licensed
From Homestar Runner Wiki
| Strong Bad Email #190 |
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Strong Bad discusses what sort of merchandise he has licensed.
Cast (in order of appearance): Strong Bad, Biscuitdoughhandsman, Senor Cardgage (Voice only), Coach Z, The Cheat, Pom Pom, Bubs, Homestar Runner.
Places: Computer Room,Papa Cardgage's PUDDIN' PATCH, Bubs' Concession Stand
Computer: Lappy 486
Date: Tuesday, February 19, 2008
Running Time: 4:18
Page Title: Lappy 486
Contents |
Transcript
STRONG BAD: {singing} Save the gross stuff up at the back of your throat, and hock it at an unsuspecting email. {brings up the email}
subject: famousOk Strong Bad, you and the Cheat are like famous now,
but why haven't you licensed anything yet? Like where's the
strong Bad novels and fluffy pillows, I need more Strong
Bad in my day, come on man help me out!
From yours truly
Pilmple-Faced Bill from receiving
{reads "Pilmple-Faced Bill" as written}
STRONG BAD: Hey! I paid that pilmple-faced bill months ago! You gotta tell grody Blackhead-Flaced Janice from accounting to update her records! {clears screen} As for being famous and licensing stuff, you've got it all wrong. You don't need to be famous to liscense stuff. Just look at Biscuitdoughhandsman. He licensed his likeness to a paper towel company—
{Cut to shot of paper towel roll with pictures of Biscuitdoughhandsman and Basil.}
STRONG BAD: —years ago, but no one knows who the crap he is.
OLD LADY: Get this, Vera, it's exorbitantly absorbent!
STRONG BAD: Shut up, lady! {cut back to Lappy} No, the true sign of being famous is in the unlicensed stuff! And we're all over that! In fact, we've got our own application process for becoming an officially licensed unlicensed seller of Strong Bad and The Cheat knock-offs.
{An application form flies onto the screen with the header "So you wanna be an officially licensed unlicensed seller of Strong Bad & The Cheat knock-offs" and entries for "Name", "Number", and "I'll get back to you".}
STRONG BAD: The main requirements are that the country of manufacture has—
{"Country of manufacture" page comes up with a county-like shape in the middle. Names keep appearing and being crossed out.}
STRONG BAD: —changed name five times since I was in seventh grade, that you sell your wares from a—
{"Type of Store" page comes up, with a note "(Circle one)".}
STRONG BAD: —blanket, {a "Dirty Blanket" appears and watches fill it} or inside a trench coat, {A "Dirty Trenchcoat" appears and watches fill it}
STRONG BAD: that you always refer to the selling of our items—
{"You gotta yell this" page comes up, with a cartoony figure of a man and a table with 4 watches}
STRONG BAD: —as "numba one bargain!", {the phrase appears in a speech bubble} and that—
{The Two Guys" page comes up with pictures of Strong Bad and The Cheat}
STRONG BAD: —one of us has to have a human nose.
{Noses appear on both. Cut back to the Lappy with a clear screen.}
STRONG BAD: One of our {he skips typing the word "our"} primary unlicensed licensees is shady daycares. You know, the kind that are open 24 hours and are surrounded by barbed wire.
{Cut to outside view of Papa Cardgage's PUDDIN' PATCH, where a stylized version of Strong Bad holding a 24 HRS. book, a picture of The Cheat as a mouse, Senor Cardgage saying "I TAKE KIDS", and a cross-eyed monster wearing a "GUFF" T-shirt are drawn.}
STRONG BAD: They love to illegally use trademarked characters to earn desperate parents' trust.
SENOR CARDGAGE: {singing} Where is Tompkins? Where is Cole Slaw? Here I am!
{Cut to a rear view of the lappy.}
STRONG BAD: Man, if I ever have kids, I can't wait to drop 'em off at the puddin' patch every morning on my way to the dog tracks!
{Cut back to the Lappy with a clear screen.}
STRONG BAD: Another great knock-off is DVDs. The ones that are slight variations of slightly animated kids' movies. The kind they put right next to the check-out line, so Grandma might accidentally mistake it for the real thing. And they have titles like;
{Cut to an orange background, each movie appears as Strong Bad mentions it.}
STRONG BAD: "The Secret Princess and Her Oppressive Authority Figure 4" and the always popular, "Jungle Animals in Decidedly Non-Jungle Situations". {The scene dims} Novelty confections have to be my favorite growth sector of the unlicensed merchandise industry,
{Cut to a box with four "CHEETS".}
STRONG BAD: like these sugar-crusted marshmallow The Cheats, or this gummi {pan up quickly to a Strong Bad shaped blob on a stick} gel-ular pop, from Strong Badge: The Movie. {A logo for said movie appears in the bottom rights.} And who wouldn't want to rot the teeth {The blob disappears, replaced by a "Strong Brush"} right out of their kid's head with this spinning Strong Bad sugar toothbrush?
