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WHAT?! That is not a small number!!!

Strong Bad Email #118

Strong Bad experiences some "technical difficulties" with Compy 386...and the rest of the Homestar Runner universe.

Cast (in order of appearance): Strong Bad, The Virus, Strong Sad, Coach Z (Easter egg) Homestar Runner, Strong Mad, Marzipan, The Poopsmith, The King of Town, The Ugly One, Bubs, The Cheat, Rather Dashing, Fightgar (Easter egg)

Places: Computer Room, Marzipan's House, King of Town's Castle, The Stick, Bubs' Concession Stand (Easter egg)

Computer: Compy 386

Date: November 15, 2004

Running Time: 4:05

Contents

Transcript

STRONG BAD: {singing} I got the email, you got the email, I got the email, you got the email.

{Pronounces "Ert plus: Why seven-six P? Ohlyuu eightkgee—" then stops}

STRONG BAD: What is this? Did the quadratic formula explode? I see a "Strong ba" in there, but it's getting eaten by some... Linux or something. Wait a minute! Is this one of those virus emails? Like the kind that moms and offshore casinos send you?! I'll take care of this!

{Strong Bad types "deleted," but the screen replies "NICE TRY!" A red line of text appears reading "That didn't work."}

STRONG BAD: What?! I said deleted!

{Strong Bad types it again, this time in capital italicized letters, but the screen flashes "NOTTA CHANCE!!" A red line of text appears reading "That neither."}

STRONG BAD: Oh, a wise guy, eh? Maybe I should introduce you to my main man, Edgar!

{Strong Bad types in Edgarware.exe, bringing up the following text on-screen}

{Strong Bad hits a key, and the screen switches to the following text}

STRONG BAD: All right, Edgar, now drop a train on 'em!

{The following text now appears on the screen}

STRONG BAD: {alarmed} Waaugh! That is not a small number! That is a big number!! What'm I gonna do?

{The following text now appears on the screen.}

STRONG BAD: Computer over? Virus equals very yes? That's not a good prize!

{The text on the Compy 386 screen melts off and slides onto the floor.}

STRONG BAD: Oooh!

{Strong Bad jumps out of the way. The camera zooms out to a view of the computer desk.}

STRONG BAD: And the Compy just peed my carpet.

{The corner of the computer desk briefly flashes, showing an underlying gridwork to it, The No Loafing sign becomes the following text and falls off the wall.}

<head>
<href>No loafing!!</href>
</body>

{The Floppy Disk Container gets eaten by the computer desk. Strong Sad walks in, but his head is floating a foot to the left of where it should be and has been replaced by his emoticons from Strong Sad's Lament.}

STRONG SAD: Strong Bad, what is going on?

STRONG BAD: WAH! Uh, I dunno. You forgot to wear your neck?

STRONG SAD: Have you been using the Internet irresponsibly?

{The top of a Main Page starts to creep into the top of the email, with the text "Stave it off, 1, 2, 3..." in the corner in place of the "What's new" text.}

STRONG BAD: No more irresponsibly than usual.

STRONG SAD: {His lower body starts walking away in place.} Did you get a virus?

STRONG BAD: {with guilt} Uhhh, noo...

STRONG SAD: Did you get four hundred thousand viruses?

STRONG BAD: {submissive} Yes... Very yes!

STRONG SAD: Well, hurry up and do something about it before it gets worse!

{Strong Sad turns into a Strong Sad trading card and flies up and off the screen. The Main Page at the top of the screen creeps up and out of the email.}

STRONG BAD: {scared} The Cheeeaaat!

{Strong Bad runs off the screen and into the black to the right of the computer desk, then stops.}

STRONG BAD: What the? Whoa! {shivers} It's cold out here!

{Strong Bad tries to jump back into the room, but the room shifts left, causing him to still fall on blank space.}

STRONG BAD: Hey!

{Homestar Runner walks onscreen. His body is 1936 Homestar Runner's body, while the rest of him is normal. Instead of his legs moving, he just glides on, producing several ghost images of himself.}

HOMESTAR RUNNER: Never fear, Strong Bad! I know how to fix your computer box! {He turns to the Compy.}

STRONG BAD: {stands up} No, no! Don't touch that!

