Subtitles:sbemail135/en
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<?xml version="1.0" encoding="utf-8"?> <transcript xml:lang="en-us" file="sbemail135.swf" width="550" height="400"> <line start="17" end="78" speaker="strongbad">Why do I check emails the way I do? I don't know.</line> <line start="80" end="101" speaker="strongbad">"Dear Strongest of the Bads!"</line> <line start="102" end="145" speaker="strongbad">"We are two desperate losers who could never get any ladies."</line> <line start="146" end="188" speaker="strongbad">Oooh, something I would not openly admit.</line> <line start="189" end="253" speaker="strongbad">"Since you're such a lady expert, could you give us any tips on lady? ...ing?"</line> <line start="254" end="301" speaker="strongbad">"Your 2nd and 3rd best Friends Ever, Lorenzo and Fillbert"</line> <line start="302" end="371" speaker="strongbad">2nd and 3rd best friends?? What about Fabrosi? What'd you two do to Fabrosi?</line> <line start="372" end="434" speaker="strongbad">Eh, whatever. That guy's probably out lady-ing with that fake mustache he always wears.</line> <line start="435" end="462" speaker="strongbad">It's only gonna attract gold-diggers.</line> <line start="463" end="534" speaker="strongbad">Desperate losers or not, you guys should remember that I addressed this issue, like, 5 or 6 years ago.</line> <line start="535" end="581" speaker="strongbad">In fact, I think it mighta been the first email I ever checked.</line> <line start="582" end="628" speaker="strongbad">The Cheat, roll that beautiful email footage!</line> <line start="629" end="647" speaker="strongbad">Ooh, a Laserdisc.</line> <line start="648" end="678" speaker="strongbad">The Cheat's playin' something on a Laserdisc. </line> <line start="679" end="712" speaker="strongbad">Everything is better on Laserdisc.</line> <line start="713" end="736" speaker="strongbad">Whatever happened to the Laserdisc?</line> <line start="737" end="755" speaker="strongbad">Laserdisc!</line> <line start="799" end="885" speaker="theannouncer">And in the red corner, hailing from Parts Unknown, the Ramblin' Wreck of Email Check:</line> <line start="886" end="912" speaker="theannouncer" voiceover="voiceover">Strong Bad!</line> <line start="913" end="963" speaker="strongbad">Greetings all you morones. Holy crap!</line> <line start="964" end="1040" speaker="strongbad">Welcome to the Strong Bad show, where I check a real email from one of you stupid idiots.</line> <line start="1041" end="1046" speaker="sfx">crowd boos</line> <line start="1047" end="1069" speaker="strongbad">Hey, you a-shut up!</line> <line start="1070" end="1078" speaker="other" voiceover="voiceover">Ow!</line> <line start="1079" end="1096" speaker="strongbad" sfx="sfx">laughs</line> <line start="1097" end="1125" speaker="strongbad">Now let's a-holy crap get to business!</line> <line start="1139" end="1163" speaker="strongbad">"Dear Strong Bad,"</line> <line start="1164" end="1195" speaker="strongbad">"I am a desperate loser."</line> <line start="1196" end="1245" speaker="strongbad" voiceover="voiceover">"Can you give me any tips on lady?...ing?"</line> <line start="1246" end="1292" speaker="strongbad" voiceover="voiceover">"Your 1st best Friend ever, Fabrosi"</line> <line start="1293" end="1349" speaker="strongbad">But of course. When it comes to the ladies, I've got no... <span style="visibility:hidden">competition!</span></line> <line start="1350" end="1362" speaker="strongbad">But of course. When it comes to the ladies, I've got no... competition!</line> <line start="1363" end="1379" speaker="strongbad" volume="0.5">Holy crap.</line> <line start="1380" end="1446" speaker="strongbad">First, Fabrosi, you've got to look as much as possible like the Strong Bad.