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Subtitles logo These are the English subtitles for April Fool 2014. watch this toon
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<?xml version="1.0" encoding="utf-8"?>
<transcript xml:lang="en-us" file="aprilfools_2014_final.swf" width="700" height="400">
  <line start="30" end="80">
	<sfx>goopy sound</sfx>
	<sfx>wind howling</sfx>
  <line start="80" end="105">
	<homestar sfx="sfx">sigh</homestar>
  <line start="105" end="132" speaker="homestar" volume="0.8">You got this, Homestar. This is nothin'.</line>
  <line start="132" end="158" speaker="homestar" volume="0.8">Just like fallin' off a web van.</line>
  <line start="158" end="164" speaker="sfx">lights turning on</line>
  <line start="164" end="179" speaker="homestar">Oh, hello, Debra! <span style="visibility:hidden;">Simone! The Internet!</span></line>
  <line start="179" end="189" speaker="homestar">Oh, hello, Debra! Simone! <span style="visibility:hidden;">The Internet!</span></line>
  <line start="189" end="205" speaker="homestar">Oh, hello, Debra! Simone! The Internet!</line>
  <line start="205" end="256" speaker="homestar">I am what you might call Homestar Runner.</line>
  <line start="256" end="280" speaker="homestar" volume="0.8">Yaaaay! </line>
  <line start="280" end="337" speaker="homestar">Over the last several years of my dot com, peoples all the time be askin' me: </line>
  <line start="337" end="370" speaker="homestar">"Hey Homestar! How come you stopped updating—"</line>
  <line start="370" end="394" speaker="homestar" sfx="sfx">coughing and sputtering</line>
  <line start="394" end="440" speaker="homestar">Ahem! Sorry, got some crab shell stuck in my throat.</line>
  <line start="440" end="498" speaker="homestar">Continuing. "How come you stopped updating the best feature on your website?" </line>
  <line start="498" end="519" speaker="homestar">And to that I answer: </line>
  <line start="519" end="580" speaker="homestar">"You mean how come I stopped updating the Hairstyle Runner gallery back in the year 2000?" </line>
  <line start="580" end="627" speaker="homestar">I don't know! Let's go update it right now, Joshy!</line>
  <line start="651" end="670" speaker="homestar">Yup. You guessed it. </line>
  <line start="670" end="689">
  <line start="689" end="701" speaker="sfx">drip</line>
  <line start="710" end="725" speaker="sfx">footsteps</line>
  <line start="731" end="782" speaker="homestar">Whoa-hoa-hoa! Hello there, magnificent specimen. </line>
  <line start="788" end="805" speaker="homestar">Poink!</line>
  <line start="805" end="815" speaker="sfx">splat</line>
  <line start="815" end="853" speaker="homestar">That's better. Let's get started.</line>
  <line start="853" end="921" speaker="homestar" voiceover="voiceover">This one from Cherry G. makes the back of my head look like some kind of bold eagle.</line>
  <line start="921" end="942" speaker="homestar" voiceover="voiceover">laughing</line>
  <line start="942" end="997" speaker="homestar">He's so bold in his... in his decision making!</line>
  <line start="997" end="1041" speaker="homestar">Oh-ho! He's our national bold!</line>
  <line start="1041" end="1074" speaker="homestar">Ohhh man! What fun!</line>
  <line start="1074" end="1113" speaker="homestar" voiceover="voiceover">Here's one from D. Lindo that simply has the letter—</line>
  <line start="1113" end="1145" speaker="homestar" voiceover="voiceover" sfx="sfx">snickering</line>
  <line start="1145" end="1176" speaker="homestar" sfx="sfx">breaks out laughing</line>
  <line start="1176" end="1206"><homestar>It's the letter—</homestar><sfx>snickering</sfx></line>
  <line start="1206" end="1229" speaker="homestar">Pom Pom, ya gotta see this! </line>
  <line start="1229" end="1257" speaker="homestar">It's the letter P! <span style="visibility:hidden;">Followed by a period!<sfx>laughing</sfx></span></line>
  <line start="1257" end="1307"> <homestar>It's the letter P! Followed by a period!</homestar><sfx>laughing</sfx></line>
  <line start="1307" end="1342">
	<homestar>Who puts a period after the letter P?!</homestar>
