Subtitles:datenite/en

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These are the English subtitles for Date Nite. watch this toon To watch the toon with subtitles, we recommend that you install either the All-In-One Greasemonkey script for Firefox or the Homestar All-In-One extension for Chrome. It will give you the option to automatically display subtitles when you view toons on homestarrunner.com and those mirrored locally. Alternatively, you may use our local viewer.

<?xml version="1.0" encoding="utf-8"?>
<transcript file="datenite.swf" xml:lang="en-us" width="550" height="400">
<line start="15" end="42" speaker="sfx">music</line>
<line start="43" end="99" speaker="homestar">Wha-ho, Marzipan! You look like a fox's mother!</line>
<line start="100" end="157" speaker="marzipan">Homestar, if you're trying to say I'm a foxy momma, that's actually more offensive.</line>
<line start="158" end="181" speaker="homestar">Right, right. You know what I mean.</line>
<line start="182" end="198" speaker="homestar">The more offensive one.</line>
<line start="199" end="222" speaker="homestar">So where are we goin' tonight?</line>
<line start="223" end="249" speaker="homestar">The Chez Perez?</line>
<line start="250" end="291" speaker="marzipan">Uh, no. I have a hot date with The Cheat, thank you very much.</line>
<line start="292" end="337" speaker="marzipan">I suspect <em>you'll</em> probably stay home and run in place or something.</line>
<line start="338" end="355" speaker="homestar">Well I was planning to—</line>
<line start="356" end="369" speaker="homestar">You WHAT?!</line>
<line start="371" end="384" speaker="strongbad">You WHAT?!</line>
<line start="385" end="405" speaker="thecheat">The Cheat noises</line>
<line start="406" end="432" speaker="strongbad">I can't believe this, The Cheat!</line>
<line start="433" end="465" speaker="homestar">I can't believe you're The Cheating on me!</line>
<line start="466" end="479" speaker="homestar">So what are you saying?</line>
<line start="480" end="531" speaker="homestar">That you—gulp—"want his bod"?</line>
<line start="532" end="555" speaker="strongbad">You can't even call that thing a bod!</line>
<line start="556" end="576" speaker="strongbad">At best it's a broom or a—</line>
<line start="577" end="603" speaker="homestar">—Trivial Pursuit cheese wedge!</line>
<line start="604" end="665" speaker="marzipan">Look, Homestar, it's just a date. This has always been an open relationship.</line>
<line start="666" end="688" speaker="homestar">Whoa-ho-ho-says you.</line>
<line start="689" end="748" speaker="homestar">I've turned down more fox's mothers than I can count just to stay loyal to you!</line>
<line start="749" end="767" speaker="marzipan">So, four, then?</line>
<line start="768" end="817" speaker="homestar">Oh, that's rich. Ms. Smarty Pants, eh?</line>
<line start="818" end="838" speaker="strongbad">Mr. Smarty Spots, huh?</line>
<line start="839" end="850"><strongbad>Well—</strongbad><homestar>Why—</homestar></line>
<line start="851" end="857"><strongbad>Don't—</strongbad><homestar>You—</homestar></line>
<line start="858" end="866"><strongbad>Just—</strongbad><homestar>Go a—</homestar></line>
<line start="867" end="875"><strongbad>Head—</strongbad><homestar>And—</homestar></line>
<line start="876" end="895"><strongbad>GET OUTTA MY FACE!</strongbad><homestar>GET OUTTA MY FACE!</homestar></line>
<line start="896" end="904" speaker="homestar">Wait, what?</line>
<line start="905" end="918" speaker="strongbad">What the crap?</line>
<line start="919" end="936" speaker="marzipan">Come on, The Cheat, let's go.</line>
<line start="937" end="1055" speaker="sfx">music</line>
<line start="1056" end="1076" speaker="homestar">Oh. Man.</line>
<line start="1077" end="1126" speaker="homestar">Seriously, Strong Strong, we've gotta do something about this.</line>
<line start="1127" end="1172" speaker="strongbad">Ordinarily, I just drown my sorrows in video games, </line>
<line start="1173" end="1208" speaker="strongbad">But for this, maybe I should drown them in... <span style="visibility:hidden">drowning <em>them</em>!</span></line>
<line start="1209" end="1231" speaker="strongbad">But for this, maybe I should drown them in... drowning <em>them</em>!</line>
<line start="1232" end="1261" speaker="homestar">Uh, maybe let's not kill anybody.</line>
<line start="1262" end="1288" speaker="homestar">We should just try and ruin their date.</line>
<line start="1289" end="1334" speaker="strongbad">Explain to me how drowning them wouldn't ruin their date.</line>
<line start="1335" end="1365" speaker="homestar">Mainly, I just want to keep 'em from making out.</line>
<line start="1366" end="1408" speaker="strongbad">Ewww! The disgust! It won't wash off!</line>
<line start="1415" end="1439" speaker="thecheat">The Cheat noises</line>
<line start="1440" end="1500" speaker="marzipan">Why, yes, The Cheat, I would be very comfortable with you saying something about my figure.</line>
<line start="1501" end="1519" speaker="marzipan">Thank you for asking first.</line>
<line start="1520" end="1543" speaker="thecheat">suggestive The Cheat noises</line>
<line start="1544" end="1570" speaker="marzipan">Ew. Not that comfortable.</line>
<line start="1571" end="1599" speaker="homestar">Ah, good evening, ungodly couple.</line>