HOMESTAR RUNNER: Your super box needs words. {His head falls off and onto the ground.} Like these right here!

STRONG BAD: No, stop! That's not supposed to be possible!

HOMESTAR RUNNER: {simultaneously} Uhh, this one {He picks up "downloads" from the bottom menu.} and this one {He picks up "games" from the bottom menu.} and this-a-this-a-this one. {He picks up "characters" from the bottom menu.}

{Suddenly, several pop-up windows appear one after the other (including a real one), titled "Click on the Monkey!!" They each feature oldschool Homestar who is saying "Making out with Marzipan is totally awesome!" Strong Bad starts screaming and pounds the side of the screen with his fists. Cut to Marzipan's living room. Strong Mad is standing nearby and Marzipan is standing next to a stack of VHS tapes.}

MARZIPAN: Well, I think it's fantastic, Strong Mad! That's the best stack of VHS tapes I've ever—

{Marzipan turns into an ASCII rendering of herself, and her voice becomes extremely deep and distorted making her words unintelligible.}

STRONG MAD: I CAN'T SPELL YOU!

MARZIPAN: {more unintelligible gibberish}

{Strong Mad turns into a picture of himself from his character video inside a large M, which walks offscreen with Homsar's walking noise. Text appears at the top of the screen reading as follows.}

If anyone is truly a big lug, Strong Mad is. This guy is dumb
strong, and that's pretty much the definition of a lug. One ti
his brother Strong Bad asked him to pick up this one car. An
he did, but it was the wrong car. See? Dumb and strong. He'

{Cut to the King of Town's castle. The Poopsmith is standing with his shovel extended and some you-know-what on the end of it, as the King of Town stands nearby.}

THE KING OF TOWN: A little to the left... {The Poopsmith extends the shovel toward the King.} Good, good...

{The scene suddenly changes to a Teen Girl Squad style piece of paper, with the text "issue 3.14159265and the rest" at the top. The Poopsmith is gone.}

THE KING OF TOWN: Ooh! Poopsmith?

{The Ugly One appears out of nowhere with the rhino sound from "Strong Bad's RhinoFeeder", and her mouth is huge and distorted.}

THE UGLY ONE: I can do it! I can do it 9 times!

{The Ugly One extends her arm and starts slapping the King of Town.}

THE KING OF TOWN: Uh! No! Please! Stop! I'm old! And fat! And rich! And cool!

{Cut to the Homestar Runner loading screen, and reveals a screen with the text "It's now safe to turn your computer off." Bubs walks on from the side of the screen. His mouth is a broken JPEG, his legs are rendered in a fashion suitable for red/blue 3D-glasses, his midsection is missing, and he's carrying one of Homestar's legs in his left arm. His other arm is continually waving about, as seen on Dancin' Bubs}

BUBS: I shoulda done this, like, a million years ago.

{Cut to The Field, now a cloud scene. The Stick is gone. Strong Bad has one big foot instead of both legs, his black mark is too high, and his head and mouth are lopsided. The Cheat is floating around the screen, interchanging between different versions of himself. A pitch-black Rather Dashing and a colon fly by in the foreground. As Strong Bad talks, his left arm detaches from his body and flies off in random directions.}

STRONG BAD: {Using an old version of his voice} With Marzipan's Radish we gonna win the competition!

{An explosion sound effect is heard, and suddenly everything returns to normal, revealing Strong Bad and The Cheat standing by The Stick.}

STRONG BAD: Hey! He fixed it! That Bubs is a computer genius man! Let's do a dance for the computer genius man!

{A salsa rhythm starts up, and Strong Bad and The Cheat start dancing. The camera pans to the left to reveal Bubs holding a shotgun.}

STRONG BAD: Thanks Bubs! How'd you get rid of the vi—wait...why do you have a shotgun? {shaken} What did you do? Where's my Compy?!