  <line start="1342" end="1397" speaker="homestar">Ohh man, I'm gonna stand back up. I'm'a stand back up right now. </line>
  <line start="1397" end="1442" speaker="homestar">Whew! I am on a roll! What else can we update?</line>
  <line start="1442" end="1475">
	<homestar>I know! Let's bring everybody's favorite old-timey cartoons into the modern age!</homestar>
	<span style="visibility:hidden;"><sfx>Old-Timey music</sfx></span>
  <line start="1475" end="1507">
	<homestar>I know! Let's bring everybody's favorite old-timey cartoons into the modern age!</homestar>
	<sfx>Old-Timey music</sfx>
  <line start="1507" end="1529">
	<homestar>With my patented <span style="visibility:hidden;">Colorarization!</span></homestar>
	<span style="visibility:hidden;"><sfx>harp</sfx></span>
  <line start="1529" end="1553">
	<homestar>With my patented Colorarization!</homestar>
  <line start="1555" end="1595"><sfx>very distorted</sfx> <sicklysam>Am I up with the times?</sicklysam></line>
  <line start="1595" end="1658"><sfx>very distorted</sfx> <thehomestar>Sorry, Sickly Sam. You're an affront to God and man!</thehomestar></line>
  <line start="1658" end="1679" speaker="sfx">pafh</line>
  <line start="1679" end="1721" speaker="homestar"><sfx>eating</sfx><homestar>Oh, man, these updates are great! Let's keep going!</homestar></line>
  <line start="1721" end="1770" speaker="homestar">Ooh, how's about some new words for the old Homestar Talker?</line>
  <line start="1770" end="1778">
	<span style="visibility:hidden;"><sfx>punch sound effect</sfx>
  <line start="1778" end="1784">
	<sfx>punch sound effect</sfx>
	<span style="visibility:hidden;"><sfx>splat</sfx></span></line>
  <line start="1784" end="1790">
	<sfx>punch sound effect</sfx>
  <line start="1790" end="1808">
  <line start="1808" end="1825">
	<homestar>Strong Bad. <span style="visibility:hidden;">Is. Making. Draconian. Marshmallow. Poink.</span></homestar>
  <line start="1825" end="1833">
	<homestar>Strong Bad. Is. <span style="visibility:hidden;">Making. Draconian. Marshmallow. Poink.</span></homestar>
  <line start="1833" end="1841">
	<homestar>Strong Bad. Is. Making. <span style="visibility:hidden;">Draconian. Marshmallow. Poink.</span></homestar>
  <line start="1841" end="1860">
	<homestar>Strong Bad. Is. Making. Draconian. <span style="visibility:hidden;">Marshmallow. Poink.</span></homestar>
  <line start="1860" end="1881">
	<homestar>Strong Bad. Is. Making. Draconian. Marshmallow. <span style="visibility:hidden;">Poink.</span></homestar>
  <line start="1881" end="1892">
	<homestar>Strong Bad. Is. Making. Draconian. Marshmallow. Poink.</homestar>
  <line start="1892" end="1946" speaker="strongbad" voiceover="voiceover">Draconian marshmallow poink?! Oh, that is it!!</line>
  <line start="1946" end="1985" speaker="strongbad" voiceover="voiceover">I'm going to appear onscreen! Now.</line>
  <line start="1985" end="2007">
	<homestar>All riiiiight!</homestar>
  <line start="2010" end="2027" speaker="homestar">Oh! Hi, Simone!</line>
  <line start="2027" end="2089" speaker="strongbad">This is clearly not what they meant when they asked about updating the website's best feature!</line>
  <line start="2089" end="2140" speaker="homestar">Uhhhh... yeah, it is. It's all the best junk from my dot com!</line>
  <line start="2140" end="2177" speaker="strongbad">Oh yeah? Well what about...</line>
  <line start="2177" end="2190">
	<strongbad>strongbad_<span style="visibility:hidden;">eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee_windows98desktoptheme!</span></strongbad>
  <line start="2190" end="2199">
	<strongbad>strongbad_eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee_<span style="visibility:hidden;">windows98desktoptheme!</span></strongbad>
  <line start="2199" end="2228">
  <line start="2228" end="2241" speaker="other">
	<sfx>5.25 floppy loading</sfx>
	<span style="visibility:hidden;"><sfx>in Strong Bad's early voice</sfx>
	Hello, stupid, and welcome to your crappy computer!</span>
  <line start="2241" end="2289" speaker="other">
	<sfx>5.25 floppy loading</sfx>
	<sfx>in Strong Bad's early voice</sfx>
	Hello, stupid, and welcome to your crappy computer!
