garage sale

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"The Lurker"

Strong Bad Email #129

Strong Bad gives his thoughts on garage sales and garage sale patrons.

Cast (in order of appearance): Strong Bad, Marzipan, Bubs, Strong Sad, Senor Cardgage, Coach Z, The Cheat, Frank Bennedetto, Homestar Runner

Places: Computer Room, The Field, Homestar's House

Computer: Lappy 486

Date: May 2, 2005

Running Time: 3:28

Contents

Transcript

STRONG BAD: {singing} Here comes another email that I'll answer for you! Here comes another email that I'll answer for you!

subject: garage sale=money!
hey strong bad!
I seriously think you need to have a garage sale!! I mean
think of all da things you could get with all that money...

cat (yeah that's my real name)

{Strong Bad over-emphasizes the "da", and doesn't read the part in parentheses, instead saying...}

STRONG BAD: ...and something I don't wanna read. {typing} What sort of 'da things' are we talking about here, Catman? 'Da bomb' or, uh, 'da boyz' or even, {not typed} uh, {typing} 'da hood?' Nah, I don't think I want any of dose. {clears screen} Lemme tell you a thing or two about garage sales: Ya ever get the feeling that the people just got lazy taking the trash out, so they stopped right there on the driveway and started putting price tags on things? I mean, isn't it just a little suspicious that there's only a one-letter difference between 'garage sale' and 'garbage sale?' {says "gar-bage", to rhyme with "garage"} Except, don't ever say 'garbage' {same way} like that. That's, like, the only joke Moms have and they can keep it for all I care. So then there's the issue of the sort of folks that frequent garage sales: bottom feeders, lemme tell ya.

{Cut to Strong Bad's garage sale in the middle of the Field. There is a sign reading "GARBAGE SALE" (with the 'B' crossed out), and merchandise (see below) is found everywhere with various price tags. Marzipan walks up.}

STRONG BAD: {voiceover} First, there's the haggler, {"THE HAGGLER" appears in the middle of the screen with a bowler derby on it for a moment.} the guy who spends all day trying to talk you down from a quarter to twenty-two cents for some worthless piece of crap.

{The camera scrolls over to Bubs and Strong Bad. Bubs is holding an ugly doll.}

BUBS: I'll give you two thin dimes for this pantyhose doll.

STRONG BAD: First off... all... that is Aunt Gert! And secondly, she's worth WAY more than the quarter I'm asking for her! Heck, I paid six-fifty for her new! And them's 1998 dollars!

BUBS: Well, maybe if she was wearing a troll outfit, or a witch's hat or somethin'...

STRONG BAD: I'll let it go for twenty-four cents.

BUBS: Twenty-two and a half!

STRONG BAD: You, my friend... just bought yourself an Aunt Gert.

{Cut away to the hills of The Field}

STRONG BAD: {voiceover} Next is the lurker. {"THE LURKER" appears in the middle of the screen with a candle and two skulls on it for a moment.} You know, the shady night-manager at Stuckey's type, who shades around all day but never buys anything.

{The camera pans down to Strong Sad and Senor Cardgage looking at merchandise. Strong Sad steps away from Senor Cardgage.}

STRONG BAD: {voiceover} And you're like, is he there just to be seen?

SENOR CARDGAGE: Look at this can of peas, Helvetica! Won't you help me buy it for you?

STRONG SAD: I'm finding it hard to express just how uncomfortable I am right now.

SENOR CARDGAGE: I dan't know why. Exprecially since you have this can of peas to look forward to!

{Strong Bad walks up.}

STRONG BAD: Look, if you're not gonna buy anything, you gotta leave. You're drivin' away all my best customers!

{Senor Cardgage walks off with the can of peas.}

STRONG SAD: Augh! I feel like I need a chemical shower after talking to that guy! Do we have an emergency eyewash station?

STRONG BAD: At least he bought something, lurker! Go back to Stuckey's! {voiceover} And last, but not least...

{Cut to another part of the garage sale, this time with Marzipan and Coach Z. "COACH Z", with a basketball instead of the O and a towel hanging off the Z, appears in the middle of the screen. Coach Z is carrying a variety of items all labelled "Great for baby!"}

STRONG BAD: {voiceover} ...there's Coach Z.

{The text disappears.}

MARZIPAN: Coach Z, may I ask why you're buying up all the "great for baby" items?

COACH Z: I'd prefer that you didn't.

{cut back to the Lappy}

STRONG BAD: {typing} Obviously, wasting your Saturday morning just to sell $3.19 worth of trash isn't the real reason to have a garage sale. It's to get people out of their houses so The Cheat can ransack them!!