BUBS: It's in a better place, Strong Bad. Or rather, it's in the same place, but now it's got a big hole through it!

STRONG BAD: {still shaken} YOU MURDERER! You killed my brother! {nearly sobbing} I mean, computer!

BUBS: Look, Strong Bad, my mouth was a broken JPEG. I had no choice!

STRONG BAD: You don't understand! You all understand! I mean, don't understand. AAAUUUGGGHHH!

{Strong Bad runs off screen, very distraught. The Cheat makes some Cheat noises that sound like 'Hey wait', and follows him. Homestar hops onscreen on one leg, holding his other leg up.}

HOMESTAR RUNNER: Hey, Bubs! Can I have my leg back now?

{Bubs stares at Homestar for a long, uncomfortable moment.}

{Cut to the Compy 386, which now has a giant hole through its monitor and most of the wall behind it. Strong Bad is sitting in front of it, head bowed.}

STRONG BAD: {very distraught} Dear Strong Bad, I doh du duoh crapfully yours. {He hits his head on the keyboard a few times.}I...ID DOH DU DUOH CRAPFULLY YOURS! I can't relate. {He hits his head on the keyboard again.} I can't relate! {He hits his head on the keyboard again.} I'm gonna get, I'm gonna get in there and mix {He hits his head.} it up.

{The Paper comes down.}

STRONG BAD: {still very distraught} I don't remember your name, Davey! {hits head on keyboard again} Dear Strong Bad. {voice trailing off} How do you text with boxing gloves on?

Easter Eggs

  • When the Main page is encroaching on the top of the screen you can still click the Quote of the Week, weekly Sketchbook, and Weekly Fanstuff buttons to see them.
    • If you hold tab until it highlights over where the updates are posted and hit enter, it takes you to Halloween Fairstival.
    • If you mouse over the Quote of the Week, it bounces around the screen until it gets lodged at the top. When you click "Hear it," a pixelated broom scrolls vertically along the screen and makes a loud distorted noise, the same as is heard by Marzipan moments later and some of the links disappear off the bottom of the screen. When you click the "X" to close it, the Quote of the Week box wobbles a bit and then falls off the screen and the links reappear.
      • This happens because the SWF file for virus's fake QOD (qod_virus.swf) has black bars at the bottom, right where those words are, so when it appears in the email, it covers up those words.
    • If you click on Weekly Fanstuff, it leads to a glitched fanstuff box, where there is a picture of Coach Z upside down with his arms and legs wrapped around a white space the shape of The King of Town's head. This image is from Where's The Cheat?, when Coach Z attacked The King over a misunderstanding involving The Cheat and a grill. The picture has a lot of numbers at the bottom. Scroll over the close button, which is misspelled as OCⓧLSE, and the words 'A BOOK' appear in green.
      • The numbers are in a font called "MS Reference Specialty" and spell out the phrase "stick to your books" (possibly—since the letters a–h in MS Reference Specialty are represented by little squares).
    • If you click on the Sketchbook, it leads to a glitched sketchbook box, where the Flash MX color mixer appears. Scroll over it and a green X appears overtop. Clicking it causes it to close. Allowing it to remain on-screen causes a screen glitch—a black box appears over the left side of the screen when the screen moves off of the center of the page.
      • The reason for the glitch is because in the .swf file of the glitched up sketchbook, there is a black box to the left of the screen, which, of course, covers up the screen on the left.
  • If you click on the cog on the left at the end of the e-mail, you can see Compy 386 on sale at Bubs' Concession Stand, with signs reading "Like Used!" and "Slightly Shotgunned!"
  • If you click on the fan on the right, you can see an excerpt of The Cheat Commandos with Fightgar using Homestar's leg as a gun.
ANNOUNCER: To protect the world from the evil forces of Blue Laser!

Fun Facts

Trivia

  • This is the only email in which the navigation bar and the email are combined into one Flash file (so that Homestar can grab the words).
  • The broken JPEG is from Mozilla Firefox.

