virus

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'''THE KING OF TOWN:''' Ooh! Poopsmith?
'''THE KING OF TOWN:''' Ooh! Poopsmith?
-
''{The Ugly One appears out of nowhere, her mouth huge and distorted}''
+
''{The Ugly One appears out of nowhere with the rhino sound from "Strong Bad's Rhinofeeder", and her mouth is huge and distorted}''
'''THE UGLY ONE:''' I can do it! I can do it 9 times!
'''THE UGLY ONE:''' I can do it! I can do it 9 times!

Revision as of 02:01, 30 November 2004

This does not look good for the Compy 386.

Strong Bad Email #118

Strong Bad experiences some "technical difficulties" with Compy 386...and the rest of the Homestar Runner universe.

Cast (in order of appearance): Strong Bad, Strong Sad, Coach Z (easter egg) Homestar Runner, Strong Mad, Marzipan, The Poopsmith, The King of Town, The Ugly One, Bubs, The Cheat, Rather Dashing, Fightgar (easter egg)


Contents

Transcript

STRONG BAD: {singing} I got the email, you got the email, I got the email, you got the email. {starts reading email}

ert+
y76p; '0lu8jkyee;u4p;e'/Rh
Strong ba15456 `-------++++++gf
+++++-//==========/*8901ikg

{Pronounces "Ert plus: Why seven-six pee! Ohlyuu eight--" then stops}

STRONG BAD: What is this? Did the Quadratic Formula explode? I see a "Strong ba" in there, but it's getting eaten by some... Linux or something. Wait a minute! Is this one of those VIRUS emails? Like the kind that moms and offshore casinos send you? I'll take care of this!

{Strong Bad types "deleted," but the screen replies "NICE TRY!" A red line of text appears reading "That didn't work."}

STRONG BAD: What?! I said deleted!

{Strong Bad types it again, this time in capital italicized letters, but the screen flashes "NOTTA CHANCE!!" A red line of text appears reading "That neither."}

STRONG BAD: Oh, a wise guy, eh? Maybe I should introduce you to my main man, Edgar!

{Strong Bad types in Edgarware.exe, bringing up the following text on-screen}

       Edgar the Virus
            Hunter

programmed entirely
in mom's basement
by Edgar      c1982

{Strong Bad hits a key, and the screen switches to the following text}

Virus Protection
version .0001

Last scan was NEVER ago.

scanning...

STRONG BAD: All right Edgar, now drop a train on 'em!

{The following text now appears on the screen}

Scan Complete!

423,827
Viruses Found!

A New Record!!

STRONG BAD: {alarmed} Waaugh! That is not a small number! That is a big number!! What'm I gonna do?

{The following text now appears on the screen}

FLAGRANT SYSTEM ERROR

Computer over.
Virus = Very Yes.

STRONG BAD: Computer over? Virus equals very yes? That's not a good prize!

{The text on the Compy 386 screen melts off, and slides onto the floor}

STRONG BAD: Oooh!

{Strong Bad jumps out of the way. The camera zooms out to a view of the computer desk}

STRONG BAD: And the Compy just peed my carpet.

{The corner of the computer desk briefly flashes, showing an underlying gridwork to it, The No Loafing sign becomes the following text and falls off the wall.}

<head>
<href>No loafing!!</href>
</body>

{The Floppy Disk Container gets swallowed by the computer desk, and Strong Sad walks in, but his head has been replaced by his emoticons from Strong Sad's Lament which floats a foot to the left of where it should be.}

STRONG SAD: Strong Bad, what is going on?

STRONG BAD: WAH! Uh, I dunno. You forgot to wear your neck?

STRONG SAD: Have you been using the internet irresponsibly?

{The top of the Main Page starts to creep into the top of the email, with the text "Stave it off, 1, 2, 3," in the corner in place of the "What's new" text}

STRONG BAD: No more irresponsibly than usual.

STRONG SAD: {Lower body starts walking away in place} Did you get a virus?

STRONG BAD: {with guilt} Uhhh, noo...

STRONG SAD: Did you get four hundred thousand viruses?

STRONG BAD: {submissive} Yes... very yes!

STRONG SAD: Well hurry up and do something about it before it gets worse!

