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Subtitles logo These are the English subtitles for Pistols For Pandas. watch this toon
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<?xml version="1.0" encoding="utf-8"?>
<transcript xml:lang="en-us" file="earthday.swf" width="550" height="400">

<line start="24" end="56" speaker="crack">Blah-hi, kids, BLAH'm Crack Stuntman.</line>
<line start="57" end="98" speaker="crack">I used to do the voice of Cheat Commander on the cartoon man show</line>
<line start="99" end="146" speaker="crack">until contractual mumbo-jumbo <em>(begins speaking quickly)</em> <em>screwed me out of the sweetest gig I ever had—</em></line>
<line start="147" end="157" speaker="crack"><em>(pleading)</em> Please take me back!</line>
<line start="158" end="160" sfx="sfx">Beep</line>
<line start="161" end="212" speaker="crack"><em>(normal again)</em> But I'm also the voice of a much more important non-profit organization called—</line>
<line start="213" end="240" speaker="crack" volume="1.4"><em>Non-profit?! What the bluh-what?!</em></line>
<line start="242" end="268" speaker="crack">But <em>I'm</em> still get paid, right?</line>
<line start="269" end="271" sfx="sfx">Beep</line>
<line start="272" end="327" speaker="crack">But I'm also the voice of a non-profit organization called Pistols for Pandas,</line>
<line start="328" end="363" speaker="crack">that I hold very near and dear to my new sunglasses.</line>
<line start="364" end="379">
  <crack>that I hold very near and dear to my new sunglasses.</crack>
<line start="380" end="443" speaker="crack">In light of the recent made-up holiday designed to make your parents feel guilty about their car,</line>
<line start="444" end="490" speaker="crack">I thought I'd tell you just how P-for-P gets small firearms</line>
<line start="491" end="550" speaker="crack">into the paws of our planet's most adorable, and most unarmed, creatures.</line>
<line start="551" end="584" speaker="crack" voiceover="yes">For every dollar you give to Pistols for Pandas,</line>
<line start="585" end="611"><crack voiceover="yes">we laugh at, 'cause, like, what good's a dollar gonna do?</crack><sfx volume="0.8">crowd laughing</sfx></line>
<line start="612" end="634" speaker="crack" voiceover="yes">we laugh at, 'cause, like, what good's a dollar gonna do?</line>
<line start="635" end="663" speaker="crack" voiceover="yes">But for every <em>five</em> dollars you give,</line>
<line start="664" end="715" speaker="crack" voiceover="yes">we buy one box of cereal with the best prize in it.</line>
<line start="716" end="772" speaker="crack" voiceover="yes">I eat said cereal, play with the prize, and save the box top.</line>
<line start="773" end="838" speaker="crack" voiceover="yes">Once we have enough box tops, I dress up like a fifth grader and take them to a local school.</line>
<line start="839" end="933" speaker="crack" voiceover="yes">That buys the school a computer, which I sneak out with after charming the horn-rimmed<br /> glasses off the media center lady.</line>
<line start="934" end="1002" speaker="crack" voiceover="yes">I take these computers to a local pawn shop, and exchange them for the weapons pandas need.</line>
<line start="1003" end="1088" speaker="crack" voiceover="yes">And finally, when nobody's looking, I dump these pistols into the panda habitat down at the local zoo.</line>
<line start="1089" end="1173" speaker="crack">Did you hear that? I used the word "local" like three times.<br /> That means this good cause is even upittier than most!</line>
<line start="1174" end="1179" speaker="sfx">buzzer</line>
<line start="1180" end="1191" speaker="sfx">ding, dong, splat</line>
<line start="1202" end="1249" speaker="crack">We're destroying these poor creatures faster than ever before.</line>
<line start="1250" end="1342" speaker="crack">If we don't give them the means to protect themselves when we come clear-cut their bamboo forests<br /> and build a five-star resort, who will?</line>
<line start="1350" end="1357" speaker="crack"><em>(very angrily)</em> <em>I</em> said several limes! This is two limes!</line>
<line start="1358" end="1393"><crack><em>(very angrily)</em> <em>I</em> said several limes! This is two limes!</crack><sfx volume="0.7">chainsaw</sfx></line>
<line start="1394" end="1396" speaker="sfx">bip</line>
<line start="1397" end="1454" speaker="crack" voiceover="yes">Pistols For Pandas: This good cause is good...'cause!</line>
<line start="1491" end="1510"><span style="visibility:hidden"><crack>...</crack></span><sfx volume="0.8">lasers firing</sfx></line>
<line start="1511" end="1577"><silentrip>Uh, Cheat Commander, are we supposed to be fighting the pandas or helping them?</silentrip><sfx volume="0.8">lasers firing</sfx></line>
<line start="1578" end="1621"><gunhaver>Who cares? I'm just psyched I got my old job back!</gunhaver><sfx volume="0.8">lasers firing</sfx></line>
<line start="1622" end="1643"><gunhaver>I love voice acting!</gunhaver><sfx volume="0.8">lasers firing</sfx></line>
<line start="1644" end="1662"><gunhaver sfx="yes">babbling</gunhaver><sfx volume="0.8">lasers firing</sfx></line>
<line start="1663" end="1686"><gunhaver>Look at that sweet, sweet lip synch.</gunhaver><sfx volume="0.8">lasers firing</sfx></line>
<line start="1687" end="1702"><span style="visibility:hidden"><crack>...</crack></span><sfx volume="0.8">lasers firing</sfx></line>
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