Remarks

  • Edgar the Virus Hunter is said to have been written in 1982, a year before the first documented experimental virus was created. Although there are conflicting accounts as to when the first virus was made, it would pretty much be impossible for a virus scanner to have existed in 1982.
  • The letters that make up ASCII Marzipan refer to parts of her body: "E" for eyes, "f" for face, "h" for hair, and "d" for dress.
  • Strong Bad says that Edgar from the Edgarware program is his "main man." However, he claims in "2 years" that his main man "is, and has been since 1987, Van Mundegaarde."
  • The reason the "making out with Marzipan" pop-up doesn't come up in the .swf, or Flash, version is because the information for the pop-up is stored in the HTML source code. All that the Flash file does is to send a JavaScript command to the browser, opening the pop-up window.
  • In the Fake QOD, the words "Quote of the Day (Or So)" are displayed reversed, as though in a mirror, and, instead of "Hear It!" and "Get It!", the buttons are "Hear It!" and "Don't TAPE It", although the latter is hidden by the top of the screen.
  • This is the second e-mail made using the Widescreen technique. The first was flashback.
  • Bubs' right arm is bigger than it should be.
  • When Strong Bad is saying "With Marzipan's radish" the music from That A Ghost and Parsnips-A-Plenty is playing in the background.

Goofs

  • While the liquid is leaking out of the screen, the contrast buttons are still clickable.
  • After Homestar grabs "downloads", "characters", and "games" from the bottom, "toons" is no longer clickable, unlike the other remaining links. Then, at the end of the email when everything else returns to normal, all the links disappear.
  • The fake QOD, fanstuff, and sketchbook stay on the screen until you get rid of them, even after Bubs shotguns the Compy, and in the Easter eggs.
  • After Strong Bad types "deleted!" for the first time, and the blue screen appears, the drive letter disappears.

Glitches

  • If you click "main" on the navigation bar, it takes you to 404'd. The address is http://www.homestarrunner.com/mainNaN.html. NaN is the computer term for Not a Number, which is obtained in some environments by dividing zero by zero, and/or other mathematical errors.
    • This may have been on purpose, since everything else is screwy in this email, too.

Inside References

  • "Stave it off, 1, 2, 3..." is the counting song from the Strong Bad E-mail "for kids".
  • The card that Strong Sad transforms into is from the original deck of Character Cards that has since been removed from the site.
  • The pixelated broom induced by the glitched Quote of the Day is the same graphic used in Peasant's Quest for the broom the baby knocks over to let you into Naked Ned's cottage. Using a broom to play Marzipan's ASCII noise may be an oblique reference to people mistaking her for a broom.
  • "Making out with Marzipan is totally awesome" was once the phrase necessary to trigger the Strong Bad Talker from the Homestar Talker. (It has since been changed.) The sound clips for the words were also taken from the Homestar Talker. The first four words of the phrase are also heard in "The Cheat Theme Song".
  • Strong Bad screaming and pounding on the edge of the screen while the popups are appearing could be a reference to Where the Crap Are We?.
  • Strong Mad's description, which appears when he glitches, comes from the Yearbook Character Page, as does the picture of him inside a giant M.
  • Bubs' broken JPEG mouth bears the letters "TH." This might be a reference to his other identity, The Thnikkaman.
  • The scene with The Ugly One and the King of Town has sounds from RhinoFeeder.
  • The Ugly One's line and the sound effects played after it come from The Cheat's cartoon in "crazy cartoon". (However, she slightly misquotes it: she should say "I will do it nine times", not "I can do it nine times".)
  • As Bubs is walking across the screen the first time, his left and right arms are moving as if stuck in positons #4 and #5 (respectively) in the Dancin' Bubs game. Bubs' right arm is also about twice as large as usual.
  • During the big glitch scene right before Bubs "fixes" the computer, we can hear the song from the intro of "Parsnips-A-Plenty" and "That A Ghost".
  • "With Marzipan's radish, we gonna win the competition!" is a sound clip from The Reddest Radish.
  • The powering-down sound clip that plays when the "It's now safe to turn your computer off" message appears (just before the Compy 386 is destroyed) is the same sound that plays just before the Tandy 400 explodes in gimmicks
  • The fan and cog in the Compy 386 are the same fan and cog that were visible when the Tandy 400 exploded.
    • If you look closely (or zoom into the Flash file) the fan is once again mysteriously floating space, just like when the Tandy 400 blew up. You can faintly see the fan through the broken monitor, but cannot see a base for the fan to be connected to.
  • The cloud background during the scene where Strong Bad says "With Marzipan's radish, we gonna win the competition!" is the same cloud background in a Powered By The Cheat flash: "New Boots".
  • During the final distorted scene, The Cheat is on a rotation of six different versions of himself:
    • 1. The Awexome Cross version.
    • 2: One that looks like one of The Cheat's styles from "The Cheat Theme Song".
    • 3: A drawn version, from "The Reddest Radish".
    • 4: Another drawn version from Strong Bad's site.
    • 5: A far more pixellated version of him, with a thin black outline around it.
    • 6: And a Cheat x-ing sign, much like the similar signs seen in the "fan stuff" part of the Museum.

