record book

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Strong Bad Email #134

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String Bed assembles a repertoire of failed records.

Cast (in order of appearance): not even gonna say

Places: do scripts still do this anymore?

Computer: Lappy 486

Date: Wednesday, November 14, 2012

Running Time: 3:51

Page Title: Earache Records

DVD: strongbad_email.exe Disc Five

Transcript

STRONG BAD:

subject: records

dear strong bad,
i was wondering if you were in the record book. if so,
what for?

nathan, tx

STRONG BAD: I can't remember if I'm in the record book or not. Let's take a look. {pronounced like "bük luke"}

{Cut to a table. Strong Bad places "RIP VAN RIPEND'S BOOK OF WORLD RECORDS!" on the table.}

STRONG BAD: All right, let's see what we got in here.

{He opens the book to page 42. The number "42" fades to static and disappears. The page shows a picture of a really dirty Coach Z with no clothes, and reads "Chapter 4 - Records of Shit, Longest Streaking Record 65 Days, 3 Hours, 42 Minutes: COACH Z."}

STRONG BAD: 65 days?! That's {warbled pitch} way outdated! I'm pretty sure he's surpassed that one.

{Turns to page 116. This page shows young Strong Bad in a diaper and reads "Chapter 4 - Records of Shit, Shittiest Diapey, Very, Very Dirty: LIL' STRONG BAD."}

STRONG BAD: Shittiest Diape— Whoa! {throws eggs, bacon, and coffee on the page and makes coughing noises} Coffee, eggs, bacon! Oh, too bad, I made breakfast all over that record.

{Cut back to the Lappy}

STRONG BAD: {typing} Clearly, this book is in serious need of an update. Let's begin with the title. How about: Awful Fawful's Book of YouTube Poops. {The book appears} Now that sounds like a book worthy of shitting in every toilet and magazine basket. Now let's go see about updating some o' them records.

{He gets up. We now see Strong Sad, holding a magnifying glass and humming softly, writing on a tiny Viagra pill. His face is magnified with fish-eye effect. Strong Bad walks up.}

STRONG BAD: 'Sup, double-ass? How much do you weigh?

STRONG SAD: What do you wanna know that for?

STRONG BAD: Awful Fawful has me out gathering new records {holds up a clipboard, which has a paper on it that reads "who the fattest ass?"} for his record book.

STRONG SAD: Oh! Well then this should interest you! I transcribed onto this single grain of basmati rice! {Cut to a view of the rice grain through the magnifying glass with red and blue blended colors a la 3D.} {robotic voice effect} In 3D!

STRONG BAD: Oh, yeah! That definitely deserves a record!

{An ear-rape buzzer is heard and a page of the book is shown. It reads "Chapter 7 - Records of Loneliness, Biggest Waste of Shit: Streng "The Biggest Waste of Shit" SAS." The picture shows Strong Sad looking through his magnifying glass at the camera, smiling up-side down.}

{Cut to the King of Town's castle. The King of Town is seen with a giant pile of salt with glowing dark colors in front of him. Strong Bad walks up.}

STRONG BAD: All right, King o' Town, I need some disgusting eating records. Why don't you just, uh, have lunch, and I'm sure you'll set several without even trying.

THE KING OF TOWN: Ooh! I like eating lunch!

{The camera pans over, and we can now see the entire pile. We can also see a salt shaker labeled with the number "7" sitting near the pile.}

THE KING OF TOWN: Vwoooooooooooooooooo.......!

{The King sucks the entire scene in in one gulp, like a vacuum cleaner, including the salt shaker,the KoT's Castle, and Strong Bad.}

{Fades to the outside of the KoT's castle and we see the KoT suck up the castle, the field, and the sky.}

{Fades to the KoT in space sucking up the Earth and the stars; after 13 seconds, the KoT stops sucking and the camera zooms into his stomach}

STRONG BAD: {echoing from the KoT's stomach} Whoa! Nice woik!

{A robotic-sounding buzzer emits, another page that reads "Chapter 3 - The King of Town Vacuum." The King "hiccups".}

{Cut to Homestar Runner in The Field on his soapbox, which now reads "Copyright 2012 Viacom."}

HOMESTAR RUNNER: What do you call a redneck, with no teeth? Ba-ha-ha-haaa! Man, they do not wear underwear!

{Cut to Strong Bad and Coach Z, also in The Field.}

STRONG BAD: So, Coach Z, what kind of wonderment do you have in store for us?

COACH Z: Well, I'm gonna set the world record for puttin' nine pieces {starts putting chewed gum with rainbow colors on his face} of chewed gum up on my face and hop around on one foot! {He starts hopping on one foot.}

STRONG BAD: Coach...

{Cuts quickly to text that reads, "There was no such record."}

{Homestar pops up.}

HOMESTAR RUNNER: What does a redneck man call a dead redneck lyin' in the middle of the road? Ba-ha-ha-haa! Probably roadkill!

{An unseen audience groans. Patrick Star pops up laughing his ass off from the SpongeBob episode "Culture Shock".}

{Cut back to the Lappy.}

STRONG BAD: {typing} Well, I think we're just about done here. Oh, wait, I forgot about me. I gots to get in this record book somehow. I'll get the record for...

{Cut back to show The Cheat standing nearby.}

THE CHEAT: {makes The Cheat noises}

STRONG BAD: What?!

THE CHEAT: {makes The Cheat noises and puts his hands on his hips}

STRONG BAD: What a bunch of bull {making his mouth as round as possible} shhiiiiiiiiIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII {as Strong Bad is droning, a mad mix of wierd and creepy images from Creepypasta appear in his mouth}—

{A Vocoder buzzer is heard, followed by a page appears that reads "Chapter 7 - Saying Words For A Long Time Records, Longest 'Bullshit', 13.4 Seconds: The Human Strong Bad." The picture shows Strong Bad in the same position he was just seen in.}

STRONG BAD: —shit. Bullshit.

{The Paper comes down with text reading "Copyright 2012 Viacom"}

Easter Eggs

• This is the first Easter Egg in a String Bed YTP.