shapeshifter
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Revision as of 04:49, 1 April 2008
| Strong Bad Email #192 |
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Strong Bad explains why shapeshifting isn't as attractive as it sounds.
Cast (in order of appearance): Strong Bad, The Cheat, Marzipan, Bubs, Coach Z, Homestar Runner
Places: Computer Room, The Field, Bubs' Concession Stand
Computer: Lappy 486
Date: Monday, March 31, 2008
Running Time: 4:04 official, 4:07 actual
Page Title: Lappy 486
Contents |
Transcript
STRONG BAD: Back again. Checking email from my friends. I mean, the stupid people that write me.
subject: emailDear Strongbad, if you could shapeshift, waht would you turn into?
From Paxton Westergard Anacortes, Washington
{Strong Bad reads "waht" as "waaaaaat," with high inflection. He also reads "Paxton Westergard Anacortes, Washington" as the sender's full name.}
STRONG BAD: Ugh. You'll never be a weatherman with a name like that. How about just... Paxto West? {typing} Now you might think I'd be all over this shapeshifting business Paxto, but if comic books, cartoons, and Sci-Fi Original Movies have taught me anything, it's that shapeshifting comes with a bunch of boring rules and restrictions that limit its potential Turn-Into-A-Bulldozer-Whenever-I-Wantity. {clears screen, speaks in mocking voice} You can turn into a machine gun but not bullets, contemporary jazz turns you back to normal, you can only turn into presents your grandma's knitted for you. {speaks normally} Crap like that. For example, let's say I could turn into any species... OF BALLOON ANIMAL!!??
{Cut to the Field. Strong Bad, Marzipan and The Cheat are there. The Cheat's fur is messed up and he's foaming at the mouth}
STRONG BAD: Look out! A rabid The Cheat! I'll handle this!
{The scene pauses as if it's a video tape}
STRONG BAD: {voiceover} Oh yeah. Another thing about shapeshifting is that you have to have a cool trademark sound effect that happens every time you change forms.
{The scene unpauses}
STRONG BAD: Shapeshift unto... A Sumatran tiger! DWAYNE!
{The word "DWAYNE!!" appears Strong Bad and fades, as it continues to do every time he shapeshifts. Strong Bad turns into a pink, four-legged balloon animal}
STRONG BAD: I said a tiger, not a poodle! DWAYNE. {Turns into a blue balloon animal of the same shape, but with a different tail.} A tiger, not a donkey. Dwayne. {The sound effect appears in lowercase, and Strong Bad turns into an orange balloon animal, still of the same shape, but with shorter ears and muzzle.} That's better. Now stand back! {The wind starts to blow Strong Bad away.} Um...
{The Cheat jumps at Marzipan and she gasps. Then the scene is paused again.}
STRONG BAD: {voiceover} Ooh, but what if I could turn into legal tender? {Cut to Strong Bad approaching Bubs' Concession Stand} One of the only good legal things in existence.
STRONG BAD: Say, Bubs. How much for that Lamborghini hot tub you got back there?
BUBS: The what? {Looks down} Oh! That Lamborghini hot tub. It sure is back here! That'll run you one hundred... {Bubs and Strong Bad jerk their heads back twice} dollars.
STRONG BAD: Swedish deals! Shapeshift unto... A hundred dollar bill! DWAYNE!
{Strong Bad turns into a hundred dollar bill, which floats down onto the counter, then is blown away by the wind.}
STRONG BAD: {voiceover} So... Apparently wind is a pretty big problem for most shapeshifters.
{Cut to Coach Z walking along. Strong Bad floats nearby.}
COACH Z: Hey, check it out! A Benjamin! {Snatches Strong Bad out of the air and puts him in a pocket, causing drops of liquid to go flying} I'll just tuck you into the loose band of my sweaty-sweat-sweats! {Hits his waist for emphasis. More liquid goes flying}
{Cut to Strong Bad lying on the floor next to his computer chair}
STRONG BAD: {distressed} Blaaaaaaaggghhhh. Hang on. Lemme try again. What if I could turn into... almost anyone in the world? Is that too much to ask?
