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Strong Bad's grave

StrongBadEmail #105

Strong Bad looks for a replacement for when he retires

Cast (in order of appearance): Strong Bad, The Cheat, Strong Sad, Strong Mad, Bubs, Coach Z, Homestar Runner, Marzipan, Homsar



STRONG BAD: Our next show is a family show. It... is... the email.


Dear Strong Bad,
Have you ever thought who will take
your place when you retire?

Your friend,
Jeffrey Desterhoft

{typing} You've got a good point there, Jeffy. I suppose I can't keep checking these e-mails forever. I never really thought about finding an heir to my throne before. Come to think of it, what ever happened to my throne? {stops typing, picks up a phone, and talks into it, making a sound like a loudspeaker in a supermarket} Attention The Cheat. Customer needs assistance in e-mail. Customer needs assistance in e-mail. {puts down the phone, which is not attatched to anything. The Cheat arrives in a blue employee's vest with his name on it} The Cheat, didn't I use to have a throne of some kind?

THE CHEAT: {makes questioning Cheat noises and points at the stool}

STRONG BAD: No, no, no, this is my stool. I'm talking about a throne. You know, it had, like... gold nuggets on it, and... a hundred cupholders... some of them velvety know, a throne. And I think I had a motorcycle, too. See if you can find those.


STRONG BAD: {typing} I guess the best way to find a replacement is to subject a bunch of applicants to the same rigorous screening process that I subjected myself to {begins to sound unsure of what he is saying} when I started checking these emails?

{Cut to the field. Strong Bad and Homestar are there.}

I'm gonna hold up a last name, and you make fun of it. {holds up a cue card with the word "Gargleman" written on it} Gargleman.


STRONG BAD: {holds up a cue card with the word "Dumweiner" written on it} Dumweiner.

HOMESTAR RUNNER: Um, crapface.

STRONG BAD: {holds up a cue card with the word "Butkus" written on it} Butkus.


STRONG BAD: {holds up a cue card with the word "Crambert" written on it} Crambert.


STRONG BAD: {holds up a cue card with the word "Desterhoft" written on it} Desterhoft.

HOMESTAR RUNNER: {sarcastically} Let me think about it, {without hesitation} crapface.

STRONG BAD: Whoah! Perfect score!

{Cut to the computer room. Strong Bad and Coach Z are there.}

Let's hear your best "deleted". {presses a button on the keyboard and the Compy displays DELETED on a blue background, making the standard DELETED sound}


{Compy displays DELORTED on an ugly yellow background and we hear a distorted, unsure version of the DELETED sound. Strong Bad is in shock. Cut to the basement with Strong Bad and Bubs and a cardboard box with Strong Sad drawn on it sitting on the couch.}

STRONG BAD: Strong Sad's on the couch, watching TV. What do you do?

BUBS: Kick him in the teeth!

STRONG BAD: That's good, that's good, even though he might not have any teeth. What else?

BUBS: Kick him in the grill!

STRONG BAD: Yeah, yeah! Keep going!

BUBS: Kick you in the grill! {approaches Strong Bad yelling menacingly}

STRONG BAD: {nervously} No, no, Bubs, calm down, this is only a drill!

BUBS: {Yelling obscurely}

{Cut to Marzipan's house with Strong Bad and Marzipan holding Carol.}

Let's see your best "scroll buttons" song.

MARZIPAN: {singing} And that's why I like to scroll, with scroll buttons!

STRONG BAD: {sarcastically} Oh, right, right, the worst song I ever heard. Play another one!

MARZIPAN: {singing} Scroll buttons are good, they move you up and down...

{Strong Bad groans annoyedly. Cut to the basement, with Strong Bad, Strong Sad, and the same cardboard box with Strong Sad on it.}

STRONG BAD: Okay, Strong Sad, Strong Sad's on the couch, watching TV. What do you do?

STRONG SAD: Go make him some hummus.

STRONG BAD: Hummus?! No, try something else.

STRONG SAD: Uh... give him a foot massage.

