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Strong Bad Email #96
watch the bet monument
"So excited, so naïve..."

Steve from Victoria, BC, wants to know why The Cheat is such a diligent lackey.

Cast (in order of appearance): Strong Bad, The Cheat, Bubs, Doreauxgard, Puppet Homestar Runner (Easter egg), Puppet Doreauxgard (Easter egg), Strong Sad (DVD Easter egg)

Places: Computer Room, Bubs' Concession Stand

Date: Monday, January 26, 2004

Running Time: 2:47

Page Title: Compy 386!!

DVD: strongbad_email.exe Disc Three



STRONG BAD: {singing} So innocent and email-free... That's you 'n me.

{He pulls up the e-mail and reads it aloud.}

STRONG BAD: {typing} BC? Whoa! This is an old freakin' email. Most of the emails I get are ADs. And the occasional JD. Wow. I wonder if it was written on, like, a stone tablet. Or maybe some, uh, papyrus. Anyhow... {Strong Bad clears the screen and continues typing.} No, Steve, The Cheat is a good lackey because he "knows what's best" and "doesn't want to get left by the side of the road during a thunderstorm" or "taped to Pom-Pom again." {He clears screen and continues typing.} It probably also has to do with the fact that I "treat him like a brother that's not Strong Sad" instead of a "little yellow squeaky thing that somethetimes steals my ladytypes." I also pay him real nice. Which isn't very difficult considering The Cheat "thinks pencil shavings are legal tender." Check it out...

{Strong Bad sharpens a pencil with a small handheld sharpener.}

STRONG BAD: Hey, The Cheat!

{The Cheat walks in.}

THE CHEAT: {The Cheat noises}

{Strong Bad waves his hand over the fresh pencil shavings.}

STRONG BAD: I'll pay you all these precious pencil shavings if you go pilfer me a cantaloupe from Marzipan's melon patch.

THE CHEAT: {The Cheat noises, then darts off with motion blur}

STRONG BAD: {typing} Ahhhh, look at him go. So excited, so naive... {"Naive" is said like the word "knave."}

{The Cheat runs back in with a cantaloupe.}

THE CHEAT: {The Cheat noise}

STRONG BAD: Whoa, supa soivice! Thanks man. You can go back to whatever you were doin'.

THE CHEAT: {angry The Cheat noises while pointing to the pencil shavings}

STRONG BAD: Oh, right. Your "payment." Here ya go!

{Strong Bad scrapes pencil shavings onto The Cheat's head.}

THE CHEAT: {grateful The Cheat noises}

STRONG BAD: Awwww, that's almost adorable... Now, what am I gonna to do with all my tons of new stuff? A sharp pencil...and a can-ta-loo-pay. The possibilities are endless! I suppose I could use the pencil to draw a little guy on the cantaloupe.

{Strong Bad mumbles while drawing a face on the cantaloupe.}

STRONG BAD: Ooh, and then if I jammed the cantaloupe on the end of the pencil... Hey everybody look! It's Doreauxgard! How ya doin', Doe?

DOREAUXGARD: Hey, there, Mister Strong Bad! Well, I'm fine, past couple days though...

{Cut to Bubs' Concession Stand with The Cheat.}

BUBS: Your total comes out to fifteen tooty-two!

THE CHEAT: {makes a The Cheat noise while pushing the pencil shavings onto the counter.}

BUBS: What's this malarkey?

THE CHEAT: {The Cheat noises}

{The Cheat points to a sign saying: "We'll Gladly Accept: Cash, Money, or Cash Money." "Pencil shavings" on a scrap of paper has been taped on at the bottom.}

BUBS: Well, if it's on the sign... Nice doin' business witchya!

{The Cheat walks off with his new "Boy's Hobby Kit." Doreauxgard shows up}

DOREAUXGARD: Hey, there, Mr. Bubs. I'm from the collection agency. You missed your last payment. Gonna have to bust your kneecaps if ya don't pay up!

BUBS: Oh, dag! You found me!

{Bubs slams down a metal shop gate, revealing "SB wa5 HeRe" graffiti.}

{The Paper comes down.}

STRONG BAD: Whoa! Forgot about that one! I mean...

DOREAUXGARD: Sure is some niiice graffiti!

Easter Eggs

  • Click on the top of the "boy's hobby kit" box when The Cheat is buying it to see what it says.
hollerin' jimmy's hobby kit
"We have no idea what's in this box!!"
  • Click on the "SB" part of the graffiti to play a StrongBad Lib.
No, dan, the Cheat is a good lackey
because he "(active verb phrase (i.e. "does some stuff."))"
and "(negative active verb phrase (i.e. "doesn't do some stuff."))" or
"(active verb phrase)." It probably
also has to do with the fact that I
treat him "(comparison phrase (i.e. "like an idiot"))"
instead of a "(noun)."
I also pay him real nice. Which isn't
very difficult considering the Cheat
"(another stupid active verb phrase)."
Check it out.
  • Click on Doreauxgard's head at the end to see a video of the "Homestar and Doreauxgard Show!"
ANNOUNCER: The Homestar Runner and Doreauxgard Show! Brought to you by Hollerin' Jimmy Hobby Kits!
HOMESTAR RUNNER: Hey, Doreauxgard! We've got our own show!
DOREAUXGARD: Boy, I'll say! I'm gonna be a star!
HOMESTAR RUNNER: Nope. I'm afraid there's only one job for you on this show!
DOREAUXGARD: Well, lay it on me!
HOMESTAR RUNNER: You have to be...the produce-r! {Homestar and the audience laugh.}
DOREAUXGARD: Forget you, Whitey! I'm going solo! {Doreauxgard walks off. Soon Homestar stops laughing.}

Fun Facts


  • When this email was first put up, you could click "Stone Tablet" and "Papyrus" to see fake emails written on said items. These have since been removed.
  • In the StrongBad Libs Easter Egg, we can see Strong Bad's green tongue, introduced in Super NES.
  • The floppy disk container was accidentally placed behind the flash border, and cannot be read in the toon. Decompiling the Flash file reveals the title to be "maniac mansion".
  • The Strong Bad Libs Easter egg uses the unmodified version of AhnbergHand, so certain characters such as apostrophes will show up as spaces.