Real-World References

  • Edgarware is a spoof of Norton Anti-Virus, which also uses a generic-looking bespectacled computer nerd as a front man.
  • The Floppy Disk Container on Strong Bad's desk is labeled "Spy vs. Spy" before it melts into the desk. Spy vs. Spy, based on the feature comic of MAD Magazine, was a game for old computers and the NES that featured innovative split screen gameplay.
  • The part where Homestar is followed by "ghost" images of himself is a Flash in-joke, referring to the onion-skinning feature of the program that will display translucent images of previous frames as an animation guide.
  • "Click on the monkey" refers to various popups where if you click said object (ranging from targets to robbers, iPods, etc.), your computer will usually get bombarded with spyware, viruses, etc.
  • The dance The Cheat performs when Strong Bad says, "Let's do a dance for the computer genius man," looks like Dana Carvey's "Church Lady" dance from the classic SNL sketch.
  • "Bourgeoise," one of the emoticons acting as Strong Sad's head is the term used in Marxism to describe the upper or middle class that opposed the proletariat in the class struggle.
  • The "boing" sound heard after EdgarWare finds the viruses sounds like the "all-purpose" sound used in Windows 98.
  • The screen "It's now safe to turn your computer off." is similar to the one displayed when shutting off Windows 95. The actual message is "It is now safe to turn off your computer."

Fast-Forward

  • Near the end of the cartoon, when it says "It's now safe to turn your computer off," the font — Glitch0 — is the same as the Lappy 486, which Strong Bad buys in the next e-mail, animal.

DVD Version

  • The DVD version features hidden creators' commentary. To access it, switch your DVD player's audio language selection while watching.

Commentary Transcript

(Commentary by: Mike Chapman, Matt Chapman, Homestar Runner)

MIKE: This email looks tiny, Matt.

MATT: It's a funny shape.

MIKE: It's smaller than the rest, and there's little words at the bottom.

MATT: This doesn't make any sense to me!

MIKE: What's going on?

MATT: S— Oh, no. Strong Bad must have gotten some type of a wirus!

MIKE: {laughs} Virus.

MATT: B— Pardon?

MIKE: Virus?

MATT: Oh. I used the German pronunciatoin.

MIKE: {laughs} Yeah?

MATT: Yeah.

MIKE: K. Um, so this was, uh, this was a— this email was kind of a big— big production.

MATT: Mm hmm.

MIKE: Took longer than most.

MATT: A long time in coming.

MIKE: Yeah. Um...

MATT: Yeah, see— he hasn't used "deleted" on the Lappy yet, now that he has a new computer, has he?

MIKE: I guess not. I wonder what it looks like when he deletes something on the Lappy.

MATT: I dunno. "Drop a train on 'em" was from a bad hip-hop song I made in college — {Mike laughs}— where I sampled the soundtrack from a Dirty Harry movie.

MIKE: That's a good song.

MATT: Thanks.

