April Fool 2014

From Homestar Runner Wiki

Revision as of 10:26, 1 April 2014

After years of no updates, Homestar decides to update all the best features of the website.

Cast (in order of appearance): Homestar Runner, The Homestar Runner, Sickly Sam, Strong Bad

Date: Tuesday, April 1, 2014

Page title: Everybody! Everybody?

Transcript

{The Homestarrunner.com welcome screen is visible, but dim. On the left is "com on in", with the "e" in "come" having fallen down below the words. On the right is "watch intro"; the "a" has fallen a bit and has pushed aside some of the letters below it. Homestar Runner, though dim like the rest of the screen, appears as normal. The top-left corner of the screen is sagging slightly. Wind can be heard in the background. After a few seconds, a drop of water falls and Homestar sighs. The sagging corner falls a little over the next line, exposing some HTML behind it.}

HOMESTAR RUNNER: {aside, to himself} You got this, Homestar. This is nothin'. Just like fallin' off a web van.

{The lights come on.}

HOMESTAR RUNNER: Oh, hello, Debra! {turns to the side} Simone! {leans into the camera} The internet! {leans back} I am what you might call Homestar Runner. {beat, then throws confetti. Out of the side of his mouth:} Yaaaay! Over the last several years of my dot com, peoples all the time be askin' me: "Hey Homestar! How come you stopped updating y—"

{Homestar stars coughing and sputtering.}

HOMESTAR RUNNER: Ahem! Sorry, got some {a piece of crab, with a drop of blood falling from it, appears from inside his mouth} crab shell stuck in my throat. {throws it aside} Continuing! "How come you stopped updating the best feature on your website?" And to that I answer: "You mean how come I stopped updating the Hairstyle Runner gallery back in the year 2000?" {holds up the Hairstyle Runner toy} I don't know! Let's go update it right now, Joshy!

{He winds up to run toward stage left.}

HOMESTAR RUNNER: Yup. You guessed it. {takes off} Peow!

{Another drop of water falls after he is gone. Cut to the "Hairstyle Gallery", as noted by a banner on the top of the screen. It is a museum entryway, entirely done in the style of the older toons. There is a statue of Homestar with a leaf over his crotch and olive branches on his head, holding a tablet that reads "PLVRBVS OVRBVS". In the lower-right corner are two banners reading "SEE THE GALLERY" and "SUBMIT YOUR OWN". Homestar, in his modern appearance, walks in and looks at the statue.}

HOMESTAR RUNNER: Whoa-hoa-hoa! Hello there, magnificent specimen! {takes the leaf} Poink! {he places it over his own crotch} That's better! Let's get started!

{He turns to look at a Hairstyle Runner allegedly submitted by "Cherry G.". It shows the iron shavings placed to look like eyes and a bird beak on the back of Homestar's head.}

HOMESTAR RUNNER: {from offscreen} This one from Cherry G. makes the back of my head look like some kind of bold eagle.

{Cut back to Homestar.}

HOMESTAR RUNNER: {laughing} Huh-huh-huh-huh! He's so bold in his... in his decision making! Oh-ho! He's our national bold! Ohhh man! What fun!

{Turns to look at one from "D. Lindo" that has "P." written on Homestar's head in the shavings.}

HOMESTAR RUNNER: {from offscreen} Here's one from D. Lindo that simply has the letter—

{Cut back to Homestar as he snickers, then breaks out laughing.}

HOMESTAR RUNNER: Haaa! Ha ha ha ha ha ha! It's the letter— {snickers again, and then turns to the side} Pom Pom, ya gotta see this! {doubles over} It's the letter P! Followed by a period! {rolls over onto his back} Ha ha ha ha ha! Who puts a period after the letter P?! {calming down} Ohh man, I'm gonna stand back up. {starts to get up} I'm'a stand back up right now. {stands up} Whew! I am on a roll! What else can we update? I know! Let's bring everybody's favorite old-timey cartoons—

{Cut to the intro to Kick the Can.}

HOMESTAR RUNNER: {from offscreen} —into the modern age!

{The Homestar Runner appears, kicking the can. He approaches Sickly Sam.}

HOMESTAR RUNNER: {from offscreen} With my patented Colorarization!

{Colors appear from the right side of the screen with the blinking word "COLORARIZATION!" appearing. The colors are mostly pastel colors that don't fit the scene at all. Sickly Sam's legs become beefy human-looking legs covered in hair, but his main body doesn't change at all.}

SICKLY SAM: {very distorted} Am I up with the times?

THE HOMESTAR RUNNER: Sorry, Sickly Sam! You're an affront to God and man!

{He kicks the can into Sickly Sam, and both disappear with a "PAFH!" cloud and sound effect. The Homestar Runner kicks and opens his mouth as the scene cuts back to modern-day Homestar, with the leaf in his mouth.}

HOMESTAR RUNNER: Oh, man, these updates are great! Let's keep going! {swallows the leaf} Ooh, how's about some new words for the old Homestar Talker?

{The Homestar Talker appears. With different sound effects, "KITCHENETTE", "DRACONIAN", and "POINK" appear in the corners. A mouse cursor clicks the following words, and the Homestar in the Talker says them in his old voice:}

HOMESTAR RUNNER: {in the Talker} Kitchenette! Strong Bad! Is! Making! Draconian! Marshmallow! Poink!

STRONG BAD: {from offscreen} Draconian marshmallow poink?! Oh, that is it!! I'm going to appear onscreen! Now.

{The cursor clicks on "Alright".}

HOMESTAR RUNNER: {in the Talker} All riiiiight!

{Cut to the Hairstyle Gallery, where Strong Bad is now in front of Homestar.}

HOMESTAR RUNNER: Oh! Hi, Simone!

STRONG BAD: This is clearly not what they meant when they asked about updating the website's best feature!

