Subtitles:sbemail194/en

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Current revision as of 21:31, 27 May 2020

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<?xml version="1.0" encoding="utf-8"?>
<transcript xml:lang="en-us" file="sbemail194.swf" width="550" height="400">
  <line start="16" end="88" speaker="strongbad"><em>(singing)</em> If everybody in the world checked their email, the Internet would probably break.</line>
  <line start="89" end="122" speaker="strongbad">"Hey! Ho! Strongbad!</line>
  <line start="123" end="174" speaker="strongbad">"What kind of free toys would you put in specially marked karial boxes?</line>
  <line start="175" end="198" speaker="strongbad">"PB, Over the hills"</line>
  <line start="199" end="231" speaker="strongbad">Ooh, I'm glad you asked, Problem Brian.</line>
  <line start="232" end="303" speaker="strongbad">I've been wanting to give specially marked boxes of cereal a specially marked piece of my mind for some time now.</line>
  <line start="310" end="332" speaker="strongbad">I choose...this piece.</line>
  <line start="333" end="350"><strongbad>I choose...this piece.</strongbad><sfx>ding!</sfx></line>
  <line start="351" end="383" speaker="strongbad">Well before you even get to the toys inside,</line>
  <line start="384" end="479" speaker="strongbad">you first have to navigate the treacherous, jaggedy rock filled class 5 rapids of specially marked cereal box fake outs!</line>
  <line start="480" end="568" speaker="strongbad">Luckily, I'm a lame sandal wearing hippie with a ponytail that's been down these rapids with groups of tourists many times!</line>
  <line start="569" end="631" speaker="strongbad">Okay, guys, I'm gonna need everybody to lean hard to the right!</line>
  <line start="632" end="644" speaker="strongbad" sfx="sfx">click!</line>
  <line start="645" end="722"><strongbad>The first hazard to watch out for are cereals that include anything grown in Iowa in the name.</strongbad><sfx>music</sfx></line>
  <line start="723" end="741"><strongbad>You know, corn, <span style="visibility:hidden">wheat, oats, hogs,</span></strongbad><sfx>music</sfx></line>
  <line start="742" end="751"><strongbad>You know, corn, wheat, <span style="visibility:hidden">oats, hogs,</span></strongbad><sfx>music</sfx></line>
  <line start="752" end="762"><strongbad>You know, corn, wheat, oats, <span style="visibility:hidden">hogs,</span></strongbad><sfx>music</sfx></line>
  <line start="763" end="773"><strongbad>You know, corn, wheat, oats, hogs,</strongbad><sfx>music</sfx></line>
  <line start="774" end="812"><strongbad>fundamentally-sound college basketball players.</strongbad><sfx>music</sfx></line>
  <line start="813" end="844"><strongbad>Please, to stay away from these.</strongbad><sfx>music</sfx></line>
  <line start="845" end="903"><strongbad>Those cereals only ever put fitness-related crap in specially marked boxes.</strongbad><sfx>music</sfx></line>
  <line start="904" end="950"><strongbad voiceover="voiceover">Oh, great! I can count how many steps I took today!</strongbad><sfx>music</sfx></line>
  <line start="951" end="1000"><strongbad voiceover="voiceover">Fantastic! I can restart my heart if it stops!</strongbad><sfx>music</sfx></line>
  <line start="1001" end="1053"><strongbad>What you do want to look for are cereals with sound effects in the name.</strongbad><sfx>music</sfx></line>
  <line start="1054" end="1064"><strongbad voiceover="voiceover">Smacks, <span style="visibility:hidden">pops, puffs, blasts, and, um, gunshots in a crowded mall.</span></strongbad><sfx>music</sfx></line>
  <line start="1065" end="1074"><strongbad voiceover="voiceover">Smacks, pops, <span style="visibility:hidden">puffs, blasts, and, um, gunshots in a crowded mall.</span></strongbad><sfx>music</sfx></line>
  <line start="1075" end="1085"><strongbad voiceover="voiceover">Smacks, pops, puffs, <span style="visibility:hidden">blasts, and, um, gunshots in a crowded mall.</span></strongbad><sfx>music</sfx></line>