{Cut to Strong Bad and The Cheat in the Field. They are standing next to a large structure made from round objects}
STRONG BAD: Don't worry! I know just how to get us through this ten-foot thick wall of pecan cheese balls! Shapeshift unto... The King of Town! DYWANE! {Turns into the King of Town. His voice stays the same, however} Norwegian deals! It worked! This should only take a few seconds! {He leans forward and makes chomping noises. The wall of pecan cheese balls is unaffected} R— why isn't this working? {Turns side on. Half of him is missing. Strong Bad speaks bitterly} Oh, I get it. {The Cheat screams and runs away} I can turn into almost anyone. Well, two can play at this game, dumb rules of shapeshifting!
{Cut to Strong Bad, back in his normal form, at Bubs' Concession Stand. Bubs isn't there}
STRONG BAD: Say Bubs, I'd like one Lamborghini hot tub for free, please. Shapeshift unto Bubs! DWYANE! {Strong Bad turns into Bubs's legs} Oh man! I turned into the wrong "almost". This plan was supposed to be foolproof. All anybody ever sees is Bubs' ample top portions!
COACH Z: {Offscreen} Oh Bubs! Oh Bubs! I'm coming to your concession stand to talk to you!
STRONG BAD: Wait. Maybe I can still make this work! {He jumps onto the counter, turning himself upside-down in the process}
{Coach Z comes onscreen}
COACH Z: Hey, nice headstand, Bubs. I'd like one Lamborghini hot tub, please. {pulls out some money from his pocket} Allow me to use this moistened hundred dollar bill I found earlier today.
STRONG BAD: Wait, what?
{Strong Bad the balloon animal floats past}
COACH Z: Oh look! A giraffe!
{Cut back to Strong Bad sitting at his computer}
STRONG BAD: {typing} Uh, that was confusing. See what I mean? Shapeshifting is laden with confusing troubles and a severe lack of hot tubs.
HOMESTAR RUNNER: {offscreen} Oh Strong Bad! Oh Strong Bad, I'm coming to your computer desk to talk to you!
STRONG BAD: {quietly} Oh crap! DWAYNE!
{Strong Bad turns into a colorful scarf, with a tag on it reading "From: Grandma". Homestar walks in holding a chessboard with a white dessert on top of it and assorted chess pieces.}
HOMESTAR RUNNER: {angrily} Oh. It's you again, scarf from Grandma! Never mind.
{He turns and walks away}
STRONG BAD: Phew. Maybe it's not all bad. Thanks, G-mom's.
{New Paper comes down}
Easter Eggs
- Click on the words "Paxton Westergard" after Strong Bad says "Paxto West" to see a picture of the Tire as a weather forecaster.
- At the end click on Strong Bad to make him shapeshift from the scarf to a balloon animal, a $100 bill, Bubs's legs, Strong Bad, and back to the scarf.
Fun Facts
Explanations
- Benjamins is urban slang for a 100 dolllar bill or money in general. It is so named because Benjamin Franklin is on the face.
Trivia
- The label on the Floppy Disk Container reads relentless.
Remarks
- In the Easter egg at the end, Strong Bad appears in front of New Paper rather than behind it, as he normally does.
Inside References
- The Tire was previously seen in the role of a weatherman in local news.
- The rabid The Cheat was previously seen in Strong Bad is in Jail Cartoon.
- The scarf is from Grandma.
- A drawing of half of the King of Town was previously seen in the sketchbook.
- Strong Bad's simultaneous appearance as Bubs's legs, a $100 bill and a balloon tiger is an incidence of duplicate characters.
Real World References
- The Sci Fi Channel is a TV network that specializes in science fiction and speculative fiction programming.
