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<?xml version="1.0" encoding="utf-8"?>
<transcript xml:lang="en-us" file="sbemail134.swf" width="550" height="400">
<line start="19" end="105" speaker="strongbad">Drape it over your aaaaaaarms, step out in styyyyyle, Strong Bad Emaaaaaaail...</line>
<line start="109" end="123" speaker="strongbad">"Dear Strong Bad"</line>
<line start="127" end="148" speaker="strongbad">"I was wondering if you were in the record book."</line>
<line start="153" end="170" speaker="strongbad">"If so, what for?"</line>
<line start="171" end="188" speaker="strongbad">"Nathan, TX."</line>
<line start="192" end="219" speaker="strongbad">Ooh, the Nathan TX!</line>
<line start="220" end="281" speaker="strongbad">That has like, way four more cylinders than the standard Nathan.</line>
<line start="286" end="305" speaker="strongbad">Better Blue Book value, too.</line>
<line start="306" end="337" speaker="strongbad">I can't remember if I'm in the record book or not.</line>
<line start="337" end="356" speaker="strongbad">Seems like I should be.</line>
<line start="357" end="372" speaker="strongbad">Let's take a look.</line>
<line start="375" end="385" speaker="strongbad">A book-look!</line>
<line start="387" end="414" speaker="strongbad" voiceover="voiceover">All right, let's see what we got in here.</line>
<line start="414" end="436"><!--<text>Longest Showerless Streak</text>--><strongbad voiceover="y">Sixty-five days?!</strongbad></line>
<line start="439" end="457" speaker="strongbad" voiceover="y">That's <em>way</em> outdated!</line>
<line start="460" end="510" speaker="strongbad" voiceover="y">I'm pretty sure he's surpassed that one by several fortnights at this point.</line>
<line start="515" end="540" speaker="strongbad" voiceover="y">Dirtiest Diape— Whoa!</line>
<line start="540" end="566" speaker="strongbad" voiceover="y"><sfx>squishing noise</sfx>Coffee, eggs, bacon!</line>
<line start="568" end="577" speaker="strongbad" voiceover="y">Oh, too bad,</line>
<line start="580" end="620" speaker="strongbad" voiceover="y">I accidentally made breakfast all over whatever that record was for.</line>
<line start="625" end="655" speaker="strongbad">Clearly, this book is in serious need of an update.</line>
<line start="660" end="677" speaker="strongbad">Let's begin with the title.</line>
<line start="678" end="687" speaker="strongbad">How about:</line>
<line start="688" end="758" speaker="strongbad">Count Longardeaux's Book of Party Tricks, Redneck Jokes, and Worldly Records.</line>
<line start="759" end="814" speaker="strongbad">Now that sounds like a book worthy of every toilet-side magazine basket.</line>
<line start="816" end="846" speaker="strongbad">Now let's go see about updating some o' them records.</line>
<line start="846" end="856"><sfx>The Geddup Noise</sfx></line>
<line start="861" end="878" speaker="strongsad" sfx="y">humming</line>
<line start="878" end="890" speaker="strongbad">'Sup, double-bottom?</line>
<line start="894" end="905" speaker="strongbad">'How much you weigh?</line>
<line start="910" end="931" speaker="strongsad">What do you wanna know that for?</line>
<line start="933" end="976" speaker="strongbad">Count Longardeaux has me out gathering new records for his record book.</line>
<line start="978" end="1004" speaker="strongsad">Oh! Well then <em>this</em> should interest you!</line>
<line start="1005" end="1064" speaker="strongsad">I've transcribed <cite>Paradise Lost</cite> onto this single grain of basmati rice!</line>
<line start="1071" end="1091" speaker="strongsad">In four languages!</line>
<line start="1091" end="1131" speaker="strongbad">Oh, yeah! That <em>definitely</em> deserves a record!</line>
<line start="1133" end="1163"><!--<text>Biggest Waste of Dump: Strong "The Biggest Waste of Dump" Sad</text>--><sfx>buzzer noise</sfx></line>
<line start="1165" end="1209" speaker="strongbad">All right, King o' Town, I need some disgusting eating records.</line>
<line start="1210" end="1260" speaker="strongbad">Why don't you just, uh, have lunch, and I'm sure you'll set several without even trying.</line>