</line> <line start="1447" end="1547" speaker="strongbad">Take off your shirt, sand off your nipples, and wear tight pants that accentuate all your suppleties.</line> <line start="1548" end="1639" speaker="strongbad">But sometimes that's not enough, and you have to douse yourself in the finest Mongolian aftershave lotion!</line> <line start="1640" end="1685"><strongbad sfx="sfx">grunts</strongbad><sfx>crowd cheers loudly</sfx></line> <line start="1693" end="1748" speaker="strongbad">Oh, Marzipan. Do you want a-my bod!</line> <line start="1749" end="1799" speaker="homestar">Uh, Strong Bad, why do you smell like a garage?</line> <line start="1800" end="1813" speaker="marzipan">Me too!</line> <line start="1814" end="1843" speaker="strongbad">Why, you... A-take a-this!</line> <line start="1844" end="1879" speaker="sfx">helicopter noises</line> <line start="1884" end="1919" speaker="homestar">Oh!</line> <line start="1920" end="1947" speaker="strongbad">The ladies also can't resist...</line> <line start="1948" end="2005" speaker="strongbad">...muscular wrestling moves off the top rope!</line> <line start="2020" end="2025" speaker="homestar">Ow!</line> <line start="2029" end="2051" speaker="marzipan">Ooh, that's resistible.</line> <line start="2052" end="2101" speaker="strongbad">And if that doesn't work, bring out your cute baby brother...</line> <line start="2102" end="2125" speaker="strongbad">or holy-crap-adorable pet.</line> <line start="2126" end="2152" speaker="thecheat">The Cheat noises</line> <line start="2153" end="2192" speaker="marzipan">Now it smells like a garage with a litter box in it.</line> <line start="2193" end="2247" speaker="strongbad">The Cheat, I told you to wear finest Mongolian aftershave lotion!</line> <line start="2248" end="2267" speaker="thecheat">The Cheat noise</line> <line start="2268" end="2287" speaker="strongbad" sfx="sfx">yells</line> <line start="2288" end="2335" speaker="strongbad">If all else fails, employ the secret weapon:</line> <line start="2336" end="2395" speaker="strongbad" voiceover="voiceover">A candlelit dinner with caviar burritos and finest cigars!</line> <line start="2410" end="2424" speaker="strongbad">Aaahhh!</line> <line start="2460" end="2480" speaker="homestar">You see, Strong Bad?</line> <line start="2481" end="2559" speaker="homestar">What the luscious ladies really want is a guy that still has a face and head.</line> <line start="2560" end="2579" speaker="marzipan">Yeah, me too!</line> <line start="2580" end="2615" speaker="strongbad">Holy crap.</line> <line start="2616" end="2627" speaker="homestar">I'm a star!</line> <line start="2628" end="2673"><sfx>old intro music</sfx><mike voiceover="voiceover">Ding ding ding ding ding da ding ding ding...</mike></line> <line start="2674" end="2719" speaker="strongbad" sfx="sfx">snoring</line> <line start="2720" end="2744" speaker="strongbad">Aught? What? Ooot? Oh, yeah.</line> <line start="2745" end="2798" speaker="strongbad">Boy, those old cartoons still pack a whallop. </line> <line start="2799" end="2885" speaker="strongbad">Uh, so yeah, Danny. Now's a great time to plant cucumbers. Stocks are up, stipes are down.</line> <line start="2886" end="2951" speaker="strongbad">And old Strong Bad's got a date with a bowl of creme brulee ice creme.</line> <line start="2952" end="2977" speaker="strongbad">Cream.</line> <line start="3026" end="3152" speaker="strongbad" sfx="sfx">snores</line> <line start="3154" end="3236" speaker="homestar">So, ladytype, I'm wearin' tight pants so as to accentuate all my bubbleties!</line> <line start="3237" end="3260" speaker="marzipan">Have I broken up with you yet?</line> <line start="3261" end="3290" speaker="homestar">Yeah, a couple times.</line> </transcript>
