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Subtitles logo These are the English subtitles for DNA Evidence. watch this toon
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<?xml version="1.0" encoding="utf-8"?>
<transcript xml:lang="en-us" file="DNA.swf" width="550" height="400">
   <line start="15" end="46" speaker="homestar" voiceover="ofcourseitisavoiceover">Preh-viously on</line>
   <line start="48" end="84" speaker="marzipan">And that's why I believe the DNA evidence had been tampered with.</line>
   <line start="86" end="117" speaker="strongbad">And that's when I tampered with the DNA evidence.</line>
   <line start="122" end="144" speaker="other" voiceover="voiceover">The DNA evidence was gone!</line>
   <line start="149" end="169" speaker="marzipan">Did you find the DNA evidence?</line>
   <line start="172" end="206" speaker="homestar">I'll have that DNA evidence on your desk by five.</line>
   <line start="210" end="237" speaker="homestar">DNA evidence.</line>
   <line start="243" end="310" speaker="sfx">music</line>
   <line start="310" end="326" speaker="sfx">crowd noise</line>
   <line start="326" end="361">
      <sfx>crowd noise</sfx>
      <strongsad>Attention! Your attention please!</strongsad>
   <line start="362" end="380" speaker="sfx">crowd noise</line>
   <line start="380" end="390" speaker="homsar" sfx="sfx">gulp</line>
   <line start="396" end="490" speaker="strongsad">After extensive investigation, I'm ready to release my findings. I first spoke with Marcy-pon.</line>
   <line start="493" end="521" speaker="marzipan">Well, it all started several weeks ago.</line>
   <line start="521" end="600" speaker="marzipan" voiceover="voiceover">I came home from my toga-yoga class to find that my house had been broken into and the culprit had left behind some DNA evidence.</line>
   <line start="601" end="661" speaker="strongsad">What was it? Hair particles? Skin flakes? Blood crispies?</line>
   <line start="662" end="707" speaker="marzipan" voiceover="voiceover">No, it was a little test tube just full of green DNA evidence.</line>
   <line start="708" end="740" speaker="strongsad">Oh! Just like in the movies!</line>
   <line start="741" end="770" speaker="marzipan" voiceover="voiceover">So I immediately took it to Bubs' to be analyzed,</line>
   <line start="771" end="797" speaker="marzipan">and <em>this</em> is all I got back.</line>
   <line start="807" end="840" speaker="bubs">Well, it all started a few weeks ago.</line>
   <line start="842" end="907" speaker="bubs" voiceover="voiceover">I just got finished teachin' my toga-yoga class when old-maid Marzipan showed up.</line>
   <line start="913" end="951" speaker="marzipan">Hi, Bubs. Can you analyze this DNA evidence for me?</line>
   <line start="953" end="995" speaker="bubs" voiceover="voiceover">Sure thing, but it's gonna cost you an arm and a leg!</line>
   <line start="997" end="1008" speaker="marzipan">Not a problem.</line>
   <line start="1015" end="1053" speaker="strongsad">So, what did you find out when you analyzed it?</line>
   <line start="1056" end="1103" speaker="bubs">Oh, that. Well, next thing I know, Strong Bad shows up.</line>
   <line start="1108" end="1150" speaker="strongbad">Hey, Bubs. One green apple snow cone, please.</line>
   <line start="1152" end="1166" speaker="bubs" voiceover="voiceover">Comin' right up!</line>
   <line start="1171" end="1180" speaker="sfx">music</line>
   <line start="1181" end="1206"><bubs voiceover="voiceover">Oh. Err... uh...</bubs><sfx>music</sfx></line>
   <line start="1207" end="1217"><bubs>Oh. Err... uh...</bubs><sfx>music</sfx></line>
   <line start="1218" end="1234" speaker="bubs">Blaah!</line>
   <line start="1248" end="1305" speaker="bubs">Here you go! One, cough, cough, green apple snow cone!</line>
   <line start="1311" end="1355" speaker="strongsad">You served the DNA in a snow cone?</line>
   <line start="1358" end="1386" speaker="bubs">And it sold like hotcake!</line>
   <line start="1389" end="1418" speaker="strongbad">Yeah, I bought the DNA snow cone.</line>
   <line start="1421" end="1456" speaker="strongsad">You knew it had the DNA evidence in it?</line>
   <line start="1457" end="1466" speaker="strongbad">Well, yeah.</line>
   <line start="1470" end="1562" speaker="strongbad" voiceover="voiceover">I overheard that Marzipan had some DNA evidence, and I figured I could use it to continue my genetic experiments on The Cheat.</line>
   <line start="1563" end="1579" speaker="strongbad" voiceover="voiceover">So I sprung into action.</line>
   <line start="1581" end="1591" speaker="sfx">glass breaking</line>
   <line start="1621" end="1669" speaker="strongbad">Bubs-keep, one green-app snoke, on the rocks.</line>
   <line start="1675" end="1696" speaker="strongbad">And keep it rusty.</line>
   <line start="1706" end="1738" speaker="strongbad">By the time I got home, it was all melted...</line>
   <line start="1739" end="1810" speaker="strongbad" voiceover="voiceover">so I put it in a glass on my desk and went downstairs to do one of my high-impact toga-yoga videos.</line>
