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Subtitles logo These are the English subtitles for Marzipan's Answering Machine Version 16.2. watch this toon
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<?xml version="1.0" encoding="utf-8"?>
<transcript xml:lang="en-us" file="answer16.swf" width="550" height="400">
  <line start="11" end="27" speaker="marzipan">Hi, this is Marzipan.</line>
  <line start="28" end="92" speaker="marzipan">I'm off volunteering in the Coches Mountains, teaching the heathens how to bend pipe cleaners.</line>
  <line start="93" end="100" speaker="marzipan">I'll be back in-</line>
  <line start="101" end="105" speaker="sfx">beep</line>
  <line start="106" end="124" speaker="strongsad">Sorry, Marzy.</line>
  <line start="125" end="170" speaker="strongsad">Time to exercise one of my favorite perks of house-sitting!</line>
  <line start="171" end="176" speaker="sfx">beep</line>

  <line start="183" end="216" speaker="strongsad">Grrrreetings weary telephone traveler.</line>
  <line start="217" end="284" speaker="strongsad">I sense you have come in search of Marzipan, but you have stumbled upon so much more.</line>
  <line start="285" end="332" speaker="strongsad">'Tis I, Strong Sad, house-sitter extraordinaire.</line>
  <line start="333" end="397" speaker="strongsad">Please organize your thoughts for Marzipan in order of least depressing to most depressing.</line>
  <line start="398" end="442" speaker="strongsad">As for crank calls, allow me to give you a theme:</line>
  <line start="443" end="470" speaker="strongsad">furtive glances.</line>
  <line start="471" end="475" speaker="sfx">beep</line>
  <line start="476" end="501" speaker="strongsad">Ugh, too verbose.</line>
  <line start="502" end="530" speaker="strongsad">Come on, Sads, quick and to the point!</line>
  <line start="531" end="548" speaker="strongsad">In and out! Hook 'em and cook 'em!</line>
  <line start="549" end="555" speaker="sfx">beep</line>

  <line start="562" end="591" speaker="strongsad">Marzipan be gone! Strong Sad be here,</line>
  <line start="592" end="619" speaker="strongsad">so drop your purpose in mine ear!</line>
  <line start="620" end="648" speaker="strongsad">I'll pass it on before too long—</line>
  <line start="649" end="653" speaker="sfx">beep</line>
  <line start="654" end="671" speaker="strongsad">Let's pretend that never happened.</line>
  <line start="672" end="680" speaker="sfx">beep</line>

  <line start="687" end="750" speaker="strongsad">Hello, this is Strong Sad, temporary steward of Marzipan's domicile.</line>
  <line start="751" end="783" speaker="strongsad">Please leave your jumbled message at the tone,</line>
  <line start="784" end="861" speaker="strongsad">so I can articulately reword it in journal form for Marzipan to read upon her safe return.</line>
  <line start="862" end="867" speaker="sfx">beep</line>
  <line start="868" end="896" speaker="strongsad">Good enough for guv'ent work I say.</line>
  <line start="897" end="907" speaker="sfx">beep</line>

  <line start="912" end="969" speaker="strongbad">Wait, what? Hold on, I wasn't prepared for this. Just gimme a sec.</line>
  <line start="970" end="1009"><sfx volume="0.7">writing noises</sfx><strongbad volume="0.7" sfx="sfx">mumbling noises</strongbad></line>
  <line start="1010" end="1025" speaker="strongbad">Okay, I'm ready.</line>
  <line start="1026" end="1044" speaker="strongbad">Yes, this is... <span style="visibility:hidden">Strooong Baaad calling for... Strooong Saaad...</span></line>
  <line start="1045" end="1066" speaker="strongbad">Yes, this is... Strooong Baaad <span style="visibility:hidden">calling for... Strooong Saaad...</span></line>
  <line start="1067" end="1085" speaker="strongbad">Yes, this is... Strooong Baaad calling for... <span style="visibility:hidden">Strooong Saaad...</span></line>
  <line start="1086" end="1116" speaker="strongbad">Yes, this is... Strooong Baaad calling for... Strooong Saaad...</line>
  <line start="1117" end="1163" speaker="strongbad">uh, I'm gonna knee you in the face... <span style="visibility:hidden">for breakfast?</span></line>
  <line start="1164" end="1183" speaker="strongbad">uh, I'm gonna knee you in the face... for breakfast?</line>
  <line start="1184" end="1210" speaker="strongbad">Hold on, let me reconfigure and call back.</line>
  <line start="1211" end="1218" speaker="sfx">beep</line>

