lady...ing

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Strong Bad Email #135
watch record book geddup noise
Holy-crap-adorable!

Strong Bad goes back five or six years to the first email he ever answered to show how he gave advice on lady...ing.

Cast (in order of appearance): Strong Bad, The Cheat, The Announcer, Homestar Runner, Marzipan, Strong Sad, Mustachioed Homestar Runner (Easter egg)

Places: Computer Room, Arena, The Field (Easter egg)

Computer: Lappy 486, Tandy 400

Date: August 8, 2005

Running Time: 4:22

Page Title: Lappy 486

Contents

Transcript

STRONG BAD: {singing loudly in falsetto} Why do I check emails the way I do? I don't know. {begins reading}


{Strong Bad reads "Strongest of the Bads" very quickly and rhythmically. After reading "could never get any ladies", he says "Oooh, something I would not openly admit." He reads "lady...ing." as "lady?(pause)ing?"}

STRONG BAD: 2nd and 3rd best friends?? What about Fabrosi? What'd you two do to Fabrosi? Eh, whatever. That guy's probably out lady-ing with that fake mustache he always wears. It's only gonna attract gold-diggers. {clears screen} Desperate losers or not, you guys should remember that I addressed this issue, like, 5 or 6 years ago. In fact, I think it mighta been the first email I ever checked. The Cheat, roll that beautiful email footage!

{Cut to the computer desk. The Cheat walks in holding a Laserdisc.}

STRONG BAD: Ooh, a Laserdisc. {music starts and The Cheat spins the disc as Strong Bad sings} The Cheat's playin' something on a Laserdisc. Everything is better on Laserdisc. Whatever happened to the Laserdisc? Laserdisc! {The Cheat and Strong Bad touch hands as the music stops.}

{The Cheat walks to the left. Cut to the old loading screen from Marshmallow's Last Stand, then to the Arena from the same toon. Throughout this section of the email, the animation and voices are in the same style as the old toon. Cut to a close-up on the Announcer.}

ANNOUNCER: And in the red corner, hailing from Parts Unknown, {holds microphone closer} the Ramblin' Wreck of Email Check, Strong Bad!

{Cut to the corner of the wrestling ring, which contains a table with the Tandy on it. Strong Bad pops out from a trapdoor and lands with a loud thud.}

STRONG BAD: Greetings all you morones {"morons" with Strong Bad's old, affected Mexican accent}. Holy crap! Welcome to the Strong Bad show, where I check a real email from one of you {leans in toward the camera} stupid idiots.

{The crowd boos. Strong Bad produces an anvil and hurls it at them.}

STRONG BAD: Hey, you a-shut up!

{The anvil lands with a crash. Someone in the crowd says "Ow!" Strong Bad laughs at him.}

STRONG BAD: Now let's a-holy crap get to business!

{Strong Bad walks over to the Tandy and brings up the email somehow. He reads:}

STRONG BAD: But of course. When it comes to the ladies, I've got no... competition! {He jumps up and shakes as he says it.} {very quietly} Holy crap.

{Cut to a close-up}

STRONG BAD: First, Fabrosi, you've got to look as much as possible like the Strong Bad. {He points to himself with both hands.} Take off your shirt, {produces some sandpaper} sand off your nipples, {rubs it on his chest; the camera pans down to his feet} and wear tight pants that accentuate all your suppleties. {He swivels his body around once.} But sometimes {swivels it again} that's not enough, and you have to douse yourself in the finest {produces a can of gasoline} Mongolian aftershave lotion.

{He douses himself as the crowd cheers "Yay!" Strong Bad walks off and over to Homestar Runner (sans cap) and Marzipan. Gasoline fumes emanate above Strong Bad's head.}

STRONG BAD: Oh, Marzipan. Do you want a-my bod! {He jumps up and shakes as he says it.}

HOMESTAR RUNNER: Uh, Strong Bad, why do you smell like a garage?

MARZIPAN: Me too!

STRONG BAD: Why, you... A-take a-this!

{He leaps at Homestar, somersaulting over and over with a helicopter-like noise. He lands right on Homestar's head. There is a huge explosion of stars as Homestar is knocked to the mat, stars spinning above his eyes.}

HOMESTAR RUNNER: Oh!

{Cut to a close-up of Strong Bad on top of the ropes. He is no longer emanating gasoline fumes.}

STRONG BAD: The ladies also can't resist... {All of the sudden his chest is very defined; his biceps bulge up.} ...muscular wrestling moves... {The camera pulls back.} ...off the top rope!

{Strong Bad leaps from the top rope and crashes right on Homestar, who is still down. There is another starry explosion.}

HOMESTAR RUNNER: Ow!

{Cut to Marzipan.}

MARZIPAN: Ooh, that's resistable.

STRONG BAD: And if that doesn't work, bring out your cute baby brother {Strong Sad walks up but falls through the ground when a trapdoor appears} or holy-crap-adorable pet {The Cheat walks in from the right}.

{The Cheat squeaks softly and bats his bright blue eyes.}

MARZIPAN: {frowning} Now it smells like a garage with a litter box in it.

STRONG BAD: The Cheat, I told you to wear finest Mongolian aftershave lotion!

{The Cheat hums and bats his eyes some more. Strong Bad kicks him out of the ring.}

STRONG BAD: If all else fails...

