Peasant's Quest Responses

From Homestar Runner Wiki

There are many responses that the game gives you in the game Peasant's Quest. Here is a list of all that have been found. When more than one option is given, such as "get/take _____", either word will produce the same response.

Contents
# A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z

#

A

• • "ask about _____":
  • 'baby:
    • (to baby lady) - "This little guy's all I got left. If only someone would steal back all our riches from that filthy Jhonka."
  • fire:
    • (to knight) - "Well, whenever I see peasants, they tend to be on fire. So get yourself on fire. I hear horse grease gives a nice, controlled burn."
    • (to baby lady) - "You need fire? A couple of trees over by the waterfall used to be on fire. But now there's like a signal lantern over there or something." / "So should I ask that signal lantern?" you ask. / "I dunno man! Whattaya want from me?"
  • jhonka:
    • (to knight) - "Since the Kerrek showed up, we don't see the Jhonka so much anymore. He lives in that little cave over in west Peasantry."
    • (to baby lady) - "That nasty thing killed my husband and took my riches!!" / "I thought Trogdor killed your husband," you interject. / "Oh right. Yeah. That's what I said. Trogband killed my husbdor."
  • kerrek:
    • (to knight) - "I call him Big Stinky. He's slow and stupid, but he'll pound you into milk's meat without a second thought."
  • naked ned:
    • (to knight) - "That weirdo used to live over in west Peasantry but now I guess he just prances around the forest in his birthday suit."
    • (to baby lady) - "Don't talk about that pervert in front of the baby here."
  • robe:
    • (to knight) - "Peasants wear those brown robes. You know, with the rope around the waist. Get yourself one of those."
    • (to baby lady) - "You can't have mine, pervert! I'm not a nudist peasant like that weirdo over in west Peasantry!"
  • smell:
    • (to knight) - "I never met a peasant that didn't stink. If you wanna smell bad, get the Kerrek involved. That thing reeks!"
    • (to baby lady) - "What smells is junior here's drawers! I gotta quit feeding him so much horse!" / "And don't start asking me for his diapers, sicko!"
  • trogdor:
    • (to knight) - "If I had a gold coin for every whining peasant's cottage that freaking dragon burninated, I'd be rich as a jhonka."
    • (to baby lady) - "I hope you kill that stupid dragon. My 'Wives of Squished Peasants' support group would bake you a Poor Gary pie if you did."
  • anything else:
    • (to knight) - "I don't know anything about that, short pants."
    • (to baby lady) - "I dunno what you're talking about."
• "attack sign" (at the Mountain Pass) - "I was being facetious, Mr. Smarty-short-pants. No sign attacking for you."

B

• "boo" (anywhere) - "Scared me."
• "break stump" (at Poor Gary's glen) - "Are you THAT bored? Do some questing already!"
• "buy kerrek a cold one" (in the Kerrek's domain while he's still alive) - "The kerrek (sic) is a teetotaler and is offended by your request. You've really cheesed him off now." Warning: This speeds the Kerrek up, so be careful. This command was first seen in the email for kids.

C

• "cheat" (or any phrase involving "cheat"; anywhere) - "Meh."
• "climb cliff" (anywhere near the bottom of the cliff) - "There aren't enough footholds and you don't have any carabeaners on you."
• "climb cliff" - Try at the top of the cliff.
• "climb fence" (at Poor Gary's glen, before scaring him) - "No, you have business to attend to here in Peasantry."
• "climb fence" - Try after Gary makes a hole in it.
• "climb in bucket" (at the well) - "Your butt is too big."
• "climb in well" (at the well) - "No go. Your insurance doesn't cover that."
• "climb opening" - Try in Trogdor's outer sanctum for a funny message about high school.
• "climb tree" (anywhere but at the wavy tree) - "But then your hands would get all sappy."
• "climb tree" (at the wavy tree) - "You don't climb wavy trees."
• "close door" - Try after getting a room in the inn.
• "close drawer" - Try without or after stealing the robe.
• "close/open drawer" - Try when the drawer is already closed or open.
• "cross river" - Try at any river.
• "cut off arms, legs, and head" - Try when you've moved the rock at Naked Ned's cottage.