{Strong Sad turns into a Strong Sad trading card and flies up and off the screen. The Main Page at the top of the screen disappears}

STRONG BAD: {scared} The Cheeeaaat!

{Strong Bad runs off the screen and into the black to the right of the computer desk, then stops}

STRONG BAD: What the? Whoa! It's cold out here!

{Strong Bad tries to jump back onto the screen, but it shifts left, causing him to still fall on blank space}

STRONG BAD: Hey!

{Homestar Runner walks onscreen. His body is 1936 The Homestar Runner's body, while the rest of him is normal. Instead of his legs moving, he just glides on, producing several ghost images of himself}

HOMESTAR RUNNER: Never fear, Strong Bad! I know how to fix your computer box! {he turns to the Compy}

STRONG BAD: {stands up} No, no! Don't touch that!

HOMESTAR RUNNER: Your super box needs words. {His head falls off and onto the ground} Like these right here!

STRONG BAD: No, stop! That's not supposed to be possible!

HOMESTAR RUNNER: {simultaneously} Uhh, this one {picks up "downloads" from the bottom menu} and this one {picks up "games" from the bottom menu} and this one. {picks up "characters" from the bottom menu}

{Suddenly, several pop-up windows (including a real one) titled "Click on the Monkey!!" and featuring oldschool Homestar in them appear saying "Making out with Marzipan is totally awesome!" spawn. Strong Bad starts screaming and pounding the side of the screen with his fists. Cut to Marzipan's living room. Strong Mad is standing nearby and Marzipan is standing next to a huge stack of VHS tapes}

MARZIPAN: Well I think it's fantastic, Strong Mad! That's the best stack of VHS tapes I've ever-

{Marzipan suddenly turns into a ASCII rendering of herself, and her voice becomes extremely deep and distorted making her words unintelligible}

STRONG MAD: I CAN'T SPELL YOU!

MARZIPAN: {more unintelligible gibberish}

{Strong Mad turns into a picture of himself from his character video inside a large M, which walks offscreen. Text appears at the top of the screen reading as follows}

If anyone is truly a big lug, Strong Mad is. This guy is dumb
strong, and that's pretty much the definition of a lug. One ti
his brother Strong Bad asked him to pick up this one car. An
he did, but it was the wrong car. See? Dumb and strong. He'

{Cut to the King of Town's castle. The Poopsmith is standing with his shovel extended and some you-know-what on the end of it, as the King of Town stands nearby}

THE KING OF TOWN: A little to the left... {the Poopsmith extends the shovel towards the King} Good, good...

{The scene suddenly changes to a TGS style piece of paper, with the text "issue 3.14159265and the rest" at the top. The Poopsmith is gone.}

THE KING OF TOWN: Ooh! Poopsmith?

{The Ugly One appears out of nowhere with the rhino sound from "Strong Bad's Rhinofeeder", and her mouth is huge and distorted}

THE UGLY ONE: I can do it! I can do it 9 times!

{The Ugly One extends her arm and starts slapping the King of Town}

THE KING OF TOWN: Uh! No! Please! Stop! I'm old! And fat! And rich! And cool!

{Cut to the Homestar Runner loading screen, which splits and reveals a screen with the text "It is now safe to turn your computer off." Bubs walks on from the side of the screen. His face is a broken JPEG, his legs are rendered in a fashion suitable for red/blue 3D-glasses, his belt is transparent, and he's carrying one of Homestar's legs in his left arm. His other arm is continually waving about, as seen on Dancin' Bubs}

BUBS: I shoulda done this, like, a million years ago.

{Cut to a cloud scene. Strong Bad is here and extremely glitched up and disproportioned, as is The Cheat who keeps floating around the screen randomly, interchanging between different versions of himself. A pitch-black Rather Dashing and a colon continuously fly by in the foreground. As Strong Bad talks, his left arm detaches from his body and starts flying around the screen.}

STRONG BAD: {Using an old version of his voice} With Marzipan's Radish we gonna win the competition!

{An explosion sound effect is heard, and suddenly everything returns to normal, revealing Strong Bad and The Cheat standing by The Stick.}

STRONG BAD: Hey! He fixed it! That Bubs is a computer genius man! Let's do a dance for the computer genius man!