{Cut to a table set up in the ring, complete with a tablecloth, two candles, and a serving platter. The Cheat, humming, flies overhead and crashes.}

STRONG BAD: ...employ the secret weapon: {The lid lifts off the serving platter to reveal two burritos and a tin of Mungo's Caviar.} A candlelit dinner with caviar burritos and finest cigars!

{Strong Bad, who has begun emanating gasoline fumes again, holds a cigar up to one of the candles to light it. Naturally, it explodes}

STRONG BAD: Aaahhh!

{Strong Bad's head begins to crack and then shatters, leaving just his mouth.}

HOMESTAR RUNNER: You see, Strong Bad? What the luscious ladies really want is a guy that still has a face and head.

MARZIPAN: {leaning toward Homestar} Yeah, me too!

STRONG BAD: {still mostly headless} Holy crap.

HOMESTAR RUNNER: I'm a star!

{He leaps into a freeze frame. The background turns orange and the words "The End" appear in the corner as the old theme music plays. Mike Chapman can be heard in the background, saying "ding ding ding ding ding da ding ding ding" in time with the theme music. Cut back to Strong Bad, now asleep and snoring at the Lappy. He wakes up with a start.}

STRONG BAD: {typing} Aught? What? Ooot? Oh, yeah. Boy, those old cartoons still pack a whallop. Uh, so yeah, Danny. Now's a great time to plant cucumbers. Stocks are up, stipes are down. And old Strong Bad's got a date with a bowl of creme brulee ice creme. Cream.

{He gets up. After a couple of seconds, the camera pans right to reveal him still at the table, snoring away. The Paper comes down.}

Easter Eggs

  • At the end, click on the word "And" to see Homestar following Strong Bad's advice... sort of.
    {Homestar and Marzipan are standing in The Field. Homestar appears to be wearing a very wide fake mustache}
    HOMESTAR RUNNER: So, ladytype, I'm wearin' tight pants {shakes a leg} so as to accentuate all my bubbleties!
    MARZIPAN: Have I broken up with you yet?
    HOMESTAR RUNNER: Yeah, a couple times.
  • Click on the "Genghis Khan" disk in the Floppy Disk Container to see a bottle of "Genghis Khan" lotion for women ("Smell like a Warlord!").
  • Click on Strong Bad's head to see a brief dream of him somersaulting over a canyon.

Fun Facts

Explanations

  • A stipe is a supporting stalk or stemlike structure, especially the stalk of a pistil, the petiole of a fern frond, or the stalk that supports the cap of a mushroom.
  • A "gold digger" is a person who marries/dates for profit.

Trivia

Remarks

  • The "early version" Homestar in this email has a lower voice than his Marshmallow's Last Stand counterpart, sounding slightly more like his modern self. Strong Bad's voice is also slightly more relaxed and sounds more like his modern counterpart.
  • Strong Bad does a flip jump like Stinkoman in Stinkoman 20X6.
  • When Strong Bad does his flips, his boots are red, not black.
  • The sound that The Cheat makes as he flies over the table is similar to the sound he makes in Main Page 20 when he flies out of a pile of grapes.
  • Even though Strong Bad says he would not openly admit that he could never get ladies, he did accidentally say he doesn't know anything about the ladies at the end of lures & jigs.
  • Strong Bad omits four diacritical marks in the words "creme brulee" and in "ice creme" Instead, they should be spelled "crème brûlée" and "ice crème", respectively.
  • Although Strong Bad says "Holy crap" a lot in the flashback, he never actually used this phrase in Marshmallow's Last Stand. In fact, the catch phrase wasn't used until The Reddest Radish, which was in an entirely different style and time period.
  • Adorable The Cheat has similar blue eyes to Cheatball's.
  • In the email 2 years, Strong Bad claims that his main man "is, and has been since 1987, Van Mundegaarde", making no mention of Fabrosi.
  • If Strong Bad did indeed sand off his nipples, they would likely have grown back by now. Nipples are one of the few body parts that regenerate.
  • The wrestling match ends when Strong Bad explodes. Being "blown up" is pro-wrestling jargon that describes a wrestler who is tired and performing sluggishly.

Goofs

  • In the "dream" Easter egg, Strong Bad starts outside the thought balloon.
  • While Strong Bad is sleeping at the end of the email (after he ducks out for the creme brulee ice creme), the Lappy's screen doesn't give the distortion effect it usually does when you click on it.
  • In the flashback, when Strong Bad enters the ring through the floor, his left hand goes through the floor because the hole is too narrow.
  • During the entire email, the "No Loafing" sign is missing.

Inside References

Real-World References

  • Laserdisc was the first commercial optical-disc storage medium, and the precursor to modern DVDs.
  • The background riffs in the Laserdisc song are two of the "rock" bass demos on the Casio MT-100 keyboard.
  • "Roll that beautiful email footage" is a reference to the Bush's Baked Beans commercials' "Roll that beautiful bean footage."
  • "Ramblin' Wreck of Email Check" is a reference to Georgia Tech. The first line of the fight song declares, "I'm a Ramblin' Wreck from Georgia Tech..." Georgia Tech is in Atlanta, also home to The Brothers Chaps.
  • Genghis Khan was a Mongolian warlord in the 13th century, which is where the "Mongolian aftershave lotion" and "Smell like a Warlord" come from.

External Links

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