Subtitles:sbemail174/en

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These are the English subtitles for mini-golf. watch this toon To watch the toon with subtitles, we recommend that you install either the All-In-One Greasemonkey script for Firefox or the Homestar All-In-One extension for Chrome. It will give you the option to automatically display subtitles when you view toons on homestarrunner.com and those mirrored locally. Alternatively, you may use our local viewer.

<?xml version="1.0" encoding="utf-8"?>
<transcript xml:lang="en-us" file="sbemail174.swf" width="550" height="400">
<line start="16" end="89" speaker="strongbad">E-mail! I'm so in love with you! It's kind of inappropriate!</line>
<line start="90" end="122" speaker="strongbad">"Hell-la-la-la-la-looooo Strong Bad,"</line>
<line start="123" end="159" speaker="strongbad">"I was wondering if Strong Badia had a miniature golf course..."</line>
<line start="160" end="199" speaker="strongbad">"because I think it would be cool if Strong Badia had a miniature golf course."</line>
<line start="200" end="242" speaker="strongbad">"Hoping to play the Strong Badia miniature golf course soon,"</line>
<line start="243" end="317" speaker="strongbad">"Somebody no one cares about in Iowa." Also known as, Everyone in Iowa.</line>
<line start="318" end="360" speaker="strongbad">What, are you getting paid every time you say the words "miniature golf course?"</line>
<line start="361" end="430" speaker="strongbad">Because I'd, miniature golf course, like to get in on that ac-miniature golf course-tion.</line>
<line start="431" end="474" speaker="strongbad">Of, miniature golf course, course, I don't sell out for cheap.</line>
<line start="475" end="489" speaker="strongbad">I usually get <span style="visibility:hidden"><em>(Kozmik Bowling)</em> 50 bucks every time I <em>(That Paintball Place Down the Street)</em> mention some kind of <em>(Waterslide Dan's MoistWorld)</em> fun-time emporium.</span></line>
<line start="490" end="497" speaker="strongbad">I usually get <em>(Kozmik Bowling)</em> <span style="visibility:hidden">50 bucks every time I <em>(That Paintball Place Down the Street)</em> mention some kind of <em>(Waterslide Dan's MoistWorld)</em> fun-time emporium.</span></line>
<line start="498" end="515" speaker="strongbad">I usually get <em>(Kozmik Bowling)</em> 50 bucks every time I <span style="visibility:hidden"><em>(That Paintball Place Down the Street)</em> mention some kind of <em>(Waterslide Dan's MoistWorld)</em> fun-time emporium.</span></line>
<line start="516" end="532" speaker="strongbad">I usually get <em>(Kozmik Bowling)</em> 50 bucks every time I <em>(That Paintball Place Down the Street)</em> <span style="visibility:hidden">mention some kind of <em>(Waterslide Dan's MoistWorld)</em> fun-time emporium.</span></line>
<line start="533" end="545" speaker="strongbad">I usually get <em>(Kozmik Bowling)</em> 50 bucks every time I <em>(That Paintball Place Down the Street)</em> mention some kind of <span style="visibility:hidden"><em>(Waterslide Dan's MoistWorld)</em> fun-time emporium.</span></line>
<line start="546" end="561" speaker="strongbad">I usually get <em>(Kozmik Bowling)</em> 50 bucks every time I <em>(That Paintball Place Down the Street)</em> mention some kind of <em>(Waterslide Dan's MoistWorld)</em> <span style="visibility:hidden">fun-time emporium.</span></line>
<line start="562" end="578" speaker="strongbad">I usually get <em>(Kozmik Bowling)</em> 50 bucks every time I <em>(That Paintball Place Down the Street)</em> mention some kind of <em>(Waterslide Dan's MoistWorld)</em> fun-time emporium.</line>
<line start="579" end="593" speaker="newpaper" sfx="sfx">shuffling noises</line>
<line start="594" end="669" speaker="strongbad">No, no, no! Not now! Did that sound like I was done? Get back up there!</line>
<line start="670" end="710" speaker="strongbad">Anyways, what were we talking about? Oh yeah, mini-golf.</line>
<line start="711" end="807" speaker="strongbad">Strong Badia doesn't have a place of its own, so when we need to get our tiny golf on, we usually head over to Sweet Puttin' Cakes.</line>
<line start="808" end="871" speaker="strongbad" voiceover="voiceover">And yes, it's every bit as messed up as the cartoon on which it's based.</line>
<line start="871" end="904" speaker="strongbad" voiceover="voiceover">In fact, we don't even know how to get there.</line>
<line start="905" end="949" speaker="strongbad" voiceover="voiceover">It's just like, one minute you're thinking about miniature golf...</line>
<line start="950" end="1003" speaker="strongbad">You know what I love? The smell of that rubber handle on the putters...</line>
<line start="1003" end="1028" speaker="strongbad">...that you know like a thousand other people have touched.</line>
<line start="1028" end="1056" speaker="strongbad">...that you know like a thousand other people have touched.
