Pistols For Pandas (organization)

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For the toon, see Pistols for Pandas.

"This good cause is good...'cause!"
PFP is already in the T-Shirt business!

Pistols For Pandas (or PFP) is a non-profit organization that aims to give pistols to pandas. Crack Stuntman is the national spokesperson for the group. In Marzipan's Answering Machine Version 14.2, Stuntman calls and leaves a message telling Marzipan to stop protesting at their rallies. In Fan Costumes '09, he says that the work is "court ordered," even though he was clearly being paid when he did a commercial for the organization. He describes pandas as "stupid, fat, slow creatures", saying they "need all the firepower they can get" so that they can protect themselves "when we come clear-cut their bamboo forests and build a five-star resort". PFP claims to have supplied guns to three hundred "underprivileged and unarmed" pandas. The logo shows an angry-looking panda with guns for eyebrows.

As explained in the toon Pistols for Pandas, for each dollar they receive, they laugh at it (because what good is a dollar going to do?); but for every five-dollar donation received, one box of cereal is bought containing the best prize. Crack Stuntman eats the cereal, plays with the prize, and then removes the box top from the box. When the organization collects enough box tops, Crack dresses up like a fifth grader, takes them to a local school and buys the school a computer. After "charming the horn-rimmed glasses off the media center lady", Crack sneaks out with the computer, takes it to a local pawn shop, and finally exchanges it for pistols, which are dumped into the panda habitat at the local zoo.

As of Halloween Safety, Crack Stuntman had been fired due to the organization finding out about his line of frozen panda-burger patties.

[edit] Appearances

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