  <line start="1227" end="1250" speaker="strongbad">Hey, Ella Phantzgerald.</line>
  <line start="1251" end="1316" speaker="strongbad">I left some of my stuff over at Marzipan's the last time she always had me over there for dinner all the time.</line>
  <line start="1317" end="1343" speaker="strongbad">So when you come home, could you be sure to grab</line>
  <line start="1344" end="1369" speaker="strongbad">my Marzipan's TV, <span style="visibility:hidden">my Marzipan's guitar and amp, and oh yeah, my Marzipan's cash and her jewelery.</span></line>
  <line start="1370" end="1397" speaker="strongbad">my Marzipan's TV, my Marzipan's guitar and amp, <span style="visibility:hidden">and oh yeah, my Marzipan's cash and her jewelery.</span></line>
  <line start="1398" end="1408" speaker="strongbad">my Marzipan's TV, my Marzipan's guitar and amp, and oh yeah, <span style="visibility:hidden">my Marzipan's cash and her jewelery.</span></line>
  <line start="1409" end="1436" speaker="strongbad">my Marzipan's TV, my Marzipan's guitar and amp, and oh yeah, my Marzipan's cash and her jewelery.</line>
  <line start="1437" end="1502" speaker="strongbad">If you do, the chance of dead things in your bed drops into the 42 percent range!</line>
  <line start="1503" end="1511" speaker="sfx">beep</line>
  <line start="1512" end="1531" speaker="strongbad">Yeah, you can ignore that one.</line>
  <line start="1532" end="1550" speaker="sfx">clunking noises</line>

  <line start="1561" end="1596" speaker="homestar">Dang, Marzipan, you sounding fine.</line>
  <line start="1597" end="1647" speaker="homestar">You sound finer than the fine you get when you return a movie late to the movie store!</line>
  <line start="1648" end="1696" speaker="homestar">You're even sounding finer than a three dollar fine for new releases!</line>
  <line start="1697" end="1718" speaker="homestar">Maybe I should swing by for a lit—</line>
  <line start="1719" end="1743" speaker="strongsad">That is quite enough!</line>
  <line start="1744" end="1763" speaker="homestar">Oh! Marzipan!</line>
  <line start="1764" end="1798" speaker="homestar">You look, um, great... <span style="visibility:hidden">Is that a new... skin you're wearing?</span></line>
  <line start="1799" end="1815" speaker="homestar">You look, um, great... Is that a new... <span style="visibility:hidden">skin you're wearing?</span></line>
  <line start="1816" end="1834" speaker="homestar">You look, um, great... Is that a new... skin you're wearing?</line>
  <line start="1835" end="1858" speaker="strongsad">It's Strong Sad!</line>
  <line start="1859" end="1922" speaker="homestar">It is! It is strong sad and strong unfortunate what happened to your <em>face!</em></line>
  <line start="1923" end="1929" speaker="homestar">Ooh! <span style="visibility:hidden">Preow!</span></line>
  <line start="1930" end="1936" speaker="homestar">Ooh! Preow!</line>
  <line start="1937" end="1943" speaker="homestar">Call me! <span style="visibility:hidden">Preow!</span></line>
  <line start="1944" end="1954" speaker="homestar">Call me! Preow!</line>
  <line start="1955" end="1960" speaker="sfx">beep</line>

  <line start="1970" end="2044" speaker="coachz">What a crock! This is <em>not</em> what I plunked 9 bucks in quarters into a broken pay phone to hear!</line>
  <line start="2045" end="2103" speaker="coachz">Strong Sad, remind me to kick your shins unmercifully next time I see ya!</line>
  <line start="2104" end="2171" speaker="coachz">And also, ya think the five hundred feet from Marzipan's house thing still counts if she's not in it?</line>
  <line start="2172" end="2248" speaker="coachz">Cause I cop some sweet goose flesh when I hit that four hundred n' ninety-seven foot range.</line>
  <line start="2249" end="2296" speaker="coachz">Whoa, creeped <em>myself</em> out there. Gonna hang up!</line>

