isp
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Strong Bad Email #152 |
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Strang Mod blows up String Bed's Internet.
Cast (in order of appearance): ....
Places: .....
Computer: Lappy 486
Date: Wednesday, November 14, 2012
Running Time: 3:23
Page Title: Internet Intervention
DVD: strongbad_email.exe Disc Five, Sbemails' 50 Greatest Hits DVD
Transcript
STRONG BAD:
subject: PISDear Strong Bad,
Since you answer emails, you must have some sort of
internet, right? What kind of internet do you guys hack?
Who runs it? Is it expensive?
Your bestest buddy in the whole wide world,
Gary, UK
{As soon as Strong Bad says "hack", Dr. Breen from Half-Life 2 chucks a computer at Strong Bad}
STRONG BAD: {typing} Yeah, I'm fine, Gary. Garry's Mod. Of course I've got the internet. How else could I download this awesome animated gif of a breakdancing penis?
{The screen displays meatspin while the song "Ridin' Spinnaz" by Three 6 Mafia plays. After a few seconds, a blue screen with a progress bar reading "7% complete." pops up}
STRONG BAD: {typing} What??!! Seven percent? Oh, that's IT!! Hold on to your fat, sweaty cocks, tech support. 'Cuz Strong Bad's about to Do-Dis!
{The camera rotates around the Lappy to a rear view as Strong Bad picks up the telephone. There is a phone ringing sound and the screen is split by a phone cord with Homestar Runner in the office on the left and Strong Bad on the right. On Homestar's cubicle wall there is a Post-It Note that has a picture of MOAR Krabs; Homestar wears a headset.}
HOMESTAR RUNNER: Thank you for calling the internet, may I have your identity please?
STRONG BAD: No, but you can {demonic overtone with red colors in background} have a heapin' helpin' of my unbridled rage!
HOMESTAR RUNNER: {reading slowly from sheets of paper} Ma'am, please calm down. Your CD tray is a cup holder. {turns page} I can help you clear your browser cache. I'm in India.
STRONG BAD: Shut up and listen, you fuck. {Homestar drops the papers in surprise. Strong Bad bangs his hand on keyboard; the keyboard blows up} My internet's crawling along like... something... funny... that crawls along. Like...a penis.
HOMESTAR RUNNER: All right, I can help you with that. Please hold while I transfer you to someone who can help you with that.
STRONG BAD: {incredulous} What?!
{"Remind Me" by Royskopp plays}
{Cut to a long shot of the office as Homestar stands up lipsynching. Homestar is the only visible tech representative.}
{Cut back to the splitscreen as Homestar sits down.}
HOMESTAR RUNNER: {in a telephone voice} Thank you for holding. Your call is very unportant to us.
STRONG BAD: Ugh! {bangs hand against keyboard again; the keyboard explodes like an atom bomb} I'm marching my pasty white ass down there to talk to the nigga in charge!
{He walks offscreen.}
BUBS: {as the camera zooms in} Well if it isn't my lone internet customer. How's e-business?
{Cut to Strong Bad from inside the concession stand.}
STRONG BAD: Now listen here, nigga! What's the big idea of throttling me down?!
{Cut to the front of Bubs}
BUBS: {warbled voice effect as screen shakes} Throttling you down?! {rising arms up} That's one of the ninety-nine ways I rip you off! {lowering arms back down}
{Cut to Strong Bad from inside the concession stand.}
STRONG BAD: Well, back in the day I used to connect at twelve-hundred baud, but ever since I get twelve-hundred baud, I'm lucky if I get twelve-hundred baud!
BUBS: Hmm...
{Cut back to Bubs.}
BUBS: Let's head down {raising left arm for directions} to the Dayum Datum Center and see what we can find.
STRONG BAD: Datum sounds good. Dayum.
BUBS: {indicating the computers with his right arm} So this is where the magic happens. {right arm scratching his head} I wonder where the trouble could be.
STRONG BAD: {sarcastically} Yeah, I wonder.
{Camera pulls back to reveal a computer with a garden hose sticking out of it and fire issuing from the back along with brown liquid dripping out}
STRONG BAD: It's probably not this computer with the rocket pump coming out of it.
BUBS: {in Woody's voice} ROCKETS EXPLODE!!!
{The computer blows up in a fiery explosion}
STRONG BAD: {during the explosion} Strong Mad!
{Cuts to text that reads "Strong Mad blew up the Internet. :P LOL"}
{We cut back to the Lappy. For a moment, the status bar reads "99%" and has "Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz..." written below where it previously read "7% complete." With the same ding as before, this is replaced by "100%" and "Already?!!" The Lappy's screen then shows the meatspin gif from earlier along with the music. It is then replaced by yellow text that says "NOT A REAL PENIS" and The Paper comes down reading "Copyright 2012 Viacom.}