COACH Z: Hey, Strong Bad, look!
{Cut to Coach Z and Strong Bad in the computer room. Coach Z is holding a piñata of Strong Bad. Strong Bad turns around to face Coach Z.}
COACH Z: You're toys!
STRONG BAD: A Strong Bad piñata!? Where'd you get that?
COACH Z: Bubs.
STRONG BAD: Bubs!?
{Cut to close-up of Coach Z}
COACH Z: Yeah, he's the fellow who runs the concession stand—
{Cut back}
STRONG BAD: I know who he is! He's an unlicensed unlicensed seller! I've been trying to shut him down for years. Come on, The Cheat!
{He jumps off his stool and runs off the screen, The Cheat follows.}
THE CHEAT: {Hurried The Cheat noises}
COACH Z: Ahhhh, what else?
{Cut to rear of Bubs' Concession Stand. Bubs is wearing a trench coat and talking to Pom Pom}
BUBS: —and I just got in this shipment of Strong Bad brand ferret ointment. {Pulls open his coat, revealing merchandise.}
POM POM: {Bubbles}
STRONG BAD: There he is, The Cheat!
BUBS: {Quickly closes his coat} Uh-oh, store's closed.
{Bubs points to the right, Pom Pom leaves. Strong Bad runs on from the left with The Cheat. Cut to close-up of Strong Bad.}
STRONG BAD: What's up with that trench coat, Bubs?
{Cut back.}
BUBS: Oh, uhh... I'm a public flasher!
STRONG BAD: Yeah, right. {shakes fist in Bubs' face} You aint got no nudity under there! Open 'er up!
BUBS: Okay, okay, you got me. {Opens his coat again.}
STRONG BAD: Just as I suspected! Totally legit looking stuff! Where are the human noses? The misspellings? The choking hazards?
BUBS: That's the kind of stuff I usually sell at the concession stand. {closes his coat} This is the black market, man!
STRONG BAD: So, wait a minute. Your shady bootleg operation peddles quality goods, while your legal store front sells dangerous crap?
BUBS: Exactly. I got a repatation to uphold!
STRONG BAD: Well, in that case... Will The Cheat have an adverse reaction to that ferret ointment?
BUBS: He'll swell up like a balloon.
STRONG BAD Then give me two cases!
THE CHEAT: {Angry The Cheat noise}
{Cut back to the Lappy with a clear screen.}
STRONG BAD: So, we finally shut down Bubs' operation. And not just because he was an unlicensed unlicensed seller either. Guess what all those piñatas were stuffed full of.... {Not typing} Homestar?
{Cut to computer room, Homestar has many cuts on his face, some still with bits of glass protruding from them.}
HOMESTAR RUNNER: {Singing} Broken glass, broken glass, broken glass, broken glass.
{The New Paper comes down}
HOMESTAR RUNNER: That junk was still my best birthdays ever.
Easter Eggs
- During the email, click on the words "shady daycares" to see a postcard from Shady Daycares National Park.
- After the final bit of dialogue, click on the star on Homestar's shirt to see a scene in the field. Homestar is standing, still with his face covered in cuts and glass shards. The Cheat floats across the screen from the left, puffed up like a balloon.
- HOMESTAR: {singing in the same tune as before} Ugly bird, ugly bird, ugly bird, ugly bird...
Fun Facts
Trivia
- The changing names of the "country of manufacture" are, in order:
- Gunkistan
- East Paunch
- Republic of Wad
- Double G
- West Paunch
- Guttenberg
- The label on the Floppy Disk Container reads "return to zork".
Inside References
- Strong Bad saying "Shut up, lady" echoes his lines in bottom 10 and your funeral.
- Gunkistan is a portmanteau of Gun and Pakistan.
- Strong Bad's mentioning of dog tracks is an example of gambling.
- The Easter egg is a callback to the ending of helium.
- Senor Cardgage mentions Tompkins, a character from Teen Girl Squad.
Real-World References
- An example of the illegal usage of trademarked characters in a day-care occurred in an incident in 1989, in which Disney forced three day-care centers in Florida to remove all murals of their characters, which were used without their consent. The centers complied and Universal Studios Florida and Hanna-Barbera put up new murals of Hanna-Barbera's stable of characters.
- One of the many knock-offs is of straight-to-DVD movie releases, in particular the cheap versions of public domain stories that are rushed to the shelves to capitalize on the success of major releases by the likes of Disney.
- The candies shaped as The Cheat are labeled "Cheets". This is a reference to the chick shaped marshmallow Easter candies called Peeps, which look similar to The Cheat candies.
- The cover of "Jungle Animals in Decidedly Non-Jungle Situations" has a variation of The Cheat similar to Toucan Sam.
External Links
- watch "licensed"
- watch "licensed" on the old Flash site
- view the Flash file for "licensed"
- forum thread re: "licensed"