  <line start="2289" end="2367" speaker="strongbad">Whoa! Sounded good there! I had a lot more wrestling mask in my accent back then.</line>
  <line start="2367" end="2407" speaker="strongbad">Let's update that jank! C'mere, System Mic!</line>
  <line start="2407" end="2422" speaker="sfx">mechanical noises</line>
  <line start="2422" end="2460" speaker="strongbad">Windows 98 system startup sound, go!</line>
  <line start="2460" end="2513" speaker="strongbad">Ongggg, doodle-ing! Ding ding ding ding!</line>
  <line start="2513" end="2558" speaker="strongbad">Welcome to Windows 98. </line>
  <line start="2558" end="2605" speaker="strongbad" volume="1.5">WHY ARE YOU STILL USING WINDOWS 98??! <span style="visibility:hidden;">WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU??!! STOP BUYING COMPUTERS FROM THRIFT STORES, MAN!!</span></line>
  <line start="2605" end="2637" speaker="strongbad" volume="1.5">WHY ARE YOU STILL USING WINDOWS 98??! WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU??!! <span style="visibility:hidden;">STOP BUYING COMPUTERS FROM THRIFT STORES, MAN!!</span></line>
  <line start="2637" end="2683" speaker="strongbad" volume="1.5">WHY ARE YOU STILL USING WINDOWS 98??! WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU??!! STOP BUYING COMPUTERS FROM THRIFT STORES, MAN!!</line>
  <line start="2683" end="2701" speaker="homestar" voiceover="voiceover">'Scuse me, Strong Bad.</line>
  <line start="2701" end="2764" speaker="homestar">Wanna help me record a duet of my classic Win98 System Shutdown song?</line>
  <line start="2764" end="2783" speaker="strongbad">Oh, I dunno...</line>
  <line start="2783" end="2812" speaker="homestar">Oh, come on, folks, who wants to hear it?</line>
  <line start="2812" end="2865">
	<sfx>crowd cheering</sfx>
	<homestar>On this stage tonight, the two great guys back together!</homestar>
  <line start="2865" end="2880" speaker="strongbad">I mean I couldn't possibly... <span style="visibility:hidden;">I couldn't think to want to... and <sfx>unintelligible</sfx></span> </line>
  <line start="2880" end="2901" speaker="strongbad">I mean I couldn't possibly... I couldn't think to want to... <span style="visibility:hidden;">and <sfx>unintelligible</sfx></span> </line>
  <line start="2901" end="2931"><strongbad>I mean I couldn't possibly... I couldn't think to want to... and</strongbad><sfx>unintelligible</sfx> </line>
  <line start="2931" end="2973" speaker="strongbad">Oh, very well. Hit it, Homestar!</line>
  <line start="2973" end="3009" speaker="homestar" volume="0.8">One, two, three, four, five...</line>
  <line start="3009" end="3029">
	<homestar>And now the love!</homestar>
	<span style="visibility:hidden;"><sfx>music starts</sfx>
	<strongbad>And now the love!</strongbad></span>
  <line start="3029" end="3037">
	<homestar>And now the love!</homestar>
	<sfx>music starts</sfx>
	<span style="visibility:hidden;"><strongbad>And now the love!</strongbad></span>
  <line start="3037" end="3060">
	<homestar>And now the love!</homestar>
	<sfx>music starts</sfx>
	<strongbad>And now the love!</strongbad>
  <line start="3060" end="3083">
	<homestar>That lasts forever!</homestar>
	<span style="visibility:hidden;"><strongbad>You know it's lasted forever!</strongbad></span>
  <line start="3083" end="3115">
	<homestar>That lasts forever!</homestar>
	<strongbad>You know it's lasted forever!</strongbad>
  <line start="3115" end="3129">
	<homestar>Has cooome—<span style="visibility:hidden;">to-</span></homestar>
	<span style="visibility:hidden;"><strongbad>Come down—to-</strongbad></span>
  <line start="3129" end="3151">
	<homestar>Has cooome—<span style="visibility:hidden;">to-</span></homestar>
	<strongbad>Come down—<span style="visibility:hidden;">to-</span></strongbad>
  <line start="3151" end="3158">
	<homestar>Has cooome—to-</homestar>
