bike thief
From Homestar Runner Wiki
| Strong Bad Email #178 |
|
Strong Bad reveals his bike thieving secrets.
Cast (in order of appearance): Strong Bad, Pom Pom, Bubs, The Cheat, Strong Mad, Homestar Runner, Marzipan, Strong Sad
Places: Computer Room, The Field, Bubs' Concession Stand, Crazy Go Nuts University, Strong Bad's Basement
Computer: Lappy 486
Date: Monday, September 10, 2007
Running Time: 3:55
Page Title: Lappy 486
Contents |
Transcript
STRONG BAD: Letters. And words. Emails get absurd, I just gotta jump back!
subject: bike thievesHey Strong Bad,
I'm at college and I need to keep my bike from being
stolen. I figure if I think like a thief, I can figure out
how to protect it. So, how would you try to steal my bike?
Virginia
MI
{Strong Bad reads MI as two letters}
STRONG BAD: {typing} Oh, not smart enough for MIT, huh? Just MI? {clears screen} Well first off, how do you know your crappy bike is even worth stealing? How many pegs you got? Mag wheels? White tires? Worthless baseball card in the spokes? If not, then you got nothing to worry about. What self-respecting bicycle thief would steal a (shudder) ten-speed? Or a (shudder, shudder) mounTAIN bike? The only thing those bikes get {typed as "gets"} you is tired. Any bike with a water bottle holder is a complete waste of bike. {clears screen} But, let's pretend you do have a cool bike. I would first go to my old thieving standby: dress up like a bush.
{Cut to the field. Strong Bad is hiding behind a short berry bush with cartoon eyes, his feet clearly visible. He shuffles over to a pink bicycle, carrying the bush with him. He picks up the bike through the bush, and starts carrying it away.}
STRONG BAD: Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow.
{Pull out to see Pom Pom talking on a phone. He looks away from his phone to glare at Strong Bad.}
POM POM: {bubbles}
STRONG BAD: {walking offscreen} Oh, I mean... Bush. Bush. Leaves. Branch. Um... Berries.
STRONG BAD: {voiceover} And don't forget: dressing up as a bush is also a great way to get free pizza!
{Cut to Bubs' Concession Stand. Strong Bad walks up to the counter behind his bush costume.}
STRONG BAD: Can I have some free pizza?
BUBS: Sure thing, bush!
{Bubs pulls a pizza box from behind the counter and drops it on top of the bush. Strong Bad walks off-screen.}
STRONG BAD: {voiceover} Variations on this approach—
{Cut to the field, with just Strong Bad standing in the middle of screen.}
STRONG BAD: {voiceover} —include dressing up as a cactus,—
{The bush is replaced by a cactus, with Strong Bad badly concealed behind it, and cartoony eyes.}
STRONG BAD: {voiceover} —a trashcan,—
{The cactus is replaced by a trashcan, again with cartoony eyes.}
STRONG BAD: {voiceover} —or a barrel.
{The trashcan is replaced by a wooden barrel, yet again with cartoony eyes.}
STRONG BAD: {voiceover} Though, depending on your physique—
{The Cheat appears next to Strong Bad's barrel.}
STRONG BAD: {voiceover} —you could also dress up like... a hideous pile—
{The Cheat turns into a pile of unidentified pink goo, with tufts of hair, a crushed can, a plank of wood, a circular saw blade, and two misaligned cartoony eyes. Strong Bad inches away from the mess. Strong Mad appears on the other side of the barrel.}
STRONG BAD: {voiceover} —or a... textile factory?
{Strong Mad turns into a factory building, signed "BRRLAP", with cartoony eyes near the roof. Cut back to the computer room.}
STRONG BAD: {typing} So if I were you, I'd steer clear of pretty much anything with cartoon eyeholes. If that method didn't work for me, I'd go for the awkward swindle. This is especially effective on college campuses.
{Cut to The Stick. A CGNU sign is visible in the background. Homestar, wearing a backpack, is chaining up his white bike to the stick, the chain is simply looped over the top branch. Strong Bad, sporting a ponytail, walks in, carrying a clipboard.}
STRONG BAD: Hey, brother. Hey, my bromide. You look like a cool guy who likes to progress. I was wondering if you'd be interested in signing this petition to ban roll-on...
HOMESTAR RUNNER: Oh, um, yeah, sorry, uh, I've got a class...
STRONG BAD: ...free vegan food...
HOMESTAR RUNNER: ...and my roommate's like... you know...
STRONG BAD: ...fellowship...
HOMESTAR RUNNER: ...so, my parents, um...
STRONG BAD: ...drum circle?
HOMESTAR RUNNER: Computer lab! {darts off-screen}
STRONG BAD: {voiceover} Man. so effective! I've stolen people's lunches this way... their girlfriends... puppies even!
{Strong Bad throws away his clipboard and walks over to Homestar's bike, and starts kicking the tires. Marzipan walks in, with multicolored dreadlocks, and her own clipboard.}
MARZIPAN: Hey, my bromide, wanna sign this...
STRONG BAD: Meal plan! {darts offscreen}
MARZIPAN: Cool, man, free bike.
{Cut back to the computer room.}
STRONG BAD: {typing} But my all-time favorite theifnique has got to be, the best use of black turtlenecks and suction cups ever devised: cat-burgling!
{Cut to a featureless orange wall. Strong Bad climbs up the wall with suction cups, wearing a black turtleneck and beanie.}
STRONG BAD: Almost... to the top!