STRONG BAD: {looks at Strong Sad's feet} Those are not feet!

{Cut to the field with Homestar, Strong Bad, and a cardboard box with The Cheat drawn on. Underneath the box, you can see the feet of the real The Cheat.}

Now I want you to pretend this is The Cheat, and give him a good, swift, kick in The Cheat!

{Homestar bends one of his legs back, and then pauses.}

HOMESTAR RUNNER: Umm... crapface.

{Cut to Strong Bad in front of his computer}

STRONG BAD: Ugh. {typing} This screening process is neither processing nor screening very well. I suppose I should cut to the chase and haul out the big guns...DANCE CONTEST!

{Cut to a stage. Music is playing. We see the top part of Strong Bad's head watching each contestant. First up is Marzipan, who spins her ponytail around while moving her head left and right. Next is Coach Z, who taps his right foot while waving his arms. Then we see Strong Sad simply twitching his fingers, Bubs shaking his arms while jumping up and down, Strong Mad just standing there, not dancing, simply yelling:}


{...Homsar shuffling his feet all along the stage, and finally Homestar, lit by a spotlight. The music changes to what sounds like the tune of "Strangers in the night"}

HOMESTAR RUNNER: {singing} And then I put it on my faaaaace...

{Cut to Strong Bad at his computer}

STRONG BAD: {typing} Uh, this dance contest is neither contesting nor dancing very well. Looks like I'm gonna be checking e-mails and kicking Cheats 'til the day I die. {stops typing} Whoa, that'd make an awesome tattoo! Or an even better epitaph!

{cut to the field at night. We hear crickets chirping, we see a crescent moon. A blank tombstone is on the foreground and as we hear Strong Bad's voice, his words are carved on the slab}

STRONG BAD: {voice-over} Here lies Strong Bad {underneath, in slightly smaller letters} "Checking e-mails and kicking Cheats in the hereafter" {underneath} Buried with his hundred girlfriends {underneath} And like, a jillion dollars {underneath, in even smaller letters} Please don't dig up the grave.

{The Paper comes down}

Easter Eggs

  • At the end click on "Cheat" to see The Cheat searching for a motorcycle.

Fun Facts

  • The Cheat is wearing a blue uniform, typical of Walmart employees, but Strong Bad uses a red phone, typical of Target stores.
  • The call phone's cord isn't connected to anything, but it still works.
  • The floppy disk says "Alone in The Dark." This is an actual game. There is no way Strong Bad's computer could possibly run this game.
  • When Strong Bad is holding up signs of last names for Homestar to make fun of, the last one is "Desterhoft," the last name of the person who sent the e-mail in.
  • This is yet another incidence where the 'The Cheat rule' has been broken. Strong Bad says he will be 'kicking Cheats in the hereafter.' No 'The' is found before 'Cheat.'
  • Strong Bad uses the term "jillion" again at the end of this e-mail. (first used in car)
  • Strong Bad uses the term "Gold Nuggets" which referred to Strong Bad's character video.
  • This is the first time Coach Z has used his strange accent since the last Halloween episode.
  • One of the make-funnable last names was "Butkus," of Chicago Bears legend Dick Butkus.
  • When Marzipan is playing Carol, nothing appears to be in the picture above the couch, but it still is the same "Thank You" sign from Where's The Cheat? and Strong Bad Is In Jail Cartoon. That picture has an inordinate amount of empty space above and below "Thank you" and we're just seeing a lot of that.
  • If you wait at the end without clicking the word "Cheats," you can hear a split second of Strong Bad calling The Cheat from the Easter Egg.
  • Bubs' moves in the dance contest come from an old game on the site.
  • If you watch the flash file for this email, look closely at the left side of the screen when Marzipan is playing her scroll button songs. Something is plugged into the wall, but we don't know what it is.
  • Since most of what Homestar says in this email is "crapface", his song, "And then I put it on my faaaaace..." could be saying that he put crap on his face. Possible.

External Links

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