D

• "dan" (or any phrase involving Dan; anywhere): "Dan's still okay. Got a place on Dekalb with Rick and his wife. Slimmed up a bit and looking towards the future."
• "dance" (anywhere) - "You'd rather just stand here and soak up the scene."
• "dance on kerrek's grave" - A funny message will appear.
• "die" (anywhere) - "That wasn't very smart. You dead." Warning: This kills you.
• "drink" (or any object after "drink"; anywhere) - "For simplicity's sake you are immune to hunger and thirst in this game. So you got that going for you. Which is nice."
• "drop baby" - Once you have the baby, type this for a humorous message.

E

F

G

• "get a room" - Try in the inn when you're on fire.
• "get on rock" - Try at the rock in the stream for a message.
• "get/take arrow" - Try at Mendelev's archery area for a funny response. Also, try after killing the Kerrek.
• "get/take baby" (inside the woman's cottage, while she has the baby) - "'You want to be a part of this family? GO GET US THOSE RICHES!!' she shrieks."
• "get/take bed/pillow/rug" - Try in the old man's inn for funny responses.
• "get/take berries" - Gives funny responses when you search the same bush twice and after you find the trinket. A different response is given at the lone berry bush by the lake.
• "get/take bone/skull" - Try at Cliffland Heights. Either "bone" or "skull" will work.
• "get/take broom" - Try in Naked Ned's cottage for a response.
• "get/take bucket" - Try at the well for a response.
• "get/take chair" - Try while in the cottage for a funny response.
• "get/take drawer" - Try in Naked Ned's cottage for a funny response.
• "get/take flies" (at Poor Gary's glen, before scaring him) - "You nasty. Besides, they wouldn't survive a minute away from that horse's butt."
• "get/take gold" (inside the woman's cottage) - "Um, that's chicken feed."
• "get/take hay" (at the hay bale) - "Who do you think you are? Some kind of Thy Dungeonman? You don't need any hay."
• "get/take kerrek" (in the Kerrek's domain while he's still alive) - "Well, he does smell real bad. But he's a bit too big to fit in your pocket."
• "get/take mud" (when it's wet) - Try both before and after getting covered in the mud.
• "get/take map" - Try to get the map a second time for a funny message.
• "get/take note" - Try at the cottage and the inn.
• "get/take old man rub" - Try in the inn before getting the pot.
• "get/take pebbles" - Try to get the pebbles a second time for a funny message.
• "get/take plague" - Try at the lantern for a funny message, Misspeller Jones.
• "get/take plaque" - Try at the lantern for a response.
• "get/take picture" - Try in the old man's inn to learn something interesting.
• "get/take target" - Try at the archery targets.
• "give baby" - Try when you no longer have the baby for a response.
• "give trinket" (when you don't have it) - Try at the archers for a response.
• "go west"(or any other direction; anywhere) - "Use the arrow keys, pal. Just like a joypad only more like your day job.

H

• "haldo" - (anywhere but in the secret glade after talking to Mendelev) - "That's totally not Dongolev."
• "haldo" - Typing this to Dongolev in the secret glade BEFORE being asked to say it to him will result in a funny message.
• "hide in hay" (at the hay bale, before getting in) - "Not right now, man. You're feeling fairly clean given you just bathed 3 fortnights ago."
• "hug tree" - (at the hay bale) "To every thing, turn, turn, turn. There is a season, turn, turn, turn." Warning: Be sure to save first, because you will be unable to move.

I

J

K

• "kick/kill/punch poor gary" (at Poor Gary's glen, before scaring him) - "You attempt to cause Poor Gary harm for no good reason other than you kinda suck at this game. {Poor Gary kicks you} WOW! For a decrepit old horse, Poor Gary still packs a mean whallop. You dead. Thanks for playing." Warning: Needless to say, this kills you.
• "kill kerrek" - Try both before getting the bow and arrow and after the Kerrek is dead.
• "kill trogdor" - Try while Trogdor is still asleep.
• "knock" (at the Jhonka's cave while he's inside) - "A gravelly voice inside yells, 'JUST US CHICKENS' or: 'NO FOR RENT' or: 'I GIVE LAST YEAR!' or: 'GAVE AT OFFICE' or: 'GO WAY!'"

