Pistols for Pandas

From Homestar Runner Wiki

Revision as of 17:38, 28 April 2009

This article is about the short. For the organization, see Pistols for Pandas (organization).

Totally legal. Totally.

Crack Stuntman outlines the goals of Pistols for Pandas.

Cast (in order of appearance): Crack Stuntman, Gunhaver (Easter egg), Silent Rip (Easter egg)

Places: Set, Bamboo Forest

Date: Monday, April 27, 2009

Running Time: 2:02

Page Title: They Need All The Firepower They Can Get!

Transcript

{Open on Crack Stuntman standing against a bluish-gray background.}

CRACK STUNTMAN: Blah-hi, kids, BLAH'm Crack Stuntman. {places hand on chest} I used to do the voice of {holds up one finger} Cheat Commander on the cartoon man show until contractual mumbo-jumbo screwed me out of the sweetest gig I ever had! {pleading} Please take me back!

{Cut}

CRACK STUNTMAN: {smiling} But I'm also the voice of a much more important non-profit organization called— {shocked and mad} Non-profit?! What the bluh-what?! {faces offscreen, places hand on chest} But I'm still get paid, right?

{Cut}

{Crack is now wearing expensive, jewel-encrusted sunglasses, and his shirt pocket is stuffed with dollar bills}

CRACK STUNTMAN: But I'm also the voice of a non-profit organisation called Pistols for Pandas, {Pistols for Pandas logo appears to his left, Crack looks towards the logo and places his hand on his chest} that I hold very near and dear to my new sunglasses. {points to sunglasses}

{Crack turns, and scene changes}

CRACK STUNTMAN: In light of the recent made-up holiday {a card for "ERF DAY" featuring a green Earth appears} designed to make your parents feel guilty about their car, {the logo slides offscreen} I thought I'd tell you just how P-for-P {two handguns appear and eventually turn into the Pistols for Pandas logo} gets small firearms into the paws of our planet's most adorable, and {the Pistols for Pandas logo turns to face Crack} most unarmed, creatures.

{Scene changes to stick-figure drawings - one has a baseball cap on, the other's head is Crack's}

CRACK STUNTMAN: For every dollar you give to Pistols For Pandas, we laugh at, cause', like, what good's a dollar gonna do? But for every five dollars you give, we buy one box of cereal with the best prize in it. I eat said cereal, play with the prize, and save the box top. Once we have enough box tops, I dress up like a fifth grader and take them to a local school. That buys the school a computer, which I sneak out with after charming the horn-rimmed glasses off the media centre ladies. I take these computers to a local pawn shop, and exchange them for the weapons pandas need. And finally, when nobody's looking, I dump these pistols into the panda habitat down at the local zoo. {zoom on Crack's face} Did you hear that? I used the word "local" like three times. That means this good cause is even upittier than most! {buzzer sound is heard, and a box displaying "Buzzword Rated", along three leaves each containing the word "local", appear on the right side of the screen}

{Cut back to real Crack Stuntman}

CRACK STUNTMAN: We're destroying these poor creatures faster than ever before. If we don't give them the means to protect themselves when we come clear-cut their bamboo forests and build a five-star resort, who will?

{A tray with a two-layered cocktail on it slides into view}

CRACK STUNTMAN: I said several limes! This is two limes!

{While this is said, the bamboo behind Crack is sawed down. Cut to the Pistols for Pandas logo}

CRACK STUNTMAN: {voiceover; as he speaks, the words appear above the logo} Pistols For Pandas: This good cause is good...'cause!

Easter Eggs

• Click on the panda nose at the end of the toon to see this exchange between Silent Rip and Gunhaver.

  SILENT RIP: Uh, Cheat Commander, are we supposed to be fighting the pandas or helping them?

  GUNHAVER: Who cares? I'm just psyched I got my old job back! I love voice acting! {babbles} Look at that sweet, sweet lip synch.

Fun Facts

Explanations

• This toon was released around Earth Day, which usually involves caring for the planet and its wildlife.
• "Local" is described as a buzzword due to the increasing popularity of localism, such as the local food movement.

Inside References

• Pistols for Pandas was first referenced in Marzipan's Answering Machine Version 14.2.
• Crack Stuntman mentions losing his contract to do Gunhaver's voice, which references the disappearance of his character because of his uncooperativeness in The Next Epi-Snowed.
• The phrase "cartoon man show" is a reference to Fan Costumes '07.
• Crack Stuntman's line "But I'm still get paid, right?" is similar to the Temporarios slogan in strong badathlon, "Cuz I'm don't get paid!"
• The internet slang spelling of "p4wn" also appeared in Teen Girl Squad Issue 10.
• The stickman drawing version of Crack Stuntman makes Homsar's walking noise when sneaking.

Real-World References

• The cereal prize is the Wacky WallWalker.

External Links

• watch "Pistols for Pandas" on the old Flash site
• view the Flash file for "Pistols for Pandas"
• forum thread re: "Pistols for Pandas"