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Diligent lackey

Strong Bad Email #96

Steve from Victoria B.C. wants to know why the Cheat is such a diligent lackey.

Cast (in order of appearance): Strong Bad, The Cheat, Bubs, Deauregard, Puppet Homestar Runner (easter egg)



STRONG BAD: {singing} So innocent and email free.... That's you 'n me. {pulls up the e-mail and reads it aloud}

Hey, yo there Strong Bad!
I was wondering why The Cheat is such
a diligent lackey. Did you save his
life one time and now he has to repay

Victoria, BC

STRONG BAD: {typing} BC? Whoa! This is an old freakin' email. Most of the emails I get are ADs. And the occasional JD. Wow. I wonder if it was written on like, a stone tablet. Or maybe some, uh, papyrus. Anyhow... {clears screen, continues typing} No, Steve, The Cheat is a good lackey because he "knows what's best" and "doesn't want to get left by the side of the road during a thunderstorm" or "taped to Pom Pom again." {clears screen, continues typing} It probably also has to do with the fact that I "treat him like a brother that's not Strong Sad" instead of "a little yellow squeaky thing that somethetimes steals my ladytypes." I also pay him real nice. Which isn't very difficult considering The Cheat "thinks pencil shavings are legal tender." Check it out...

{Strong Bad sharpens a pencil with a small handheld sharpener}

STRONG BAD: Hey, The Cheat!

THE CHEAT: {walks in} Meh!

STRONG BAD: {waves his hand over the fresh pencil shavings} I'll pay you all these precious pencil shavings if you go pilfer me a cantaloupe from Marzipan's melon patch.

THE CHEAT: Mehneh! {runs out}

STRONG BAD: {typing} Ahhhh, look at him go. So excited, so naive...

THE CHEAT: {runs back in with cantaloupe} Meh!

STRONG BAD: Whoa, supa soivice! Thanks man. You can go back to whatever you were doin'.

THE CHEAT: {angry} Mehhhh!

STRONG BAD: Oh, right. Your "payment." Here ya go! {scrapes pencil shavings onto The Cheat's head}

THE CHEAT: (makes noises that sound like, Thank you, Thank you)

STRONG BAD: Awwww, that's almost adorable... Now, what am I gonna to do with all my tons of new stuff? A sharp pencil, and a can-ta-loo-pay. The possibilities are endless! I suppose I could use the pencil to draw a little guy on the cantaloupe. {mumbling while drawing} Ooh, and then if I jammed the cantaloupe on the end of the pencil... Hey everybody look! It's Deauregard! How ya doin', Do?

DEAUREGARD: Hey there mister Strong Bad! Well I'm fine, past couple days though...

{Cut to Bubs concession stand with The Cheat}

BUBS: Your total comes out to fifteen tooty-two!

THE CHEAT: Meh! {passing pencil shavings}

BUBS: What's this malarkey?

THE CHEAT: Mehneh! {Points to a sign saying: "We'll Gladly Accept: Cash, Money, or Cash Money". "Pencil shavings" has been added at the bottom}

BUBS: Well, if it's on the sign... nice doin business witchya!

{The Cheat walks off with his new "Boy's Hobby Kit." Deauregard shows up}

DEAUREGARD: Hey there Mr. Bubs. I'm from the collection agency. You missed your last payment. Gonna have to bust your kneecaps if ya don't pay up!

BUBS: Oh dag! You found me! {slams down a metal shop gate, revealing "SB" graffiti}

{The Paper comes down.}

STRONG BAD: Whoa! Forgot about that one! I mean...

DEAUREGAURD: Sure is some niiice graffiti!

Easter Eggs

  • Click on Deauregaurd's head at the end to see a video of the Homestar and Deauregaurd show!

