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Strong Bad Email #136
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This article is about the Strong Bad Email. For the pseudocharacter, see The Geddup Noise.

String Bed explains the popularity of the notorious JOJ.

Cast (in order of appearance): like i give a shit

Places: nunyabusiness

Computer: Lappy 486, Compy 386

Date: Tuesday, November 13, 2012

Running Time: 3:38

Page Title: Meet the JOJ

DVD: strongbad_email.exe Disc Five, Sbemails' 50 Greatest Hits DVD

Transcript

{Cut to the Lappy. Gavin is crawling on the screen. The lights are out. Strong Bad is not present. The lights suddenly turn on and Gavin is on fire.}

STRONG BAD: {Walks in} {begins reading}

{Reads "marc baroni AZ" as "makarov from A to Z"; the COD: Modern Warfare character Vladimir Makarov pops up for a second as Strong Bad reads "makarov"}

STRONG BAD: Ooh! Alphabet soup! {typing} The JOJ? This guy!

{Strong Bad gets up and sits down to the tune of the Super Mario Bros. theme}

STRONG BAD: {typing} Ahhh, what fun! But that's not even the real JOJ. That's just his black cousin, Jack. {clears screen} No, the real JOJ split quite some time ago. The phone calls started coming in.

{Cut to a close-up shot of Strong Bad. He is holding a phone.}

STRONG BAD: {into phone} Hello? What? What? In my butt. Yes, no, yes, {cuts to Patchy the Pirate yelling, "NOOO!!!!"}.

{Zoom out to show that he's in his computer room. "Squidward's Suicide" is displayed on the screen of the Compy.}

STRONG BAD: It's for you. {tosses phone at stool; stool explodes}

{Cut back to the Lappy.}

STRONG BAD: {typing} And before I know it, every-fuckin-body's talkin' about the JOJ.

{Cut to Coach Z and Bubs at the concession stand, which is now labeled "BUBSO'S CONCESSION STAND"}

COACH Z: Okay, now I got one Bubs-O. Who am I supposed to be? {robotic voice effect with inverted colors} Aaaaooooroomah! Eeeeeeoooowree!

{Bubs cringes as Coach Z makes these off-key sounds}

BUBS: Is that supposed to be JOJ?

COACH Z: Hang on! Hang on! Let me switch my pitch up! {Vocoder voice effects with rainbow colors} Waaay-o! {warbled voice and background effect} Waaaay-o!!

BUBS: {annoyed} Way-o, way-o? I'll be in the basement.

{The concession stand turns dark with only a yellow light shining from the top. Bubs slowly sinks into the basement, as if on an elevator.}

COACH Z: Way-o! Waaaay-o!

{Bubs shoots up like a rocket and blows up the sky}

{Cut to the booOOM box, which holds a cassette tape labeled "Smell Yo Dick"}

BOOOOM BOX (STRONG BAD'S MORNING TALK SHOW RADIO HOST VOICE): Hang on to your panties, people! {ear rape stutter noise with bright colors} Uh-oh, what's up? 'Cause we got the JOJ all up in this mothafucka! {followed by laughter} Oh, we got a live one! {a higher-pitched ear rape noise emits}

{Cut to Strong Sad listening to the radio. He is wearing a black T-shirt that reads "This Is Not A JOJ T-Shirt".}

STRONG SAD: Oh, man. JOJ used to be cool.

{Cut to the set of The Show with Homestar}

HOMESTAR RUNNER: And as always, at center square, the JOJ. {Pan to a wider shot. Nobody is seen standing next to him.} What do you say, JOJ? {An ear rape noise emits followed by applause.} Now that is just special. But I'm afraid the correct answer was {in Heffer's voice} "big fat cock".{"BIG FAT COCK" appears on screen as Homestar says it. The "wrong answer" music from The Price is Right plays.} But you will receive some fine hookers.

{Cut to a woman with big breasts}

ANNOUNCER: That's right, Kevin. The JOJ will receive a year's supply of our hoes!

{Cut back to Strong Bad at the Lappy}

STRONG BAD: Even The Cheat was able to snag a penis with his indie-tronic remix.

{CD of "DJ Teh Cheat - Electric Bikini" appears; scene switches to Club Technochocolate, where The Cheat is spinning his own record. Bubs and Pom Pom put their weight on it. The song includes "My Life Be Like (Ooh Aah)" -- the SpongeBob remix.}

SPONGEBOB:
My life be like.

PATRICK:
Ooooh! Aaaah! (Spongebob: Yeah.) Ooooh! Aaaah!

SPONGEBOB:
My life be like.

PATRICK:
Ooooh! Aaaah! Ooooh! Aaah!

STRONG BAD: {voiceover} And before long, a bunch of shitty knock-offs started popping up.

{Cut to the King of Town, seated in a wooden chair at a table in his castle}

KING OF TOWN: Hello, America! It's the SUS! {The "SUS" logo appears, and the King of Town stands up; the chair makes a robotic ear-rape noise with an embossed background.} Boooo-ooo! {The King looks over to his right, another KoT appears looking at the left.}

{Cut to the Brothers Strongs' basement. Strong Bad is seated in a yellow chair}

STRONG BAD: {to screen, smiling} And now, everybody's favorite style, the DED! {The Homsar walking sound accompanies the "DED" logo. Strong Bad gets up from a yellow seat and makes a low-pitched ear-rape noise.} Isn't that right, The Cheat?

{The Cheat pops up with blackface features}

THE CHEAT: Daaaamn right, nigga! Mmm-mmm!

{Return to the Lappy}

STRONG BAD: {typing, sounding embarrassed} Heh heh. That was just not, nu-, anything. So after that, JOJ bought a house and now he just shits all day. He still pops up here and there in the odd, or sometimes {in Mr. Krabs' voice as the screen warbles} creeeeyyyyzy celebrity endorsement.

{Cut to a shot of AXE Shampoo. Ear-rape plays in the background.}

ANNOUNCER: JOJ Approved!

{Cut to Strong Sad watching the AXE Shampoo commercial. He is wearing a white T-shirt that reads "iHateiPods1234 Sucks".}

STRONG SAD: Fuckin' sell-out.

{Cut back to the Lappy again}

STRONG BAD: {typing} So I suppose that more than adequately answers your question, Shoshoshoshoshoshoshoshoshoni.

{Pan out to a medium shot. Homestar is kneeling to Strong Bad's right.}

HOMESTAR RUNNER: {to stool} Excuse me sir, could I suck your cock?

STRONG BAD: Homestar, you know that's not even the original JOJ. It's his black cousin...

HOMESTAR RUNNER: I know, Jack. He's my generation's JOJ! Uh, could you make out with me?

STRONG BAD: That's it, I'm outta here. {Walks offscreen to stage right}

{Fades to a mad mix of disgusting and horrifying images from Spongebob, Dead Space, Disney movies, etc. with the "Space Mountain" music playing at full blast along with flashing colors and ends with a loud explosion}

{cuts back to the computer room with Homestar having semen all over his mouth}

HOMESTAR RUNNER: Ah! There it is! It's positively dreamy! {little hearts float up out of Homestar's head and pop like bubbles} Ohhhh! {Homestar faints. He knocks the stool which then explodes like an atom bomb}

{The Paper comes down reading "Copyright 2012 Viacom.}

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