{Closeup on Homestar.}

HOMESTAR RUNNER: Uhhhh... yeah, it is. It's all the best junk from my dot com!

{Strong Bad leans into the shot.}

STRONG BAD: Oh yeah? Well what about...

{Leaves and then sits down at the Compy 386.}

STRONG BAD: {typing} strongbad_eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee_windows98desktoptheme

{He hits Enter, and a desktop theme with Strong Bad's boxing glove "SB" logo in the background and "MY COMPUTER" labeled with an icon of Strong Bad's head. Shortly thereafter, icons for "NETWORK NEIGHBORHOOD" (his boxing glove), "MY DOCUMENTS" (Strong Bad in front of a stack of papers), and "TRASH BIN" (a roll of toilet paper) appear one at a time}

COMPY: {in Strong Bad's original voice} Hello, stupid, and welcome to your crappy computer!

STRONG BAD: Whoa! Sounded good there! I had a lot more wrestling mask in my accent back then. Let's update that jank! C'mere, System Mic!

{A small tab appears from the left side of the monitor, and a telescoping microphone appears and extends toward Strong Bad.}

STRONG BAD: Windows 98 system startup sound, go!

{A window labeled "sys.mic" appears, showing the sound wave of Strong Bad's next line.}

STRONG BAD: {singing} Ongggg, doodle-ing! Ding ding ding ding! Welcome to Windows 98. {jumps up from his chair and yells:} WHY ARE YOU STILL USING WINDOWS 98??! WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU??!! STOP BUYING COMPUTERS FROM THRIFT STORES, MAN!!

{Cut to a wide shot, showing Homestar standing nearby.}

HOMESTAR RUNNER: 'Scuse me, Strong Bad. Wanna help me record a duet of my classic Win98 System Shutdown song?

STRONG BAD: {apprehensively} Oh, I dunno...

HOMESTAR RUNNER: {to the camera} Oh, come on, folks, who wants to hear it?

{A crowd cheers from offscreen.}

HOMESTAR RUNNER: On this stage tonight, the two great guys back together!

STRONG BAD: I mean I couldn't possibly... if I couldn't {not sure}... and I'm {not sure} {smiles} Oh, very well. Hit it, Homestar!

{Cut to Homestar, with a mustache and goatee sloppily drawn on his face in marker, talking into the Compy's microphone.}

HOMESTAR RUNNER: One, two, three, four, five...

{Cut further back. Homestar is wearing a gray fedora and shirt, blue jeans, and now has the Compy's mic strapped to his face.}

HOMESTAR RUNNER: {singing off-key} And now the love!

{Strong Bad's head floats by}

STRONG BAD: {singing} And now the love!

HOMESTAR RUNNER: That lasts forever!

{Strong Bad's head appears with gold teeth with "4", "E", "V", and "A" written on them.}

STRONG BAD: You know it's lasted forever!

{Two Homestars appear.}

HOMESTAR RUNNER: Has cooome—

{Strong Bad slides in on his knees.}

STRONG BAD: Come down—

HOMESTAR RUNNER: —to—

STRONG BAD: —to—

{Cut to Strong Bad's computer room. Homestar is dressed normally, although both he and Strong Bad have leaves over their crotches, and both characters are arm-in-invisible-arm.}

BOTH: —the eeeeeeeeeee...

{The screen fades out and their voices trail off, but it immediately brightens back up and they complete the word.}

BOTH: ...eeeeeeeenduh!

{The screen switches to the text "It's now safe to turn off your computer." After a few seconds,}

HOMESTAR RUNNER: {from offscreen} Thanks for updatin' the website with me, Strong Bad!

STRONG BAD: {from offscreen} Yeah, that wasn't so bad! We should do this again soon.

HOMESTAR RUNNER: {from offscreen} Three years soon, or like five years soon?

{The text starts to tilt.}

STRONG BAD: {from offscreen} Y'know, five, ten, fifteen, whate- whatever it takes.

{Text reading "back", "download strong bad's windows 98 theme", and "download homestar's windows 98 theme" appears.}

Easter eggs

• At the end, click on "safe" to see a bust of the back of Homestar's head with eyes and a beak, labeled "OUR NATIONAL BOLD".
• At the end, click on "turn off" to see an album with Homestar in his singer outfit and Strong Bad with dreadlocks and his "4EVA" teeth, labeled "The 2 Great Guys ON THIS STAGE TONITE", with "COMPY-DIRECTIONAL SOUND" written at the bottom.
• At the end, click on "computer" to see a scene with Homestar and Strong Bad.

{The text at the end of the toon is actually painted on a giant cardboard rectangle that Homestar and Strong Bad are holding up.}

HOMESTAR RUNNER: So what have you been up to, man? Haven't seen you in so long!

STRONG BAD: Ah, you know how it is. Been doin' a lot of side projects, some consulting, maybe a little freelance.... Those are words that people say when they haven't actually been doing anything, right?

HOMESTAR RUNNER: Yeah, yeah, cool! I've been kinda like living inside of a bag. Like a duffel bag.

STRONG BAD: Oh! That's... great?

HOMESTAR RUNNER: Yeah, yeah, I know, it's great! It's got, like, a zipper. And... some straps. Maybe some kind of fungus growing in it. So basically, you know, top of my game!

Fun Facts

Trivia

• The disk in the floppy disk container reads "eden".

Remarks

• The "marshmallows" spoken by the Homestar Talker Homestar does not match the real Homestar Talker Homestar's "marshmallows".

Inside References

• Cherry G., who submitted the "National Bold", is apparently Cherry Greg.

Real-World References

• The "It's now safe to turn off your computer" screen is directly lifted from the screen that most Windows 95 computers would show after shutting down. A parody of this screen previously appeared in virus.