ANNOUNCER: The Homestar Runner and Deauregaurd Show! Brought to you by Hollerin' Jimmy Hobby Kits!
HOMESTAR RUNNER: Hey, Deauregard! We've got our own show!
DEAUREGARD: Boy, I'll say! I'm gonna be a star!
HOMESTAR RUNNER: Nope. I'm afraid there's only one job for you on this show!
DEAUREGARD: Well, lay it on me!
HOMESTAR RUNNER: You have to be...the produce-r!
{Homestar and the audience laugh}
DEAUREGARD: Forget you, Whitey! I'm going solo!
{Deauregard walks off. Soon Homestar stops laughing.}

  • Click on the "SB" part of the graffiti to play a Strong Lib.
  • Click on the top of the "boy's hobby kit" box to see what it says.

Fun Facts

  • When The Cheat is buying the hobby kit, Bubs says, "and that comes out to fifteen-Tooty-two", which is an inside joke.
  • When Strong Bad says The Cheat doesn't want to be taped to Pom-Pom again he is referring to the e-mail your friends.
  • When Deauregard is in front of Compy 386, you can't see the contrast buttons.
  • Strong Bad did not give The Cheat all the pencil shavings.
  • Strong Bad's remark about "super service" (in a Brooklyn accent) is a Three Stooges reference.
  • Deauregaurd is an actual cantaloupe in the easter egg, but The Brothers Chaps later created an actual Deauregard puppet with a moving mouth that has not been used on the site but can be seen in their Comcast interview.
  • When this email was first put up, you could click "Stone Tablet" and "Papyrus" to see fake emails written on said items. These have since been removed.

DVD Version

  • The Boy's Hobby Kit Easter Egg is viewable using the angle button on your DVD remote.
  • The Homestar Runner and Deauregaurd Show Easter Egg is now fullscreen and in much higher quality video. It also adds a tiny bit of additional footage to the end (though sans any dialogue).
  • The Strong Libs Easter Egg now has Strong Sad moderating a Strong Lib and Strong Bad reluctantly playing.


STRONG BAD: {voiceover} Awww, don't make me do this thing! They're only funny when you're, like, 4 years old.

STRONG SAD: {voiceover} No, we're gonna do it, and it's gonna be great! {booklet flips to page two} OK, I need an active verb phrase.

STRONG BAD: {voiceover} Uhm... "brings the noise"

STRONG SAD: {writes "brings the noise" in} {voiceover} OK, now I need a negative active verb phrase.

STRONG BAD: {voiceover} "Never takes two."

STRONG SAD: {writes in "never takes two"} {voiceover} O-kay... uh, another active verb phrase.

STRONG BAD: {voiceover} Uh, let me think about it, "gets busy."

STRONG SAD: {writes in "gets busy"} {voiceover} OK. A comparison phrase. You know, like "like an idiot."

STRONG BAD: {voiceover} "Like a beard."

STRONG SAD: {writes in "like a beard"} {voiceover} What? Oh, OK, I need a noun.

STRONG BAD: {voiceover} "Throat lozenge"

STRONG SAD: {writes in "throat lozenge"} {voiceover} Alright, and finally, one more active verb phrase.

STRONG BAD: {voiceover} I can't think of anymore!

STRONG SAD: {writes in "can't think of anymore"} OK! Great! Let's see how it turned out! {turns page} "A Strong Bad Email. No, dan, the Cheat is a good lackey because he 'brings the noise' and 'never takes two' or 'gets busy.'" You see, that's... you told me to write that.

STRONG BAD: {voiceover, irritated} I know! Hurry up and finish!

STRONG SAD: {voiceover} Oh! "It probably also has to do with the fact that I treat him 'like a beard' instead of a 'throat lozenge.'" You see, that's good, you see, you wouldn't... you'd rather be treated like-

STRONG BAD: {voiceover, angry} Come on!

STRONG SAD: {voiceover} "I also pay him real nice. Which isn't very difficult considering that the Cheat 'can't think of anymore.' Check it out." See, that turned out pretty good! Strong Bad?

STRONG BAD: {voiceover} I'm already playing Nintendo in the other room!

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