{A salsa rhythm starts up, and Strong Bad and The Cheat start dancing. The camera pans to the left to reveal Bubs holding a shotgun}

STRONG BAD: Thanks Bubs! How'd you get rid of the vi- wait...why do you have a shotgun? {shaken} What did you do? Where's my Compy?!

BUBS: It's in a better place, Strong Bad. Or rather, it's in the same place, but now it's got a big hole through it!

STRONG BAD: {still shaken} YOU MURDERER! You killed my brother! {nearly sobbing} I mean, computer!

BUBS: Look, Strong Bad, my mouth was a broken JPEG. I had no choice!

STRONG BAD: You don't understand! You all understand! I mean, don't understand. AAAUUUGGGHHH!

{Strong Bad runs off screen, very distraught. The Cheat makes some Cheat noises, and follows him. Homestar hops onscreen on one leg, holding his other leg up}

HOMESTAR RUNNER: Hey, Bubs! Can I have my leg back now?

{Cut to the Compy 386, which now has a giant hole through its monitor and most of the wall behind it. Strong Bad is sitting in front of it, head bowed}

STRONG BAD: {very distraught} Dear Strong Bad, I doh du duoh crapfully yours. {hits head on keyboard a few times}I...ID DOH DU DUOH CRAPFULLY YOURS! *sniff* I can't relate. {hits head on keyboard again} I can't relate! {hits head on keyboard again} I'm gonna get, I'm gonna get in there and MIX {hits head} it up.

{The Paper comes down}

STRONG BAD: {still very distraught} I don't remember your name, Davey! {hits head on keyboard again} Dear Strong Bad. {voice trailing off} How do you text with boxing gloves on?

Easter Eggs

  • When the Main page is encroaching on the top of the screen you can still click the Quote of the Week, Sketchbook and Weekly Fanstuff buttons to see them.
    • If you hold tab until it highlights over where the updates are posted and hit enter, it takes you to Halloween Fairstival.
    • If you mouse over the Quote of the Week, it bounces around the screen until it gets lodged at the top. When you click "Hear it," a pixelated broom scrolls vertically along the screen and makes a loud distorted noise, the same as is heard by Marzipan moments later and some of the links dissapear off the bottom of the screen. When you click the "X" to close it, the Quote of the Week box wobbles a bit and then falls off the screen and the links reappear.
      • This happens because the SWF file for virus's fake QOD (qod_virus.swf) has black bars at the bottom, right where those words are, so when it appears in the email, it covers up those words.
    • If you click on Weekly Fanstuff, it leads to the Sketchbook, where there is a picture of Coach Z upside down with his arms and legs wrapped around a white space the shape of The King of Town's head. This image is from Where's the Cheat?, when Coach Z attacked The King over a misunderstanding involving The Cheat and a grill. The picture has a lot of numbers at the bottom. Scroll over the close button,which is misspelled as OC(x)LSE, and the words 'A BOOK' appear in green.
      • The numbers are in a font called "MS Reference Specialty" and spell out the phrase "stick to your books" (possibly- since the letters a-h in MS Reference Specialty are represented by little squares.)
    • If you click on the Sketchbook, it leads to Weekly Fanstuff, where the Flash MX color mixer appears. Scroll over it and a green X appears overtop. Clicking it causes it to close. Allowing it to remain on-screen causes a screen glitch - a black box appears over the left side of the screen when the screen moves off of the center of the page.
  • If you click on the cog on the left at the end of the e-mail, you can see Compy 386 on sale at Bubs' Concession Stand.
  • If you click on the fan on the right, you can see a Cheat Commandos excerpt, but instead of a gun, Fightgar holds Homestar's leg (which curiously works the same way.)

Fun Facts

Template:funfacts

  • During the final distorted scene, The Cheat is on a rotation of six different versions of himself:
    • 1. The Awexome Cross version.
    • 2: One that looks like one of The Cheat's styles from "The Cheat Theme Song".
    • 3: A drawn version, from "The Reddest Radish".
    • 4: Another drawn version that is not done quite as sloppily.
    • 5: A far more pixellated version of him, with a thin black outline around it.
    • 6: And a Cheat x-ing sign, much like the similar signs seen in the "fan stuff" part of the Museum.
  • If you click "main" on the navigation bar it takes you to a 404 error. The address is http://www.homestarrunner.com/mainNaN.html. NaN is the computer term for Not a Number, which is obtained on some computers by dividing zero by zero, and/or other mathematical errors.
  • While the liquid is leaking out of the screen, the contrast buttons are still clickable and make the back of the screen turn blue.
  • The letters that make up ASCII Marzipan refer to parts of her body. "E" for eyes, "f" for face, "h" for hair, and "d" for dress.
  • After the computer is destroyed, the contrast buttons are no longer clickable.
  • Want more fun facts? Check out our new STUFF page to see items that are being voted on now — and what didn't make the cut.