<line start="1600" end="1635" speaker="homestar">My name is waiter, I will be your Homestar for this evening.</line>
<line start="1636" end="1705" speaker="homestar">Can I start you two off with a glass of "Breaking Up", or perhaps "Never Seeing Each Other Again" with capers?</line>
<line start="1706" end="1723" speaker="thecheat">angry The Cheat noises</line>
<line start="1724" end="1775" speaker="homestar">Why, yes, The Cheat, I would be comfortable with you "cleaning my clock"!</line>
<line start="1776" end="1795" speaker="homestar">Thanks for asking first!</line>
<line start="1796" end="1801" speaker="thecheat">angrier The Cheat noises</line>
<line start="1802" end="1817"><thecheat>angrier The Cheat noises</thecheat><homestar>Ahhhh!</homestar></line>
<line start="1822" end="1839" speaker="homestar">Can I settle up with you guys?</line>
<line start="1840" end="1851" speaker="homestar">My shift's over.</line>
<line start="1852" end="1868" speaker="thecheat">Angry The Cheat noises</line>
<line start="1873" end="1935" speaker="marzipan">Mmmmm, my almond-encrusted Chilean sea marshmallow was just delicious.</line>
<line start="1936" end="1948" speaker="marzipan">How was your hot dog?</line>
<line start="1949" end="1962" speaker="thecheat">The Cheat noises</line>
<line start="1963" end="1999" speaker="strongbad">Oh-a, it's-a me! The chef-a!</line>
<line start="2000" end="2045" speaker="strongbad">A-which-a one o' you guys ordered the smack-in-the-face-a?</line>
<line start="2046" end="2067" speaker="marzipan">I thought this was a French restaurant.</line>
<line start="2068" end="2115" speaker="strongbad">Oh. Ummmmmmmmmuh...</line>
<line start="2116" end="2137" speaker="strongbad">Sn-Snails?</line>
<line start="2138" end="2179" speaker="marzipan">Come on, T.C., let's blow this marshmallow stand.</line>
<line start="2194" end="2233" speaker="strongbad">Yeah, y'know, I-I didn't really research this role.</line>
<line start="2234" end="2248" speaker="thecheat">excited The Cheat noises</line>
<line start="2249" end="2266" speaker="marzipan">That's so crazy!</line>
<line start="2267" end="2315" speaker="marzipan">I've always wanted to see Ira Glass and Ira Flatow wrestle, too.</line>
<line start="2327" end="2357" speaker="marzipan"><em>(distorted)</em> This has been such a great date, The Cheat.</line>
<line start="2358" end="2387" speaker="marzipan"><em>(distorted)</em> I don't know what could possibly ruin it.</line>
<line start="2388" end="2406"><strongbad>Verify our range to target!</strongbad><homestar sfx="MATT">makes sonar noises</homestar></line>
<line start="2407" end="2427"><strongbad>Flood tubes three and four!</strongbad><homestar sfx="MATT">makes sonar noises</homestar></line>
<line start="2428" end="2445"><strongbad>Hunt for Red October!</strongbad><homestar sfx="MATT">makes sonar noises</homestar></line>
<line start="2446" end="2460" speaker="homestar">Aye aye, sir!</line>
<line start="2461" end="2471" speaker="homestar" sfx="MATT">Makes sonar noise</line>
<line start="2472" end="2490" speaker="strongbad" voiceover="MATT">FIRE!</line>
<line start="2508" end="2520"><homestar sfx="MATT">screams</homestar><strongbad sfx="MATT">screams</strongbad></line>
<line start="2539" end="2570" speaker="marzipan">Ooooh, it's so romantic...</line>
<line start="2571" end="2591" speaker="thecheat">sighs</line>
<line start="2592" end="2695"><strongbad><em>(singing)</em> Come to the place where the tropical breezes blow...</strongbad><homestar sfx="MATT">hums along</homestar></line>
<line start="2761" end="2795" speaker="homestar">Oh, if it isn't Marzipan.</line>
<line start="2796" end="2836" speaker="homestar">Oh, I'm sorry, or was it "The Marzipan", now?</line>
<line start="2837" end="2867" speaker="marzipan">Well, you'll be happy to know it didn't work out between us.</line>
<line start="2868" end="2941" speaker="marzipan">I found out The Cheat is declawed, and I just don't think I could be with someone that supports that kind of cruelty.</line>
<line start="2942" end="2992" speaker="homestar">And now you've come crawlin' back to the old fox's father!</line>
<line start="2993" end="3050" speaker="marzipan">No, I just came to change outfits for my next date with Bubs at the all-night waffle place!</line>
<line start="3051" end="3066" speaker="homestar">You WHAT?!</line>
<line start="3067" end="3088" speaker="coachz">You WHORT?! </line>
<line start="3089" end="3210" speaker="sfx">music</line>
<line start="3224" end="3289" speaker="announcer" voiceover="MATT">And join us next Saturday at some civic hall auditorium for "Public Rage-o."</line>
<line start="3290" end="3330" speaker="announcer" voiceover="MATT">All your favorite public radio superstars will be in action.</line>
<line start="3331" end="3394" speaker="announcer" voiceover="MATT">Watch as Ira Glass and Ira Flatow duke it out in a no-holds-barred lumberjack match.</line>
<line start="3395" end="3464" speaker="announcer" voiceover="MATT">And special guest Garrison Keillor wrestles his own soothing voice in a steel cage. </line>
<line start="3465" end="3509" speaker="strongsad">Oh, geez, I gotta pledge more next year.</line>
<line start="3510" end="3540" speaker="strongsad">They're really getting desperate.</line>
</transcript>