{Pause}

MIKE: So this, obviously, was, uh, pretty fun to make where you could just kinda put stuff wherever and just...

MATT: It's more like your computer is getting the virus than Strong Bad's computer getting the virus.

MIKE: Yeah. The whole world is getting the virus.

MATT: Yeah. "Stave it off, 1, 2, 3" up there at the top.

MIKE: Mm hmm. There's uh, Strong Sad's head is the, uh, his little emoticons from the uh, his—

MATT: Strong Sad's Web journal.

MIKE: Strong Sad Journal.

MATT: That was from an unused character page we never made.

MIKE: Mm hmm.

{Pause}

MIKE: Say something good, Matt.

MATT: Uh—

MIKE: Make it— Make it funny.

MATT: All right. {adopts different tone} T— To— {normal voice} Oh, yeah, weren't we gonna do— I was going to be a character when we did this commentary.

MIKE: Oh yeah. Start doing Homestar.

MATT: All right...

{Pause}

HOMESTAR: That was a lot of me's.

MIKE: That was a lot of you's.

HOMESTAR: Mike, some of them were old me's that don't look so great.

MIKE: That's right. I thought you looked pretty good back in the old days.

HOMESTAR: No, no.

MIKE: Oh, you—

HOMESTAR: Look bad.

MIKE: Look Bad!

HOMESTAR: Yeah.

MIKE: Strong Bad.

HOMESTAR: That's a different character.

MIKE: {laughs} Who was Look Bad again?

HOMESTAR: Oh, what are they doing there? Is he gonna eat that doo-doo shovel?

MIKE: No, I think was going to take a picture of it, maybe.

HOMESTAR: But he doesn't have a camera, Mike.

MIKE: But the camera was offscreen.

HOMESTAR: He's got a mustache.

MIKE: The camera was offscreen.

HOMESTAR: He clearly wanted... a doo-doo-stache.

MIKE: Who's that, Homestar?

HOMESTAR: That looks kinda like Bubs, from Website. But I don't think so. Oh, look, it's Pitfall.

MIKE: That did happen in Pitfall.

HOMESTAR: If you flick the on and off switch a lot, you get a little floating Pitfall Harry through the trees!

MIKE: Oh, I like The Cheat's little sassy dance there, Homestar. Did you teach him that?

HOMESTAR: I did. Hands on hips!

MIKE: How'd you teach him that?

HOMESTAR: I said, "Hands on hips!"

MIKE: Look, there's your leg.

HOMESTAR: That is not my leg! That looks like a shotgun.

MIKE: Bu—

{Pause}

HOMESTAR: That shotgun looks dangerous, Mike. I don't agree with its appearance in this cartoon.

MIKE: You shouldn't play with shotguns, Homestar.

HOMESTAR: I don't, man.

MIKE: {laughs} Good.

HOMESTAR: Did you learn that the hard way?

MIKE: No.

HOMESTAR: Penny Hardaway?

MIKE: I'm allowed to— I'm allowed to draw them, though. Drawing them's no problem.

HOMESTAR: Drawing them is bad.

MIKE: No, I think it's okay.

HOMESTAR: Here I come!

MIKE: See?

HOMESTAR: Look! I lost my leg!

MIKE: I know, that's— Bubs— Bubs has it there.

HOMESTAR: Strong Bad looks like he's a little delerious in this part.

MIKE: He's— He's sad. He's had a great loss. People sometimes act like this... when they're experiencing great losses.

HOMESTAR: But— Mike, a great loss sounds like a contradiction.

MIKE: {laughs}

HOMESTAR: I don't— I've never had any great losses.

MIKE: "Great"— "Great" meaning "large," not meaning—

HOMESTAR: All my losses are bad losses.

MIKE: You've never had a great loss?

HOMESTAR: Except maybe, some pounds. {Pause} He just really put a hole right through that thing, huh?

MIKE: Yeah. Didn't go through the wall, though.

HOMESTAR: Nope.

MIKE: {whispering} Let's get quiet.

HOMESTAR: {whispering} Okay.

See Also

External Links

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