<line start="1263" end="1286" speaker="kingoftown">Ooh! I like eating lunch!</line>
<line start="1286" end="1321" speaker="kingoftown">Today I'm having a giant pile of salt!</line>
<line start="1326" end="1360" speaker="kingoftown">Vwoooooooooooooooooo-foop!</line>
<line start="1362" end="1377"><strongbad>Whoa! Nice woik!</strongbad><kingoftown sfx="y">hiccup</kingoftown></line>
<line start="1387" end="1407" speaker="kingoftown" sfx="y">hiccup, hiccup</line>
<line start="1407" end="1427"><strongbad>What, you got-a some hiccups?</strongbad><kingoftown sfx="y">hiccup</kingoftown></line>
<line start="1430" end="1471" speaker="kingoftown">Nope. Those, my friend, are heart attacks!</line>
<line start="1472" end="1483"><!--<text>Least Healthiest (Man?): The King of Town</text>--><sfx>buzzer noise</sfx></line>
<line start="1493" end="1500" speaker="kingoftown" sfx="y">hiccup</line>
<line start="1510" end="1575" speaker="homestar">What do you call a redneck, with no teeth, that watches stock car racing all day?</line>
<line start="1578" end="1593" speaker="homestar">Ba-ha-ha-haaa!</line>
<line start="1598" end="1636" speaker="homestar">Man, they do not wear shirts!</line>
<line start="1638" end="1700" speaker="strongbad">So, Coach Z, what kind of wonderment do you have in store for us?</line>
<line start="1702" end="1722" speaker="strongbad">That's not shower-related?</line>
<line start="1723" end="1842" speaker="coachz">Well, I'm gonna set the world record for puttin' nine pieces of chewed gum up on my face and singin' the "I'm Just Me" song and hoppin' around on one foot!</line>
<line start="1844" end="1886"><strongbad>Coach...</strongbad><coachz>I'm just me! Can't you see? </coachz></line>
<line start="1889" end="1928"><coachz>I'm just a silly little bumblebee!</coachz><sfx>hitting noises</sfx></line>
<line start="1929" end="1948" speaker="strongbad">Oh, please stop!</line>
<line start="1950" end="2007" speaker="strongbad">Look, you can't just make up some random crap that no one else will ever do and call that a "record."</line>
<line start="2009" end="2034" speaker="strongbad">Count Longardeaux would not stand for-</line>
<line start="2035" end="2135" speaker="homsar">I'm just me! Can't you see? I'm just a silly little bumblebee!</line>
<line start="2135" end="2196" speaker="homestar">What does a redneck man call a dead possum lyin' in the middle of the road?</line>
<line start="2198" end="2216" speaker="homestar">Ba-ha-ha-haa!</line>
<line start="2217" end="2236" speaker="homestar">Probably sushi.</line>
<line start="2236" end="2250"><sfx>audience groan</sfx></line>
<line start="2258" end="2285" speaker="strongbad">Well, I think we're just about done here.</line>
<line start="2285" end="2336" speaker="strongbad">Strong Mad set the record for Most Macaronis Nailed To A Paper Towel Tube...</line>
<line start="2340" end="2357" speaker="strongbad">By Strong Mad.</line>
<line start="2362" end="2391"><strongbad>Marzipan set the World Record for the pole vault.</strongbad><!--<text>Suprisingly, No Photo Available</text>--></line>
<line start="2397" end="2424" speaker="strongbad">And Bubs won Cutest Couple.</line>
<line start="2428" end="2449" speaker="strongbad">Oh, wait, I forgot about me.</line>
<line start="2454" end="2488" speaker="strongbad">I <em>gots</em> to get in this record book somehow.</line>
<line start="2494" end="2520" speaker="strongbad">I'll get the record for...</line>
<line start="2522" end="2538" speaker="thecheat">The Cheat noises</line>
<line start="2538" end="2589" speaker="strongbad">What?! "Most rectangular mouth?!" My mouth can be round!</line>
<line start="2589" end="2596" speaker="thecheat">The Cheat noises</line>
<line start="2597" end="2704" speaker="strongbad">What a bunch of bull  hOOOOOOOOoooooooOOOOOOOOOO—</line>
<line start="2705" end ="2720"><!--<text>Longest 'Bull Honkey', 13.4 Seconds: The Human Strong Bad</text>--><sfx>buzzer noise</sfx></line>
<line start="2730" end="2759" speaker="strongbad">—nkey. Bull honkey.</line>
<line start="2760" end="2781"><thepaper>Preeeeeow</thepaper></line>
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