Hremail 2000

From Homestar Runner Wiki

Transcript

{Homestar is in silhouette, sitting at his desk.}

HOMESTAR RUNNER: Give it the gas, people! It's the breakout album of the year, Homestar Runner!

{Homestar Runner's Theme Song plays as the scene lights up.}

HOMESTAR RUNNER: Thanks, shadow self! We'll do battle later. Today's missive {produces a paper} comes from Josh Key in Corvallis, Oregon! {reads in a nervous high-pitched voice:}

Dear Homestar.

How long should a person keep
a pair of shoes? I have this one
pair that has been around for
years, but they're falling apart
pretty badly now. My girlfriend
thinks that I should get rid of
them. So what should I do? Repair
or replace?

Urgently waiting for your advice,
Josh

HOMESTAR RUNNER: Now you see those three little words?

{He holds up the paper to the audience, and the camera zooms in on it.}

HOMESTAR RUNNER: "My girlfriend thinks"?

{As he says each word, the appropriate word is highlighted, with a different sound effect for each. Cut back to Homestar.}

HOMESTAR RUNNER: That's your problem right there! {puts down the paper} I got one o' them, too. {Gets up and walks toward the Arturo.} The lad-ays just don't understand that it can take a man's shoes five to seven years to finally get that sought-after walkin'-around-with-someone-else's-slightly-larger-foot-pelts-on-your-feet feeling! Stuff like holes, duct tape, and rank odor are—

{Zoom in on the Arturo. A picture of a man's head appears.}

HOMESTAR RUNNER: {from offscreen} —just the shoe equivalent of graying hair—

{The hair of the man in the picture grays a little.}

HOMESTAR RUNNER: —buying a blue Neonta—

{A convertible appears under the head; the head is big enough to fill the both of the front seats.}

HOMESTAR RUNNER: — and dating your graduate assistant!

{A woman appears beside the head, proportioned correctly for the car.}