L

• "light lantern" - Try at the screen with the burninated tree both before and after it is lit.
• "load" (in the Kerrek's domain while he's still alive) - "You can't be fumbling with a floppy while the Kerrek is bearing down on you."
• "look baby" (inside the woman's cottage while she has the baby) - Peasant babies are pretty freaking adorable. This little guy's no exception.
• "look berries" - Try at the berry bush by the lake.
• "look bucket" - Try at the well.
• "look bush" - Try at the berry bush by the lake.
• "look bushes" (outside the woman's cottage) - "You suspect they might be crunch berry bushes."
• "look boat" - Try this at the lake with the fisherman.
• "look cave" (at the Jhonka's cave) - "Just a little cave. Calm down."
• "look cave" - Try at the top of the cliff.
• "look cottage" (outside Naked Ned's cottage) - "A run-of-the-mill, non-burninated thatched-roof cottage here. Its stonework looks a little shoddy."
• "look cottage" (outside the woman's cottage) - "You had a cottage once. A lot like this one. *sniff* Trogdor will pay!"
• "look curtain" - Try in Trogdor's outer sanctum.
• "look desk" (at the archery range) - "It says 'archery' on it. My wife's drunk."
• "look door" (outside the woman's cottage) - "Listen to you, "look door" What kinda gaming is that? It's a door and it's closed."
• "look feed" (inside the woman's cottage) - "Cool Ranch. Your old favorite."
• "look fence" (at Poor Gary's glen, before scaring him) - "A particularly rickety peasant-issue fence. Trogdor uses bits of these as toothpicks."
• "look flies" (at Poor Gary's glen, before scaring him) - "A cloud of buttflies fly around the horse's butt."
• "look footprints" - Try when the Kerrek is not there.
• "look hay" (at the hay bale) - "It reminds you of a warm, safe place where as a child you'd hide."
• "look hay" (inside the woman's cottage) - "Hay is for horses!"
• "look horse" (at Poor Gary's glen, before scaring him) - "This bag o' bones looks like he's headed for the glue factory. He's got the name 'Poor Gary' branded onto his hide."
• "look knight" - Try at the mountain pass for a response.
• "look in hay" (at the hay bale) - "You search and search through the haystack. Nope. No needles."
• "look inn" (outside the inn) - "Looks okay from out here. But do they have a free breakfast buffet?"
• "look kerrek" (in the Kerrek's domain while he is alive) - "It's the Kerrek, you moron! Get outta here!"
• "look lady/woman" (inside the woman's cottage, while she's still there) - "Typical pasty peasant woman, overbearing and judgemental. Obsessed with goods and land."
• "look lantern" (while unlit; at the burninated trees) - "It's unlit at the moment. That fancy pants royal knight probably lights it on nights when Troggie's on the prowl."
• "look lightning" - Try at the top of the cliff.
• "look ned" (at the wavy tree, when Naked Ned is peeking out) - "A fairly naked man is peeking out behind that tree."
• "look openings" - Try in Trogdor's outer sanctum.
• "look paper" - Try in the old man's inn.
• "look rock" - Try on the screen with the mud patch.
• "look sand" - Try at the fisherman's lake for a pointless exercise in mathematics.
• "look shelf" (inside the woman's cottage) - "Nothing but a bag of chicken feed."
• "look sign" (outside the inn) - "If you can't read that sign, you need to quit playing this game."
• "look stump" (at the burninated trees) - "NOT a good place to sit."
• "look stump" (at Poor Gary's glen) - "You run out of ideas as to what to do next, and stare at the stump."
• "look target" (at the archery range) - "Hey, they had those same targets at Peasant Scout Camp!"
• "look tree" (at the burninated trees) - "Severely burninated. They could probably use some salve."
• "look tree" (at the hay bale) - "It's Arbor Day, Charlie Brown!"
• "look tree" (at the wavy tree) - "It's weird and wavy."
• "look tree" (at the well) - "That's one orange tree alright."
• "look tree" (at the yellow tree) - "You're really hurtin' for puzzle solutions, eh?"
• "look trees" (anywhere) - "You are an incredibly boring person."
• "look trogdor" - Try in Trogdor's lair.
• "look waterfall" (at the waterfall) - "Upon closer inspection, you discover it's not magical. That's just mist, not magic sparkles or anything."
• "look well" (at the well) - "Pretty average. You're not a big well person. You're more into bridges. It does have a cute little bucket though. Your dad liked buckets. Oh, and there's a metal crank too. Meemaw loved cranks."
• "look window" (outside the inn) - "Check it out! There's an INN in there."
• "look window" - Try inside the inn.

M

• "make friends with kerrek" - "Look, it didn't work for Strongbad (sic) and it's not gonna work for you either."
• "map" (before you find the map; anywhere) - "We are neither confirming nor denying the presence of a map in this game, but irridisgardless, you don't have one."

