep-sea fangly fish looks like an angler fish.
  • A 486 computer laptop's hard drive would be larger than 2 MB, and it would probably have more than 512 KB of RAM.
  • The table has been re-drawn by TBC, with thinner lines and no shadow along the back edge. You can see the obvious difference between this and virus.
  • The eerie, breezy sound at the beginning originated in ghosts. It is re-used in Not the 100th Email!!! and The System Is Down
    • This time it's a reference to the Western movie cliché of the stranger from other parts drifting in to dispense frontier justice.
  • The new email client bears a strong resemblance to a Unix/Linux email client, PINE.
  • It looks like all Strong Bad has to do to "DELETE!" an email now is type "ALT-D" - as it shows on the bottom of his screen.
  • At points in the cartoon-sections of the e-mail (where they pan away from the Lappy) Strong Bad types, but the keys do not make any sounds.
    • These cartoon sections are also a lot like the Cheat's cartoons, and with the same voices.
  • Surprisingly, the email menu is still on a piece of paper taped to the shotgunned Compy 386 at Bubs' Concession Stand.
    • However, the scene with Homestar and Bubs will no longer play if you wait at the menu.
  • The wall behind the computer had been expertly mended, no duct tape here. It is impossible to tell where the shot entered the wall after destroying Compy in virus.
  • I believe the line "It is a time of desolation, chaos and uncertainty. Brother pitted against brother; babies havin' babies." comes from a famous speech made by someone during the Civil Rights movement, but I don't remember the exact one. Does anyone know?
  • The new page title is a reference to the facts in which Homestar says "not no more."
  • This is the first email in which we are shown the subject line. Presumably, emails following will have them as well.

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