   <line start="1813" end="1834" speaker="strongbad">And that's the last I saw of it.</line>
   <line start="1837" end="1873" speaker="strongsad">You left it on your desk, eh?</line>
   <line start="1876" end="1949" speaker="homestar">Yeah, I swung by Strong Bad's the other day. The old lady had me out lookin' for some kind of "Dan evidence."</line>
   <line start="1961" end="1998" speaker="homestar">Strong Bad! I'm wearing a hat and trenchcoat!</line>
   <line start="2002" end="2052" speaker="homestar">Ooh! A tall, cool glass of Mountain Dwa!</line>
   <line start="2058" end="2079" speaker="homestar">Don't mind if I <em>dwa</em>!</line>
   <line start="2081" end="2108" speaker="homestar">Glug, glug, glug.</line>
   <line start="2109" end="2124" speaker="homestar" sfx="yes">pfffft!</line>
   <line start="2125" end="2143" speaker="thecheat">angry The Cheat noises</line>
   <line start="2144" end="2191" speaker="homestar">Oh, sorry The Cheat.  That stuff tasted like <em>dwa-dwa</em>.</line>
   <line start="2192" end="2213" speaker="thecheat">disgruntled The Cheat noises</line>
   <line start="2214" end="2270" speaker="strongsad">So he wiped his face off with a gross    <em>towel</em>, eh?</line>
   <line start="2271" end="2323" speaker="coachz">You figured it out, Strong Sad!  My cover is blown!</line>
   <line start="2323" end="2358" speaker="coachz">I am actually Damp Towel Man!</line>
   <line start="2358" end="2413" speaker="coachz">And also his mild mannered alter ego, Dan Towelman.</line>
   <line start="2414" end="2455" speaker="strongsad">Coach Z, no one's ever heard of those people.</line>
<line start="2456" end="2532" speaker="coachz">Damp Towel-Man is a superhero.  He collects damp towels from across the galaxy.</line>
<line start="2533" end="2629">
	<coachz>Moist molecules!  A green stained damp towel!  The rarest and most powerful kind.</coachz>
   <line start="2630" end="2723" speaker="coachz" voiceover="yes">So I took the towel to work the    next day to see if it could clean up microwave lasagna stains.</line>
   <line start="2723" end="2792" speaker="homestar">Stupid DNA evi<em>dence</em>.  Where am I supposed to find evi<em>dence</em> by five o'clock?</line>
   <line start="2793" end="2879" speaker="coachz">But when I got back to my cart, it was gone!  I suspect it was my nemesis, Dry Ragamuffin.</line>
   <line start="2879" end="2933" speaker="coachz">Or his mild mannered alter ego, Dreyfus Ragámoofin.</line>
   <line start="2934" end="2980" speaker="strongsad">Coach Z, you have a real sucky imagination.</line>
   <line start="2981" end="3023" speaker="coachz">That I do, my boy. That I do. Though I did notice...</line>
   <line start="3023" end="3068" speaker="coachz" voiceover="yes">that Strong Bad had some muddy boots sitting under his cur-bicle.</line>
   <line start="3069" end="3102" speaker="coachz">I didn't find that at <em>all</em> suspicious.</line>
   <line start="3103" end="3171" speaker="strongbad">First of all, those were not muddy.  I'd been stomping around in pecan pie all morning.</line>
   <line start="3171" end="3200" speaker="strongbad">Marzipan's allergic to pecans you know.</line>
   <line start="3201" end="3236" speaker="strongsad">So it was <em>your</em> DNA evidence.</line>
   <line start="3237" end="3262" speaker="strongbad">Uh, no. It was yours.</line>
   <line start="3263" end="3275" speaker="strongsad">What?!</line>
   <line start="3276" end="3320" speaker="strongbad">Yeah, I was just swiping the change from Marzipan's couch cushions...</line>
   <line start="3320" end="3348" speaker="strongbad" voiceover="yes">...and I must have accidentally dropped it.</line>
   <line start="3349" end="3422" speaker="strongbad">Man, I was this close to finding out if you were really part elephant or part hippo or something.</line>
   <line start="3423" end="3442" speaker="strongsad">I am <em>not!</em></line>
   <line start="3443" end="3500" speaker="strongbad">Well, now I guess we'll never know for sure.  Now if you'll excuse me,</line>
   <line start="3500" end="3547">
	<strongbad>the stairs in this building have been burned down by termites...</strongbad>
   <line start="3547" end="3594">
	<strongbad>so it looks like I'm gonna have to juuump!</strongbad>
   <line start="3594" end="3610" speaker="sfx">orchestra hit</line>
<line start="3647" end="3705" speaker="strongsad">Yes. The world will <em>never</em> know for sure.</line>
   <line start="3705" end="3735" speaker="strongsad" sfx="yes">diabolical laughter</line>
   <line start="3735" end="3775">
   	<strongsad sfx="yes">diabolical laughter</strongsad>
   <line start="3775" end="3890">
   	<strongsad voiceover="yes" sfx="yes">diabolical laughter</strongsad>
   <line start="3890" end="3905">
	<sfx>record scratch</sfx>
   <line start="3905" end="3915" speaker="strongsad">Hi.</line>
   <line start="3915" end="3944" speaker="strongsad">You're not gonna say anything, are you?</line>
   <line start="3945" end="4028" speaker="homsar">Aaah! These Easter pants are getting way too tight.</line>
   <line start="4028" end="4078" speaker="sfx">orchestra hit</line>
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