strong badathlon

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Strong Bad Email #165
watch looking old some kinda robot
"Yeah? You think you got it like that?"

The residents of Free Country, USA, compete in the Strong Badathlon.

Cast (in order of appearance): Strong Bad, The Poopsmith, The Cheat, Coach Z, Homsar, Marzipan, Homestar Runner, Strong Mad, The Robot (storybook), Strong Sad

Places: The Computer Room, Strong Badia, The Field, Strong Bad's Basement, Marzipan's Kitchen

Computer: Lappy 486

Date: January 29, 2007

Running Time: 3:39

Page Title: Lappy 486

Contents

Transcript

STRONG BAD: {singing} I'm doin' a party, I'm makin' it happen, on Strong Bad Email.

{Strong Bad reads Essex as 'S X'}

STRONG BAD: {typing} Y'know, it's funny how this always seems to work out, Rudkin... {clears screen} but those just happen to be the first two events in the Strong Badathlon!

{cuts to Strong Badathlon logo, slowly zooming in. Strong Badia is visible in the background. Trumpet music plays.}

STRONG BAD: {typing} Unfortunately, they also happen to be my worst two events. The Cheat Chuck is consistently dominated by the Kenyans. I mean the Poopsmith. Ever since he devised the Whatsitburied Slop

{As he says this, it cuts to the Poopsmith next to a pile of whatsit, and then uses his shovel to fling a whatsit-covered The Cheat out of the pile.}

STRONG BAD: {voiceover} ...that guy's unbeatable!

{Cut to Coach Z standing next to the distance markers, watching The Cheat}

THE CHEAT: {Cheat noises as he flies through the air}

COACH Z: Holy gorsh! It looks like a new record!

{Cuts to Homsar and Marzipan sitting at a table having tea}

MARZIPAN: And that's why I believe the DNA evidence had been tampered with.

{The Cheat flies onto the table, causing whatsit to fly onto Marzipan's face and onto the camera, smearing it on the lens.}

HOMSAR: Well, hello, chocolate cake!

{Cuts to results board of the Strong Badathlon}

Results 2007 StrongBadathlon
The Cheat Chuck
The Poopsmith......211pts.

STRONG BAD: {voiceover} Greco-Roman Homestar Crud-Out-of-Beating is another event you'd think I'd be the best at. But the reigning champion seems to have intimate knowledge of Homestar's weak points.

{As he speaks, it cuts to Homestar walking onto the screen with a sweat band and athletic outfit on.}

HOMESTAR RUNNER: {punches himself in the stomach} Come on you little so and so. {slaps himself in the face, then punches himself in the stomach} Is that all you got? {punches himself in the side, then the face} Oh yeah? Oh yeah? You think you got it like that? {punches himself 3 times} Whaddya think this is, you little placemat? {gets hit in face once} A diaper show? {gets hit in stomach once more} It's not a diaper show. {gets hit in stomach again} I think that's pretty obvious.

STRONG BAD: {typing} Man, man, we should start putting those Homestar Vs. Homestar fights on pay-per-view. Instant classics! And speaking of pay-per-view,

{Cuts to Strong Bad sitting in the Basement, with a 'Remote Put' graphic in the upper left hand corner.}

STRONG BAD: {voice over} Next up is the Remote Put.

{Cuts to the TV with a 'Ready?' graphic on the screen.}

ANNOUNCER: {voice over, reading text that appears on screen} Cute little girl from sit-com sings patriotic song.

STRONG BAD: Dargh, I freakin' hate that little kid! Why'd they ever bring her on the show?! {throws remote} Agh!

{The remote hits the wall, breaking in two, causing the batteries to fly out. Graphic comes on screen, accompanied with a buzzer noise, graphic reads 'DISQUALIFICATION! BATTERY FAULT!}

STRONG BAD: What? These games are fixed! Check the East German's pants! Check the--

{Cuts through static to results screen}

Results 2007 StrongBadathlon
The Cheat Chuck
The Poopsmith......211pts.
Greco-Roman Homestar Crud-Out-of-Beating
Homestar Runner....319pts.
Remote Put
Cherry Greg........11pts.

STRONG BAD: {voice over} Our coverage of the 2007 Strong Badathlon continues with the Clean and Jerk... Strong Mad's Underwears... Over His Head. Fortunately, you don't really have to clean them.

{Cuts to Strong Bad and Coach Z standing behind Strong Mad, whose underwear is sticking out of his singlet, with a ruler against his back.}

STRONG BAD: Uhh, are you trying to tell me that this man doesn't already have a wedgie of illegal proportions?

COACH Z: Nope, that's the regulation starting point.

STRONG BAD: That's it, I'm boycotting these games.

STRONG MAD: THANK THE LORD!!

{Cuts to results screen}

Results 2007 StrongBadathlon
The Cheat Chuck
The Poopsmith......211pts.
Greco-Roman Homestar Crud-Out-of-Beating
Homestar Runner....319pts.
Remote Put
Cherry Greg........11pts.
Clean and Jerk Strong Mad's Underwears Over His Head
Pom Pom............6 billion pts

STRONG BAD: {voice over} And finally, my strongest event, {graphic appears, and adds new picture with each word} Probably Something with Guitars, lasers, Robots, and Hot Girls.