	<strongbad>Come down—<span style="visibility:hidden;">to-</span></strongbad>
  <line start="3158" end="3164">
	<homestar>Has cooome—to-</homestar>
	<strongbad>Come down—to-</strongbad>
  <line start="3164" end="3220">
	<homestar>-its eeeeeeeeeee...<span style="visibility:hidden;"> eeeeeeeenduh!</span></homestar>
	<strongbad>-its eeeeeeeeeee...<span style="visibility:hidden;"> eeeeeeeenduh!</span></strongbad>
  <line start="3220" end="3254">
	<homestar>-its eeeeeeeeeee... eeeeeeeen<span style="visibility:hidden;">duh!</span></homestar>
	<strongbad>-its eeeeeeeeeee... eeeeeeeen<span style="visibility:hidden;">duh!</span></strongbad>
  <line start="3254" end="3268">
	<homestar>-its eeeeeeeeeee... eeeeeeeenduh!</homestar>
	<strongbad>-its eeeeeeeeeee... eeeeeeeenduh!</strongbad>
<!--<line start="3268" end="3289" speaker="other">It's now safe to turn off your computer.</line>-->
  <line start="3289" end="3318" speaker="homestar">Thanks for updatin' the website with me, Strong Bad!</line>
  <line start="3318" end="3367" speaker="strongbad">Yeah, that wasn't so bad! We should do this again soon.</line>
  <line start="3367" end="3400" speaker="homestar">Three years soon, or like five years soon?</line>
  <line start="3400" end="3414" speaker="strongbad">Y'know, five, <span style="visibility:hidden;">ten, fifteen, whate— whatever it takes.</span></line>
  <line start="3414" end="3423" speaker="strongbad">Y'know, five, ten, <span style="visibility:hidden;">fifteen, whate— whatever it takes.</span></line>
  <line start="3423" end="3428" speaker="strongbad">Y'know, five, ten, fifteen, <span style="visibility:hidden;">whate— whatever it takes.</span></line>
  <line start="3428" end="3442" speaker="strongbad">Y'know, five, ten, fifteen, whate— whatever it takes.</line>
  <line start="3463" end="3508" speaker="homestar">So what have you been up to, man? Haven't seen you in so long!</line>
  <line start="3508" end="3549" speaker="strongbad">Ah, you know how it is. Doin' a lot of side projects, <span style="visibility:hidden;">some consulting, maybe a little freelance.... </span></line>
  <line start="3549" end="3572" speaker="strongbad">Ah, you know how it is. Doin' a lot of side projects, some consulting, <span style="visibility:hidden;">maybe a little freelance.... </span></line>
  <line start="3572" end="3593" speaker="strongbad">Ah, you know how it is. Doin' a lot of side projects, some consulting, maybe a little freelance.... </line>
  <line start="3593" end="3640" speaker="strongbad" volume="0.8">Those are words that people say when they haven't actually been doing anything, right?</line>
  <line start="3640" end="3668" speaker="homestar">Yeah, yeah, cool! </line>
  <line start="3668" end="3714" speaker="homestar">I've been kinda like living inside of a bag. </line>
  <line start="3714" end="3735" speaker="homestar">Like a duffel bag.</line>
  <line start="3735" end="3771" speaker="strongbad">Oh! That's... great?</line>
  <line start="3771" end="3805" speaker="homestar">Yeah, yeah, I know, it's— it's great! It's got, like, <span style="visibility:hidden;">a zipper. And... some straps. </span></line>
  <line start="3805" end="3824" speaker="homestar">Yeah, yeah, I know, it's— it's great! It's got, like, a zipper. And... <span style="visibility:hidden;">some straps. </span></line>
  <line start="3824" end="3844" speaker="homestar">Yeah, yeah, I know, it's— it's great! It's got, like, a zipper. And... some straps. </line>
  <line start="3844" end="3885" speaker="homestar">Maybe some kind of fungus growing in it. </line>
  <line start="3885" end="3914" speaker="homestar">So basically, you know, <span style="visibility:hidden;">top of my game!</span></line> 
  <line start="3914" end="3935" speaker="homestar">So basically, you know, top of my game!</line> 
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