  <line start="1086" end="1095"><strongbad voiceover="voiceover">Smacks, pops, puffs, blasts, <span style="visibility:hidden">and, um, gunshots in a crowded mall.</span></strongbad><sfx>music</sfx></line>
  <line start="1096" end="1112"><strongbad voiceover="voiceover">Smacks, pops, puffs, blasts, and, um, <span style="visibility:hidden">gunshots in a crowded mall.</span></strongbad><sfx>music</sfx></line>
  <line start="1113" end="1139"><strongbad voiceover="voiceover">Smacks, pops, puffs, blasts, and, um, gunshots in a crowded mall.</strongbad><sfx>music</sfx></line>
  <line start="1140" end="1204"><strongbad>You know, the kind with the squarish, sugared pieces of styrofoam they claim are marshmallows.</strongbad><sfx>music</sfx></line>
  <line start="1205" end="1297"><strongbad>These are guaranteed to have a nice, big reach-your-nasty-unwashed-hand-straight-to-the-bottom-of-the-box toy in it.</strongbad><sfx>music</sfx></line>
  <line start="1298" end="1356"><strongbad>Next up are the three most useless letters in the specially marked alphabet.</strongbad><sfx>music</sfx></line>
  <line start="1357" end="1388"><strongbad>UPC.</strongbad><sfx>music</sfx></line>
  <line start="1389" end="1464"><strongbad>If you spot these wastes of serif on a cereal box, turn and run as fast as you can.</strongbad><sfx>music</sfx></line>
  <line start="1465" end="1533"><strongbad>This means not only are they gonna make you buy several more boxes that you have to cut the bar codes off of,</strongbad><sfx>music</sfx></line>
  <line start="1534" end="1602"><strongbad voiceover="voiceover">but you're also gonna have to involve your mom so she can write a check for the shipping and handling if she's back from Vegas!</strongbad><sfx>music</sfx></line>
  <line start="1603" end="1607" speaker="sfx">record scratch</line>
  <line start="1608" end="1651" speaker="strongbad">The nerve of those cereals! You leave my mom out of this!</line>
  <line start="1652" end="1694"><strongbad>Some cereals can't even be bothered with a toy at all.</strongbad><sfx>music</sfx></line>
  <line start="1695" end="1744"><strongbad voiceover="voiceover">They try and pass off the back of the box as some kind of prize.</strongbad><sfx>music</sfx></line> 
  <line start="1745" end="1807"><strongbad voiceover="voiceover">That dotted line you expect me to cut along is like a toyless slap in my face!</strongbad><sfx>music</sfx></line>
  <line start="1808" end="1851"><strongbad voiceover="voiceover">Masks, mazes, word searches, PAH!</strongbad><sfx>music</sfx></line>
  <line start="1852" end="1914"><strongbad>I know the kind of kids that enjoyed these funtivities on the backs of cereal boxes,</strongbad><sfx>music</sfx></line>
  <line start="1915" end="1966"><strongbad>and let me tell you, they were real easy to beat up.</strongbad><sfx>music</sfx></line>
  <line start="1967" end="2012"><homestar>Blah, Strong Bad, blah! I'm a crappy Stuntman!</homestar><sfx>music</sfx></line>
  <line start="2013" end="2048"><strongbad>You know what kind of toys I'd put in specially marked boxes?</strongbad><sfx>music</sfx></line>
  <line start="2049" end="2060"><homestar>Yes.</homestar><sfx>music</sfx></line>
  <line start="2061" end="2086"><strongbad>Anything heavy and pointy enough to do lasting damage to the face.</strongbad><sfx>music</sfx></line>
  <line start="2087" end="2118"><strongbad>Anything heavy and pointy enough to do lasting damage to the face.</strongbad><sfx>music</sfx><!-- <text>Die-cast Chainsaw Car INSIDE!</text> --></line>
  <line start="2119" end="2136"><strongbad>Argh!</strongbad><homestar>Waah!</homestar></line>
  <line start="2150" end="2205" speaker="homestar" voiceover="voiceover">Strong Bad, while I'm down here, can you help me finish this word search?</line>
  <line start="2206" end="2252" speaker="homestar" voiceover="voiceover">I can't find 'dextrose-flavornoids'.</line>
  <line start="2253" end="2292" speaker="newpaper">shuffling noises</line>
</transcript>