<sfx>speech slows down</sfx></line>
<line start="1057" end="1094" speaker="strongbad" voiceover="voiceover">...and the next minute, you're there.</line>
<line start="1095" end="1109">
<strongbad>Whoa!</strongbad>
<thecheat>impressed The Cheat noises</thecheat>
</line>
<line start="1110" end="1174" speaker="strongbad" voiceover="voiceover">Your descent into madness begins on the first hole. The Wormhole.</line>
<line start="1200" end="1231" speaker="worm">Get your own.</line>
<line start="1232" end="1240" speaker="worm" sfx="sfx">chomp</line>
<line start="1260" end="1267" speaker="worm">Chomp!</line>
<line start="1290" end="1330" speaker="homestar">Umm, I'm gonna say that's a birdie.</line>
<line start="1331" end="1356" speaker="homestar">Yep. Definitely a birdie.</line>
<line start="1357" end="1430" speaker="strongbad" voiceover="voiceover">Things calm down a little bit for the Eh!, th, Steve! hole.</line>
<line start="1458" end="1464" speaker="strongbad">What?</line>
<line start="1465" end="1493" speaker="keyboard" sfx="sfx">music</line>
<line start="1494" end="1568"> 
<keyboard sfx="sfx">music</keyboard>
<strongbad>Okay, geez! I didn't know you were ahead of us! No need to play the whole demo, man!</strongbad>
</line>
<line start="1569" end="1645" speaker="strongbad" voiceover="voiceover">And of course, if you sink the putt, you get rewarded with that heavenly sound!</line>
<line start="1646" end="1665" speaker="ehsteve">EH! STEVE!</line>
<line start="1666" end="1711" speaker="wheelchair">ROOTY ROO ROO AND A FROOTY FROOO!</line>
<line start="1712" end="1769" speaker="strongbad" voiceover="voiceover">The place isn't above some of the usual mini-golf transgressions, though.</line>
<line start="1770" end="1806" speaker="strongbad" voiceover="voiceover">Like the infamous "statue hole".</line>
<line start="1807" end="1921" speaker="strongbad">Oh. Watch out, The Cheat. There is a statue of a wheelchair outside the field of play, several feet away.</line>
<line start="1922" end="1973" speaker="strongbad">Not moving at all. Just, statuing.</line>
<line start="1974" end="2029" speaker="strongbad">On top of that, the hole is about one foot from the tee.</line>
<line start="2030" end="2075" speaker="strongbad">Isn't the fun, almost, too much, to take?</line>
<line start="2076" end="2131" speaker="strongbad" voiceover="voiceover">And yes, even in this infernal place, you can't escape</line>
<line start="2132" end="2176" speaker="strongbad" voiceover="voiceover">the blue family recreation water!</line>
<line start="2177" end="2237" speaker="strongbad" voiceover="voiceover">That stuff is just begging for kids to either drink it, or pee in it.</line>
<line start="2238" end="2260" speaker="strongbad" voiceover="voiceover">Or worse...</line>
<line start="2261" end="2277">
<sfx sfx="sfx">squishy noises</sfx>
<strongbad voiceover="voiceover"><i>(uncomfortably)</i> ...both.</strongbad>
</line>
<line start="2278" end="2285" speaker="sfx">squishy noises</line>
<line start="2286" end="2341" speaker="homestar">Whoo! I didn't find my ball, but I did see some exotic marine life!</line>
<line start="2342" end="2378" speaker="strongbad">Homestar, all that's down there is cigarette butts.</line>
<line start="2379" end="2396" speaker="homestar">And... a bra.</line>
<line start="2397" end="2410" speaker="strongbad">Sweet!</line>
<line start="2411" end="2451" speaker="strongbad" voiceover="voiceover">The 18th hole puts a unique twist on the standard </line>
<line start="2452" end="2530" speaker="strongbad" voiceover="voiceover">bottomless-hole-that-sucks-your-golf-ball-away-forever, hole.</line>
<line start="2531" end="2558" speaker="coachz">Oh, I guess I forgort to port.</line>
<line start="2587" end="2615" speaker="coachz">Oh! I guess I forgat to prat!</line>
<line start="2640" end="2664" speaker="coachz">OH! Gorka fa pork!</line>
<line start="2665" end="2710" speaker="strongbad" voiceover="voiceover">This will go on forever if you let it.</line>
<line start="2711" end="2804" speaker="strongbad" voiceover="voiceover">In fact, the only way we've found to ''leave'' Sweet Puttin' Cakes is to simply will yourself back into reality.</line>
<line start="2805" end="2853">
<strongbad sfx="sfx">grunting</strongbad>
<thecheat sfx="sfx">grunting</thecheat>
</line>
<line start="2879" end="2901" speaker="strongbad" sfx="sfx">talking backwards</line>
<line start="2902" end="2910" speaker="thecheat">surprised The Cheat noises</line>
<line start="2911" end="2942" speaker="strongbad">Aie-e-i-e-i-e-ah. Whoa, that was weird.</line>
<line start="2950" end="2978" speaker="strongbad">My mouth tastes like backwards.</line>
<line start="2979" end="2997" speaker="thecheat">The Cheat noises</line>
<line start="2998" end="3015" speaker="strongbad">Your mouth tastes like what?</line>
<line start="3016" end="3028" speaker="thecheat">The Cheat noise</line>
<line start="3029" end="3063" speaker="strongbad">The Cheat! You didn't!</line>
<line start="3064" end="3084" speaker="thecheat">apologetic The Cheat noises</line>
<line start="3085" end="3111" speaker="newpaper" sfx="sfx">shuffling noises</line>
<line start="3112" end="3164" speaker="strongbad">There you go! See? <i>That</i> was a punchline!</line>
<line start="3165" end="3213" speaker="strongbad">And, another thing. Are you ever <i>not</i> running out of ink?</line>
<line start="3228" end="3266" speaker="strongbad">No, the hole. Where is the hole?</line>
<line start="3267" end="3284" speaker="dtwhale">Pour gravel on your stump please, ma'am.</line>
<line start="3285" end="3322" speaker="strongbad">Did you just tell my mom to pour gravel on her stump?</line>
<line start="3323" end="3334" speaker="dtwhale">Cave your brown.</line>
<line start="3335" end="3373" speaker="strongbad">Cave my brown? Homsar, is that you?</line>
<line start="3374" end="3468" speaker="homsar">AaAaAaAaA! Don't count on it, monster man!</line>  
</transcript>