{Cut to Powered By The Cheat cartoon. A version of the Strong Badathlon logo morphs into a cloud at the top right corner as Strong Bad, with laser arms, fires at robots walking in the background. A woman with a green-and-white striped shirt walks by; when she walks past Strong Bad, he can be seen through the green stripes.}

STRONG BAD: {laser noises, shoots robots} Hey, wait, look Iconic I got I won the Good medal.

{With one laser-hand, he holds up a "Good medal". Cut to a Powered By The Cheat version of The Cheat playing the guitar. The word 'Streisand' appears across the screen (going off the right side of it) as someone says it.}

STRONG BAD: {typing} And after all the medals have been given to the wrong athletes, we come to the ending closimonies, celebrating poor sportsmanship, drug testing, and good ol' fashioned people twirling ribbons.

{Cuts to Strong Sad and Marzipan twirling ribbons on a stage.}

STRONG SAD: {singing} Togetherness.

MARZIPAN: {singing} Togetherness.

MARZIPAN AND STRONG SAD: {singing} Encircling the World.

{Homestar jumps down and knocks Strong Sad and Marzipan off the stage.}

HOMESTAR RUNNER: {singing and dancing} Just take those old glasses off the shelf...

{Fireworks go off in the background, then a cut to Strong Bad sitting at the Lappy.}

STRONG BAD: {typing} There you have it, Rudkin Shampoo. Someteen Days of Glory! And after the closimonies, most BadAthletes immediately begin filming product endorsements while their names are still fresh in our minds.

{Cuts to Strong Bad sitting in a kitchen with a box of cereal and a bowl.}

STRONG BAD: Whoa, wipe my brow. {he swipes sweat off his face} Winning gold medals {he holds up one} takes a lot of hard cereal, and dedication. That's why I eat {hold up box} Temporarios! The official cereal of athletes you won't remember in two weeks! {cuts to a shot of the box and bowl of cereal with two gold medals hanging off the side of it} Temporarios, {speech bubble comes out of box} "Cause I'm Don't Get Paid!"

{The Paper comes down.}

Easter Eggs

File:Homstarvs.JPG
"C'mon ya little placemat!"
  • Click on "Lewis Rudkin; Essex, England." to see a Videlectrix game based on his name, Lewis Rudkin SX: england.
  • When Strong Bad says "Homestar vs. Homestar fights", click on "fights" to see a poster.
  • Click on "Rudkin Shampoo" to see a bottle of Rudkin Shampoo.

Fun Facts

Explanations

  • East Germany, or the German Democratic Republic, was a communist state that existed prior to the fall of the Berlin Wall and dominated several Olympic events, in part because of their athletes' prolific use of steroids.
  • Olympic athletes often rely on product endorsements for income due to Olympic amateurism regulations.
  • Kenyan athletes are noted for dominating the sport of distance running.

Trivia

  • Before The Paper comes down, you can see the words "Side Words" on the side of the Temporarios box.
    • You can also see the "Side Words" when Strong Bad first holds up the box.

Remarks

  • Even though Homestar has no visible arms, he is still somehow able to punch himself.

Goofs

  • Strong Bad's arm disappears briefly when he wipes the sweat off his forehead.

Fixed Goofs

"Cuz I'm don't get paid!
  • The slogan for Temporarios cereal, "Cuz I'm don't get paid!" was missing the closing set of quotation marks (see right); this was quickly corrected.

Inside References

  • Cableman Jorge was Strong Bad's alias in Marzipan's Answering Machine Version 9.2.
  • "Someteen days of glory!" is a reference to Teen Girl Squad Issue 10, where The Ugly One has a "Sweet Someteen Birthday". (See Real-World References below.)
  • Guitars and lasers is possibly a reference to new hands, where, near the end, Strong Bad laments not having chosen guitars and laser guns as possible prosthetics.
    • Additionally, the lasers replacing Strong Bad's hands are the same style as the laser that replaces one of his hands in an Easter egg in the same email.
  • Cherry Greg wins the Remote Put with 11 points.
  • The music for the commercial at the end is the same as the Schenectady Crispies spot in labor day.

Real-World References

  • The Whatsitburied Slop is a reference to the Fosbury Flop, a technique used in high jumping.
  • The "Greco-Roman Homestar Crud-Out-of-Beating" event takes its name from Greco-Roman wrestling, one of the three styles of wrestling contested in the Olympic Games.
  • The song Homestar starts to sing during the "ending closimonies" is sung to the tune of the song "Old Time Rock and Roll" by Bob Seger. He replaces the word "glasses" for "records" in the song, referencing a commercial from the 1980's for the Hardees fast food franchise's collectible set of Alvin and the Chipmunks glasses. The song lyrics were changed in this commercial (and sung by The Chipmunks) to "Just take those old glasses off the shelf / Get down to Hardees and help yourself / Those other glasses ain't got the same class / I want an Alvin and the Chipmunks glass".
  • "Rudkin Shampoo" is a reference to the actual brand "Redken Shampoo".
  • The half-circles and circle on the corner of the Strong Badathlon logo resemble those of the Canadian Broadcasting Corporation logo.
  • "Someteen days of glory!" is also a reference to a 1985 documentary covering the 1984 Summer Olympics, Sixteen Days Of Glory
  • The "Remote Put" event could be a possible parody on recent Nintendo Wii remote injuries. [1]
  • "Streisand", from the Powered by The Cheat segment, most likely refers to the famous actress/singer Barbra Streisand.

External Links

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