{Cut to Strong Bad's basement... Strong Bad climbs up from behind the orange couch. The bicycle seat Red, White, and Banana is on the couch, and two laser guns duct taped to the couch on either side of it. Strong Bad pulls out a spray can of "C'mon! It's Fog!" and sprays it into the air, revealing the two laser beams.}
STRONG BAD: Aw, Ponch. Laser tech security! I'll have to employ some Chinese acrobatics!
{Strong Bad tries to jump up, but is stuck to the couch.}
STRONG BAD: Ugh, these suction cups are stuck to the side of this couchscraper. Ah, somebody? The Cheat? Come put that bicycle seat in my mouth! Gently!
{The lights turn on.}
STRONG BAD: Aw, Jon! Light tech security!
STRONG SAD: {walking in} Well, if you had agreed to play Cats the musical, instead of cat-burglar, maybe you wouldn't be stuck to back of the couch again.
STRONG BAD: I would rather die.
{Cut back to the computer room.}
STRONG BAD: {typing} That's how I'd do it, College Bike Owner. So keep away from shrubbery, don't talk to anyone with a clipboard, and avoid putting your bike on the roof of glass skyscrapers.
{During the next part, Strong Bad types "Your bike should be totally safe if you listen to me. I am a good person that gives sound advice. Bike on, my friend, bike on!" while he says his other lines.}
STRONG BAD: Secret message to bike thieves!
{The words "SECRET MESSAGE!" flash on the screen.}
STRONG BAD: Bolt cutters, guys! Just use bolt cutters!
{The words "BOLT CUTTERS!" flash on the screen.}
STRONG BAD: We'll split the pawn-shop money fitty-fitty!
{The words "FITTY FITTY!" flash on the screen.}
STRONG BAD: {typing} See you next time!
{New Paper comes down, printing a picture of The Paper.}
STRONG BAD: Nice try, New Papes. Though that does make me feel a little better... he was so stripedy...
Easter Eggs
- After Strong Bad says MI, click on it to see a flag.
- Click on "baseball card" to see a card.
- At the end, click on "safe" for this:
- {The Lappy slowly moves to the right}
- STRONG BAD: Woah, what the?
- HOMESTAR RUNNER: {dressed up as a trash can, speaking in a monotone voice} Garbage, garbage, rubbish, umm... murder weapon.
- STRONG BAD: Are you supposed to be a trash can or a robot?
- HOMESTAR RUNNER: Ummm... {pulls out petition reading "The Bromide Solution"} you wanna sign this petition, my bromide?
Fun Facts
Explanations
- Magnesium alloy wheels, or "mag wheels", are wheels made of magnesium alloy. They typically have larger and fewer spokes than regular bicycle wheels.
- "Pegs" are metal tubes affixed to a bicycle's front or rear axle, allowing the rider to balance their weight on an area other than the pedals and freeing the body of the bike for a wider range of tricks.
- A bromide is an ion of a bromine atom with a charge of -1. Such bromides as potassium bromide were once used as sedatives, leading to the once prevalent use of the word "bromide" to indicate something that is boring.
Trivia
- Strong Bad's petition reads:
-PETITION-
i do hearby sign that
i am in full support
of fully supporting
all the good causes
and casual effects of
said causes and, as it
were, caucuses. now,
previously, and also
futurely held...
X________________
- Marzipan's petition reads:
Counter-Petition
I, the willing signer of this
document, betta recognize
that Earf in trouble. Earf
injured. Injured bad.
X______________
- Homestar's bike is a Huffy SIGMA circa 1987.
- Strong Bad's can in the cat-burgling scene reads "C'mon! It's Fog".
Remarks
- "Thiefnique" is a portmanteau of "thief" and "technique."
- "Couchscraper" is a portmanteau of "couch" and "skyscraper."
- "Brrlap" on Strong Mad's textile-mill disguise refers to burlap, a durable but coarse cloth made of vegetable fiber.
- Homestar's trash disguise has his own eyes, whereas Strong Bad, Strong Mad and The Cheat wore disguises with a unified, cartoony eye pattern, quite distinct from their own.
Goofs
- The word "safe" can be clicked even while the monitor continues to move in the Easter egg at the end, which restarts that segment from the beginning.
Fixed Goofs
- Strong Bad misspells "enough" as "enogh" in the beginning of his response. This was fixed a few hours after it was released.
Inside References
- The pizza Bubs gives Strong Bad is Bubs' Old Pizza from privileges.
- Pom Pom's costume is from technology.
- The cat-burglar scene shows another instance of duct tape.
- Strong Bad's cat-burgling outfit was seen before in Strong Bad is in Jail Cartoon (minus the suction cups).
- The music playing as Strong Bad first appears in his bush disguise made its debut as Sterrance's theme in animal.
- The bicycle seat Red, White, and Banana first appeared in the chair
- When Strong Bad attempts to steal the bike seat off of the couch, he is foiled by two Lazer Tag guns. The Poopsmith previously carried one of these guns when he dressed up in Lazer Tag gear in The House That Gave Sucky Treats.
- This is the first time we see the outside of CGNU.
- The music in the cat-burglar scene is the same music used in the beginning and end of DNA Evidence.
Real-World References
- Strong Bad makes reference to the Massachusetts Institute of Technology.
- Cats is a musical stage production, premiering in 1981, in which all the actors, portraying cats, perform in skin-tight catsuits.
- Ban Roll On is the name of an actual deodorant product.
- Ponch and Jon were the main characters of the television show CHiPs.
External Links
- watch "bike thief"
- watch "bike thief" on the old Flash site
- view the Flash file for "bike thief"
- forum thread re: "bike thief"