References

This e-mail makes reference to many other toons, e-mails, and possibly a few things outside the Homestar universe as well.

  • Edgarware is a spoof of Norton Anti-Virus, which also uses a generic-looking bespectacled computer nerd as a front man.
  • "FLAGRANT SYSTEM ERROR" comes from "50 emails" (where, in turn, it was similar to the Windows Blue Screen of Death). His response that it's not a "good prize" comes from "Pumpkin Carve-nival".
    • The "good prize" comment might also be in response to his setting a new record for the number of viruses, and he was "rewarded" with Flagrant System Error.
  • The Floppy Disk Container on Strong Bad's desk is labeled "Spy vs. Spy" before it melts into the desk. Spy vs. Spy, based on the feature comic of MAD Magazine, was a game for old computers and the NES that featured innovative split screen gameplay.
  • "Stave it off 1, 2, 3..." is from the Strong Bad E-mail "for kids".
  • The card that Strong Sad transforms into is from the original deck of Trading Cards that has since been removed from the site.
  • The pixelated broom induced by the glitched Quote of the Day is the same graphic used in Peasant's Quest for the broom the baby knocks over to let you into Naked Ned's cottage.
  • The part where Homestar is followed by "ghost" images of himself is a Flash in-joke, referring to the onion-skinning feature of the program that will display translucent images of previous frames as an animation guide.
  • "Click on the monkey" refers to various popups where if you click said object (ranging from targets to, well, monkeys), your computer will usually get bombarded with spyware, viruses, etc.
  • "Making out with Marzipan is totally awesome" was once the phrase necessary to trigger the Strong Bad Talker from the Homestar Talker. (It has since been changed.) The sound clips for the words were also taken from the Homestar Talker. The first four words of the phrase are also heard in "The Cheat Theme Song".
  • Strong Bad screaming and pounding on the edge of the screen while the popups are appearing could be a reference to Where the Crap Are We?.
  • Strong's Sad's head(s) are the same ones used in his weblog, complete with pixelation and emotion tags.
  • Strong Mad's description, which appears when he glitches, comes from the last iteration of the Characters page. (The Yearbook), as does the picture of him inside a giant M.
  • When Bubs' mouth is a broken JPEG, it has the letters "TH." This is a reference to his other identity, The Thnikkaman.
    • The broken-image picture used comes from Mozilla Firefox, as well as other Netscape web browsers.
  • The scene with The Ugly One and the King of Town has sounds from Rhinofeeder.
  • The Ugly One's line and the sound effects played after it come from The Cheat's cartoon in "crazy cartoon". (However, she slightly misquotes it: she should say "I will do it nine times", not "I can do it nine times".)
  • As Bubs is walking across the screen the first time, his left and right arms are moving as if stuck in positons #4 and #5 (respectively) in the Dancin' Bubs game.
  • During the big glitch scene right before Bubs "fixes" the computer, we can hear the song from the intro of "Parsnips-A-Plenty" and "That a Ghost".
  • "With Marzipan's radish, we gonna win the competition!" is a sound clip from The Reddest Radish.
  • The sound that the shotgun makes is the same sound as when The Cheat's head explodes.
    • It's also the same sound as the easter egg in "gimmicks" where one of the Tandy 400's vacuum tubes flashes.
  • The fan and cog in the Compy 386 are the same fan and cog that were visible when the Tandy 400 exploded.
  • The cloud background during the scene where Strong Bad says "With Marzipan's raddish, we gonna win the competition!" is the same cloud background in a Powered By The Cheat flash: "New Boots".
  • Want more fun facts? Check out our new STUFF page to see items that are being voted on now — and what didn't make the cut.


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