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Subtitles logo These are the English subtitles for Marzipan's Answering Machine Version 14.2. watch this toon
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<?xml version="1.0" encoding="utf-8"?>
<transcript xml:lang="en-us" file="answer14.swf" width="550" height="400">
<line start="19" end="44" speaker="marzipan" voiceover="yes">Aloha, this is Marzipan.</line>
<line start="44" end="104" speaker="marzipan" voiceover="indeed">I'm lounging on the lanai, enjoying a wheatgrass-tini, in my wheatgrass-kini.</line>
<line start="104" end="134" speaker="marzipan" voiceover="correct">Please leave a mauka-makai-message.</line>
<line start="134" end="142" speaker="sfx">beep</line>

<line start="150" end="179" speaker="coachz" voiceover="total yes">Hey, Marzipan, it's Coach Z!</line>
<line start="179" end="235" speaker="coachz" voiceover="not here">Just calling to remind yous that spring shin tryouts are just around the corner.</line>
<line start="235" end="323" speaker="coachz" voiceover="still not here">Don't forget to bring your shin-guards and your shin-pads and your shin-protectors and your shin-rub.</line>
<line start="323" end="407" speaker="coachz" voiceover="really not here">Don't worry about shin-balls, we'll provide those, but this'll be your week to bring the shin-snack.</line>
<line start="407" end="505" speaker="coachz" voiceover="still voiceover">So, you know, bring orange slices or some Cheetos or... Pretty much anything orange works for a good shin-snack.</line>
<line start="505" end="555" speaker="coachz" voiceover="still not voice not over">And get ready to scrimmage our bitter rivals, Skins.</line>
<line start="555" end="563" speaker="sfx">beep</line>

<line start="570" end="640" speaker="homestar" voiceover="not here either">Hey, Marzipan, it's Homestar... and, um...</line>
<line start="640" end="670" speaker="homestar" voiceover="for real">Crap! What was I calling you for?</line>
<line start="670" end="737" speaker="homestar" voiceover="how long">I was gonna ask you something about... something.</line>
<line start="737" end="772" speaker="homestar" voiceover="can I keep">Aw, never mind. If I think of it, I'll call you back.</line>
<line start="772" end="788" speaker="homestar" voiceover="doing this">Now give me that beep.</line>
<line start="788" end="794" speaker="sfx">beep</line>

<line start="805" end="922" speaker="strongsad" voiceover="not much longer">Uh, hello? This is the King of April Fool's Day pranks, calling her Majesty, the Queen of April Fool's Day pranks.</line>
<line start="922" end="1060" speaker="strongsad" voiceover="getting bored now">Remember that time we replaced everybody's toilet paper with 100% post-consumer recycled toilet paper? Nobody knew what hit 'em!</line>
<line start="1060" end="1122" speaker="strongsad" voiceover="I'll stop now">Literally, they didn't know that we had done that!</line>
<line start="1122" end="1235" speaker="strongsad" voiceover="voiceover">So for this year, I was thinking we could make everyone a cinnamon-apple crisp, but tell them it's a ginger-apple crumble.</line>
<line start="1235" end="1325" speaker="strongsad" voiceover="ehh">I know, I know, I'm so bad! But we could get into some serious trouble for this one.</line>
<line start="1325" end="1375" speaker="strongsad" voiceover="voiceover">In fact, I probably shouldn't even be talking about it on the phone.</line>
<line start="1375" end="1490" speaker="strongsad" voiceover="voiceover">Uh, uh, slow pitch racquetball? I'd love to play slow pitch racquetball! In fact, that's what this whole conversation's been about! Okay, so l-long!</line>
<line start="1490" end="1499" speaker="sfx">beep</line>

<line start="1505" end="1562" speaker="crack" voiceover="voiceover">Hello, Marzipan. <em>This</em> is Crack Stuntman.</line>
<line start="1562" end="1642" speaker="crack" voiceover="voiceover">I'm the handsome actor that's handsomely paid to do the voice of... Gun-hay-ver... on the Cheat Command-show.</line>
<line start="1642" end="1734" speaker="crack" voiceover="voiceover">As national spokesperson for a charitable wildlife organization, I'm demanding that you stop protesting in our rallies!</line>
<line start="1734" end="1855" speaker="crack" voiceover="voiceover">Pistols for Pandas is a just cause! These are stupid, fat, slow creatures we're talking about. They need all the firepower they can get.</line>
<line start="1855" end="1962" speaker="crack" voiceover="voiceover">Last year alone, the PFP put handguns in the paws of no fewer than 300 underprivileged and unarmed pandas.</line>
<line start="1962" end="2038" speaker="crack" voiceover="voiceover">And what do you care? People like you don't even eat panda! This is Crack Stuntman, signing off.</line>
<line start="2038" end="2100" speaker="crack" voiceover="voiceover">And signing autographs at the North Garden Ridges Hills Mall this Saturday!</line>
<line start="2100" end="2130" speaker="crack" voiceover="voiceover"><i>(singing)</i> Da-da-da-da-da-da-dah!</line>
<line start="2130" end="2138" speaker="sfx">beep</line>

<line start="2144" end="2250" speaker="strongbad" voiceover="voiceover">Hello—Marzipan. This is—Nadine—Automated Menu Burger—calling from—Trusted—Financial—Institution.</line>
<line start="2250" end="2324" speaker="strongbad" voiceover="voiceover">To check on the status of an existing gigantic butt, please press or say—"gigantobutt"—now.</line>
<line start="2324" end="2436" speaker="strongbad" voiceover="voiceover">Or—to place a new—six foot italian sub—in—Strong Bad—'s—hands, please hang up—and do that mess—right now.</line>
<line start="2436" end="2530" speaker="strongbad" voiceover="voiceover">I'm sorry—I didn't catch that. I think you said—"gigantobutt". If this is correct, please press or say—"yes."</line>
<line start="2530" end="2609" speaker="strongbad" voiceover="voiceover">I'm sorry—I think you said—"yes." If this is correct, please press or say—"total yes."</line>
<line start="2609" end="2650" speaker="strongbad" voiceover="voiceover">I'm sorry—I didn't catch that. Let's start again.</line>
<line start="2650" end="2718" speaker="strongbad" voiceover="voiceover">To check on the status—of an existing butt that's so big it has its own Congressman, please press or say—</line>
<line start="2718" end="2724" speaker="sfx">beep</line>

<line start="2732" end="2761" speaker="homestar" voiceover="voiceover">Hey Marzipan, I remembered what it was!</line>
<line start="2761" end="2795" speaker="homestar" voiceover="voiceover">I'm actively sinking in quicksand!</line>
<line start="2795" end="2923" speaker="homestar" voiceover="voiceover">So, if you have any vines or roots that you can toss my way, I would be really, really still alive.</line>
<line start="2923" end="2942" speaker="homestar" voiceover="voiceover">Now bring that beep back!</line>
<line start="2942" end="2949" speaker="sfx">beep</line>

<line start="2960" end="2982" speaker="homestar" sfx="sfx">sigh</line>
<line start="2998" end="3070" speaker="homestar"><i>(singing)</i> Somewheres, out theres...</line>
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