  • Strong Bad spells Pom Pom with a hyphen.
  • When Strong Bad faces the screen to say "The possibilities are endless" he doesn't actually turn his head; his head snaps from profile to front within one frame.
  • "BC" stands for British Columbia, a province in Canada.


  • When Doreauxgard is in front of Compy 386, you can't see or use the contrast buttons.
  • When Strong Bad contemplates what to do with his sharp pencil and cantaloupe, you can see another pencil behind Strong Bad's head. The pencil is resting on the keyboard, which is where Strong Bad was holding it earlier in the email.
  • When Strong Bad turns back to the computer with the cantaloupe on the pencil, the second pencil is no longer by the computer.
  • When Strong Bad turns back to the computer when The Cheat is getting the cantaloupe, the screen is blank, even though he didn't clear it.
  • When the camera zooms out, the text in the Compy is a meaningless jumble of two screens:
  • When Strong Bad is holding the pencil and the cantaloupe, the sharp end of the pencil is pointing up. When it cuts to him drawing on the cantaloupe, the sharp end is pointing down.
  • When you click on the Easter egg with Strong Libs, the front page is coming out of the back.

Inside References

  • When The Cheat is buying the hobby kit, Bubs says, "and that comes out to fifteen-Tooty-two," which is an inside joke.
  • When Strong Bad says The Cheat doesn't want to be taped to Pom Pom again he is referring to the e-mail your friends.
  • In the Strong Lib Easter egg, the author of the email is called Dan.
  • Strong Bad saying "soivice" is another example of "Er" pronounced as "Oi".

Real-World References

  • "JD" is a reference to Julian Date, an astronomical dating system that counts the total days from January 1, 4713 BC (for example, January 26, 2004 AD is 2453031 JD).
    • "JD" can also stand for Juvenile Delinquint, and is also a term meaning "attorney"
  • Strong Bad's remark about "super service" (in a Brooklyn accent) is a reference to the Three Stooges short Violent is the Word for Curly
  • When Strong Bad sends The Cheat away to get the cantaloupe he makes a reference to a Bugs Bunny quote: 'So trusting, so naive.'

Fast Forward

  • Doreauxgard is an actual cantaloupe in the Easter egg, but The Brothers Chaps later created an actual Doreauxgard puppet with a moving mouth. It has not been used on the site, but it can be seen in the 2003 Pulse interview.
  • Bubs accepts more pencil shavings in secret identity.
  • The Strong Bad Libs version of Strong Bad would later be seen in pop-up, as "Senor Muybueno".

DVD Version

  • The Boy's Hobby Kit Easter egg is viewable using the angle button on your DVD remote.
  • The Homestar Runner and Doreauxgard Show Easter egg is now fullscreen and in much higher quality video. It also adds a tiny bit of additional footage to the end (though sans any dialogue).
  • The Strong Libs Easter egg now has Strong Sad moderating a Strong Lib and Strong Bad reluctantly playing.


STRONG BAD: {voiceover} Awww, don't make me do this thing! They're only funny when you're, like, 4 years old.

STRONG SAD: {voiceover} No, we're gonna do it, and it's gonna be great! {booklet flips to page two} OK, I need an active verb phrase.

STRONG BAD: {voiceover} Uhm... "brings the noise"

STRONG SAD: {He writes "brings the noise" in.} {voiceover} OK, now I need a negative active verb phrase.

STRONG BAD: {voiceover} "Never takes two."

STRONG SAD: {He writes in "never takes two."} {voiceover} O-kay... Uh, another active verb phrase.

STRONG BAD: {voiceover} Uh, let me think about it, "gets busy."

STRONG SAD: {He writes in "gets busy."} {voiceover} OK. A comparison phrase. You know, like "like an idiot."

STRONG BAD: {voiceover} "Like a beard."

STRONG SAD: {He writes in "like a beard."} {voiceover} What? Oh, OK, I need a noun.

STRONG BAD: {voiceover} "Throat lozenge."

STRONG SAD: {He writes in "throat lozenge."} {voiceover} All right, and finally, one more active verb phrase.

STRONG BAD: {voiceover} I can't think of anymore!

STRONG SAD: {He writes in "can't think of anymore."} OK! Great! Let's see how it turned out! {turns page} "A Strong Bad Email. No, dan, the Cheat is a good lackey because he 'brings the noise' and 'never takes two' or 'gets busy.'" You see, that's... You told me to write that.

STRONG BAD: {voiceover, irritated} I know! Hurry up and finish!

STRONG SAD: {voiceover} Oh! "It probably also has to do with the fact that I treat him 'like a beard' instead of a 'throat lozenge.'" You see, that's good, you see, you wouldn't... you'd rather be treated like—

STRONG BAD: {voiceover, angry} Come on!

STRONG SAD: {voiceover} "I also pay him real nice. Which isn't very difficult considering that the Cheat 'can't think of anymore.' Check it out." See, that turned out pretty good! Strong Bad?

STRONG BAD: {voiceover, more distant} I'm already playing Nintendo in the other room!

Fun Facts

  • Oddly enough, Strong Sad writes the phrases in Strong Bad's handwriting.
  • Strong Bad mentions Nintendo.

External Links

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