N

O

P

• "party" (anywhere) - "You are part of the Whig party. They are making gangrene-awareness their number one campaign priority."
• "pet horse/poor gary" (at Poor Gary's glen, before scaring him) - "Aww, that's sweet. Poor Gary tries in vain to bite your arm off."
• "play" - Try after beating the archery game for a response.
• "pwd" - Prints on-screen your location in the game's programming.
• "put baby in well" - Gives a funny message that is a reference to the movie Fight Club.

Q

• "quit" - "Well fine Boring Sanders! Hope you saved your game cause it is OVER between us!" Warning: The game still quits.

R

• "ride horse"/poor gary (at Poor Gary's glen, before scaring him) - "Naw, snapping horse spines just doesn't seem as cool as it did in high school."

S

• "scare horse" (at Poor Gary's glen, before scaring him) - "You tell Gary the "THE CALLS ARE COMING FROM INSIDE THE HOUSE!!" one but he doesn't act very scared. He's probably heard it before." or: "You tell Gary about how much cholesterol is in hay and how his arteries are probably all black and clogged. He shrugs it off." or: "You tell Gary the story about the kid who pops this big zit he has and all these baby spiders come out. It doesn't phase him."
• "sit stump" (at Poor Gary) - Gives a funny reponse.
• "skip stones" - Try this at the west side of the lake.
• "sleep" - Try in the cottage with the woman and baby for a funny message. Also, try this in the inn without talking to the man.
• "smell/sniff" - Try anywhere for a response.
• "steal dresser" - Try in the cottage with the robe.
• "swim" - Try at various bodies of water for different responses.

T

• "talk" - Try while behind the archery desk.
• "talk ____" (someone not in the screen, inanimate, or nonexistent; anywhere) - "It's sad when you have to make up people to talk to."
• "talk baby" - Try before the woman gives you the baby.
• "talk gary" - Gives a funny response.
• "talk kerrek" - Try when the Kerrek is around for a funny message.
• "talk lady" - Try after the lady leaves her cottage.
• "talk tree" - Try at the tree Naked Ned hides behind for a response.
• "talk trogdor" - Try while Trogdor is still asleep.
• "this sucks" (anywhere) - "Come now. Don't get discouraged."
• "throw _____" - Throw anything into the lake and the old man will give a funny response. Also try this when the old man is gone for a different response.
• "throw baby" - Try at the west screen of the lake for a GameFAQs reference. Also, try anywhere other than the west screen.
• "try" - Type outside Naked Ned's cottage. Warning: You die.
• "turn crank" - Try after you get the maskus.

U

• "use pebbles" (when you have the pebbles) - Try at the well for a response.

V

W

• "wake up trogdor" - Try while Trogdor is still asleep.
• "wear mask" - Do this outside the screen in which Poor Gary is in before you scare him; you'll get a funny message. Also try it after scaring Gary.
• "why" (anywhere) - "I wish I knew."

X

Y

Z

Miscellaneous

• Wait a while in the wavy tree area and Naked Ned should appear behind the other tree.
• Download the flash file and start a game. At any time type "save". In the save menu, click on the flash player's control tab(next to file and view), and select "play". It loads the archery game and you can get the bow before you are supposed to.
• On the "load game" screen you see after you die, you can press enter a couple of times and see the death sequence again.
• If you look at the SuperTime FunBow on the inventory screen, a blue clickable square will appear to the left, but clicking won't do anything. Maybe an unfinished Easter egg?
  • No, probably an "object" they used in Macromedia Flash to do something with the game. Who knows what it is, but it's too difficult to explain it.
• There is a black box in the top left corner of the page. It has no purpose as of yet.
• Try going all the way to the left side of the screen in the place Gary (the horse) breaks open and walk directly up.
• After you've gotten your robe and a room at the inn, try walking in a direction that doesn't lead to the burned lantern tree for a funny message.
• See what happens when you don't answer "yes" or "no" to the Jhonka after being asked about the riches.
• While walking in the haystack, go to scenes other than the original haystack screen and the Jhonka screen.
• When you are in Hidden Glen (the hole in the fence that Gary made), without going off the screen, try going past the fence and up. This should take you to the baby lady's cottage.
• If you don't take the Kerrek's belt right away and get the robe and get on fire first, the guard will recognize that you have the robe, but not that you're on fire.
• Once you are on fire, go west a few scenes to hear a funny message about the weather.
• If you "put baby in bucket" while the baby is already in the well, you will still get more points.
• Type anything other than "talk" for a short message once Trogdor is awake.