{Cut to Homestar's living room. The place is a wreck, and The Cheat is standing in the middle of the room near a large bag. Bennedetto is laying on its side in the foreground.}

THE CHEAT: {says something while stuffing Homestar's cow lamp into the bag}

HOMESTAR RUNNER: {popping out of the bag} Hey, can you put this cow lamp back? {throws it out} We're running out of room in here! You wouldn't get much for that thing anyways. It's not even a real cow.

{Cut back to the Lappy}

STRONG BAD: {typing} See? And then we'd make a killing when we sell the stuff back to them a few weeks later at an inflated price.

{Cut to the garage sale. Marzipan and Strong Bad are standing near Marzipan's answering machine on a table..}

MARZIPAN: Ooh! This is perfect! I've always wanted an answering machine!

ANSWERING MACHINE: {in Marzipan's voice} It's a great day at Marzipan's! Please leave me a message!

{Marzipan looks at Strong Bad angrily, while Strong Bad looks around shiftily.}

STRONG BAD: Uh, see, it is perfect! It already knows your name, even! Heh! Oooh, heh. Eee. Oh. Hmm. Peow! {runs off}

MARZIPAN: More like, pree-ow!

{The Paper comes down.}

Easter Eggs

  • At the beginning, click on "da bomb," "da boyz" and "da hood" to bring up T-shirts with phrases incorporating each term.
  • At the end, click on the Heavy Lourde to see Homestar make an offer he can't refuse.
HOMESTAR RUNNER: We got a Homestar Runner for sale! Slightly used and mostly confused! We can't give these things away! {leans} I'll take it! {leans other way} I'll take twelve! {stands upright} Drive one home today!
  • Click on the answering machine to see more of Coach Z.
{Marzipan and Coach Z are at the garage sale in the same positions as before.}
MARZIPAN: This garage sale is more like a gar-bage sale.
STRONG BAD: {leaning in from offscreen} DAHDAHDAHDAHDAH! Moms Only!
COACH Z: Oh, then I'm okay to say it!
{Strong Bad and Marzipan look shocked and confused by Coach Z's comment.}

Fun Facts

Trivia

  • This is the first time we see Marzipan raise an eyebrow.

Remarks

  • Technically, it's not a garage sale, as we never see a garage. It's more of a yard sale.
  • While it is dubious that any of the objects listed as "Great for Baby!" are appropriate for infants, only the Helicopter is known to be inappropriate for them - in Cheat Commandos Commercial, it is said to be for "Ages 3-5".

Goofs

  • When the camera scrolls to the left at the beginning of the "Haggler" scene, the Garage sale sign suddenly disappears just before it should go off screen.
  • The image of Gooblies is obviously flipped, as you can see if you zoom in on his washing care label when Strong Sad moves out of the way, the "G" is displayed backwards.

Inside References

  • "Graw Mad" is Strong Bad's nickname for Strong Mad in the facts.
  • Homestar's cow lamp originally appeared in caper.
  • "Pree-oww" is the onomatopoeia for the sound The Paper makes when it comes down.
  • The Haggler sign's hat is a recolored version of Homsar's bowler derby.

Real-World References

  • Stuckey's is a chain of roadside convenience stores found on highways throughout the Southeast, Southwest, and Midwest United States.
  • Senor Cardgage refers to Strong Sad as Helvetica, a famous sans-serif typeface.
  • The whole e-mail resembles an old comedy VHS film (by J2 Communications) called "How to Have a Money-Making Garage Sale," in which Phyllis Diller discussed sensible and frivolous tips, as well as many different "species" of customers who come by, strikingly similar to "The Haggler" and "The Lurker."

Some Items for Sale

  • Except for the candle, the egg carton, Aunt Gert, and unpriced items, all prices refer to the number of the email in which the item first appeared.

On Display

Hidden Items

  • A bag of Potate chips (price not given)
    • Appears out of frame in the swf file when Bubs is haggling with Strong Bad
  • "More Like, YOU Write A Book About Come-Back Jokes, NERD!" book from 50 emails: "Great for Baby!" - $50
    • Appears out of frame in the swf file when Bubs is haggling with Strong Bad
    • Presumably bought by Coach Z, as it appears in his arms later in the cartoon

Sold Items

  • "Aunt Gert" pantyhose doll - $.25
    • Sold to Bubs for 22 1⁄2¢
  • "Canopy's" can of peas - $99
    • Presumably bought by Senor Cardgage.
    • The price refers to different town, in which the King of Town was buried alive in a box of peas.
    • This item might come from The Cheatar when Strong Bad asks The Cheat to open his can of peas.
  • Clock Radio (possibly from 12:00 or Homestar's Radio): "Great for Baby!" (price not given)
    • Presumably bought by Coach Z
  • Box of scorpions from your friends: "Great for Baby!" (price not given)
    • Presumably bought by Coach Z
  • Homestar Runner - SOLD
    • Apparently bought by himself

External Links

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