  <line start="2297" end="2305" speaker="sfx">beep</line>
  <line start="2313" end="2334" speaker="kingoftown" sfx="sfx">munching noises</line>
  <line start="2335" end="2376" speaker="kingoftown">What? Sorry, I didn't hear your outgoing message.</line>
  <line start="2377" end="2413" speaker="kingoftown">I was choking down a chocolate dipped tapeworm.</line>
  <line start="2414" end="2524" speaker="kingoftown">Anyways, agent Panzimar, about the plot against S. Sad, things are moving along just as planned.</line>
  <line start="2525" end="2549" speaker="kingoftown">Hit a snag with step 2, though.</line>
  <line start="2550" end="2593" speaker="kingoftown">The camel died and was decidedly undelicious.</line>
  <line start="2594" end="2630" speaker="kingoftown">Will move forward with barrel of hot sauce approach.</line>
  <line start="2631" end="2694" speaker="kingoftown">Provided that makes it past dinner time, look for my signal in the northwest sky.</line>
  <line start="2695" end="2714" speaker="kingoftown">Ting of Kown, out!</line>
  <line start="2715" end="2723" speaker="sfx">beep</line>

  <line start="2731" end="2768" speaker="marzipan">Strong Sad! What did you do to my outgoing message?</line>
  <line start="2769" end="2801" speaker="marzipan">Those things are like my adopted foreign babies!</line>
  <line start="2802" end="2820" speaker="marzipan">Anyway, I forgot to tell you that</line> 
  <line start="2821" end="2830" speaker="marzipan">a guy named <span style="visibility:hidden">Slick Somebody called from a place called Marzipan's Stupid Face plumbing,</span></line>
  <line start="2831" end="2842" speaker="marzipan">a guy named Slick Somebody <span style="visibility:hidden">called from a place called Marzipan's Stupid Face plumbing,</span></line>
  <line start="2843" end="2860" speaker="marzipan">a guy named Slick Somebody called from a place called <span style="visibility:hidden">Marzipan's Stupid Face plumbing,</span></line>
  <line start="2861" end="2884" speaker="marzipan">a guy named Slick Somebody called from a place called Marzipan's Stupid Face plumbing,</line>
  <line start="2885" end="2911" speaker="marzipan">and said he replaced my toilet's... <span style="visibility:hidden">Roman candle valve? Whatever that is.</span></line>
  <line start="2912" end="2929" speaker="marzipan">and said he replaced my toilet's... Roman candle valve? <span style="visibility:hidden">Whatever that is.</span></line>
  <line start="2930" end="2941" speaker="marzipan">and said he replaced my toilet's... Roman candle valve? Whatever that is.</line>
  <line start="2942" end="2954" speaker="marzipan">So maybe don't flush the toilet until-</line>
  <line start="2955" end="2968"><marzipan>So maybe don't flush the toilet until-</marzipan><sfx>toilet flush</sfx></line>
  <line start="2969" end="2980"><sfx>firework noises</sfx><sfx>toilet flush</sfx><strongsad>Ohhh!</strongsad></line>
  <line start="2981" end="3106"><sfx>firework noises</sfx><sfx>toilet flush</sfx></line>
  <line start="3107" end="3114"><strongsad>Ohhh...</strongsad><sfx>toilet flush</sfx></line>
  <line start="3115" end="3121" speaker="sfx">beep</line>

  <line start="3129" end="3156" speaker="bubs">Marzipan, it's Bubs!</line>
  <line start="3157" end="3188" speaker="bubs">You're three weeks late on that movie rental, lady!</line>
  <line start="3189" end="3255" speaker="bubs">And that V. I. Warshawski still counts as a new release! That's three dollars a day!</line>
  <line start="3256" end="3279" speaker="bubs">Plus, what's wrong witcha voice?</line>
  <line start="3280" end="3322" speaker="bubs">You sound all fat, depressing, and Allan Poe.</line>
  <line start="3323" end="3361" speaker="bubs">And you're gonna be <em>real</em> po' if you don't pay that late fee!</line>
  <line start="3362" end="3383" speaker="bubs">Heh heh heh. Shop at Bubs'!</line>
  <line start="3384" end="3389" speaker="sfx">beep</line>
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